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The creak of the door felt from another world. With the curtains drawn tight over the windows, Maggie and Alyssa’s room was dark as a tomb. Beside Maggie, Zachery stirred only slightly, straightening his chubby little leg all the way out. He was akin to a little heater; the air around him was milky, soft, and warm. Maggie blinked her eyes wider as a sliver of light widened over the bed. Someone had come into the room.
“Maggie?” Her mother’s voice was sweet and lilting. “Are you awake?”
Maggie turned slightly and lifted her back up onto her pillow. Her mother leaned against the doorway and folded her arms over her chest. Maggie could sense the fear in her mother’s eyes. Only a few weeks ago, she’d had to spin all her worries for Alyssa’s disappearance. Now, her other daughter acted irrationally. Probably, she didn’t have the mental strength to handle it.
“I’m up.”
Janine tip-toed to the edge of the bed. Her weight dimpled the mattress only slightly as she slid a hand over Maggie’s shoulder. Worry permeated her face.
“What happened, honey? They said you had words with Lucas.”
Maggie groaned inwardly. Baby Zachery buzzed his lips through his sleep.
“You know I’ve never really liked Lucas,” Maggie responded simply.
Janine laughed lightly. “Nobody does, do they? Not good enough for our Mallory.”
“It’s more than that, Mom,” Maggie told her. She placed a hand tenderly over her stomach and felt the hollowness of her insides. “I just can’t understand...” But she trailed off. It was increasingly clear to her just how alienated she felt and how little her outburst had to do with Lucas’s treatment of Mallory and Zachery. She forced her eyes toward her mother’s and tried out a smile. “I just want the best for them. And besides, I was exhausted. I needed a nap more than Zach did.”
“I didn’t expect you today. Alyssa said it was a surprise for her, too.”
“There’s not a lot going on in the city,” Maggie tried, although her mother knew good-and-well how fat of a lie that was. “And besides, I’m about to have a few job interviews. This could be my last chance for a spontaneous trek to the island.”
Janine’s eyes attempted to dig into Maggie’s, but she dropped her gaze back to Zachery in avoidance.
“Mallory’s here. I think she wants Zach up for a few hours before putting him to bed,” Janine murmured. “Just so he sleeps through the night.”
Sleep schedules. Food schedules. Playtime schedules. Doctor’s appointments. Future preschools and kindergartens. Parents found themselves faced with seemingly countless conundrums and decisions as their baby morphed from being such a tiny creature to a long-legged, chubby-cheeked child. Maggie longed for those decisions. She longed to rant at Rex about her lack of sleep. She longed to find spit-up on her blouse and laugh at it.
Maggie lifted Zachery’s toasty little body and carried him into the hallway. The hall mirror reflected a mussed-hair, creased-cheek version of Maggie. Janine, too, chuckled at this version of her. She patted Maggie’s curls to try to tame them. Zach clutched Maggie’s sweater with tremendous force as he awakened bit-by-bit.
The living room looked like a Christmas explosion. Mallory jumped up from the couch with her arms outstretched as baby Zachery cooed with delight.
“There he is! My handsome man.” She locked eyes with Maggie and added, “Thank you for taking him for a while after Lucas...”
“Don’t worry about it,” Maggie told her.
“It was really my fault. I told him I’d be here in time.”
Maggie’s stomach sizzled with acid. Mallory turned with baby Zachery and then perched alongside Elsa, who wagged a hand at Zachery in greeting. The joy that permeated across Elsa’s face sliced through Maggie like a knife. Janine deserved that kind of happiness.
Like a lost pup, Maggie walked into the kitchen after Janine to find Alyssa and Grandma Nancy mid-way through a joint cooking-plus-yoga session. The large pot of chili bubbled on the stovetop as Nancy and Alyssa arched their spines into Downward Dog.
“Burger King plus yoga? Alyssa, you live a varied life,” Maggie tried out a joke.
“Life is about balance, sis,” Alyssa replied to the floor.
Janine poured the four of them glasses of wine. A bag of sweet potato chips was open on the table, and she selected a small slab and placed it on her tongue. Grandma Nancy slowly crept back to standing and then stepped over to hug Maggie. “You know, honey, it’s very sweet what you did for Zachery today.”
Would this ever stop being the topic at hand? Maggie’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. She sipped her wine and grimaced as Carmella entered to check on the cornbread, which she’d taken over when Maggie had raced upstairs with baby Zachery.
“And how long are you staying with us this time?” Grandma Nancy asked Maggie brightly, as a way to bridge them through the awkward silence.
“I’m not sure,” Maggie told her.
“And Rex is okay with that?” Grandma Nancy asked with a subtle arch of her eyebrow.
“Yes, of course. Rex knows he’s got a free spirit on his hands,” Alyssa countered as she crunched through several sweet potato chips.
“Funny.” Maggie rolled her eyes. “Rex has a lot going on right now with work.”
Janine’s eyes darkened for a split second. Was it recognition? Could she, too, see Jack Potter in Rex’s maneuvers? Did it frighten her?
“It’s good that he’ll get this all done before Christmas,” Grandma Nancy tried. “That way, we can all relax here on the Vineyard together.”
As conversation found its way to other topics, Maggie headed for the dining room to set the table. Janine was hot on her heels, her arms heavy with crystal water glasses. As Maggie placed a plate delicately before each chair, Janine’s eyes burned toward her. After a long pause, Janine murmured, “You’d tell me if something was wrong between you and Rex, wouldn’t you?”
Maggie felt a resounding NO within her.
Here, a lie was the better route.
“Of course.”
Janine’s face relaxed slightly. She added several crystal glasses around the table. Each caught the splendorous light from the hanging dining room light and sparkled strange designs across the walls. Maggie tried to force her mind to churn outwards. There was a real obsession about her just then. She couldn’t see the world from any other perspective.
“How was work today?” Maggie finally asked.
Janine’s voice brightened. “Really good. The Lodge is completely booked, as usual, and my appointment schedule seems heavier than ever.”
“And Maxine? Is she still at the Lodge?”
Janine shook her head. “She’s moved to a little rental apartment in downtown Edgartown. It’s a quaint little place, fully decorated by someone who Maxine calls ‘tasteless.’”
“Ooph. It sounds like a pretty big insult, coming from Maxine.”
“Maxine is accustomed to Manhattan chic,” Janine affirmed.
“Do you think she’ll head back to the city any time soon?”
“I’ve asked her,” Janine replied delicately. “But honestly, she doesn’t have many people there. I’m her family— for better or for worse.”
Maggie’s stomach curdled against this news. Although she’d loved Maxine like an aunt her entire life, the hatred she had brewed against her after her affair with Jack Potter was difficult to deconstruct. Her mother’s ability to forgive seemed otherworldly.
“Anyway, she wants to look at houses,” Janine continued as she steadied the final crystal glass in place. “Here on the island.”
“Oh. Wow.” This was a level of permanence Maggie hadn’t counted on.
“We’re going tomorrow if you’d like to join us,” Janine offered. “If you’re not committed to anything else.”
Maggie smeared her hand over her lips. What the heck else would she do? “That sounds pretty good.”
“We’d love your artistic eye,” Janine affirmed brightly. “And you know how Maxine feels about you.”
Yep. Maggie knew. Maggie had gotten the hint when Maxine had traveled to Brooklyn last month to throw pebbles at her window. Love made people do insane things.
A rap at the door drew Henry, Janine’s newly official boyfriend, into their midst. He carried flowers and placed a kiss on Janine’s cheek as she blushed. It had been difficult for Janine to accept the love Henry wanted to give her. Henry had even bailed on his commitment to a documentary project in China, something that would take him from the island (and away from Janine) for up to a year. They had both decided on one another. Amid the mess of their existence, they’d committed to making things work.
“Let’s eat, shall we?” Grandma Nancy hollered from the kitchen. “Alyssa says she’s starving.”
“Grandma...” Alyssa teased. “Don’t give me away.”
Together, the hodgepodge family of the Potters, the Grimsons, and Remingtons gathered around the table for yet another wonderful home-cooked meal. It was easy to fall into the rhythm of the conversation. It reminded Maggie of a song. She positioned her spoon beneath the goopy chili beans and forgot to eat. Janine had told her that when she’d first learned she was pregnant with Maggie, she hadn’t known how to tell Jack Potter, as she’d been frightened he would deal with it all wrong. “He surprised me. He surprised me with his love. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that,” Janine had told her.
Her chili untouched, Maggie erupted from the table and headed for the living room. Silence stretched out behind her.
“Honey? You okay?” Janine called.
“Yep!” Maggie called back without lending any additional context. She rushed to the bathroom, where she clicked the door closed and gripped either side of the sink. The eyes in her reflection in the mirror told her to pull it together. But every act of normalcy seemed a reminder of the secret she now held close to her heart. She felt so wrong, like poison permeating through everything.