[B]ecause marriage . . . brings you into the closest possible contact, a positive assessment by your spouse has ultimate credibility. If someone I know a little comes up to me and says, “You are one of the kindest men I know,” I will certainly feel complimented and pleased. But . . . he doesn’t really know me. . . . But if my wife, after years of living with me, says, “You are one of the kindest men I know,” . . . [t]hat affirmation is profoundly comforting . . . [b]ecause she knows me better than anyone. (Hardcover, p. 148; paperback, pp. 163–64)
THE PENULTIMATE SOLUTION. A spouse’s uniquely intimate knowledge can and often does lead to painful critique and conflict. But when he or she, despite seeing all that is wrong with you, nevertheless praises and affirms you, the effect is powerful. Criticism always stays with us longer than commendations. Why? All human beings have a primordial sense that we are not what we should be (cf. Genesis 3:7). It is not easy to overcome that baseline sense of shame. Yet spouses can do it, because when they compliment you, they do it with full knowledge of your flaws. When the thoughtful, sincere praise comes, deep down you can’t help but think something like, “If she says that, I guess it’s true.”
Reflection: Think of other reasons that the testimony of your spouse to your gifts and growth is so formative and powerful.
Thought for prayer: In each other’s presence, thank God for the ways that the affirmation of the other has comforted you deeply, and ask God for the ability to use well and wisely your power to bless the other.