Sean Flanagan had not considered himself to be a romantic man or even someone who believed in romance. Relations between a man and a woman were primarily based on physical attraction. People got married and when the kids came and the passion was spent, when the bloom went off the rose as the Irish would say, people settled into the job of being parents and hoped to God that the person they had settled down with would not get on their nerves too much or turn out to be a drunk or a spendthrift or a cheat. Women worried about husbands who couldn’t provide or who turned violent, men worried about women who couldn’t cope with the kids or became nags and asked too many questions if their men stayed out a little late. For the most part, in Sean’s day, working class Catholics did not get divorced. Unhappy couples (which seemed to be most of the couples he knew) soldiered on for the sake of the children. Or at least that is how it seemed to Sean.
Sean’s mother had died when he was still a young boy and his father had to work to support the family. Sean was raised by his older sister and kind neighbors who looked in on them from time to time. He was never mistreated and he always felt that his family loved him, but somehow in the crowded apartment, he had grown up lonely. He had the idea that lonely was the norm, you come into this world alone and you go out alone. No room for romance, you sow your wild oats with the girls who were willing and then you try to find a respectable girl to have kids with and then you hope she doesn’t get so fat you can’t look at her or become such a pain in the ass you have to spend all your time in a bar to escape her nagging. That’s just the way things were. He had it all figured out until he met Kathleen.
He had been on his way home from the movies and he decided to stop into the Village drug store for a milkshake. When he got to the counter, he saw his older sister, Kate, and a group of her friends. He had planned to make a run for it, but they had seen him and were coming over. Now he would have to listen to them get on him about it being Saturday night and how was it that he did not have a date? His sister was there with her best friend and a younger girl. His sister, never one to mince words, got right to the point.
“Sean, this is Kathleen, Joan’s younger sister, Kathleen this is Sean, my handsome but morose younger brother. Sean, Kathleen here is pretty, but also the funniest girl I have ever met, if anyone can get a laugh out of you, it’s her. Now, Sean, you are going to buy Kathleen a milkshake and you guys are going to hang out here for a while. Joan and I have business to attend to, we don’t need a third wheel, no offense Kathleen.”
It all happened so fast he did not have any time to object. Kathleen was indeed a pretty girl, fair Irish complexion, but with brown hair, brown eyes and a killer smile. So he asked her to please sit down and to forgive his sister for being so rude. She sat down and they talked for a few minutes and he bought her the milkshake she had been promised. He asked if he could walk her home and before they got to her apartment she had him laughing. She had a gift for seeing the humor in everyday life and this amazing gift for impersonations. When she told a story involving his sister, she not only had her voice perfect, but she had all gestures and mannerisms perfect. And it was not done in a bitchy way at all, just really genuinely funny. When he left her, all he could think about was seeing her again.
For their first date, he suggested the movies and she agreed but insisted that he call over to her apartment and meet her folks. Sean asked around and found out that Kathleen’s dad worked for Catholic Charities in New York. He was very religious and had the reputation of being very strict with his family, especially the daughters. He was more than a little nervous when he called to Kathleen’s apartment. It didn’t help when Kathleen’s sister Joan opened the door with a big smile on her face and announced loudly in a stage Irish accent that Sean Flanagan was at the door and that he had come a courtin’! He was invited in by Kathleen’s parents and invited to have a seat. Kathleen’s father was friendly enough. He explained to his wife who the Flanagans were and that he knew Billy’s father from the Holy Name Society at St. Joseph’s. Kathleen’s mother, a very devout Catholic from a very respectable family, gave a nod of approval. Before the interrogation could proceed much further, Kathleen came into the living room, greeted him and said that they must be off. Her dad confirmed the name of the theatre, the name of the movie, and the time they would be back. He shook hands with Sean, a good firm grip and wished them a good evening. Kathleen’s sister Joan could not resist a parting shot at her sister. “No sitting in the back row now and don’t be getting up to any mischief when they dim the lights. I’ll be expecting a complete run down on this movie when you get back, no missing scenes. The proprieties must be observed at all times.”
Kathleen turned abruptly and was about to reply when her mother intervened. “Go on you two and have a good time, don’t mind that one, she gets a bit peevish if she’s not the center of attention.” When they got to the theatre, they did indeed avoid the back row and he decided to be a perfect gentleman on this their first date. On the way out of the theatre, he did take her hand for the walk home and she did not resist. On the way back to her apartment, they passed a group of guys he knew from school. They made the usual remarks meant to embarrass a guy that was lucky enough to actually have a date on a Saturday night. When he felt they had gone a bit too far, he turned and told them to go “f themselves.” Kathleen let go of his hand. “Hey, don’t worry about them, they’re just a bunch of jerks, they didn’t mean anything.”
“I’m not worried about them,” she replied.
“What then, what, did I do something wrong?”
“I thought you would show more respect for me, that’s all.”
Sean saw a look of disappointment on her face and it was like someone had taken a knife to his heart.
He apologized profusely and never cursed in her presence again.
They continued to date, got married and had kids and it kept getting better and better. He literally loved her more and more each day. She was warm, funny, passionate, and loving. She made him feel like he was the center of her universe and she was certainly the center of his. In all the time they were married, they never even had a serious argument. He couldn’t bear for her to be mad at him and he could never stay mad at her. He loved his two boys and his family, but she was the light of his life and then God turned off the switch. He was glad that his kids were raised and that they had gotten to know their mother before she died; Sean only had vague memories of his own. He always thought that he and Kathleen would grow old together and that if one of them had to go first it would be him. No such luck, she was gone and he was left alone. His own boys, his brothers and sisters were good about checking in and they tried to make sure that he was not too lonely. They made the classic mistake of thinking that a person would not be lonely as long as other people were around. He tried drinking but it didn’t really help him. He spent more and more time in the bars but that was just to get out of the apartment. His sister had tried to console him by suggesting that he was still a young man and that he might… but she stopped before she had finished the sentence when she saw the anger in his eyes.
Sean was in the Lion’s Head one evening, having a quiet drink and dwelling on his now favorite topic, what as the best way for him to commit suicide. He didn’t want to do anything that would be too upsetting for the boys. If they could just find him in bed passed away, peacefully. He was no good to anyone now and no good to himself. God had turned out the light and broken the switch. He was about to order another drink when he saw a familiar face approach. Tim Dolan was a friend from NORAID. He had last seen Tim at Kathleen’s funeral.
“Sean, how are you doing?”
“Tim, what brings you to the Village, can I get you a drink?”
“Well, Sean, I was hoping to run into you, actually.”
Tim asked if he could have a word on the QT (quiet) and they went for a walk around Waverly Place. Tim explained what was needed of Sean and asked if they could count on him. Sean asked a few questions regarding the technical details and also asked if they were going to take care of the right people. Tim said that for security reasons they were not going to make any payments on these shipments. The fewer people that knew, the better the chance that the shipments would get through. Tim understood that the Italians might be upset when they found out, but they could always make amends later on. The idea of being needed for something important appealed to Sean. If the Italians found out what they were doing, they would probably arrange an accident for him in order to send a message. An accidental death, being needed, dying for something worthwhile, it all seemed very attractive. He agreed on the spot.