A Requested Evaluation of the Mastery of Christian Grey
Or, A Week Spent Observing Fifty Different Shades of Grey
I RUN THE WORLD’S oldest BDSM training chateau, La Domaine Esemar. Masters, Mistresses, and slaves from around the globe come here for training and evaluation. This week, I did my first evaluation of the mastery of a fictional character: the coldly fascinating, impressively erotic Mr. Christian Grey. I divided the book into a week of reading, exploring his character as if each day were one day of a weeklong visit by a young Master.
Day One: My initial assessment is that Mister Grey, based on his early interactions with Anastasia, appears to be arrogant. Arrogance always strikes me as an indicator of insecurity. It is a trait that has little to do with dominance, and in fact is often antithetical to that purpose. However, as day one’s reading progresses, I begin to see a man who enters my world of BDSM with reasonable modesty.
As I look more closely at his character, I realize that he uses his eyes to manipulate others: I surmise that if he were to meet another Master he would—slightly and almost imperceptibly—lower the level of his own gaze. I suspect that, if Christian Grey were to actually come to La Domaine for training and evaluation, his first words to me would be spoken with a soft voice, one well controlled, and I would encounter in him a great desire to find warmth that can be both given and taken simultaneously. I am reasonably certain I would find, in his character, a great desire to reveal his own courage and need. I sense he would want his very private soul mercilessly examined. Although this would not be enough to indicate his level of either mastery or self-understanding, I consider it to be a positive sign.
At the end of day one, I find Mr. Grey hard to fully conceptualize. Christian appears to have polished his reticence as one would polish a fine gemstone. He clearly is plagued by a great inability to reveal himself. Of course, I wonder why the author has done this, particularly in regard to what that implies about Mr. Grey’s ability to be as open and honest as a great Master needs to be. After all the comments on his “powers” I had heard from real women who had read the book, this certainly was not the level of self-mastery I had expected to find. I also wonder what that will mean regarding everything that will follow as I read through all fifty shades.
At La Domaine, we believe a Master should reveal himself as completely as he reveals his slave’s self. I will have to pay attention to this process of revelation as the book progresses and see if this first impression is warranted. And I find myself thinking that, if this character were real and was actually visiting Esemar, I would undoubtedly have the great pleasure of opening Christian Grey.
Day Two: On day two of reading, I start to see that Christian possesses a powerful magnetism, one that would allow him, with relative ease, to put any driven slave firmly in his control. Mr. Grey clearly has the makings of the Master he wishes to become. My only serious reservations about the potential of his mastery, after my first reading of his Red Room of Pain “dungeon abilities,” are based on his lack of warmth and his continued avoidance of revealing himself, not only to his slave, but to himself.
Christian Grey is a character that cannot let go; the result is that he has a psychological perimeter that contains far too much. On my second day of reading, it is becoming clear that he needs to learn how to fully accept and explore his drives, his fears, his need to give, and his desire to trust and be trusted.
At La Domaine, we teach that it is not about how much you can take; it is about how much you can give. It is evident that Mr. Grey understands this when the value exchange is directed from slave to Master. However, it is not at all evident that he grasps the emotional implications regarding his own mastery: as Master, he must also give of himself.
I observe an inherent sense of inequality between Master and slave, in the way Christian conducts his relationships. This is an inequality entwined with the character’s understanding of giving and taking in our sexuality. Will this be a consistent current in Christian’s dominance, or by the book’s ending, will he have opened up and be giving, if not freely, then with the passion and compulsion found in greater self-acceptance?
Day Three: Christian certainly knows how to submit. Even before we learn that Christian had been trained for several years, it was evident to me that he had submissive experience—and a great deal of experience at that. Clearly, his former Mistress had him well trained. If the depth of his submissive abilities is any indication—and of course it is—then Mr. Grey has a remarkable potential depth still to be discovered in his powers of dominance. I hope we’ll see that depth before the book’s end.
Today I observed how personally fulfilling his early training was. Clearly it introduced him to the richly rewarding path he is now walking. It also seems that somehow, hopefully yet to be revealed, the submission he learned, the submission he has mastered, is a large part of what is driving him to become the incredible Master Grey I, as a reader, envision. Day three’s reading has led me to the conclusion, perhaps premature, that Christian has not been able to fully accept this submissive part of himself, or at least nowhere near as thoroughly as the vastness implied in his previous submission. Clearly he has been deeply moved and shaped by the depths of that experience, yet it does not appear to strongly impact his dominance. I wonder if his character is past that intensely submissive period in his development or if submission still holds a place of desire and honor for him. I hope he is not past the former; maintaining his own submission would certainly serve his needs well in addressing the latter. The question that is becoming apparent as I read further is: Will Grey show any substantial level of respect for his own passions, both past and present? For without the successful inclusion of his past, his present relationship will not be as fulfilling and rewarding as it could be.
By the end of the day’s reading, I feel that, unquestionably, Christian Grey needs to proudly accept and value what his previous Mistress accomplished with him and allow this to be a cherished area of his growth. Yet I feel some other ethereal element that I cannot yet comprehend, which is preventing this. Perhaps Christian holds a belief that he should feel disdain for what he did when he was young? If so, he surely will need to embrace his past.
That seems to be a consistent challenge within Mr. Grey’s character: the ability to embrace. Specifically, he needs to learn to embrace his sexual dominance as a successful metaphor for his wants and needs. Perhaps then Mr. Gray will be able to allow Ana, and others, to touch him.
Day Four: Today’s reading has me wondering about the boundaries Grey has established between his Ana and his heart, and the boundaries he has established around himself that contain him and keep him from accepting and enlarging his capacity to love.
Christian is gradually coming to understand that he is in love with Ana. It is clear that he has never loved any of his slaves before. He has merely possessed them. The voice of his character has the hollowness of a man who thinks he may be so alone because he is undeserving or, perhaps even worse, incapable of love. It could be that he believes both to be true. In any case, it is evident that he is madly in love with his new slave, as well as extremely overwhelmed and confused by this love. I wonder: Does this confusion belie his mastery? Does it, like some outside force, control his ability to master others, or does it show that his mastery is simply nonexistent?
I am starting to see that, in some as yet unclear way, the intensity of his love is currently interfering with his ability to be “Master.” Will his virgin slave continue to unwittingly amplify the already observed conflict between his arrogance and his potential as a Master, or will Christian submit to these new currents that are flowing within him now, not melt at her every fear and whim, and actually see this relationship through with a commitment to who he is and what he feels is right for his life?
Part of this will depend on how firmly he trusts his own dominance, his own development, his own sexuality. If he stays within his arrogance (if he fails to extend his love of her into his love of himself—and others—in a more day-to-day way), then I fear he will not find the trust in, and commitment to, his own belief system that would allow his love with his Ana to remain a power-filled BDSM love. As I read further, I begin to think this may well depend on whether or not he gains a firm understanding that there is nothing wrong with his sexuality, that he has a healthy sexuality and that his desire to share this with his Ana is a positive one. That should allow his mask of arrogance to be removed and replaced with the stunning confidence he shows in so many other areas of his life. However, I fear high-altitude winds here.
Day Five: Today’s reading finally clarified the issue for me. Ana feels that Christian’s sexuality is not healthy. She mocks him through that, and he allows this disrespect. He feels that he is “fucked up” and that she “tolerates” him because she loves him. Yet, whether or not they both recognize it, her character is extremely aroused by his Dominant sexual persona. This reveals that BDSM sexuality must also reside deeply within her. Every time they approach this together, she comes as much as he does, often far more. As I explore this problem in his mastery, I can see that for his character to become fulfilled, he will have to face the inevitable, and absurd, line of thought that people who are into our sexuality are there because they have been abused as children. After seeing literally thousands of individuals and hundreds of couples here at La Domaine in the past two decades, I am convinced that the assumption that childhood abuse correlates with BDSM sexuality is a false premise. In this specific fictional case, it is obviously false as well, as Ana, the innocent, gets as wet as Christian gets hard. Their sexual prowess together is based on their compatibility and resonance. All readers need to see that his shades and hers are very similar, even though one has an “abused” background and the other does not. As much as Christian needs to recognize this, I feel that Ana needs to see it even more, or else socially induced misconceptions, and Grey’s fear that “she might be right,” will inevitably undermine the compatibility and resonance between them, just as it does with the couples we see here at La Domaine.
As I read further, I find that I have taken a great liking to Christian. I like his technical skills, such as flying, and I like how he delegates authority to his workers (although the lack of thanking them indicates a further lack of mastery), as well as his techniques in the Red Room. He does confuse generosity for giving, but through Ana, he is gradually learning to give. However, the more that Ana shows her growing care for Mr. Grey, the more Christian’s veils and shadows appear. It is almost as if any approval of his dominance, coming from his chosen slave, leads to a lack of mastery, or at least an avoidance of it. I wonder how this will affect his growth with Ana as the story continues.
As the book starts to draw toward its end, I find myself wondering how Christian reacts toward mastery in others, and specifically, how that would affect his growth if he were here at La Domaine. I can easily see how he grew with his former Mistress, the book’s only indication of his ability to accept mastery in others. I sense that as I continue reading, I will soon know what lies behind his continually veiled countenance and what is lacking in his mastery. The answer is here somewhere; I feel like I can almost see it; I just need to clarify, for myself, what the problem is. I sense it has to do with something that this stunningly handsome, rich, and powerful man is lacking. Two more days of reading and contemplating and I hope I shall be able to fathom his many shaded depths.
Day Six: I once again note how Grey’s use of arrogance interferes with his mastery. It is a simple observation; he does not thank Ana for anything. At La Domaine, we have a precept: thank you is always appropriate. I wonder how often Grey thanks those who work for him. I have yet to find any of that in the book. He has so many contradictions. He has shown the ability to give so much, but he really must learn to accept more.
Today’s Christian—the Grey of day six—once again has his hair tussled, his shirt open, and his pants hanging on his hips in that delicious manner that every Mistress, Master, and slave here would love. I know I would not even have to tell my slaves to be as seductive as possible with him throughout the day. Their eyes would all glaze over with possibilities. But I suspect that the young Master would go through the day hardly noticing.
At La Domaine, we teach our Masters and Mistresses and slaves to use all their senses. When a slave is told to offer, even from several feet away, a La Domaine Dominant can scent a slave becoming aroused. I would have no need to point this change in scent out. That is something a trained Master should be able to observe and utilize. On day two of my reading I could tell that one of the better components of Mr. Grey’s dominance is his use of his senses. He is a keen observer. Yet he still misses many signals. By day six, I have come to feel that Christian does this unknowingly, only as a natural occurrence, creating an emotionally unsafe place for both Dominant and submissive. La Domaine training would serve him well.
When Christian has his slave neatly tied, I can see that is for her pleasure, as well as, in some way, for his own sense of security. It also is one more indication of the extent of his implied technical skills, skills he shows throughout the book. Interesting: the more his slave becomes aroused, the more Grey’s eyes glow and, conversely, the more distant he becomes. He delivers a tremendous whipping and brings Ana to a devastating orgasm, and then, only momentarily, the reader sees the distance turn to warmth. He goes to her and lightly caresses her face. The way he touches her skin is very moving. It occurs to me that, except for his love for spanking and bringing slaves to orgasm, he seldom seems to touch. He releases the slave and sends her to take a shower. Oh, dear Christian, allow yourself to receive some warmth.
The book is drawing to a close, and although he has definitely made a connection with me, it seems he has not done the same with any other member of the Fifty Shades family—a family that includes his own blood family, Ana’s, and virtually everyone else who is drawn to him in the story. Perhaps his heart will not let him. One would think he would be entering people, other than Ana, much more deeply and far more sincerely.
Day Seven: The book is done, and now it is time for the Final Evaluation of Mr. Christian Grey’s Mastery, by Master R.
Mr. Grey has excellent technical skills, but he has too great a reliance on them. He has superb abilities when it comes to arousing slaves, and understands and truly appreciates his sexual gifts, yet he has far too many many ways to avoid being touched to allow his mastery to attain fulfillment. No contact on his chest and the constantly worn shirt—metaphorically covering his heart—are just two examples. The extremely powerful way he uses his eyes, both in observation and in the practice of avoidance, troubles me. That he uses his eyes for both purposes is a contradiction in dominance, and I have become certain that it is caused by his fear that he is irregular and damaged. This indicates, for all his accomplishments in business and sexuality, a lack of true confidence and self-acceptance. Christian’s mastery would be greatly improved by self-acceptance. I fully enjoyed and approve of how Mr. Grey uses his senses to feed his intellect; however, Christian must learn to channel the information he receives from those senses into positive emotion as well as into that appealing intellect.
If Christian Grey were a reality, and were here at La Domaine seeking counsel, I would end our week together by offering him the following thoughts and summation, based on our brief, albeit literary time together:
Mr. Grey, you consistently appear tense, as if you have accepted a challenge or are facing an internal devil. Yet I am drawn to several aspects of your person and reflections of your personality. Your clothing is impeccable. I love the fine line of your lips and I wonder if I am immediately drawn to that fine line because of its tension, because your lips imply a greatly repressed sensuality, or simply because you are portrayed as so intensely beautiful. Ana feels your hair looks like it needs to be tussled; by the end of my first day reading, I felt your entire demeanor needed to be tussled.
As the philosopher Santayana said so well: “Love is a physical drive with an ideal intent.” BDSM is nothing more (or less) than your type of loving. I suspect you are a wonderful man, with terrific potential as a Master. As you were revealed to me, I came to understand through Ana’s voice that, as Mr. Grey, your physical drive is superb, yet Christian has a great deal to learn about ideal intent. You need to learn to first reveal, next cherish, and then confidently share your love. In this process you will become the master of your own potential. I am certain, if you learn to open your heart, you can learn to love who you are, and that will make you a great master. In short, Mr. Christian Grey, you need to master love.
But then, don’t we all?
Our week together is done. My involvement with fiction draws to an end as I metaphorically show this young Master to the door. If this were a reality, I would allow myself the pleasure of a farewell touch to his sculpted face, and I know I would fully enjoy the excitement that small connection would generate.
A final thought, from a real Master to a fictional visitor: Good-bye, Master Grey—I hope we meet again.
MASTER R was a professional submissive in NYC in 1969. He began exploring his dominance in 1978. In 1993, R created La Domaine Esemar, now the world’s most respected BDSM training chateau, where he has been deeply involved in the training of hundreds of Masters, Mistresses, and slaves. His writings have appeared in kink magazines from around the world, including Secret (Belgium), Marquis (Germany), and Skin Two (Great Britain). His autobiography, Master: The Unauthorized Autobiography of Master R, is a well-received and compelling life story, which explores not only the gradual emergence of his Mastery but his work as an accomplished musician, singer/songwriter, free thinker, and political activist. In addition, as Robb Goldstein—The Troubadour—he had a twenty year career exploring the relationship between American fine art and American folk culture, a pursuit which led to his speaking at over one hundred and fifty museums and universities across the US between 1985 and 2005. R’s proudest moment was winning a major Free Speech/First Amendment decision in 1978, “Goldstein vs. Nantucket,” a decision that extended Free Speech protection to all the street artists in the United States. Although Master R has recently retired, he still, whenever his expertease is needed, maintains an active role at the extraordinary La Domaine, as Master EmeRitus.