Exchange of Livings

Lines suggested by an advertisement in The Guardian

(the Broad Church newspaper).

The church was locked, so I went to the incumbent—

the incumbent enjoying a supine incumbency—

a tennis court, a summerhouse, deckchairs by the walnut tree

and only the hum of the bees in the rockery.

“May I have the keys of the church, your incumbency?”

“Yes, my dear sir, as a moderate churchman,

I am willing to exchange: light Sunday duty: nice district: pop 149: eight hundred per annum:

no extremes: A and M: bicyclist essential: same income expected.”

“I think I’m the man that you want, your incumbency.

Here’s my address when I’m not on my bicycle, poking about for recumbent stone effigies—

14, Mount Ephraim, Cheltenham, Glos:

Rector St. George-in-the-Rolling Pins, Cripplegate:

non resident pop in the City of London:

eight fifty per annum (but verger an asset):

willing to exchange (no extremes) for incumbency,

similar income, but closer to residence.”