For almost an hour on Saturday my dad kept yelling up the stairs, “Aren’t you ready to leave for the movies yet?”
“Relax!” I shouted back. “I told the guys we would pick them up at five and it’s only four thirty.”
“Well, it’s always better to arrive early than late,” he muttered nervously.
“I wonder if the Windbaggers feel that way about their dinner invitation,” I teased him.
My mom had invited them to come a bit later so my dad could see them. Now he was in a complete panic. “Let’s get a move on, Rodney!”
The truth of the matter is that I was busy looking for just the right shirt to impress Jessica and had even spent a little extra time on the hair. To my father’s great relief we finally headed out to pick up my friends. I noticed Rishi eye my slick hair as he got into the car, but luckily he kept his mouth shut. I was nervous enough about how I’d act with Jessica without him teasing me. Heavy raindrops began pelting the windshield as we drove off to the big multiplex theater at the mall.
Most of the way there, Dave and Slim were quiet while Rishi kept up a steady conversation with my father. I, on the other hand, split my thoughts between hoping we would run into the girls and praying we didn’t run into any undesirable types, like Greg the Magnificent. Suddenly I focused on what Rishi was saying to my dad.
“The movie you’re seeing, Mr. Rathbone. What’s it called again?”
“What?” I shouted. “Dad, you can’t go to the movies with us!”
“Relax, son. What I said is that I’m seeing a documentary on fast food. Apparently, they’re finding that some of that stuff is bad for you.”
Even if it was a different movie, I wasn’t exactly thrilled about my dad being under the same multiplex roof. Not tonight, at least. “Aren’t the Windbaggers coming over?” I reminded him.
“Well, I thought you might need an adult around tonight.”
“Dad, we don’t need . . . ,” I began.
“Now, now. I don’t plan on holding your hand, but it’s important for parents to spend time with their children, and tonight is a bit dark and stormy. Look at that thunder and lightning. What kind of a father would I be if I just dropped you off?”
I knew my dad too well to buy this whole noble act. “Trying to avoid an insurance conversation?” I asked him.
“Like the plague,” he replied.
By the time we got to the mall, it was pouring and the sky was as dark as night. We made a dash for it through the parking lot and a lightning bolt hit so close that some car alarms went off. I hoped the storm wouldn’t keep the girls away.
After buying the tickets, we hung out in the lobby for a minute until my father walked off. I saw Rishi look down the corridor that had entrances to the different theaters. I, too, was looking for something, and there by the orange neon lights of the concession counter I saw her.
“Guys, do you want to get popcorn?” I asked.
“What do you think, Rodney?” Slim asked while pushing me aside. “Extra butter, here I come!”
As we approached where the girls were standing, Samantha noticed me and called out, “Hey look, it’s our star math student in person.” Everyone laughed.
“Is Greg with you guys?” Jessica asked. That one pierced my heart like a dagger.
“No, he isn’t,” I said flatly.
Kayla walked over. “Hi, Dave. Why don’t you sit with us?”
“Sounds like a great idea,” I blurted, a little too enthusiastically.
Rishi put his arm around my shoulder and whispered, “I see what you’re up to, but you’d better leave the rest to me. I’m the professional here and I have an idea that will get Jessica right where you want her.”
Before I could ask what he was up to—I never trusted Rishi’s bright ideas—the multiplex suddenly went dark and thunder boomed through the walls. All the girls screamed and my heart started racing. With a flicker, the lights came back on. “That was weird,” I said to Rishi, secretly relieved. “Anyway, what’s this idea you were about to mention?”
The popcorn guy interrupted us with, “What you want?”
“Everything,” Slim answered. By the time he finished blowing a year’s worth of allowance on junk, it was my turn. I ordered an ultra-mega popcorn and something called a Super-Vente Deluxe Coke, which cost like twenty bucks and was the size of a fish tank. I turned back to Rishi but he was already heading off.
We rejoined the girls, handed our tickets to a yawning teenager, and began walking down the long blue hallway where we could see the sign for Animal Boy lit up at the end. I was thinking about how I was going to sit next to Jessica when Rishi set his plan in motion.
“Look, guys, there’s no one around,” he began.
“So?” Kayla asked.
“Don’t you see? We can sneak into Cannibalistic Mutants of Death Eat New York. It’s starting in two minutes.”
“It’s rated R,” I reminded him. The last thing I needed was some scary movie.
“Actually, it’s not R,” Kayla pointed out. “It’s PG-13. Look at the sign.”
“Excellent!” Rishi shouted. “Let’s go in. The two movies are on at the same time. The Mutants will rock—”
“Yeah,” I interrupted, “but I’m not sure the girls really want to see Cann—”
“I’ll check out the Mutants,” Jessica announced, and that ended that.
As we walked in, Rishi whispered to me, “Isn’t this great? You’re going to owe me big-time.”
“What’s so great about it?” I whispered back.
“Come on, Rodney, everyone knows if you sit next to a girl in a horror movie, she’s going to be scared.” He then hit me in the chest. “You’ll have to, you know, protect her. See? I’m always watching out for you. Great plan, right?”
“Dave! You have to sit next to me,” Kayla interrupted.
“Uh,” Dave responded nervously.
“You don’t want the mutants to get me, do you?”
“Well . . .” I could see the wheels in his head starting to turn.
“Good.” Kayla smiled, and with that she dragged him inside the theater doors.
“See? She understands my brilliance,” Rishi continued. “Now it’s your turn, but you’d better hurry or Slim will be munching and burping next to Jessica for the next two hours.”
The girls and Kayla’s prisoner had entered a row toward the front. I was relieved to see that Jessica went in last, but alarmed to see Slim beginning to follow her. I ran down the slope as fast as I could, the little lights on the floor whizzing by beneath my feet. At the row’s entrance I hip-checked Slim. He looked annoyed for a second, then went, “Oh, I get it.”
The plan was working to perfection, though I half-expected Mrs. Lutzkraut to be in the row behind us.
I couldn’t believe I was finally next to Jessica in the dark. It was so awesome that my mind went completely blank. I didn’t know what to say. The two of us sat staring in silence at an ad on the screen for Larry’s Transmissions. This was ridiculous. Luckily, Rishi elbowed me and pointed to the large popcorn I was holding. I think he wanted it, but my mind sprang into action and I offered the popcorn to Jessica. She took some and offered me her Sno-Caps. During the exchange our hands briefly touched. It was a magical moment that sent tingles down my neck, until I started worrying that my fingers were too greasy from the butter.
Soon the coming attractions were on and then the movie started. Most of my attention was on the girl to my left and I wondered if she was thinking similar thoughts about the boy on her right.
On the screen, a scientist was shouting, “If we don’t destroy this serum it will destroy the world!”
He was answered by another character wearing a suit who looked more like a businessman than a scientist. “The company I represent has spent far too much money to let you do that. Hand me the serum.”
“Never! You don’t understand what . . .” They went on like that, but in the end the businessman wrestled the serum away from the scientist, only to walk outside, slip on a patch of ice, and release the serum’s vapors into the air. Of course, the guys who breathed in the vapor turned into cannibalistic mutants of death and ran off looking for people to eat.
Now, in the past, there’s no way you would have found me watching a movie like this, but I suddenly felt like I would enter a real-live den of cannibalistic mutants if it meant saving Jessica. Or, at least I’d wish her well before running off. But the point is, I had accomplished a lot this year and maybe I wasn’t such a huge coward after all.
As the film went on, I sat there trying to figure out whether I should reach for Jessica’s hand. My thoughts, however, were interrupted by something on the screen. A lady was walking down a dark basement hallway and you could tell she was about to get it. It was one frightening place. Water dripped and creepy, screechy music played. There was thunder in the distance and I couldn’t tell if the thunder was in the movie or real life. I could barely breathe I was so petrified. For a moment there was complete silence. Then it happened.
A mutant suddenly jumped out and squeezed my arm!
I screamed and jumped up, flinging the popcorn bucket onto Jessica’s head and my Coke into her lap. She screamed, and the next thing I knew we were all screaming and tearing out of the theater.
It was only as we rushed into the hallway that it occurred to me what had happened. Rishi knew his stuff all right, for the movie had frightened Jessica so much that she had grabbed my arm. That would have been great and exactly what I wanted, if only . . . if only I wasn’t convinced I was being clawed to death by a cannibalistic mutant.
I looked around the hallway. Rishi was shaking Slim, who was pale and on the verge of fainting. Kayla was grabbing Dave, even though she didn’t look as scared as the rest of us. It took at least a minute for everyone else to stop screaming, and then our attention turned to Jessica. She had removed the popcorn bucket from her head but was covered in kernels and her face was shiny from all the grease. She also looked like she had wet her pants, but I knew it was Coke. My Coke.
She walked up to me and said, “Real smooth move.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do it. The mutant scared me,” I tried to explain.
She looked angry. “You were afraid? I thought the great Rodney Rathbone wasn’t afraid of anything. Come on, girls, lets get out of here.” As they walked off, I realized that my plan had completely backfired.
For a while we hung around making dumb small talk waiting for my dad’s film to end. As soon as he saw us he came over and asked, “Who’s hungry?”
“I am!” Slim yelled. Evidently he had made a quick recovery.
“How about we go get some salads,” my dad suggested.
“Salads?” Slim blurted.
“I’ve sworn off fast food after seeing that movie.”
“Even White Castle?” Slim asked.
“Mmmmmmm . . . White Castle,” my dad murmured, sounding a lot like Homer Simpson. “Okay, White Castle can’t be that bad, right? Let’s go.”
But I had lost my appetite. Noticing my lousy mood, Rishi said to me, “Don’t worry about it. She didn’t seem that mad.”
I looked at him. He looked away and said, “Well, maybe she was that mad. Too bad you ordered the mega soda and popcorn.”
Too bad was right. I had nightmares that evening of cute mutant girls throwing Cokes at me. I awoke to a depressed feeling as the knowledge sunk in that I’d really blown it. Not only with Jessica, but with everyone. Kayla had probably called Greg the second she got home. News of my stunt would be the talk of school on Monday. Toby would make the most of it and convince Josh that I was an easy target. I almost didn’t want to go downstairs when my mom called me for Sunday breakfast.
“So,” she greeted me, pouring a glass of orange juice, “your father tells me you had a great time at the movies last night.”
My dad had avoided the Windbaggers, watched a documentary, and inhaled half a dozen burgers at White Castle. To him, that was like going to the moon. But as for me, well, all I could say was, “Sure, Mom. It was some night.”