It’s All in the Eyes
NEAR THE BEGINNING of Fifty Shades of Grey, our heroine, Ana, makes a profound and magnetic eye connection with Christian Grey. I understood that connection completely, because just about everything romantic in my life has started with my eyes. Ana knows how I feel, and vice versa. Christian’s eyes haunted her dreams and burned into her “with some unfathomable emotion.”
All my life I’ve been told I have unusual eyes. I guess they are rather large. They have green irises sprinkled with red and gold flecks and my pupils have dark purple rings.
Eyes have been on my mind since I read the novel, and I started thinking about something that happened when I was a teenager—the first time I was aroused by someone’s eyes. At a New Year’s Eve party I caught a cute boy looking at me from across the room. No matter where I was, when I looked up, there he was, watching me. It wasn’t creepy, just very sensual, although I wouldn’t have known to use that word back then. I eventually understood the feeling was a combination of curiosity, lust, and being teenagers. Eventually the boy spoke to me. I can’t recall what he said, but I remember his sparkling green eyes.
At eighteen, a man entered my life. He was twenty-one, older, and he was definitely a ladies’ man, with twinkling brown bedroom eyes that seduced me the moment I met him. He loved women and they loved him. At least, I sure did. We dated for five years and we had some amazing sexual experiences together.
I watched my first adult movies with him, the famous Deep Throat and The Devil in Miss Jones. These movies were very controversial—everyone was talking about them in hushed voices—and my reaction was total fascination. I understood why some people objected to them. I felt that anyone had the right to object to sexy movies but not the right to tell me I couldn’t enjoy them. While watching these movies, I still remember watching the eyes of the actors and it always seemed to me the ones who were having the best sex were the ones making the most intense eye contact.
The sexual allure of eyes has also been a part of my reading experiences, too, especially books with sexual content. I had an active sexual imagination, knew that sex was a natural part of life, and I felt that reading about sex was part of the fun. As a young girl, I quickly graduated from Harold Robbins and moved on in my literary sex quest by reading erotic books by Anne Rampling and A.N. Roquelaure (both, I later learned, pseudonyms used by Anne Rice), who easily tapped my desire button.
Fast-forward to today. I’ve now read most of the best erotic literature, and as Vice President of Vivid Entertainment, helped design beautiful and erotic video and DVD covers and met many famous porn stars. Having been in the adult entertainment industry most of my adult life, I believe the fine line between porn and erotica has all but disappeared. One person’s erotica is another’s porn. Whatever you call it, it was created to stimulate and arouse.
And, with all these experiences, it is still the eyes that get me, just as they did that memorable New Year’s Eve so many years ago.
It’s been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Throughout Fifty Shades of Grey, Ana and Christian are blessed with the ability, whether conscious or not, to look deep inside each other’s thoughts—including their sexual thoughts—through the intensity of their gaze.
What I have come to realize is that we don’t wear our hearts on our sleeves, we wear them in our eyes. Some eyes are mischievous, some twinkle, others sizzle. They didn’t coin the term “bedroom eyes” for nothing. I can tell immediately if there will be sexual compatibility with someone if our eyes lock. For me, everything romantic or just plain sexual starts with a look, and sometimes the response is a jolt so strong I can feel it with every sense of my being.
Sexy eyes are the biggest turn-on there is for me. They provide an immediate sexual connection. Whether what’s there is romantic or animalistic, it’s always hot. Conversely, if there’s nothing going on with the eyes, I give up all sexual interest.
Attraction starts with a look and sometimes that is all it takes, because just one look into someone else’s eyes can put us on the same wavelength. Once the connection is made, I find it hard to break. As E. L. James writes, “He [Christian] has beautiful eyes—captivating, intelligent, deep, and dark, dark with dominant secrets.” Oh my!
For some people, it’s the kisses. Not for me. The first kiss may be electric but only my partner’s eyes can shake me to my core. Seeing the effect I have on my partner increases my pleasure and can take my breath away.
Come to think about it, I don’t know why kisses are always portrayed with closed eyes. You miss so much when you can’t see each other. During my best sexual encounters, I’ve looked into my partner’s eyes during the entire experience.
An urgent, open-eyed kiss sets the tone for what’s to come. Ana felt, “I’m hypnotized by his eyes staring fervently into mine.” Combine eye penetration with great sex and it is guaranteed to be an experience that won’t be forgotten … ever! A look can transport you to another place. A place where no one else exists but you and your partner.
In my day job I see women having sex and being photographed in sexy poses all the time. I have watched the girls during photo shoots and often wondered what they were thinking about that gave them that smoldering look. The best pictures depict girls who look like they either just got laid or are about to. The eyes of a top model almost always express sexual arousal. When she’s looking deeply into the eyes of her lover, imaginary or real, suddenly the rest of the world no longer exists. Everything she needs to communicate is said through a look.
E. L. James vividly captures this reality in Fifty Shades of Grey. Christian’s eyes show his desire and need for Ana, just as hers do for him. Christian uses Ana’s looks as a barometer as to how far he can go with her. It’s the same for me. From the first kiss through orgasm I like to know what my partner is feeling. If we are looking at one another, we can adjust our movements and make those tiny changes that can increase the intensity of the moment. If we’re clamping our eyes closed, or looking somewhere else, we may never know when or how to do that one subtle thing that can make all the difference, and it is amazingly empowering.
Ana had power over Christian. It just took her a while to figure it out and make it work for her.
Just as Ana and Christian did, leave the lights on, keep your eyes open, focus on your partner, and let your mind and body follow the wave of arousal you feel. And, just as they did, you might find that new layer of sexual arousal you never dreamed of.
MARCI HIRSCH is Vice President of Vivid Entertainment, the world’s leading adult film studio, where she heads up production, licensing, and international sales. The second generation of her family to work in the adult industry, Marci lives in Southern California with her two sons.