Sometimes . . . powerful emotions . . . seem on the surface to be deep love. . . . The fact that these infatuations can become so hostile and bitter so quickly shows that the comprehensive attraction and love was never really there. . . . [To know if] you have moved past the infatuation stage is to ask a set of questions. Have you been through and solved a few sharp conflicts? Have you been through a cycle of repenting and forgiving? Have each of you shown the other you can make changes out of love for the other? (Hardcover, pp. 213–14; paperback, pp. 244–46)
LASTING LOVE. Infatuation and obsession are based on fantasy. They will never survive the reality—sometimes harsh—of life in our fallen world. What kind of love will? It is the kind Jesus gave and that he commanded that his followers show to one another. That kind of love was so radical that a new word had to be used to describe it—agape love. C. S. Lewis uses “charity” or the Greek word agape in his book The Four Loves to describe a self-giving love that was sacrificially committed to the well-being of others.141 Within marriage it is a deep unitive attachment that is the product of promises, trials faced together, reconciliations, sacrifices, and time.
Reflection: Unmarried couples, are you able to tell whether your feelings for the other person are self-giving and sacrificial, or mainly about how good the other person makes you feel? Married couples, think of the sacrifices you have made to keep your feelings alive and warm toward one another. What sacrifices have you made to further your spouse’s growth in Christ?
Thought for prayer: Thank God that his love for us is not based on our perfection but on his, and ask him to create in you both a growing agape love for one another.