Learn the primary languages of your spouse and send love over those channels, not over the channels you prefer for yourself. We tend to give love through the channels in which we like to receive it. (Hardcover, p. 155; paperback, p. 172)
TOUCHING, LIKING, POINTING, STANDING. Consider the following kinds of love languages. Some say “love me . . .” (5) by being physically warm, tender, affectionate and playful, and not just when you are interested in sex; (6) by telling me what you like about me, affirming my strengths, helping me find my gifts; (7) by telling me where I need to grow—in a context of affirmation—and pointing out where I need to change; (8) by standing up for me in front of others, and always being on the same side when we are dealing with others, including our children.
Reflection: Which of these four love languages are the most emotionally valuable to you? Before asking—which do you think is the most valuable to your spouse? Now compare your answers.
Thought for prayer: Ask God for the continual attentiveness it takes to discern the particular ways that your spouse both needs and wants love expressed to him or her.