Narcissus

Yes, it was Bedford Park the vision came from—

    de Morgan lustre glowing round the hearth,

And that sweet flower which self-love takes its name from

    Nodding among the lilies in the garth,

And Arnold Dolmetsch touching the spinet,

And Mother, Chiswick’s earliest suffragette.

I was a delicate boy—my parents’ only—

    And highly strung. My father was in trade.

And how I loved, when Mother left me lonely,

    To watch old Martha spice the marmalade,

Or help with flower arrangements in the lobby

Before I went to find my playmate Bobby.

We’ld go for walks, we bosom boyfriends would

    (For Bobby’s watching sisters drove us mad),

And when we just did nothing we were good,

    But when we touched each other we were bad.

I found this out when Mother said one day

She thought we were unwholesome in our play.

So Bobby and I were parted. Bobby dear,

    I didn’t want my tea. I heard your sisters

Playing at hide-and-seek with you quite near

    As off the garden gate I picked the blisters.

Oh tell me, Mother, what I mustn’t do—

Then, Bobby, I can play again with you.

For I know hide-and-seek’s most secret places

    More than your sisters do. And you and I

Can scramble into them and leave no traces,

    Nothing above us but the twigs and sky,

Nothing below us but the leaf-mould chilly

Where we can warm and hug each other silly.

My Mother wouldn’t tell me why she hated

    The things we did, and why they pained her so.

She said a fate far worse than death awaited

    People who did the things we didn’t know,

And then she said I was her precious child,

And once there was a man called Oscar Wilde.

“Open your story book and find a tale

    Of ladyes fayre and deeds of derring-do,

Or good Sir Gawaine and the Holy Grail,

    Mother will read her boy a page or two

Before she goes, this Women’s Suffrage Week,

To hear that clever Mrs Pankhurst speak.

Sleep with your hands above your head. That’s right—

    And let no evil thoughts pollute the dark.”

She rose, and lowered the incandescent light.

    I heard her footsteps die down Bedford Park.

Mother where are you? Bobby, Bobby, where?

I clung for safety to my teddy bear.