Merry Christmas, I texted back as I stepped out into the sun and looked for my driver.
I’d cooled shit off with Sophia back in October when I got back home from my last trip to the island, blaming work. For two months, I’d been putting off having “the talk” with her about our relationship.
Then she went and invited me to her parents’ house for the holiday. Clearly, she wasn’t getting where I was at with her, which was nowhere. I’d never promised her anything other than a good time, and I’d thought she was down with the program. Apparently, though, she was hanging on for dear life when it came to me. Yeah, we’d had chemistry in the beginning, but it had faded.
Waving, I signaled to Jack, the same driver I had the last time I stayed at the Grand. I could have rented a car, but I was a New Yorker these days. We didn’t drive when we didn’t have to.
“Hey. Welcome back,” Jack said as he took my luggage and stowed it in the back of the Jeep.
“I see I’ve been downgraded from the town car,” I said, slipping into the passenger seat. “No way I’m getting into the back of this thing. The wind will blow my ears out.”
Jack nodded. “You asked for me, and this is the car Tony has me in this week.”
Of course. Tony. I didn’t say anything, though, because why breathe life into that jerk’s name?
“This is more authentic, anyway. Happy holidays, Jack,” I said, slipping him a few hundred-dollar bills as a holiday bonus, along with securing his continued discretion.
“Thanks.” He grinned at me as he tucked the bills into his shirt pocket. “I’m saving up to get my girl some jewelry.”
“Oh, you’re at that point?”
“That’s what she says.”
We both laughed, and I wondered again how all these men settled for a lifetime with one woman. I’d never thought of myself as the type, but the peaceful feeling a certain island girl brought me made me wonder.
“Where to first?” Jack asked. “The hotel or your brother’s?”
“I’m having Christmas Eve dinner at his house tonight, so the hotel. I do want to make a stop later before my brother’s.”
Jack nodded, knowing where I would want to stop.
We wound through some cruise traffic on the way to the resort where I’d reserved a villa through the thirtieth. If I stayed for New Year’s by my lonesome, it was sure to send up some red flags. Everyone would be asking why I wasn’t hitting up the New York club scene with a gorgeous woman on my arm for the ball drop at midnight.
When Jack pulled up in front of the valet stand, I told him I’d get my stuff and text him around four for my next stop.
Yanking my suitcase out of the back, I thought about the Lego set inside. Bribery was all it was. I’d never met Weezie, and I didn’t plan on it. But I figured she’d be around for the holidays, and if I wanted to make nice with her mom, I’d have to pay the guard.
Laughing under my breath as I walked toward reception, I caught sight of Tony and Rylan out of the corner of my eye. She sent a wave my way, her watch reflecting the twinkly lights strung along the rafters. Bing Crosby floated in the air, and it felt wrong to be hearing “Little Drummer Boy” with no fresh snow outside.
For a moment, I missed home. Michigan, that is, where I’d grown up with my brother, and with my sister who was no longer with us. We didn’t celebrate Christmas growing up. My mom would make us potato pancakes and give us candy coins for Hanukkah, but every year she’d take us to the mall to meet Santa. A result of us losing our father when we were little tykes, she wanted us to have someone to tell our wishes to.
“Hey, you made it,” Rylan said, coming to stand next to me while I waited to check in.
Nodding, I said, “How’s your friend? Is he behaving?”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, even your brother has put the Tony thing to bed. What’s it to you?”
“I’m the evil brother, I guess. If that dude wasn’t nice to my flesh and blood, then I’m not sure about him. That’s my job.”
Although that’s what I said, I was really asking because the ass had made a play for Shell. No way I was getting into that with Rylan, though.
Rylan nudged my elbow with hers. “Give it a rest, okay? So, dinner’s at around seven. Adam was meeting with your client today over Zoom, and then he needed to run by Sam’s to check on the holiday roast numbers.”
“He’s my hero, that guy of yours.”
Rylan ran her hand through her blond waves and stared me down. As of tomorrow, she’d be my sister-in-law-to-be. She didn’t know it yet, but I did. Adam had me look at twelve rings on FaceTime with him.
The whole process was nauseating, yet here I was to celebrate her holiday with the two of them. My brother said they had a menorah on the mantel, and Rylan was happily incorporating everything Jewish into her Christmas. Whatever that meant.
Luckily, the desk attendant waved me over.
“I’ll be there. With bells on,” I told Rylan and moved up.
She didn’t bother to ask me to stay with them. I’d made it clear over the phone that I wouldn’t. Nope, I don’t want to hear my brother banging you, I’d told her, and she’d shut up.
Rylan was so easy to spook. She tried to be a hard-ass, but she was a romantic at heart. She was perfect in her new role as event planner at the Grand, coordinating weddings and engagement dinners when the sky was the limit at Grand Cayman’s most exclusive property.
“Be nice, Cal,” my brother’s woman warned me as she walked away, and I knew why I was keeping this Shell thing from her.
I wasn’t sure how much longer Adam would go along with it, but he had his secrets too.
“Stern for one,” the receptionist said to me. “We have you in a two-bedroom villa with a direct ocean view.”
The song had switched to some peppy version of “Feliz Navidad,” and I wondered if this was the mood for the next week. A few women strolled babies through the lobby, and I hoped their rooms weren’t near mine. I really was a Grinch, although a Jewish one.
“Here you go, Mr. Stern. Your room key. The number is written inside the folio. As you requested, the minibar is stocked, and a fruit plate has been sent up.”
“Thank you,” I said as I slid a fifty to the desk attendant. I wasn’t sure if that’s how they did things here, but in New York, we tipped.
“Oh, the bellman can leave my bag in the room,” I told her. “I have to make a quick stop in the hotel first.”
“Of course,” she said, picking up the phone and asking the bell staff to come and retrieve my bag.
A young guy came over in a hurry and took my bag. The desk attendant whispered my room number to him, and he was off. I’d tip him later . . . I had an errand to run.
Legos, they had in New York, but the seashell jewelry was a local designer. I knew because I’d called the hotel’s jewelry store and asked about the vendor. Touching the back pocket of my dark jeans, I made sure I had my wallet as I made my way down the hallway. Maybe I was only half a Grinch—I really wanted to get Shell something special for the holidays.
An all-too-eager brunette helped me select a pair of earrings, small hoops with an emerald-encrusted seashell dangling from each one. At my request, she quickly wrapped them, saying what a lucky woman would be on the receiving end of these.
Slipping my card back into my wallet, I hoped I’d be lucky enough to give them to her.
Shell didn’t contact me between visits. I told her she could, and I always texted good-bye and see you soon, but our contact went no further. If I were being honest, this was uncharted territory for me. Usually, I was the one dodging texts and calls.
“Thank you,” I told the brunette, whose name I failed to remember.
Another first for me. Beautiful women used to be my drug of choice. Without asking me, my body now currently only craved one woman.
“Here is fine,” I told Jack. “Can you wait up the road?”
Jack nodded and gave me a two-finger salute.
He knew the drill. My whereabouts were my own business and no one else’s. Luckily for me, I’d learned where Shell lived during my last visit. She hadn’t wanted me to come in, but I’d insisted.
The pink clapboard house sat at the end of a quiet road. It wasn’t much, with only two bedrooms, a living room, and a small kitchen and eating area. I pictured her sitting on the porch, having a glass of wine and relaxing like she deserved to do, but I didn’t think she did that very often. The decor was an eclectic variety of styles, like Shell was a woman of various pursuits and passions.
Even armed with gifts, I knew it was a risk showing up unannounced, but this was how it went with Shell and me. We didn’t talk, I showed up, we spent a few days together, and then we went back to our lives. If I were more of a man, I’d call or text and say I wanted to see her more, take care of her how she deserved, but the fear of rejection was strong with me.
I knocked on the door, hoping I remembered correctly when Shell said she always worked Christmas Eve night and her daughter spent the night with her parents. Like the stalker I was, I knew the restaurant always closed for a shift change between three and five.
“Cal?” Shell answered the door in jean cutoffs, and a white cable-knit sweater falling off her shoulder. She wore no makeup and her hair was in its natural curls.
“Merry Christmas,” I simply said.
“Um, what are you doing here?” She stood in the doorway while I waited on the front porch, a box in each hand, looking and feeling like a stooge.
“I’m spending the holidays with Adam and Rylan.”
“And you decided to just stop by unannounced. My daughter . . .” Shell raised a questioning eyebrow at me.
“Is with your parents. You said she always goes there on Christmas Eve to bake.”
Hand on her hip, her head cocked to the side, Shell said, “And you were actually listening?”
“Yeah, I was listening. And before you tell me, I knew you’d be working later tonight, which is why I’m here now.”
We stood there in a standoff, Shell staring at me, and me with no idea what to say. A definite red-letter day for a lawyer, let me tell you.
For a second, I thought I should have gone with Sophia to her family’s house. With her, it was easy. She knew what I drank, where I liked to eat, and how I liked to fuck. Problem was, when it came to lighting a fire in my chest, she did nothing for me, nothing like how I felt with Shell.
This was the moment I confirmed I was twisted. Maybe not as twisted as my sister, who had battled mental illness throughout her too-short lifetime, but I was messed up.
Finally, Shell broke the silence. “I do have to work. Soon. Tonight is one of those nights we cater to tourists who want an island holiday. But do you want to come in?”
I nodded. “This is for Weezie.” I handed Shell the gift wrapped in pink-striped paper with a red bow, no name attached. Something radiated between us as I said her daughter’s name.
“You’ve never met her,” Shell said, staring at the package with an odd look on her face.
“I know. I didn’t want the holidays to pass and me be here without leaving something. From Santa, of course. It’s Legos,” I said, stumbling over my words, another rarity for me.
“She’ll like that. Always wanting to create something, that one.”
Shell set the package under the small tree adjacent to the front door. It was a short fake tree, decorated in popcorn strands and garland made of rings of red and green construction paper, twinkly lights twisted awkwardly around the spindly branches.
“Looks like she decorated the tree,” I said.
“Yep.”
Walking a step closer, I placed the smaller box in Shell’s palm, then closed her fingers around it. “This is for you.”
“You didn’t have to.” She stepped back, and I moved forward. “This is unexpected,” she said, then swallowed hard.
I wanted to run my tongue down her neck and over her cleavage. I imagined yanking her sweater off and nipping at her nipple.
Closing my eyes, I bit back the savage in me. This wasn’t the time for thoughts like that.
“Well, you didn’t call or text . . . I knew you wouldn’t, so here I am. Surprise.”
Her chest rose and fell as her breaths increased, her slender shoulder peeking out from her sweater.
Shell’s expression hardened. “We can’t keep doing this. Weez is my life, and you have a great big world back in the States. We don’t fit, Cal.”
Her harsh words brought me back to reality. Never had I ever surprised someone for the holidays, gifts in hand. I’d never even dreamed of wanting to. Yet here I was in Shell’s hallway, aiming for some grand gesture.
We do fit, I thought, but instead, I said, “You look beautiful. Go ahead, open it,” I told her, gesturing to the box still in her hand.
She looked up at me, something undefinable in her dark eyes. “But I don’t have anything for you.”
“I don’t need anything,” I said, and I meant it. I earned all the money I needed and then some. “Actually, I needed to see you. So, you already gave me something.”
I had no idea where this soft side of me was coming from, but it was alarming.
Without a word, Shell tore into the gift wrap and removed it from the box. As I watched, I realized I wanted her hands on me like that, removing my clothing to get to what was beneath. Thinking about how good it would feel for her palm to slide down my chest and over my stomach and further south, I watched as she removed the lid and took in the earrings.
“Oh,” she said, lifting a hoop off the card that held it. “These are beautiful, but too much. I don’t even have anywhere to where them.”
“Wear them now,” I said, pointing at her ear. “Let me see them on.”
She shook her head. “The anklet was already enough. It’s too much money.”
Getting in her space, I said, “Let me worry about that.”
“Divorce treating you well?” she asked, her tone snarky.
Standing toe-to-toe with Shell, I could feel her breath coming in angry spurts.
“I can’t help that’s what I do for a living. No matter which side of the table I’m on, I still try to advocate for the women and children to get what they deserve.”
Shell let out a sigh and touched my arm. “Sorry, that was rude of me.”
“I can help you, you know?”
She shook her head. “No. I could never afford your rates, and I don’t want to owe Ricky anything. He doesn’t deserve to even breathe Louise’s name after walking out on her. He wants a clean break? Well, he can have one.”
“I’m not going to bill you, Shell. For God’s sake, I’m one of the best. People actually want to use me in their negotiations. If he wants to give up his family, he should pay.”
“No, he doesn’t want to give up anything. He just wants to be free, and I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Okay, so put the earrings on and offer me a drink.” I didn’t want to spend any of my precious time with her talking about the deadbeat anyway.
Shell brought the earring to her ear and slipped it into her naked lobe. I held the box while she finished putting on the first and then handed her the second.
“Gorgeous,” I murmured. Unsure where this tenderness was coming from, I cleared my throat.
Shell gave me an apologetic look. “I don’t have any booze to offer you. I wasn’t expecting company. But I have a bottle of red.”
“Good.” Although I really wanted a Scotch to put out the fire of emotion in my throat, I said, “Let’s have a glass.”
I wandered to the kitchen, which was nothing like my gourmet one back home. I found a couple of wineglasses in the glass cabinet while Shell uncorked the bottle. For two people who were practically strangers, we navigated the tight space like seasoned lovers. That thought should have scared me, and it damn well did.
“Merry Christmas, Shell,” I said as she poured the wine.
“Happy Hanukkah, Cal,” she said back, highlighting yet another difference between us.
Skin color, age, religion, economic level, countries of residence—our differences were endless. Yet, standing here in Shell’s imperfect beach shack, broken-down and in need of repairs, I felt perfectly at ease.
With all my tensions melting away, I downed a deep sip of wine and then set it aside. I took Shell’s glass and set it next to mine, then brought my lips to hers. I gathered her close, my arm around her waist, holding her tight, giving her the support that no one else did. Then I kissed the fuck out of her like I’d wanted to for weeks.
Suddenly, some godawful noise started ringing through the kitchen.
“What the fuck is that?” I muttered as Shell whirled out of my arms.
“Work. My alarm. I thought maybe I’d catnap, so I set it,” she said while turning it off.
“This is when you turn into a pumpkin?”
“I think you have the story mixed up. The carriage turns into a pumpkin, but Cinderella changes back to the working-class stepsister. And this woman right here has to go to work.”
I kissed her again, wanting to shut up all her working-class bullshit. Not that it wasn’t true, but in my mind, Shell was a goddess.
Why couldn’t I tell her, though? Maybe that was a question for the shrinks.
“Can I see you later?” I asked when our lips broke apart.
“It’s Christmas Eve, Cal. I have a daughter who will want to run home as soon as the sun comes up, so she can open her gifts and drink hot chocolate.”
“Shit. Yes, of course.” I shook my head slightly, annoyed with myself. “After the holiday? I’m here until the thirtieth.”
“Of course you are. Who wouldn’t want to be in New York when the ball drops?”
“You mean, home to start work in the New Year?” I said to correct her, even though she wasn’t wrong.
“Right. I’ll see what I can do. Weez is on break, so I’ll see if my mom can watch her.”
“Good. I’m off to Ry and Adam’s for the holiday.”
Shell smirked. “Don’t tell them I said hi.”
“Have the merriest Christmas,” I said, ignoring her jab. Opening the front door to leave, I turned and added, “So crazy there’s no snow.”
Shell glanced at the blue sky. “I’ve never seen it.”
Shaking my head, I wanted to say I’d show it to her, but thought better of it. We were secret fuck buddies, and it was probably best to leave things that way.
Our lives didn’t fit.