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The interview for Calamity Art Gallery took place at two-thirty in the afternoon. Maggie arrived back in the city that morning, armed with intellectually stimulating conversation topics about the art world and a real “eye” for how the gallery’s future could go. No, her heart wasn’t in it, not in the slightest. But maybe in life, you had to “fake it till you make it.” It was an expression for a reason.
Rex texted her, “good luck” and also a “can’t wait to see you tonight and hear all about it.” Maggie was grateful to be at the apartment they’d shared for years alone. Rex had kept it fairly tidy, although there was a large pile of unwashed laundry on the bathroom floor and several socks on the couch. The place smelled of both of them and a number of her items were admittedly strewn across the counter, still. Probably, they’d acted as a constant reminder for Rex that she wasn’t around, that she’d left without explanation. Her stomach tightened with guilt.
Maggie dressed in a trendy blazer and a pair of tight-fitting pants along with a pair of black Louboutins. It was funny to dress city-chic after over a week on the island. She had lived out much of her time in only sweatpants. Her city friends wouldn’t have recognized her.
The interview for curator of Calamity Art Gallery went just about as good as any interview could have. Maggie spoke eloquently about her art opinions and the direction she wanted to take the space. The three board members, two of which wore very trendy, thick eye frames, seemed impressed. Toward the end of the interview, however, the middle-aged woman at the table said, “We realize you just got married. It’s not politically correct for us to ask this, but it’s essential to our planning, as we don’t like to waste time. Any plans on getting pregnant soon?”
Maggie gave off no indication that the question bothered her, even as it sliced through her like a samurai sword.
“No plans at all,” she told them primly.
Maggie returned home just in time to burst into tears in the bathroom. She stood beneath the scalding hot shower and curved her shoulders forward as the steam grew thicker within the small space. The bathroom’s tub was a glorious antique-like bathtub, a gift from Rex. Probably, he hadn’t envisioned her weeping about their inability to have children in that very tub.
Maggie wrapped herself up in a robe and brushed her teeth. Her mind was extremely heavy, and her limbs ached to lay out across the expensive mattress Rex’s parents had purchased them for their wedding present. When she opened the bathroom door to allow the steam to escape, however, she heard the clattering of Rex in the kitchen. Her heart seized with fear.
“There she is!” Rex hustled down the hallway, still in his business suit, his tie on either side of his shoulders. His eyes glowed with love for her, despite her soaking wet hair and her robe. He pressed a kiss on her lips, even as she stewed with the realization that actually, she didn’t feel she deserved his love.
She’d hidden away from him. She had lied to him. And now, he’d welcomed her back with the beginnings of a home-cooked meal and a warm kiss.
“Hi,” she finally forced herself to say.
“I missed you! You’re back!”
Maggie heard herself laugh. Perhaps this would have been a silly moment had she been in a better mood. She pointed toward the bedroom and said, “Just let me get dressed and then I’ll join you.”
“Why get dressed?” Rex teased as he tugged at the tie of her robe. “Just a waste of time.”
Maggie dropped her eyes to the ground. Immediately, the mood between them shifted. Rex stepped back.
“What’s wrong, Maggie?” His tone was sharp and deep. He’d seen the depth of her eyes. He’d recognized just how little she wanted to be intimate with him, especially now. “Did the interview go badly?”
“No. It went well,” Maggie replied softly. “They said they’re going to let me know within the week, but I have a feeling I got it.”
Rex’s smile was confused. “Congratulations. That’s incredible.” He skipped a beat, then added, “Come on. Come to the kitchen. Let me pour you a glass of wine to celebrate.”
Maggie shook her head softly even as she allowed him to lead her to the kitchen. He had purchased a very expensive bottle of wine, which now breathed on the counter. Everything in their lives was expensive. Would it ever be enough to fill the hole in her heart? He poured them both glasses and lifted his toward the light.
“Here’s to your next chapter,” Rex said firmly. “I can’t wait to watch you as you take this on with ease.”
Maggie clinked her glass with his as she stewed with inner resentment. Why did she feel this way toward the man she loved so much? Why couldn’t she just fall into his arms and cry?
“How’s the island these days?” Rex asked finally. He placed the glass of wine down on the counter and began to hunt for the cutting board and pots and pans for his home-cooked pasta recipe.
“Oh, fine.” Maggie placed her elbow on the counter. “Alyssa is just as dramatic as ever. Mallory and Lucas officially broke up.”
“That’s too bad,” Rex murmured.
“I mean, not really,” Maggie countered. “Lucas has been nothing but a child the past few months. His tantrums got in the way of Mallory’s happiness.”
“Yeah, but...” Rex shifted his weight. “I was pulling for them. They’re a family.”
Maggie’s heart nearly exploded with sorrow. Had she wanted Mallory and Lucas to break up just so others would be as miserable as she felt?
“Not everything can work out, Rex,” Maggie informed him flippantly.
Rex’s eyes looked wounded. He set a pan on the counter with a clank. After a long moment of silence, he asked, “Why do I feel like you’re talking about us rather than Mallory and Lucas?”
Maggie’s lips parted in surprise. Rex had always been able to read her. Why had she assumed she could hide all this away? Tears sprung to her eyes. Rex’s eyes almost immediately matched hers. Gosh, what was wrong with her? This man wasn’t Lucas. He was powerful and alive and wild with love for her. Sure, he’d missed the most important doctor’s appointment of her life, but worse than that, she had lied to him about the results. What a mess it all was.
“Just tell me, Maggie,” Rex breathed as he closed his eyes. “Tell me if you regret marrying me. Tell me if you want to separate for a while. I can take it. Really.”
Somehow, hearing Rex verbalize this made it even worse. Tears streaked down her cheek.
“I have only ever loved you, Rex. You’re the one,” she whispered. She then stepped around the counter and pressed a hand over his chest to feel the fluttering of his anxious heart beneath the fabric of his shirt.
“Then why does it feel like you’re so far away from me?” Rex asked.
Maggie blinked rapidly in an attempt to stop her crying. “There’s just a lot going on in my head right now. A lot I need to deal with. I suddenly don’t know how I want my life to go. Or how I see myself in five years or ten years or...”
Rex sipped his wine. How could Maggie translate everything in her confused, anxious head? Rex had destroyed himself with work the previous few months, all for the extension of their family and the happiness of their future.
“We don’t have to have a baby yet,” Rex murmured. “We can table that conversation for another time. We’re still young. We can travel the world. We can spend our money on trips to Paris and macarons and pairs of shoes.”
Maggie’s throat tightened. She tried to speak, but nothing spilled out.
“I understand that you want to be a mother soon,” Rex breathed. “But if it’s too much stress on us, maybe it shouldn’t be now.”
Maggie’s hand curled into a fist. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Let me just make dinner. Let me just take care of you for once. You’ve been gone for ages,” Rex continued hurriedly. He realized he’d said too much and stepped in it. “Let’s just catch up. Tell me more about Alyssa. Tell me about Grandma Nancy. I want all updates.”
But Maggie’s fatigue felt insurmountable. How could she possibly sit there with him and pretend that everything was all right? She shook her head and pointed herself toward the bedroom. “I just need to sleep, Rex. I’m sorry.”
Maggie made her way to her bedroom and collapsed on her side of the bed. She shivered despite the warmth of her comforter. In no time at all, she slipped into a deep sleep, only to awake an hour later. Rex’s strong arm was wrapped around her as he spooned her. His snores were light and tender. She shifted herself deeper into him and inhaled his scent. She hadn’t known how much she’d missed him.
Her shifting awakened him and he spoke to her softly.
“You must be so hungry.”
Maggie laughed with surprise. She turned around so that her nose touched against his. He kissed her tenderly with his eyes still closed.
“Come on. Let’s order pizza,” he said.
Maggie’s laughter turned to silly giggles. “What are you talking about? We’re already in bed.”
“Maggie. I don’t know what kind of old woman you’ve turned into, but it’s only eight-fifteen,” Rex countered. “This was only a mid-evening nap. We’ve got a big, expensive bottle of wine to drink, and I’m famished. You can cry as much as you want, but I’m feeding you no matter what you say. Is that clear?”
Maggie’s smile couldn’t be helped. Her love for him ballooned out from her. Soon, she would tell him everything, but just then, she wanted to live in the cocoon of his love.
“It’s crystal clear,” she told him before she kissed his nose again. “Can we get extra cheese pizza? With cheesy crust?”
Rex rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance. “You’ve got to be kidding me. All these demands?”
“I know. I’m terrible,” she returned.
Rex stood from the bed and stretched his arms skyward. The grey light from outside curled over his muscular form. Maggie couldn’t help but visualize them in another reality, rising in the dark to care for their baby. This wasn’t their season of life. This season was a season of waiting. It was a season of love and attempts at understanding. It was all it could be.