ACT I

Scene 2. Rosy’s bedroom.

The room is dark.

Paul (from outside)

Hallo, have you gone to roost?

Rosy

Oh dear, no: we’re sitting in the dark. Lady Aurora’s so kind. She’s still here.

(Lady Aurora lights a lamp. Rosy is revealed in bed.)

Paul (entering with Hyacinth)

Well now, that’s beautiful. You’ll have a party then, for I’ve brought someone else. We’re poor, you know, but honest, and not afraid of showing up. We can manage a candle.

Aurora

Oh, I brought some candles; we could have a light if you wished.

Paul

Rosy, girl, I’ve brought you a visitor. This young man has walked all the way from Lisson Grove to make your acquaintance. (to Hyacinth) You mustn’t mind her being in bed—she’s always in bed. Just the way a slippery little trout’s in the water.

Rosy

Dear me, if I didn’t receive company because I was in bed, there wouldn’t be much use, would there, Lady Aurora?

Aurora

Oh, mercy, no; it seems quite the natural place! And it’s such a lovely bed, such a comfortable bed.

Rosy

Indeed it is, when your Ladyship makes it up.

Paul (to Lady Aurora)

You haven’t been doing that again?

Aurora

Who would if I didn’t? It only takes a minute if someone knows how.

Paul

I can do it well enough.

Aurora

Oh, I’ve no doubt whatever.

Paul

This is Mr. Hyacinth Robinson. That won’t tell you much, but you’ll like him; he’s all right. I was introduced by the Poupins.

Rosy

Your name, like mine, represents a flower. Mine is Rose Muniment, and her Ladyship is Aurora Langrish. That means the morning or the dawn; it’s the most beautiful of all, don’t you think? Isn’t it right she should be called dawn when she brings light wherever she goes? The Poupins are the charming foreigners I’ve told you about. (this last to Lady Aurora)

Aurora

Oh, it’s so pleasant knowing a few foreigners. They’re often so fresh.

Paul

Mr. Robinson’s a sort of foreigner—and he’s definitely fresh. Speaks French very well.

Aurora

Oh, there are so many good books in French.

Hyacinth

Rather a torment when you have no way of getting at them.

Aurora

Well, I have a good deal of my own, and I should be glad to give you some.

Hyacinth

Well, thank you very much.

Rosy

Isn’t that just like her ladyship—wanting to make up to people for being less lucky than herself. She’d take the shoes off her feet for anyone that might take a fancy to them.

Aurora

I’ll stop coming to see you, if you’re going to take me up like this for everything. It’s the least I can do—to give what I have.

Rosy

Lady Aurora is ashamed of being rich. She’s a tremendous socialist. Worse even than Paul.

Hyacinth

I wonder if she’s worse than me?

Paul

Hullo, I didn’t know you were so advanced. Have we been entertaining an angel unawares?

Hyacinth

You didn’t know I was so advanced? Why, I thought that was the principal thing about me.

Paul

I thought the principal thing about you was that you knew French.

Aurora

I should like so very much to know—it would be interesting—how far exactly you do go?

Hyacinth

I think I go about as far as anybody. I think I see my way to conclusions from which even the Poupins would shrink. Poupin, at any rate—I’m not so sure about his wife.

Aurora

I should like so much to know her.

Paul

The principal conclusion Mr. Robinson sees his way to is that your father ought to have his head chopped off and carried on a pike.

Aurora

Ah, yes. The French Revolution.

Hyacinth

I don’t know anything about your father.

Rosy

Didn’t you ever hear of Lord Inglefield?

Aurora

He’s one of the best.

Paul

Very likely, but he’s a landlord with a park of five thousand acres all to himself, while we’re bundled together in a sort of kennel.

Rosy

I’ve told you often enough that I don’t go along with you at all.

Paul

Everything points to great changes in the country, but if once our Rosy’s against them—how can we be sure?

Rosy

Her Ladyship may think I’m as good as her—but she can’t make me believe it.

Aurora

I think you’re much better than I—and I know very few people as good as you. Apropos of revolution—if there were to be a—disturbance—I believe the upper classes would behave quite differently. I don’t think they’d all go abroad.

Hyacinth

Go abroad?

Aurora

I mean they’d stay and resist. They’d fight very hard.

Rosy

I’m sure they’d win, too.

Aurora

They’d struggle until they were beaten.

Hyacinth

And you think they’d be beaten in the end?

Aurora

Oh, yes. But I hope it won’t come to that.

Paul

I infer you all talk it over amongst yourselves—to settle the line you’ll take.

Rosy

But I detect something in her tone which I think is a great mistake. If her Ladyship thinks to be let off easily for the concession she’s made in advance—she can save herself the trouble. The people won’t be a bit wiser. They won’t know or care. So don’t waste your time or good nature. When you’re up so high as that you’ve got to stay there. The best thing you can do is hold up your head! I can promise your Ladyship I would.

Paul

Rosy’s right, my Lady. It’s no use trying to buy yourself off. You can’t do enough. Eat your pudding while you have it—you may not have it long.

Aurora

You’re the most delightful people. I wish everyone could know you. But I must really be going.

Rosy

Paul will see you as far as you like.

Aurora

Well, you may see me down stairs.

Rosy

You must call a cab.

Aurora

Oh, I don’t go in cabs. I walk.

Paul

Well, you may go on top of a bus if you like. You can’t help being superb.

Aurora

Superb? Oh, mercy!

Paul (following Lady Aurora out)

Wait for me a little.

(Exit Aurora, followed by Paul.)

Rosy (to Hyacinth)

She lives in Belgrave Square; she has ever so many brothers and sisters; one of her sisters is married to Lord Warmington— She’s dedicated her life to the poor. And she’s so natural. She’s not the least condescending.

Hyacinth

No, she’s not. (pause) You and your brother strike me as being very curious people.

Rosy

Really! If you had known my father and mother—

Hyacinth

Were they curious, too?

Rosy

Rather. They came from the mines. My father was working in a pit when he was a child of ten. He never had a day’s schooling in his life, but he invented a machine. My father was as black as the coal he worked. But he was intelligent, my mother, too. But, what’s the use of brains if you haven’t got a backbone? He invented a new kind of beam fixing device—whatever that is. And he sold it for fifteen pounds. No royalties! Nothing. He used to get drunk. He fell into a gravel pit. That’s the reason my brother won’t touch a drop. My mother kept us decent somehow. She was terribly handsome. And it was from her we got our education. She did it somehow. Then she was taken by typhoid. Our parents had good brains to give us.

Hyacinth

Are you very fond of your brother?

Rosy

If you ever quarrel with him, you’ll see whose side I shall take.

Hyacinth

Before that, I’ll take care to make you like me.

Rosy

I already do. But, see how fast I’ll fling you over.

Hyacinth

Then, why are you so opposed to his ideas?

Rosy

He’ll get over them.

Hyacinth

Never! I’ve only known him for a day—but I can tell!

Rosy

Is that the way you’re going to make me like you—by contradicting me so?

Hyacinth

You don’t believe in human equality?

Rosy

I haven’t the least objection to seeing the people improved—but I don’t want to see the aristocracy lowered even an inch.

Hyacinth

Positively feudal. You ought to know my aunt Pinnie. She’s another idolater of the aristocracy.

Rosy

Oh, you’re making me like you very fast! And pray, who’s your aunt Pinnie?

Hyacinth

She’s a dressmaker. I’ll bring her someday. Don’t you want a better place to live in?

Rosy

A better place than this? How could there be a better place than this? If you think I’m not perfectly content, you’re very much mistaken.

Hyacinth

Don’t you sometimes make your brother very cross?

Rosy

Cross? Never with me.

Hyacinth

Isn’t he deep in—

Rosy

Deep in what?

Hyacinth

Doesn’t he belong to important things?

Rosy

You must ask him. I don’t know.

(Paul reenters.)

Rosy (to Paul)

You must have crossed the Channel with her Ladyship. I wonder which of you enjoyed the walk most?

Paul

She’s a handy old girl, and has a goodish stride.

Rosy

I think she’s in love with you.

Paul

Really, my dear, for an admirer of the aristocracy, you allow yourself a license.

Hyacinth

Perhaps she is—why not?

Paul

She’s daft enough for anything.

Hyacinth

But, is she only playing, or is she in earnest?

Paul (changing the subject)

How are you two getting on?

Rosy (ironically)

Oh, he’s made himself most agreeable.

Hyacinth

She won’t tell me about your revolutionary clubs.

Paul

You mustn’t ask her that sort of thing.

Hyacinth

What can I do if you won’t tell me anything definite yourself?

Rosy

It will be definite enough when you get hanged for it.

Paul

Why do you want to poke your head into ugly black holes?

Hyacinth

Don’t you belong to the party of action?

Paul

Where did you pick up that catchword? In the newspapers? Is that the party you want to belong to?

Hyacinth

Yes. Show me the thing.

Paul

What thing do you mean, infatuated, deluded youth?

Rosy

Well, you do go places you had far better keep out of. I wonder, sometimes, when they are going to make a search for your papers.

Paul

The day they find my papers, my dear, will be the day you get up and dance.

Hyacinth

What did you ask me to come here for?

Paul

To see if you’d be afraid.

Hyacinth

Try me.

Rosy

I’m sure if you introduce him to some of your low, wicked friends, he’ll be delighted.

Hyacinth

Just the sort I want to know.

Paul

Meet me sometime.

Hyacinth

Where?

Paul

Oh, I’ll tell you when we get away from her.

BLACKOUT