Have you ever watched a couple married for many years and thought, They are as comfortable together as someone is with a favorite pair of old shoes? What we tend to forget is that making those shoes comfortable was for that person a matter of time and effort.
We have great expectations when we buy the perfect pair of shoes, knowing they will complete our outfit and make us a fashionable whole. It’s disappointing to realize that our feet are still as big, our ankles still as thick, our thighs still as heavy. On top of that, the shoes are stiff on our feet. They even chafe a bit until we add that slight lift in the heel. Just when they finally seem right, they get scuffed or dirty and need a good polishing. Then the heels run down and have to be torn off, and new ones have to be nailed in place.
Developing a comfortable marriage is a long-time process, too. We have great expectations that our new mate will complete us and make us whole. How disappointing to learn that he cannot fulfill our expectations no matter how hard he tries. Then the need to impress—our “stiffness”—slowly falls away, and the real person appears. Perhaps differing ideas on issues like money cause chafing, and the answer isn’t anything as simple as a lift in the heel. Compromise that lets both parties function satisfactorily may be hard to find and harder still to live out. Often one or the other gets scuffed or dirty as anger, jealousy, a snippy tongue, or any of a hundred problems appear. A good “polishing” by the Holy Spirit is definitely needed. Sometimes the problems are quite serious, and the old habits and bad thinking patterns must be ripped off and replaced with things that are good and pure and right, a painful process.
But marriage merits the time and effort and even the pain. As the traditional vows say, it is a worthy estate. Nowhere else do we get to offer as much of ourselves, to be Christ’s servants, to the same extent. Nowhere else do we learn as completely to lay down our lives for another. While no union will ever be perfect, my prayer is that yours will be strong, resilient, and filled with wonderful moments of great joy.
Drop me a line. Ask me a question. Tell me your story, good or bad. I love to hear from readers at either gayle@gayleroper.com or www.gayleroper.com.
Sadly I have to qualify my above comments by saying I do not encourage anyone to stay in an abusive marriage. Sin must never be allowed to flourish in the name of submission.