Fifty Shades of Women
JUST BEFORE I SAT DOWN to write this, I was speaking with a friend of mine. She’s a beautiful woman, always together, very professional in her manner and appearance (no double entendre on the word “professional”). We’re at a business con that deals with books and naturally the phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey came up. In a secluded corner with a few female authors, we joked and teased—and a few confessions came out: my very businesslike and together friend keeps her hair long because her husband enjoys schoolgirl braids, and yes, she has the schoolgirl uniform.
I was reminded of an occasion not that long ago when I was a guest at a Halloween event for a friend who has incredible sway in the “vampire” world, hosting parties across the globe. I attended with two friends, one whom I have often thought of as the contemporary equivalent to the moms in The Partridge Family and The Brady Bunch. She never wears provocative clothing; she’s usually in jeans and a T-shirt, middle America clothing that might even be considered frumpy at times. She’s a terrific soccer mom, keeps a warm and beautiful home for her young sons, and is a designer who works from home to be with her kids. How much more apple pie can you be?
So, we’d dressed up ourselves in something akin to vampire attire for the party; let’s say we were in Victorian vampire mode. Around us, there was all manner of apparel being worn (and barely worn). As wickedly decadent costumes began to appear—and disappear—my apple pie friend was able to point out to my other friend and me exactly who was a submissive, what certain chains and binds meant, and something about the act going on at a long silver pole.
Go figure—still waters run deep! She went on to tell us about her life before marriage—the many S&M clubs she had joined and all the different roles she had played. She was still heavily into roleplaying; her husband not so much, but she’d been delighted when I’d asked her to this party because she still loved to observe.
In the past few decades the role of women in our culture has changed more drastically than in centuries before. Or let me say—the roles we show to the world have changed. Have our basic needs and desires changed on a purely carnal level? Probably not. Women with sexual prowess existed as far back as the days we lived in caves, but until relatively recently we didn’t accept the idea of the wicked, wanton female as every man’s wife.
Now, there’s actually a bit of a biologic—not even dynastic, but biologic—reason for the way things used to be. Our fine early human males were on a mission and that mission was—spread your seed! But early females had to be far more selective, back in those cave days when life was hard. They didn’t want just any old seed; they wanted the best seed out there, so that their offspring would survive the rigorous world. So—males run around everywhere; females seek out the best!
Then, of course, you get into the dynastic thing—property, who inherits what. The lord of the castle certainly didn’t want his wife fooling around. I mean, really, should the groom’s son inherit the great wealth of the lord’s realm?
But we’ve now entered a world where our sexual roots aren’t as important. Sex is an instinct, but our sexual mores are based on the world we live in now. Of course, in Fifty Shades of Grey we’re going far beyond the simple concept of sex or promiscuity by either the male or the female of our species. Fifty Shades of Grey delves into areas of sexuality where many do not go—with any partner!
So, what is the huge draw? For some, it’s curiosity. I believe we’re voyeurs. “That’s not something I would do—but how interesting!”
For some, it’s because they find the book appalling. “I don’t get it—what is fun or enjoyable about pain?”
For others, it’s like a blessing. “Oh my God, I have always wanted to do that!”
Fifty Shades of Grey is far from the first book out there that falls into the category of erotica. It’s just that, often, erotica is hidden deep in the cyberworld of the e-reader. In truth, authors have been writing erotica for as long as anyone can remember. And just as in any genre, there’s excellently written erotica and erotica that isn’t quite so well written. Why one story captures the popular imagination is often a mystery, but it’s certainly evident that Fifty Shades of Grey struck the right chord somewhere. It might just have been the excitement of reading a book that “everyone is reading.” I was watching a talk show last night that estimated there are 20 million copies of Fifty Shades of Grey being read worldwide. Other estimates have put that number even higher. To boot, the sales of merchandise in sex-toy shops has risen by well over 50 percent.
Maybe the reason the book is so popular is that it encourages freedom of expression. For some, like my friend who sometimes dresses up in a uniform and braids, it offers something of a blessing or a justification: our sexuality is something that we’re free to explore and come to know. Most of my friends are not into being either dominant or submissive—but they are intrigued by the idea of climbing into costumes, roleplaying, and/or engaging in other little tricks to keep longtime marriages and/or relationships fun, new, sexy, and sensual.
Fifty Shades of Grey—with its amazing growth and viral popularity—has allowed us all to explore not just the “grey” shades of our sexuality, but all of the colors that lie between.
HEATHER GRAHAM is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of over a hundred novels, including suspense, paranormal, historical, and mainstream Christmas fare. She lives in Miami, Florida—her home, and an easy shot down to the Keys where she can indulge in her passion for diving. Travel, research, and ballroom dancing also help keep her sane; she is the mother of five, and also resides with two dogs, a cat, and an albino skunk. She is CEO of Slush Pile Productions, a recording company and production house for various charity events. Look her up at eheathergraham.com.