The purpose of this study guide is to help you build on the experience of Getting Grief Right and to connect even more deeply with your story of loss. But don’t misinterpret the suggested exercises that follow. It can’t be said enough that loss is not an experience to “work through”; rather, it is a story about a relationship that has changed through death. That story, in turn, becomes part of the larger story of the rest of your life.
It is my wish that you find additional meaning and insight here, but not in the sense of finding the study guide prescriptive or in the hope that it will help you reach resolution or acceptance. And, of course, there is no right or wrong answer to the study guide questions.
From my long experience working with grieving people, I’m confident that the guide will (1) cause you to think about aspects of your story that you haven’t previously; (2) help you retrieve memories about your story that will be helpful in understanding your relationship to the one you lost and, therefore, the nature of your grief; (3) inspire new questions that stimulate further reflection on your loss narrative; (4) help you organize your story from its many parts into a more cohesive whole; and (5) help you further appreciate that your grief story continues, and it always will in some way.
The study guide can be used in any number of ways — by individuals, by existing support groups, or by new groups formed by readers of this book.
If your preference is to move through the study guide on your own or if you don’t have access to others who might join you, I hope you will eventually have the opportunity to share your story of loss with a trusted other. It is one thing for you to fully understand, embrace, and affirm your own experience. But we all crave to have the inner parts of our being — especially the painful ones — acknowledged and affirmed by others. In addition, others can help us interpret our stories in ways that we might not be able to ourselves.
That act of trust and sharing is a great reward in itself. Few human interactions are as nourishing or profound as that kind of intimacy. It is something I am grateful to experience every day with my clients. That’s not to say that sharing your grief story with another will be easy. Just as it’s not easy for my clients to step through the doors of my office for the first time, it will take courage for you to reach out. But don’t deprive yourself of the experience. In the pages to come, I give you further guidance for how your story can be told and received.
Existing support groups are invited to use Getting Grief Right and its study guide according to their own needs and practices, focusing on whatever information might be useful or relevant. But this guide is most tailored for those who choose to form their own Getting Grief Right support or discussion group. In the pages to come, I set out quite specific suggestions about how your group should be structured and operate. Again, nothing is set in stone, but I strongly encourage you to try to follow the roadmap laid out here. Basic structure and rules are essential for creating a safe, supportive environment for grieving people who come together to share their hearts.
Getting Grief Right and this study guide draw upon and reinforce our instinctual desire to give meaning to our lives through story. In the following pages, let that story be gently drawn out of you. Some questions and exercises will be more relevant to you than others. Some may affect you in ways you did not expect. Let them. There is no pressure to accomplish a goal or complete a task. And you are the only expert on you.