Mrs. Lutzkraut’s warning, “Amusement parks can be dangerous places,” still echoed in my head as we pulled up at Super Adventure. What had she meant by that? I watched her get off the bus and walk through the parking lot. I assumed she was going to buy the tickets, but then she cut through two rows of cars and stopped by a . . . no, it couldn’t be. It was the red car.
I elbowed Rishi. “Hey, who is she talking to over there?”
“Who?”
“Mrs. Lutzkraut.”
“Who cares? Can you see it? There, in the distance, it’s Destination Death, the highest, fastest, most deadly roller coaster in America. It’s calling us. Do you hear it? ‘Rahhhhdney, Rahhhhdney, come ride me,’” he chanted in my ear. “I know you hear it. That thing will scare the pants right off ya.”
Watching Mrs. Lutzkraut was what was scaring the pants off me. She was leaning over that car talking to some woman wearing a big scarf and sunglasses. Every once in a while she would point back toward us. Eventually the woman got out and the two of them approached the bus. Only Mrs. Lutzkraut climbed back in.
“Rodney, can you join me for a second?” She headed back into the parking lot.
My heart was pounding. Everyone was staring at me. “What’d you do, Rodney?” Rishi asked.
“Nothing,” I muttered, “but I think I’m about to get kidnapped.”
The perfect day I had planned with Jessica and my friends was going horribly wrong. I walked down the bus steps and faced the woman. Behind the scarf and sunglasses there was something familiar about her. I had seen that nose before. It was long and pointy. . . . Of course! Long Nose. I began to shake, remembering how crazy she had acted that day with the basketball.
“I see you recognize Ms. Whiner,” Lutzkraut piped up.
“Uh,” I choked.
“Yes, well, since you’ve behaved so badly this year, I knew I needed a little extra help with you today. Ms. Whiner will personally watch your every move.”
“I’m not sure Mr. Feebletop . . .” I began.
“Don’t mention his name, you little brat,” Long Nose finally spoke, rubbing the back of her head. “After what you did to me with that basketball, you’d better just concentrate on getting through today.”
Mrs. Lutzkraut turned to me. “Mr. Feebletop will learn that I took every precaution to keep my students safe. After all, Rodney, your safety is my greatest concern.” I shivered at that, but was glad when she finally asked everyone to exit the bus. The class immediately noticed Long Nose, who stood a few paces away.
“Hey, didn’t she get fired?” Rishi asked.
Long Nose evidently heard the comment. “I am a chaperone for this trip, and as such, I don’t need to be an employee. Plus, I have the power to exclude you from any ride or activity.”
Rishi, not wanting to foil his trip to Destination Death, just said, “Well, it’s nice to see you again.” Long Nose didn’t answer. The feeling wasn’t mutual.
It was early in the day but Super Adventure was already very much alive. I could hear the rumble of roller coasters streaking down from peaks. Screams filled the air. What I heard, Slim smelled. His nostrils were twitching, and I could see his taste buds taking it all in. Super Adventure had something for everyone. For me, that “something” was the blond-haired girl walking next to me.
We were having fun pointing things out. “Look, Rodney, do you see the photo booth?” Jessica asked. “Let’s get our picture taken.” We parted from the slow-moving class and climbed into the little booth and pulled back the curtain. My mind wasn’t on the picture. Maybe this was it. I slid the money into the bill collector and looked at Jessica, her eyes were twinkling in the dark. Okay, Rathbone, I told myself. Time to make my . . .
“Aha! Trying to escape!” Long Nose stuck her head in, foiling my kiss attempt as the camera flashed. Just as she tried to open her eyes, the second flash struck. Temporarily blinded and screaming, she ripped the curtain from the booth and stumbled away from the two of us. We had time for one brief smile before the fourth and last picture clicked and we followed her out.
Long Nose was ranting to herself as Mrs. Lutzkraut approached Jessica and me. “You two are not to be alone together again. In fact, Rodney, I want you to hold Ms. Whiner’s hand.” Neither of us liked that idea. Long Nose took out some antibacterial gel and squirted my hand before grabbing it.
She had dragged me around before, and my mouth blurted, “Just like old times.”
“I have to hold your filthy hand, but I will not listen to your filthy mouth all day. No talking.” This was shaping up to be the worst day any kid could ever have at an amusement park. I knew we needed to get away from our jailors, but the hand held me tight. Escape wouldn’t be easy.
“Are you ready for some rides?” Mrs. Lutzkraut asked.
“Absolutely!” Rishi yelled.
“That’s good,” she answered, looking at me and not at Rishi. “Why don’t we head to my favorite ride?”
“Destination Death?” Rishi inquired.
“No, we won’t be going anywhere near that one today.”
Rishi looked crestfallen. As we meandered through the crowds, I pondered what ride could possibly be Mrs. Lutzkraut’s favorite. As it turned out, I was pleasantly surprised. We arrived in front of the bumper cars. The line was short, and it wasn’t long before I was rushing out searching for the perfect car.
I climbed in, put the one strap over my shoulder, and pressed down several times on the accelerator waiting for the car to zoom to life. I glanced around. When I felt the car hum, I already had my first victim in my sights. Kayla was too busy eyeing Dave to notice me swooping in from behind. I had built up a fair amount of speed and was closing in when I was met by a jarring crash. My head snapped back and I turned to see Mrs. Lutzkraut laughing behind me in a black bumper car painted with red and orange flames.
She laughed harder still as another car, driven by Long Nose, swept in and crunched me from the right. I was tossed around the car like a rag doll. Mrs. Lutzkraut smashed me again from behind, and now I hit the pedal trying to escape. I zoomed off away from them, with Long Nose hot on my tail. I tried some fancy maneuvers in an effort to lose her, but I couldn’t shake her. Finally, I faked a left but pulled hard to the right around Dave, who was trying to escape from Kayla. I was met head on by Mrs. Lutzkraut. Seconds later Long Nose collided with me from behind. I found myself sandwiched between a pair of cackling witches.
The cars finally died and I breathed a sigh of relief. Leaving the ride, Mrs. Lutzkraut and Long Nose could barely walk, but not because they were in pain. The two of them were now laughing so hard that Mrs. Lutzkraut had to bend over and hold her side. “Ima,” she was trying to tell Long Nose, “I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun.”
“We hit that Rathbone kid so hard that my kerchief flew off!” That started the two of them laughing again and I realized this was my chance.
“Rishi,” I whispered. “Time to make our escape. Spread the word.” I waited until he had whispered to everyone in our group before shouting, “Run!”
If you were there, you would have seen eight kids tearing through the park, bumping into people and jumping over garbage cans, but you wouldn’t have seen any adults, because after a few hundred yards Mrs. Lutzkraut and Long Nose were nowhere to be seen.
We all laughed and slowly settled down. Samantha, however, was worried that we were now in big trouble.
“It’ll be okay, Sam,” Jessica told her. “It’s the second to last day of school. What can they really do to us?”
“Besides,” Rishi added, “they’ll be sure to blame Rodney and not you.”
With those wonderful words of encouragement, Samantha relaxed. “Hey, did you hear Lutzkraut call Long Nose something like Ima?” she asked.
“Yeah, I guess that’s her name,” I answered.
After a minute it was Jessica who asked, “Wait, her name is Ima Whiner?”
All eight of us burst out laughing and shouted her full name to everyone we passed. People just looked at us and shook their heads.
“All right, enough goofin’ around,” Rishi announced. “Now that we ditched those two, time for Destination Death!”
My good mood vanished. I wanted no part of it and began fishing for an excuse. Fortunately, Jessica grabbed my arm and opened her mouth to offer an excuse of her own. “Why don’t we check out that ride?”
We all turned to where she was looking. There, right in front of us, was the Tunnel of Love. I wondered if she was thinking what I was thinking.
Samantha giggled but Rishi looked annoyed. “That ride’s a joke. Let’s go hit the coasters.”
“I don’t know, it sounds like a good ride to me,” Kayla chimed in. I noticed her looking at Dave. This was my chance.
“Guys, it’s a log flume,” I pointed out. “Look at the sign.” Indeed the sign showed a boat pouring through a heart and down a big waterfall. “That’s a serious drop.” Eventually, everyone agreed to go on the ride. Rishi liked the idea of traveling down a waterfall, Slim was busy eating hot dogs and didn’t care where we went, Kayla was eyeing Dave, and Samantha was giggling, pinching Greg. Finally, Jessica and I would be alone.
The four-minute ride had an hour line. Rishi was getting itchy by the time we neared the end, and when we read that the waterfall was temporarily closed, he almost went nuts. Evidently there were two ways for the heart-shaped boats to exit the tunnel—the crashing waterfall or the slow-traveling river, which was still operating. Rishi may have been furious, but all I cared about was Jessica, and to be honest, the slower the better.
The first boat pulled up. Kayla grabbed Dave and shoved him aboard, and I wondered if that’s how British sailors were shanghaied into the navy years ago. Samantha giggled and nodded at Greg, who joined her. Jessica and I waited for the next boat. Rishi said, “Have a niiiice time, you two.”
“You two have a nice time too,” I replied. It hadn’t dawned on Rishi and Slim that they’d be together in the Tunnel of Love. They looked at each other. “Aghhhhhhh.”
It was then that we heard the shout. “There they are!” Long Nose and Mrs. Lutzkraut had shown up just as Jessica and I climbed into our boat and floated off on our voyage. Mrs. Lutzkraut frantically tried to push her way through the crowds. “No boys and girls together! Rodney, you’re in big trouble! Climb out of that heart thing!” she screamed.
I waved and shouted back, “Wish me a bon voyage!” With that, we rounded the corner. I looked at Jessica. She smiled, slightly nervous. I felt more confident. I leaned in, put my arm around her shoulder, and said, “Now, where were we?”
She giggled and leaned closer.
“That’s what I thought,” I answered, and went to make my move.
“Rodney Rathbone! Remove your hands from that girl.” I jumped and spun around. About twenty feet back, in the next boat, stood Mrs. Lutzkraut, and she wasn’t alone. Also trying to stand, but holding on for dear life, was Long Nose. They must have taken Slim and Rishi’s boat.
Jessica sighed. “Rodney, we’ll find time later, maybe.” I realized yet another chance to kiss her was foiled, but I had greater concerns—namely, my life. We were in a bad spot alone in the tunnel. I looked back again and saw Lutzkraut and Long Nose pushing furiously against the tunnel walls, moving their boat forward.
They were gaining ground. I gulped. What would they do to me? Would they board our boat like some savage pirates?
“Rodney, they’re after us,” Jessica added. Something about the tone in her voice made me take control—and for once not act like a coward!
I’d put up with enough and I wasn’t going down without a fight. It was time I did something for myself and, shockingly, I did. We were more than halfway down the river now and I could see a fork up ahead. There was a bumper that forced our boat to the right onto Romance River. The other way splashed along to the now-closed Wicked Waterfall. I saw the signs and then I saw something else as our boat started to head down the river. Back behind a dancing cupid was a large red button. Below the button was a sign that read MAIN BUMPER SWITCH. I realized that the button controlled the bumper that pushed the boats either onto the river or waterfall.
“Hold me!” I shouted to Jessica.
“Don’t you dare touch him,” yelled Lutzkraut from behind.
I looked Jessica in the eyes and whispered, “Hold me so I don’t fall.” I jumped up and leaned all the way over as Jessica grabbed my waist. As we passed the button I was just able to reach it with one finger, but that was enough. I felt it click and glanced back. The bumper that was blocking the waterfall shifted and blocked the river as Mrs. Lutzkraut and Long Nose reached the fork. Slowly their confident, evil looks changed to surprise and panic as they headed away from us down another tube of water. Mrs. Lutzkraut yelled, “What’s this? Not the waterfall! Turn off the ride! Turn off the ride! Noooo!!!!!!!” and off they floated.
Jessica sat looking at me with a mixture of surprise and excitement. “You’re unbelievable. We’re probably going to get arrested.”
“If that’s true, we might as well enjoy our last moments of freedom.”
And we did.
Before long, our boat floated out into the light of day—in time for us to see Slim and Rishi barreling down the Wicked Waterfall. They screamed the whole way and I knew Rishi loved it. The same couldn’t be said for the park employees, who were running around trying to figure out why heart-shaped boats were shooting out of the “closed” waterfall.
Mrs. Lutzkraut’s boat bumped to a stop in the unloading area. She was drenched and shoving Long Nose to climb out. I guess Long Nose wasn’t moving fast enough because Lutzkraut gave her such a hard second shove that she toppled into the canal. Long Nose stood up in a foot of water, screaming.
Lutzkraut was proving to be every bit as crazy as I knew her to be. Her hair was matted and stuck to her head. Her dress was dripping, and dark mascara ran down her cheeks. A Super Adventure attendant came over to help her off the boat. Lutzkraut swung her pocketbook at him and screamed, “Your rides are faulty! This place should be shut down!”
We didn’t stick around to hear the rest. I breathed in the amusement park air and strolled leisurely through the park with Jessica at my side. Eventually Rishi and the gang got to ride Destination Death while Jessica and I ordered lunch. By all accounts the coaster was scary, but not as much fun as the Tunnel of Love.
As we headed back to the bus I was careful to let go of Jessica’s hand before we ran into Mrs. Lutzkraut, who stood before the bus holding a clipboard. She was busy counting students and chaperones. While dried, her hair was still messy. Makeup ran down from her eyes, and she looked even scarier than normal. Her dress was wrinkly and disheveled.
“Did you have a nice time today?” I asked. “It was wonderful seeing Ms. Whiner. I sure am going to miss you two.”
For a brief moment I thought she was going to hit me over the head with the clipboard. I saw her fingers changing color as they gripped it tighter. Through clenched teeth and a manic twitch, she was barely able to get out the words “Sit down.”
I did, right next to Jessica. Most of the way back we laughed and talked about the day at Super Adventure. We also spoke about the school year that was quickly coming to a close.
“Hey Rodney,” she said at one point. “You really lucked out. I just realized that you made it through the whole year without having to face your worst fear.”
I wasn’t sure which of my many fears she was talking about. “Uh, yeah,” I started to answer, not knowing what to say.
“I mean, you didn’t have to stand up in class and do a book report and you didn’t even have to make a speech when we did Robin Hood. It’s so funny that someone like you hates public speaking, but don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”
Out of habit I turned around to make sure no one was listening—and almost jumped. Mrs. Lutzkraut was leaning forward in the seat right behind us. That sneak was trying to listen to our conversation. She looked into my eyes and I realized I had never been so close to her face. It was truly horrifying. For a second neither of us moved. Then, slowly, without removing her gaze from mine, she leaned back and lifted her chin slightly. A wicked smile played around her lips.
I turned around and whispered to Jessica, “Let’s change the subject.”
For the rest of the ride back we made sure to keep our voices down. I couldn’t be sure whether Lutzkraut had overheard our conversation. By the time we got off the bus, though, it was the last thing on my mind. I saw my father waiting to pick me up and, as I said good-bye to my friends, I realized I had just enjoyed the best day of my life. Super Adventure had definitely lived up to its name—and all I had left of the school year was tomorrow’s graduation.
“How were the rides?” my dad asked as we drove off.
“Fine,” I said.
“I bet none of them were as good as the Cyclone.”
“I don’t know about that, Dad. I’m pretty sure one of them was actually better.”
We both smiled for different reasons. At the time, neither of us could have imagined the terrifying ups and downs that awaited me the following day.