Porn Writer on the PTA
HAVE YOU READ …”
And then there’s a pause. There’s always a pause and once I hear it, I know what they are going to say.
“Fifty Shades of Grey?” I finish for them.
There’s a sigh of relief, followed by, “Yes, how did you know?”
The pause told me. Even though women are reading it, they still aren’t completely sure about admitting to anyone they are reading it. With me, however, they know they are safe. In fact, the next sentence is frequently, “But of course you’ve read it.”
It’s been over five years since my first published fiction was released. Not just fiction—an erotic romance e-book. I don’t know which confused people more back in 2007: the fact that the book was only available for download or that I wrote something erotic.
For some reason, most people weren’t able to bring themselves to ask me much about my books. “Erotic romance? So that means it’s … ” More unfinished sentences.
Yes, it’s a romance where the number of sex scenes is higher than the average book and the descriptions of what happens in those scenes are hotter and more graphically described.
If there’s another question, it’s usually, “What made you decide to write that kind of book?” There’s an emphasis placed on the word “that.” If I were writing about murder or horror, no one would ask, but for most of my peers they seemed to have trouble thinking about either reading or talking about sex in this way.
The truth is, most people who knew me weren’t terribly surprised by the genre I chose, just somewhat uncomfortable with it. I love romance and relationships and the things someone can discover about herself within a relationship. Genre romance books focus on this. I’ve never hidden the fact that I’ve always found merit, strong writing, and great characters in these books. While at college, during long conversations about guys, friends would ask, “This isn’t going to end up in one of your books one day, is it?” I would answer with a smile. No sense in lying.
In nearly each decade of my life I’ve discovered something new to read in the erotic/romantic genre—and I’m getting progressively spicier and more discriminating in my tastes. What pleases me most is when I look back I can see that I have also learned something lasting and important to my personal and sexual awareness from these books.
I read my first romance at fourteen when my mother gave me Kathleen Woodiwiss’ The Wolf and the Dove. Woodiwiss was credited with “opening the bedroom door” in romance. Thanks to the book’s historical setting, I knew more about 1066 and the Norman conquests than any of my friends. I also came to believe deeply in the existence of strong alpha males who knew how to cherish those they loved, something that came in handy after a series of horrible relationships.
In my midtwenties I found the Beauty books by A.N. Roquelaure. My copies are so old, Anne Rice’s name isn’t on the cover. This was the first time I’d read anything in the BDSM realm or a M/M sex scene. I loved the entire series, and, more importantly, discovered I wasn’t alone regarding some of the sexual fantasies and fascinations I had (have!). It gave me the courage to go to clubs and meet others with similar interests in power exchange relationships. It is something that has informed my writing and my life. What relationship isn’t an exchange of power?
When I reached thirty, I discovered the Black Lace book imprint—erotica written for women. I was—and still am—hooked on many of the books and authors from this publisher, several of whom now write for mainstream houses. Here I found nearly every relationship combination and setting imaginable, past, present, and fantasy all presented in a way that involved love, character development, and a powerful conclusion. This was when I first started to consider writing erotic romance rather than more traditional romance. It was also when I was truly able to embrace how important sexual power is for a woman who wants to be completely powerful. It’s a lesson I practice frequently and is, I think, part of the reason women ask me the questions they do.
I am now in my forties and was published not long after my fortieth birthday. My tastes haven’t really changed, but they are more refined. I want something new, more gripping, more imaginative. Something that pushes the envelope, broadens my thoughts and my fantasies. When I read the first book in Laura Antoniou’s Marketplace series, I knew I’d found what I wanted to read next. These books are beautifully written with love, sex, passion, and intellect combined—it’s magic. In the more traditional romance genre, I discovered Joey W. Hill, who brings a level of both sensuality and sexuality throughout her books that is breathtaking. In these two women, and a few others, I found writers who inspire me to create books that are more erotic and populated with vivid characters on deep emotional journeys. It’s going to be a lifelong journey.
So what does this mean for the married suburban mom and erotic romance writer I’ve become? Because I am fortunate to have friends to whom I can tell what I write, I have become the go-to person on questions of romance and sex. “Talk to Rachel. She’s comfortable with these things.” “I know you won’t be offended if I ask … ” “Have you ever heard of … ” “What do you think it means if he … ”
And now, “Have you read … ”
It doesn’t matter to them what I answer or what I thought of Fifty Shades of Grey. They simply want to be able to talk about it. What it made them think, what it made them feel. And what should they read next. Suddenly I’m the local X-rated librarian.
So then I have a question for them. “What did you like most about the book?”
The pause returns.
I find it curious that even though they’ve read the book and, more often than not, liked it, they still can’t tell me why. I am saddened to realize that even though they are thrilled—and titillated—to have read something in “my” genre, they haven’t let it touch them. They still don’t know what they like.
The good news is, I think thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey more of my acquaintances have respect for and an interest in what I write. There is less judgment all around. Not that they pause any less when they talk about it with me or others, but that is their sexual issue, not mine. They realize that the genre doesn’t deserve to be stereotyped or automatically discounted. There is more to it than they thought, and it has become something they are willing to enjoy now that they’ve opened themselves up to the possibility. Perhaps soon they will even be proud to read the books that I, and other erotica and erotic romance authors, write.
Still, their continued shyness makes me wonder what they are like—and what they are missing—in their current sexual relationships. And once I start thinking about that … I end up having the beginning of a new manuscript.
RACHEL KENLEY writes from her garage office in New England. Her current erotic romance novels and stories are published with Ravenous Romance and Ellora’s Cave. Rachel’s days consist of an unending quest to balance her many roles while maintaining her sanity and sense of humor. She is currently working with Scott Goudsward on a two-volume anthology for Chaosium Press entitled Once Upon an Apocalypse.