chapter three

I put away all my toys. Then I don’t know what to do, so I sit on the bed. Sue comes to the door. I don’t like her in the door. There’s nowhere to run if things get bad. If I see somewhere to run, I feel better.

“Jason,” says Sue, “at 4:30, we have Quiet Time.”

I try to listen to her. But my heart pounds real hard because she’s standing in the door.

“This is what we do at Quiet Time,” Sue says. “The boys go to their rooms for one hour. They do homework.”

I look at the floor. I’ve never done homework before.

“Tomorrow, you go to your new school and meet your new teacher,” says Sue. “Today you don’t have homework. You can play with your toys.”

“Okay,” I say, but I just sit on the bed. At home, Mom sends me to my room when I’m bad. That’s what this feels like. I don’t know what to do, so I think about Linda. At home, Mom doesn’t give us snack like they do here. Sometimes we don’t get supper. Linda is only six. She’s littler than me. I think maybe she’s hungry now.

After a while, Sue comes to the door again. She says, “Everybody has a supper chore to do. Tonight you get to set the table. Come on—I’ll show you how.”

I’ve never set a table. I get real worried. I try to listen real good to what Sue says. My heart pounds hard. What if I break a cup? I think. Sue looks nice, but you never know. I bang some plates on the table. Not on purpose—by mistake.

“Try to be more careful, Jason,” says Sue. That’s all. She doesn’t yell—nothing like that.

Before supper, all the boys wash their hands. There’s Joe, me, and two other boys. One of them is black and one is like me. Sue tells me their names—Dave and Rob. We all sit on the sofa, real quiet, before we go to the table.

Supper tastes good. Sue made it. It’s pork chops, potatoes, and corn. I eat lots. I’ve never seen so much food. When I finish what’s on my plate, Sue lets me have more. My tummy hurts, but I eat it. After everyone else leaves the table, Sue lets me eat a third pork chop.

After supper, I clear the table. Then I vacuum under the table. This is hard because my tummy hurts. Joe washes the dishes and Dave dries. Rob has to clean the bathroom.

Joe asks if I can play ball in the back yard. Sue says, “No, not on Jason’s first day. He has to stay inside.”

I sit on the sofa and watch TV. The other white boy sits beside me.

“Remember my name?” he asks. “It’s Rob.” He holds up a toy snake and shakes it. “My snake’s name is Rob, too,” he says. Then he moves the snake near my face. “My snake doesn’t like you,” Rob says. “See—he wants to bite you.”

I think Rob is creepy. I want to punch him, but Sue is in the next room. She’ll get mad if I hit Rob, so I don’t. I just move my face away.

Joe comes inside and we play cards on the sofa. Rob doesn’t want to play cards with us. He doesn’t like what’s on TV, either. He yells at Sue about this. Then he throws a chair. Sue grabs Rob’s arms real quick and puts him onto the floor. Then she sits on him. Rob yells and screams.

My tummy hurts. I run to the bathroom and throw up. I was scared this might happen. This is where they hurt bad kids, I think. Sometimes I scream and yell. They’ll hurt me, too.

I see Joe standing in the door. “Don’t worry,” he says. “Haven’t you seen a restraint before?”

I wash out my mouth. “What’s that?” I ask.

“Sometimes staff restrain us,” says Joe. “It doesn’t hurt. They just hold you down when you get mad. I used to do that lots—get mad, I mean. I’m getting better now. Staff just hold you down so you can’t do anything while you’re mad. They don’t hit you—nothing like that.”

“Oh,” I say. Rob is still yelling in the living room. I like what Joe said, but my heart still pounds real hard.

“We have to get into pjs now,” says Joe. “After pjs, we get snack.”

I get my pjs on. Sue is still sitting on Rob. Rob screams and bangs his feet. Sue asks Joe to get a snack for us.

Joe gets out some bananas. We sit at the kitchen table and eat them. He and Dave tell jokes and laugh. They don’t worry about Sue sitting on Rob.

“Now you have to brush your teeth again,” says Dave. “You have to brush your teeth all day long around here.”

I brush my teeth. In the living room, Rob stops yelling. Now he sits on the sofa and cries. Sue tells me Rob is on a time-out. He has to sit real quiet and can’t talk to us.

Sue asks me to come to the office. The office is behind a locked door beside the kitchen. I get real worried about this.

“Come on in, Jason,” Sue says.

I walk into the office. Sue leaves the door open. That makes it feel better. I see a bed, a desk, and a closet. Sue unlocks a cabinet on the wall.

“I have your medicine in here,” she says.

I take pills at night and in the morning. A doctor told me if I took the pills, I wouldn’t be so bad. They’re blue and white.

Sue puts two in a small cup. That’s the right number. Sometimes Mom gives me an extra one. She says it makes me sleep better. Then I get dizzy and can’t walk good. I count to make sure. I’m glad Sue gives me just two. I take my pills.

I watch some more TV. I sit quiet. I try to be real good. I don’t want Sue to sit on me. She’s talking to Rob in the office. Everything seems to be all right.

At 8:30, we go to our rooms. Sue says I have fifteen minutes. Then she’ll turn out the light. But I forgot to call home, I think. I want to talk to Linda. What did she do all day? I’m scared to ask if I can use the phone, but I call Sue’s name. She comes to the door. When I ask, she says I can call home now. But from now on, I have to call home before 8:00.

Mom answers the phone. She sounds mad. I can hear Linda crying close by.

“Stop crying, Linda,” says Mom. “I can’t hear your brother, you’re so loud. What do you want, Jason?”

I don’t know what to say. I’m not used to talking to Mom on the phone. It’s like talking to my grandma and grandpa in Toronto—way far away.

“How are you?” I ask. “Did you have a nice day?”

“I had a busy day,” says Mom. “Very busy.”

“Oh,” I say. “Can I talk to Linda?”

“No,” says Mom. “It’s too late. Next time, call earlier. I have to put Linda to bed now. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” I say.

Mom hangs up the phone. I go back to my room.

Sue comes to the door. “How was your call?” she asks.

I say, “Good.”

Sue turns out the light. She says she’ll close the door after I fall asleep. This is in case there’s a fire. Sue says this is the law in group homes. Then she goes back to the office.

I think about sleeping with the door closed. I’m not used to that. It’ll be too dark and I’ll get scared—even if I’m asleep. Then I get scared Joe might cut off my hair while I’m sleeping. I saw a native do that in a movie. Or Sue might do something bad to me. Or Rob might come into my room with his snake. I think about all these things.

Then I think about Mom. I think I have to be real good to go back home. If I’m real good, maybe Mom will like me.

I’m not too sure about this. I fall asleep.