This does not mean you cannot express anger. In fact, if you never express anger, your truth-telling probably won’t sink in. But forgiving grace must always be present, and if it is, it will, like salt in meat, keep the anger from going bad. Then truth and love can live together because, beneath them both, you have forgiven your spouse as Christ forgave you. (Hardcover, p. 165; paperback, p. 184)
REPENTING. Forgiveness (see tomorrow’s devotional) is far easier to give if there is repentance. How do you repent? First, say what you think you have done wrong. Second, ask your spouse to add to your list and then listen receptively to the criticism you’ve invited. Don’t be too quick to defend or explain yourself. Show respect for your spouse’s concerns. Third, ask forgiveness and at the same time offer a concrete plan for change that avoids the same thing happening again (cf. Luke 3:7–14). If you feel some of your spouse’s complaints are unjustified, wait until you’ve freely confessed the justified ones, and then humbly offer your perspective. This is all hard to do, so pray silently and assume God is speaking to you through this whole process.
Reflection: When was the last time you repented and asked forgiveness from your spouse? Look at the list above and evaluate how well you did this.
Thought for prayer: Confess to Jesus that though he humbled himself without the obligation to do so, when we humble ourselves and repent, we do have an obligation—yet we find it tremendously hard. Cry out for help to become a better repenter.