Present day.
“Hello, doctor,” Alister said. He watched Anna enter his room and close the door. She set her briefcase down and looked at him curiously.
“What’s this?”
“A new leaf.” He looked at his hands. They were shaking. “I’ve had some time to think, and I wanted to tell you how glad I am that you didn’t give up on me after yesterday.” He looked at her. “I wanted to thank you for that.”
Anna smiled and so did Alister.
“I think I’m finally starting to understand,” he said. “You have nerve to stand up to the curse. You were told about all the bad things that happen to people and what might happen to you, but you continue to come. The possibility of endangering yourself for my well-being has meant nothing to you.” He licked his lips. “Selfless. And when you told me you were going to return the next day, you did. You didn’t take the easy way out, and I realize it’s because you care.”
Anna placed a hand on the back of Alister’s chair and leaned against it, her focus so intense it penetrated into his soul. “I’m happy for you, Alister. I really am. Today is a new beginning for you.”
“Something inside is tired of resisting the idea of getting better, and I think it’s time I take down the barrier.”
Anna’s smile stretched wide enough to show her teeth. “I see something special inside you that’s been struggling to get out.”
Alister looked at the window and a knot in the center of the plywood that covered his window held his attention.
“I won’t allow that part of you to rot inside this hospital,” Anna said. Her eyes were glassy and her voice was filled with just enough passion to draw Alister’s eyes away from the swirl of the wood.
“Michael had mentioned that there was something you wanted to show me?”
“There is.”
“I’m nervous, and I’m trying desperately to hide it.”
Anna smiled. “And I’m nervous for you, but I need you to trust me.”
“I do,” Alister said. “I want you to know that I really was hoping you were going to come back after the first day I met you, but something inside wouldn’t allow me to believe you would. I decided that night as I lay in bed unable to sleep that I would rather find out I was crazy rather than a man cursed.”
Anna slipped her hands into her pockets, withdrew them and folded her arms across her chest.
“I can’t explain how relieved I was when you walked through that door the next day,” Alister said. He laughed, shook his head and sat. “I was happy with the idea I might be crazy and my past was nothing more than a fantasy.”
“It is only natural for what you’re going through to have a variety of emotions—some completely opposite from others and even conflicting feelings within the same emotion.”
Alister stood, turned away and clenched his fists.
“Alister?”
He relaxed his hands and tapped his temple. “Something isn’t right. Your kindness, even in moments such as this, can force my anger.”
“We will learn to control that.”
“I suppose a step in the healing process starts with facing whatever awaits me outside?”
“It is.”
“And you won’t tell me what that is?”
“To tell you just wouldn’t do. You’ve got to leave this room and see what it is with your own eyes so you believe.”
Alister sat on the bed and looked around his small room. “You want me to leave here?”
Anna nodded. “But only for as long as you’re comfortable.”
Alister felt the rumble of sudden uneasiness roar inside his gut and squash his bravery. “But I haven’t stepped foot outside this room in twenty years.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Enough that I’m talking to you when my rational mind tells me not to.”
“Then confront your fears and come outside with me.”
Alister wanted to protest, but he was serious when he said he didn’t want to run from his fears any longer.
“I assure you there is something great waiting for you outside this room—something that will change your outlook.”
“On what?”
“That’s the reward.”
Alister longed to accept Anna’s invitation, but his obedience settled in his feet, and they were too heavy to lift.
“I don’t think I can do this,” he said.
“And I believe you can.”
He wanted to stand and walk to the door, but his legs shook so hard he didn’t believe he would be able to maintain his balance. He felt like a frightened little boy hiding beneath his covers and trembling at the strange sounds that came from his closet.
“I can’t.” The words were hard to say.
Anna knelt in front of Alister and took his hand. “In this moment, your decision to resist your hesitation could bring you one step closer to finding an answer to the questions that plague you. You could gain the freedom from this curse you have been so desperate to achieve.”
Alister wiped the sweat from his scar-ravaged palms on his pant leg. He drew a deep breath and stood. “OK, I’m going to do this.”
Anna stood with him.
“But I want to be sure no one else is going to try and speak to me.”
“I’ve already made such arrangements.” Anna moved to Alister’s closet. “No one will be present where we are going.”
“OK,” he said. He could no longer ignore the rubbery feeling in his legs and sat. “I just need a minute.”
“Take as much time as you need.” She took a light jacket out of the closet. “You need to put this on; there is a chill in the air that’ll go right through you.”
She dropped the coat at the foot of the bed, and a musty gust of air rushed up to Alister’s nostrils.
“Once you’re ready, call for me,” she said. “I’ll be right outside your door.”
The past.
Alister held a knife in both hands, and his arms were raised over his head. The blade was aimed at his stomach. Sweat soaked his face and he struggled against two different desires.
He wanted to pull the knife downward, push it into his belly and twist it around until his innards spilled onto the floor and his life drained away. The other part begged him to put the knife down and forget that the blade would do enough damage to kill.
“Either way, what does it really matter?”
The room was empty and small, and the echo of his voice was dull.
“These struggles mean nothing.”
Alister growled and pulled the knife downward with all of his strength.
“I do this—”
Something unseen held his hands still.
“—for the well-being of others.”
He strained against the invisible force but was unable to move an inch. Tired, the fight went out of his arms, and he lowered his hands to his lap.
“Just as I thought—a stupid idea.”
He threw the knife, and it bounced off the wall and clattered on the ground. It landed somewhere near him.
“Something tells me you’re not done with me yet.”
Alister lay prone. The cement floor was cold and hard, and the air had the smell of something old.
“I can only imagine how this one is going to end.”
A chill rocked his body. He curled himself into the fetal position and closed his eyes.