Chapter 62: Linda Booth & Nelly Shuttleworth

Ashford, evening: Wednesday, October 15th

Linda heard the soft laughter, the quiet chatter coming from the back of the house when she opened the front door of Nelly’s house. She stopped, putting the carrier bag of groceries on the floor and listened. The last thing she needed right at this moment was having to make polite conversation. What a mess everything was. Her encounter with Martin earlier had left her with a sense of determination that she would cope with what was happening to her. A feeling that had almost disappeared by the time she was back in Ashford. But now she was here she had to go through with it. The last person to judge her would be Gran.

She dropped Nelly’s door keys into her purse, picked up the carrier-bag and straightened her shoulders. Fixing a smile she walked through to the kitchen. Her gran was sitting in her chair with two of her neighbours, each on low stools by her side. They were so engrossed in their conversation they didn’t notice her standing in the doorway at first.

When they did, the two Asian women rose with a flurry of their brightly-coloured saris and birdlike greetings as they edged their way towards the back door. Linda returned their bows of the head with one of her own, joining in with her gran’s calls of goodbye,

She waited until they’d closed the door before bending down to Nelly and giving her a quick kiss. ‘Sorry, Gran, I didn’t realise you’d have company.’

‘S’okay, pet. Sakhi and Fazeela often call in for a chat an’ to see if I need owt from their shop.’ She smiled. ‘They’re good neighbours.’ She leaned back in her chair, studying Linda. ‘You’re a bit pale, lass.’

Linda dumped the bags on the table and took off her coat. ‘I’ve brought sausages for tea. I thought I’d stop for a bit.’

‘That’s nice, pet.’ Nelly leaned forward and, picking up the tongs from the hearth, took a lump of coal from the scuttle and threw it on the fire. She wheezed with the effort and took a second or two to get her breath back before continuing. ‘But I know summat’s up. So spit it owt.’

Linda stared at the patterns that the new flames made on the tiles of the large hearth. ‘Now it comes to it, Gran, I don’t quite know where to start.’

‘The beginning?’ Nelly steepled her fingers over her stomach and settled back in her armchair. ‘Allus the best place, an’ you know you can tell me anything, pet.’

‘I think I’ll peel these potatoes and get them going for the mash before I sit down.’ Linda picked up the bag and moved towards the sink but Nelly caught hold of her arm.

‘Never mind that. Just sit down and tell me what’s wrong.’

Linda flopped down on the armchair opposite her gran. The brittle shell she’d kept around her over the last nine weeks to hide the secret from all the family was cracking. ‘I’m pregnant,’ she said. The liberation of those words made her feel quite giddy. ‘And I’ve just come back from telling Martin. He doesn’t want to know.’

It had been a short visit. Once Martin knew, he couldn’t wait to get her out of his parent’s house.

Although it was only mid-afternoon the daylight was already fading fast; dark shadows filled the spaces between each of the hedged gardens, and the air felt heavy and still along the quiet avenue. The small semi-detached house where Martin lived with his parents was in darkness when she rang the doorbell.

Linda tapped on the glass panel. A faint light lit up the hall and she heard the thump of feet on stairs. When Martin opened the door she thought he wasn’t going to let her in but then, without a word, he turned and led the way into the kitchen.

‘Your mum and dad not in?’ Linda asked. They were a quiet old-fashioned couple who’d taken her into their hearts almost as soon as she’d started going out with Martin, and it upset her to know she’d probably hurt them. She’d been hoping she could explain how she felt, at least to his mother.

‘No.’ Martin folded his arms and adopted a stiff stance. He clearly wasn’t going to make this easy for her. ‘Why?’

‘No reason.’ Linda’s legs were beginning to tremble. ‘Mind if I sit down?’

‘Please yourself.’

She pulled one of the high stools away from the breakfast counter and sat on it. When she couldn’t stand the uneasy atmosphere between them any longer she said, ‘We need to talk, Martin.’

He cleared his throat. There was almost a smile spreading across his lips. ‘Things would have to change,’ he said. Linda was taken by surprise. She’d expected that he’d fling angry words at her across the space of the kitchen.

‘Sorry?’

‘If I was to take you back…’ His head bobbed up and down. ‘There’s a lot that’d have to change.’ Before she could answer he carried on. ‘All this nonsense about a career … it’s a job you’ve got, not a career. I’m the one who has the career; I’m going places in the insurance world and I’d expect you to support me with that. Of course, at first, until I’m on better money and we can afford a mortgage, we’d live here, but you get on with my parents and—’

‘I’m pregnant.’ Linda stopped his flow of smug words. ‘I don’t want us to get back together, Martin, and I certainly don’t want to marry you. But you have every right to know I’m going to have your baby.’

His arms dropped by his side and, for a moment, the way his face contorted, she thought he was going to cry. He blinked rapidly, his mouth opening and shutting, a string of spit between his lips. Then his eyes narrowed. ‘You’re blaming me?’ he said. ‘You’re saying it’s my baby?’

That shocked her; it was the last thing she’d expected from him, a denial of his part in the tiny life inside her. She pushed herself from the stool so quickly he stepped back as though afraid she would lunge at him.

‘Of course it’s yours,’ she said.

‘Well how do I know?’ he blustered. ‘How do I know what you were getting up to behind my back? You chucked me in. God knows who else you’d been seeing.’ He paced the floor, not looking at her, wringing his hands.

He’s scared. He’s scared of the responsibility. Perhaps even frightened what his parents would say. ‘I’m not trying to trap you, Martin,’ she said. ‘Like I’ve said, I’ve no intention of getting back with you, let alone marrying you.’ She might one day regret her next words, but she pushed the thought away and said, ‘And I want nothing from you.’

‘Really?’

His eagerness was insulting. What the hell had she ever seen in him?

‘Really.’ She paused, waiting for him to speak but he didn’t. ‘Not even money. But if you wanted to see the baby, I wouldn’t stop you. You should be part of our child’s life.’ Saying those words made it all at once a definite; she was going to have this child in her life forever.

She watched his hesitation as he continued to pace. When he slid down onto the floor and held his arms over his head she was shocked. The loud gasps and blubs almost frightened her. She stood, waiting for the paroxysm of tears to end. After a while he looked up. His face was covered in tears and snot. He wiped away the wetness with his sleeve and all she could think was that he was like a child himself

‘I’ll be in touch,’ she managed to say.

Watching him crumble was humiliating for both of them; Linda couldn’t get out of the house fast enough.

‘So that’s that, Gran. I don’t know what to do. I know what I would like to do…’ She stopped.

‘What, pet? What would you like to do?’

‘I’d like to get right away from here.’ Linda clasped her hands tightly. ‘As far away from Ashford as I can.’ She was sorry as soon as she’d spoken. She hadn’t thought what it would mean.

If her gran was upset by it she didn’t show it. She seemed to be thinking. Then her face cleared. ‘You could go to Mary’s. Your aunt would love to have you with her in Wales.’

‘It would mean I’d be leaving you, Gran.’

‘Away with you. You can’t make your plans around me. I’ll be fine.’

‘I would like to stay with Auntie Mary, at least until the baby’s born.’

‘So…?’ Nelly said.

‘With everything they have to deal with at the moment, I couldn’t.’

‘You could … you can. If Mary knew how you feel, she wouldn’t hesitate. So tell her.’ Nelly heaved herself to her feet. ‘Now, you start on the potatoes, I’ll get the plates out of the kitchenette and set the table.’