When I pitched the idea of this book to my long-time friend Tim Madigan about ten years ago, he immediately volunteered to help me tell the story of a new way of viewing grief. The demands of two busy lives were such that it was not until a couple of years ago that our collaboration really began. I’m deeply indebted to Tim for his belief in me and in this book. His skill as an interviewer transformed my story from the clinical to the personal and from the abstract to the practical. In the process, our friendship has deepened, for which I am also very grateful.
My literary agent, Linda Konner, also believed in this story from the beginning. Her knowledge, skill, and persistence helped me find the perfect publishing home. My editor at Sounds True, Amy Rost, brought an exceptional level of insight, intuition, and wisdom to this project. Getting Grief Right was truly a collaboration with her and the talented Sounds True team.
Dr. Rita Charon and Dr. Candi Cann generously shared their time and insights in long conversations. Their work inspires me, and their belief in the purpose and power of story mirrors my own.
My deepest thanks to Peggy Bohme, cofounder of The WARM Place, who invited me, in 1989, to contribute to a wonderful mission, working with grieving children and their families. For nineteen years, as I taught WARM Place volunteers, my ideas about grieving evolved and were greatly clarified.
I am, of course, grateful for the love of my family and friends. Their enthusiasm and curiosity have sustained me through the writing of this book.
I am indebted to the many physicians, clergy, educators, and colleagues who have referred grieving clients to me over the decades. These bereaved individuals, couples, and families have opened their hearts and shared their most vulnerable selves with me. I have been privileged to be a part of their sacred pilgrimage of loss.
My wife, Nancy, has been my companion in this and every other story of my adult life. It is an act of love and generosity that she entrusted me to share our most painful personal loss with readers she will never know. She did so with the desire and belief that this book could be helpful for those who grieve. She lovingly had identical rings made for us to commemorate the first anniversary of our son’s death. Our rings have three interweaving gold bands representing the eternal bond of our relationship to him and his to us. This beautiful expression of her love for him and her love for me reminds me daily of how fortunate I am that I get to be her husband.