When I wake next morning, my head aches and my mouth is dry as a bone. It’s after nine. Josh is sure to be up and about, wanting breakfast.
I ease myself out of bed and cross to the window, the pounding in my head intensifying. I pull back the curtains, hoping that last night was all just a horrible dream and I’ll see Dad’s blue Citroen parked in the street.
It’s not there and panic flutters in my chest.
I eventually locate my mobile under a pile of yesterday’s clothes and phone Dad again but it goes straight to voicemail.
My body aches as if I was in a physical fight last night and, with a sigh, I realise I don’t have clean clothes with me. I ran upstairs last night after confessing all to Rosie without even thinking what I’d need.
I stand under Jasper’s power shower, letting the deluge of hot water pound my scalp and my back, and slowly ease away some of the tension. I’ve brought no toiletries with me so I pick up a ‘for men’ shower gel/shampoo combo and sniff. It’s lemony and fresh so, feeling a little guilty, I pour some out and lather up my hair.
The scent of it has a strangely uplifting effect on me. I breathe deeply and a shiver runs through me.
I look at the description on the bottle, searching for the mystery, mood-enhancing ingredient.
Then it dawns on me that it must be Seb’s shower gel, bringing back thoughts of our close encounter in the kitchen the day before.
Oh God, so it’s Seb who’s the mystery mood-enhancer.
I swallow hard.
The memory of being pinned by his big, muscular body to the fridge freezer, while feeling the very opposite of frozen, is a disturbingly erotic one.
I turn my face up to the shower and quickly rinse Seb out of my hair.
Afterwards, wrapped in a towel, I wonder if I dare brave the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. I can’t function without it and I have a feeling I’m going to need all the crutches going if I’m to get through the day ahead.
After listening at the door, I walk in to an empty kitchen.
The kettle is a far more stylish affair than our old thing. The instant I switch it on, it make a rush of busy noise that makes me nearly leap out of my skin. I glance at the door and pull the bath towel round me more firmly.
Now. Jar of instant coffee?
I’m searching around in likely places, when Seb’s deep voice says, ‘Cupboard, top right.’
I reach up without thinking.
And the towel slips.
I manage to catch it before it hits the floor, revealing way too much bare flesh for my liking. Including the discreet tattoo of a butterfly at the base of my back, just above my right buttock.
Maybe he wasn’t looking.
I turn to find Seb, in a dark green robe, bringing butter out of the fridge.
‘English muffin?’ he asks, slicing them on a breadboard and popping them in the toaster.
‘No thanks. I’m not hungry,’ I say truthfully, trying not to notice his bare chest, visible beneath the loosely tied robe. He’s obviously not a pyjama man, then.
He brushes past me to reach into a cupboard and I flinch as a bolt of lust zips through my entire body.
‘There you go. Just milk in mine,’ he says with a heart-stopping grin, placing a jar on the counter in front of me.
‘Thanks.’ I grab at two mugs, clashing them together embarrassingly. And when I try to spoon coffee into them, my hands are trembling so much, coffee granules spill all over the bench. I wipe them up and then, of course, there’s a horrible brown mess on the dish cloth which I then have to try to rinse under the tap. One-handed. Feeling painfully self-conscious.
To make matters worse, I can’t help feeling Seb is quite enjoying watching me making a total arse of myself.
Finally, the coffee is made.
‘I’d never have had you down as a tattoo girl.’ Seb grins.
‘There’s a lot you don’t know about me,’ I reply, sounding a lot more sinister than I actually mean to.
Coffee in hand, I bolt back to Jasper’s bedroom, taking my burning face with me.
Downstairs, I walk into the flat to find Rosie, who’s never been a morning person, still dozing in the sofa bed.
The only reason she’s able to do this, instead of being bombarded with demands for breakfast, is because Josh has somehow worked out how to plug his PlayStation into the TV and is playing some computer game with the sound down low.
‘Hey, Josh. Did you sleep all right?’
‘Um. Yeah.’
‘Was the sofa bed comfy?’
‘Um. Yeah.’
‘Would you like some crunchy nut cornflakes?’
‘Yes, please, Auntie Lola.’
Throughout this dialogue, Josh’s thumbs have never stopped their manic twitching.
‘We have entire conversations where his eyes don’t leave the screen,’ murmurs Rosie. ‘You get used to it. It’s scary but all the kids are the same.’
I sit down on the sofa bed. ‘You must be exhausted after yesterday.’
‘I am a bit.’ She opens her eyes and struggles into a sitting position. ‘Is Dad back?’
I shake my head and she frowns. ‘God, I hope he’s okay. If he would only pick up his phone, just so we know he’s all right.’
‘By the way, how’s Alejandro?’
Rosie shrugs. ‘Fine. Spending Christmas with his parents in Madrid, I think.’ She’s trying to sound cool but there’s a tell-tale flush to her cheeks. ‘Right, let’s get this show on the road. Josh, stop playing on that thing and talk to us instead. You don’t see Auntie Lola every day, do you?’
There’s no sound from Mum, who’s in Barb’s room, or Justine and Rob, so I make a late breakfast for the three of us and we sit in the festive nook, chatting about their life in Spain and what Josh would like for Christmas.
While he’s away cleaning his teeth, Rosie murmurs, ‘I’m going to pop out and buy a few more things for him today, if you don’t mind. I wanted to travel as light as possible on the way over here.’
I nod, glancing at my watch. It’s nearly eleven and I can hear movement from my bedroom.
‘Look, why don’t I take Josh out? We can go into town on the bus. And you can go shopping.’
Rosie smiles. ‘Sounds good. And you two get some nice auntie–nephew bonding.’ She reaches out and takes my hand. ‘You look pale, Lolly. Are you okay? That stuff you told me last night about Jack – I’d no idea you’d been bottling all that up.’ She frowns. ‘You do know you did nothing wrong?’
I shake my head and shrug, just as Josh comes bounding back in.
‘What did you do wrong, Auntie Lola?’ he demands.
I force a laugh. ‘Oh, nothing that a week on the naughty step won’t put right.’ I ruffle his hair and he squirms away. ‘Now, how do you fancy having a look round some Christmas toy departments followed by a burger and a milkshake?’
‘Oh, he’d hate that,’ says Rosie, drolly.
‘No, I wouldn’t, Mum! It would be barry! Can we go now?’
I smile at his eagerness. ‘I wouldn’t mind getting out of yesterday’s clothes, once your Uncle Rob and Auntie Justine are up. But as soon as I do, we’ll be off.’ I nudge him. ‘Barry, eh? I’ve never heard that one.’
‘It’s the kids’ version of our “cool”, explains Rosie.
‘Oh, right.’ I stick my thumb up at Josh. ‘Barry.’
Rosie takes Mum a cup of tea and Josh goes in with her to see his gran. I can hear him chatting excitedly about something called a Nerf Gun and making assorted blasting noises. I only hope Mum hasn’t got a thumping head like mine this morning.
‘How is she?’ I ask Rosie when they emerge.
She makes a ‘so-so’ sign. ‘Better leave her to rest, I think. She’s hopping mad about Dad leaving. She wants to see you.’ Rosie grins. ‘You have been summoned.’
When I go in, she’s sitting up in bed, drinking her tea. ‘Morning, love. So your dad’s not back?’
‘Not yet, Mum. But I’m sure he won’t be away for long. He probably just needs some time alone, to think.’
She shakes her head. ‘But what about me?’
I look at her, not quite understanding.
She shrugs. ‘Did he pause to imagine how I’d feel about him just swanning off into the night like that?’
‘Well, he – he had a lot on his mind, Mum.’
She sniffs. ‘Well, he’d better be back soon. I need him to get me some more of my sleeping pills.’
‘The herbal tablets? Well, Rob can do that for you,’ I point out.
‘No, no, I don’t want to bother your brother. Dad’ll take me when he gets back.’
I press her hand. She doesn’t seem very worried about Dad but she’s probably just putting on a brave front. The thought of being on her own without him must be really frightening for her.
It frightens me too.
Where on earth is he?
His mobile is permanently dead or switched off and he’s not answering the landline either.
Josh is great company.
Once in town, we head for the largest department store – and specifically, the sparkling, magical Christmas wonderland on the third floor.
It’s a kid’s idea of Heaven.
And a parent’s worst nightmare. (How to convince a wide-eyed child that delayed gratification is A Good Thing. And a concept firmly endorsed by Santa.)
‘Oh, wow!’ breathes Josh, temporarily overcome by the sheer lushness of his surroundings.
He gets in the swing of things pretty quickly and proves a first class tour guide.
Being the expert on all things of a toy nature, he leads the way.
We spend a lot of time examining a range of model cars in boxes. Josh seems to know all the names, which astounds me, and I tell him to choose which one he’d like. This involves a great deal of deciding then changing his mind. But eventually, I manage to get him to a till.
By the time we find a seat in the crowded café with our tray of burgers and milkshakes, I know all about Nerf Guns and Minions and racing cars with artificial intelligence.
‘So, three sleeps till Christmas.’ I smile, placing a burger in front of him. ‘Are you excited?’
Josh gives me a big beaming smile, places his car in the centre of the table and takes a huge bite out of his burger.
‘Christmas is barry. Can we really go ice-skating?’
I think about my shattered plans for the day. A family visit to the open-air ice rink was on the cards but now it looks like everyone is going to be doing their own thing, one way or another.
‘Yes, I don’t see why not. You, me and your mum could go later on.’
‘Promise?’
I smile and pinch one of his chips. ‘Okay. I promise. It might just be you and me, though. Your gran’s a bit poorly.’
Josh nods. ‘And Grandad’s away getting his car fixed.’
‘Er, yes – yes, he is.’ So that’s how Rosie has explained Dad’s absence to him.
He chews thoughtfully on his burger. Then he asks me, matter-of-factly, ‘Will Gran ever get properly better?’
The question takes me completely by surprise and I hesitate, not quite knowing what to say.
‘Mum feels sorry for Grandad,’ says Josh. ‘She says Gran’s not very nice to him sometimes.’
‘Does she?’
He nods. ‘I heard her telling Jo that Gran should have seen a skunk a long time ago and then she’d be better.’
Jo is Rosie’s friend and business partner in Spain.
A skunk? I stare at Josh, trying to interpret.
Presumably Rosie wasn’t talking about a trip to the zoo to see a nasty-smelling furry animal. But isn’t skunk also some kind of a drug? Surely Rosie wouldn’t be advocating Mum go down the ‘artificial high’ route to solve her health problems?
Then it hits me.
‘Oh, do you mean a shrink?’
Josh chews his last mouthful of burger and swallows. ‘Yeah. That’s what I said.’
Back home, Josh makes loud acceleration noises and runs his new car along the wall as I put the key in the lock.
I turn and watch him for a moment. He’s the driver of the car, wrapped up in a racetrack world of his own imagination, completely oblivious to everything else.
Then the door above slams and Seb appears on the stairs, dressed smartly in a grey suit and white shirt. He only just manages to avoid trampling on Josh, who’s now on the floor, running his car along the bottom step.
‘Whoah! Nice car.’ Seb grins, stepping over him. ‘You must be Josh. I’m Seb.’ He holds out his hand. ‘Pleased to meet you.’
Josh scrambles to his feet and solemnly shakes Seb’s hand. Then he proudly holds up his new acquisition. ‘It’s a Bugatti Veyron.’
Seb examines it carefully. ‘So it is. Have you learned to drive, then?’
He winks at me.
Josh hoots with laughter. ‘No! I’m much too young for that. And anyway, you can’t drive this! It’s just a toy.’
‘Oh, right. Well, it’s a mighty fine vehicle, that’s for sure.’
‘Have you got a car?’ Josh asks.
‘As a matter of fact, I do. What do you think about the Audi A3?’
Josh considers. ‘Not bad.’
I laugh. ‘Hey, you got the royal seal of approval.’
Seb gives me one of his crinkle-eyed smiles and I feel myself blushing.
‘Do you like skating?’ Josh asks.
Seb looks surprised. ‘Never done it. But it looks like fun.’
‘We’re going skating.’ Josh turns to me. ‘Aren’t we, Auntie Lola?’
I smile at him. ‘When your mum gets back. It’s a bit too far to walk.’
‘Well, Seb’s got a car. We can go with him.’
My blush deepens. ‘Josh! You can’t just go inviting yourself for a ride in someone’s car. You’ve got to wait to be asked.’
‘Oh.’ He throws me a guilty look and I shake my head, pretending to be cross.
Seb laughs. ‘Josh. Would you and your auntie like a lift to the skating rink?’
‘Yes, please,’ says Josh, spirits instantly restored. He glances anxiously at me. ‘Can we?’
I shake my head. ‘No, Josh. Seb was just on his way out. He’s obviously busy.’
I feel terrible, as if we’ve just harangued the poor man into being our driver for the afternoon.
‘It’s nothing that can’t wait,’ murmurs Seb to me. ‘Give me a minute to get changed and we can go.’
‘Yay!’ shouts Josh.
How can I possibly refuse?