Remember, stress does not come from being busy. Stress comes from being busy about things we don’t want to do, or from not being busy about things we do want to do.
—PATRICIA SPRINKLE
Women Who Do Too Much
Every once in a while I run into a competent woman who just gets “stuck.” Pam fit into that category: capable and accomplished, but bogged down. One afternoon we got together for coffee at Starbucks, where she started to pour out her heart.
“I’m thinking about a lot of things I would like to do,” she began, “but I just can’t seem to get going on any of them. My photos need to be put into albums, I’ve always wanted to redecorate my bedroom, and our yard is in pretty sad shape. I can’t get myself started on anything. My bigger dream has always been to go to Hawaii, but that is looking out of sight, too. It’s not that I don’t have time to do these things because I do. And I’m not even sure it’s money holding me back. Actually, it’s something inside me that just can’t take that step to get going.”
“You look pretty frustrated,” I empathized.
“Yes, I am,” she said with some emphasis. “One of my friends just redid her kitchen, my other friend went to visit her daughter in Florida for two weeks, and another friend just got new carpeting. Why can’t I get myself to do any of these things?” she said with tears welling up in her eyes. “What do they have that I don’t?”
Changing the Status Quo
Pam’s question was a very good one, and what she was really asking was this: How do I become a person who makes things happen, especially if I have to be the one to do it?
For each person the answer is different, but basically all the answers boil down to this: You must want change more than you want the status quo. When that happens, we can create the know-how, the steps, and the momentum to get it done. That’s when anything is possible. Oftentimes a woman needs to be reminded that she is not as helpless as she feels.
I could tell this was really weighing on Pam, so we began talking about it. Pam was thinking everyone else had it together but her. That simply was not true. Everyone has something they want to get around to. Her friends were just ready and prepared to make that happen. And we were going to get Pam ready, too.
After more discussion, we made a list of her dreams on the back of a restaurant napkin. Pam left Starbucks that afternoon with her spirits renewed. She had made many wonderful changes before. She could do it again. She just needed to get back on track. Here are some of the ideas I shared with her.
Powering Through Projects
“Powering through” projects is the secret to creating the momentum to bring about positive change. It is the vision and energy carrying us from the beginning of an idea to the completion of a desire. Projects take deliberate effort and are the lifeblood of changing your life.
Most problems in doing a project are twofold:
POWERING THROUGH PROJECTS
Projects are tasks outside your daily routine that make life easier, accomplish something of value, or prepare you for your future.
“Powering through” is the momentum to start and finish a project. It is about finding the desire to move ahead and removing the obstacles that hold you back.
• Taking risks to pursue a project
• Knowing how to engage and complete a project
If you acquire the skill of powering through projects, you can simplify your lifestyle sooner than you think. Then you can initiate change anytime you want.
Your Project Quotient (Your P. Q.)
If you are feeling like Pam, you may need to look at your recent history of taking on new projects. In the questions below, write in A, B, C, D, or E to reflect the last time you did the project in question:
Answer Key
A. 1–3 months ago C. 1–3 years ago E. never
B. 4–12 months ago D. 3–10 years ago
When was the last time you
______ 1. bought a new outfit and wore it?
______ 2. returned an item and got your money back?
______ 3. invited company over for dinner?
______ 4. took a vacation?
______ 5. got a new hairstyle?
______ 6. redecorated a room at your house?
______ 7. washed and vacuumed your car?
______ 8. completed your taxes before March 30?
______ 9. put money in a savings account?
______ 10. wrote down a list of dreams for the rest of your life?
Where Do You Rate?
If the majority of your answers were in the A and B categories, you have a good chance of accomplishing more projects very soon.
If most of your answers were in the C, D, and E range, you need to get your momentum going again.
Your answers are an indicator of three things:
• How rusty you are at making changes in your life
• How well you follow through on things you initiate
• How much thought you have put into your next couple years
If it has been a while since you have made a change, you need some practice to work up to bigger changes. Here’s the plan. I will teach you how to do small, medium, and large projects. When we are finished, I have no doubt that you will be able to accomplish any project you set out to do.
Projects: Your Choice
At any given time, we have to fit specific projects into our lives. Just for fun, check off what size project you would consider each of these:
| Small | Medium | Large | |
| Painting a room | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Weeding the garden | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Cleaning the garage | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Shampooing the carpets | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Hosting a birthday party | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Framing pictures | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Organizing photos | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Doing your taxes | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Having a garage sale | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Shopping for Christmas presents | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Cleaning out e-mails | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Getting a broken clock repaired | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Refinishing furniture | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Purchasing a new appliance | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Dealing with finances | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| _________________________ | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| _________________________ | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| _________________________ | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| _________________________ | _____ | _____ | _____ |
Add some of your own projects on the blank lines. Then put a star by all the projects you would personally like to do.
Worthwhile Projects
Once you identify what projects intrigue you, the next step is to determine whether the project is worth doing. Ask yourself:
• What steps would I have to take to afford the time and money involved to do it?
• Would this be a major or minor interruption to my life?
• Would the benefits outweigh the obstacles?
But my favorite question is this:
• If I don’t do this project, how long am I willing to live with this as it is?
When I asked my real-estate agent if we should remodel the master bathroom, she wisely said, “If you are going to be here longer than two years, then yes. That way it will benefit the resale, and you will get to enjoy it as well.” That is usually the motivation to do something sooner rather than later—it benefits you now and later.
Small, Medium, and Large Projects
Recognize the time frame of the project and see where it will fit in your life.
• Small: 15 minutes–a full day
Example: cleaning out a shelf, a set of drawers, or a pantry
• Medium: 4 days–4 weeks
Example: organizing a whole closet, bedroom, or kitchen
• Large: 1–6 months
Example: redecorating a bedroom, organizing the garage, or redoing your filing system
Small Projects: Success in a Nutshell
Doing small projects can build the momentum for tackling larger ones. Warm up your project skills by completing something small that will simplify your life.
For example:
• Simplify your purse by tossing receipts and corralling useful “little stuff” into a Ziploc bag.
• Clean out the kitchen junk drawer and keep quality items, not junk, in there.
• Spend five minutes and polish your favorite shoes.
• Clean out your makeup drawer by washing the hairbrushes and getting rid of old lipsticks and nail polishes.
• Use up laundry samples.
• Simplify your pantry by donating food items no one eats.
• Give the garbage cans a good scrub so they look clean.
I know of several success stories:
• One lady, who got frustrated losing her keys when it was time to leave, bought a key hook that day and hung it herself.
• A minister got tired of writing out his sermons with any old pen. Instead of putting up with it any longer, he stopped in the middle of writing a sermon and went out and purchased a good quality pen that he was pleased with.
• A busy mom got her photos organized by buying drawers for her pictures and tossing the boxes that always had clutter sitting on the tops.
• An office manager confessed she spent the weekend sorting and purchasing the right color nylons just to make the workweek go smoother.
These people know the value of tackling small projects to simplify their personal stressors. It’s a great feeling opening your kitchen drawer to find a working pen and a pad of paper to take down a phone message.
Small Projects: Time and Benefits
Don’t overlook the long-term value of doing smaller projects. These projects will reduce stress and simplify your life today. This is the time to go back to the clean-up clutter projects in the last chapter and follow through. Those small projects will make your life a breeze.
Your time frame to do a project should be no longer than two hours or fifteen minutes daily over a week or two. It’s amazing how good you’ll feel from organizing one small area that you use quite often.
Medium Projects: The Black Hole
When you ignore small projects around you, they can turn into medium-sized projects seemingly overnight and become a big headache. Plenty of folks have tons of stuff in cardboard boxes that they vow to deal with later, but later never comes—until they finally decide to do something, like Jennifer did.
Jennifer lived in a mobile home and put everything she didn’t know what to do with on her screened-in porch. When Jennifer called me to organize this extended storage area, my first question was, “What do you call this room?”
“I don’t tell anyone, but secretly my daughter and I call it ‘the black hole,’ ” she whispered with a laugh.
“Well, first we have to change its name,” I insisted. After some debate, Jennifer’s eyes lit up. “I know—let’s call it the ‘sun porch,’ ” she said.
We rolled up our sleeves and spent the first weekend going through boxes, most of which contained old items that could be tossed or given away. Her new vision of how she would use the room carried her through sorting all the old boxes, bags, and clutter. The next weekend, Jennifer purchased attractive but inexpensive furniture. During the summer months, she and her daughter began eating dinner outside. After years of accumulation and dread, it only took two weekends to transform a cluttered catchall into an attractive porch by Memorial Day.
Large Projects: Deciding Which One First
You could probably sit down right now and write out a list of at least a dozen large projects that you’d like to get done around the house. These projects require thought and persistence, so it’s important to plan carefully.
My friend Mary is a perfect example. She was fed up with the clutter in her garage and the decorating in her bedroom. She was also discouraged by the time and energy it would take to get both areas to look and feel the way she wanted. Mary, like many of us, had limited time to devote to home projects. She worked during the day and had family commitments that filled her nights and weekends.
We discussed the importance of choosing one priority at a time, which meant either the garage or the bedroom had to be first. She also needed to check her schedule and determine how realistic it was to fit both in. Did she have a special event coming up during which she would want to show off her new bedroom? Or was it more important to fit all of the cars in the garage before winter?
That which we persist in doing becomes easier—not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do it has increased.
—RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Large Project: Redecorating the Master Bedroom
Mary decided to take on the master bedroom project first and have it done by her anniversary in four weeks. She decided to do it herself rather than hiring it out, even though she worked full-time. The first week she got her creative juices flowing by scouting out some model homes, a decorating center, the mall, and paint stores.
In the second week, Mary spent lunch hours and after work “just checking out a few more things.” The power of an enthusiastic woman was unrelenting. Soon her friends were involved in her anniversary project and helped her locate a bedspread and drapes—on sale, of course!
Mary’s third weekend was devoted to manual labor. She began painting, and her husband and friends pitched in, so it felt like a party.
The fourth and final week was the most fun, as she put it all together and purchased final accessories. She picked out new towels and a bath mat on Monday. Then she found new soap dispensers, drinking glasses, and pictures that completed the accessories. By Thursday night, everything was ready in time for the anniversary weekend. She enjoyed a double bonus—she finished the master bedroom in time for the anniversary and could enjoy it for years to come.
In just one month, Mary decorated her bedroom and created a beautiful retreat. She also created energy and enthusiasm that spilled over into other parts of her life and got her friends motivated as well.
Large Project: Organizing the Garage
Mary’s excitement began to wane when she thought about cleaning the garage, however. When she began to visualize getting the garage back under control, her spirits lifted. Mary tackled one wall per weekend, and before she knew it, the garage was finally done. Each time she drove into the garage, Mary felt new energy and enthusiasm. She was glad to know that the garage items she gave away were benefiting others and now the remaining things were easier to find.
Organizing your garage, attic, basement, or spare room begins with several simple steps. Beginning at the entrance to the area, start creating a path through the center, attending to each item as you encounter it.
Your choices are
• Toss broken or old items. Make sure you have a large wastebasket or recycling container at your side.
• Give away useful items. Put them into boxes or bags marked for the organization or person who will receive the items. Then, make sure you actually donate your used items right away, or they will pile up somewhere else in your house.
• Put away items that you plan to keep. You might want to build or buy special organizing systems for the walls or closets. Then put things away so that they are easy to find and get to.
If you make sure to do it right the first time, you won’t be going back every few months to do it all over again.
Next, after the center of the room is reclaimed, go back to the entrance and systematically go around the perimeter of the room, making a decision to toss, give away, or put away each item.
TALK OUT LOUD AS YOU ORGANIZE
The toughest part of organizing a garage, attic, basement, or spare room is to stay on task. Professional organizers can do it for or with you and speed up the process because they are trained in space management. They work with people to see “old” things in a new way. But if you would rather do it yourself, here are some important questions to ask regarding each item.
1. Do I use it?
2. Do I like it?
3. Would I be happier if someone else were storing it or putting it to good use?
4. If I were moving, would I pay to have it packed and moved?
5. Would my life be happier without this?
(If improved, then you know what to do—let it go!)
Motivating Yourself
One way you can motivate yourself is to snap a “before” picture and compare it to a magazine layout of a well-decorated master bedroom or a clean garage. Then work to make that vision a reality. Often just the picture of a new color scheme, window treatment, or bedspread will motivate you to tackle a project.
Another tip is to tell lots of people that you are going to do a project. That motivates you to stand behind your statement. The social pressure could be just the catalyst you need. Your friends will be asking if you finished, so you will have to follow through to get it done. There are no prizes for just talking about projects, but there are big rewards for seeing things through to the end.
Rewards for Getting Your Projects Done
One of the challenges to get yourself going is finding your motivation. I once asked a class of mine why they would want to accomplish their projects. Here are some of their answers:
• “I wouldn’t have to waste time looking for things.”
• “Things will look much neater.”
• “I’ll have more time to play with the kids.”
• “Our home will be nicer for the family.”
• “I’ll be a happier person.”
Do projects make a difference? You bet they do, especially if you can reap one of the above rewards.
Multitasking Projects
Pam called back a week later, just as she had promised. She had decided to go for a small-, medium-, and large-sized project. Her big project would be redecorating her kitchen with new countertops, paint, and wallpaper. She had visited at least six kitchen showrooms and had already ordered the kitchen countertop.
While she was waiting for her new countertop to be made and fitted, she worked on a small personal project—organizing her bedroom drawers and closet shelves. Each day she worked on a new drawer, and the pile of things to give away to charity grew. “I just love my room now,” she said. “I had wanted to do this for a long time, so it feels good to go through everything and simplify the amount of stuff I wake up to every morning.”
When she was finished with her bedroom, Pam tackled the granddaddy of all organizing projects, the garage. “I don’t know what I’ll find, but I am determined that this summer my garage will look decent. We’ll get the cars in there, and I won’t be embarrassed,” she said.
“That’s super. So what’s your plan after that?” I asked.
“My plan after getting those two projects done is to get the photos together in the fall to display for the holidays,” Pam replied. “My kids and husband will be really surprised and impressed. My motivation is that we’re all planning to be together this year. It may not happen again for a long time, so I want it to be fun and memorable,” she said.
“I’m unstuck! Now I’m going to start gathering information for my next year’s goal—my trip to Hawaii! It’s the big fiftieth birthday for my husband and me, and we’re not getting any younger. I am going to do it!”
Personal Reflection
If you have found a project you can do easily, then do it. If there are obstacles to overcome but your passion is stronger, you still can do it. Enlist your friends or resource people who can help you get the job done.
One interior decorator said to me, “Marcia, I have never seen anyone get her husband to do as many projects as you do. How do you do it?”
I smiled and said, “Simple. I just limit my list to about three priority projects, and we talk together about how to do it. And then I thank him over and over after it’s done. We both benefit that way.”
1. Is there a project that you should finish up or even abort before moving forward?
2. If you had the choice of doing some meaningful small projects, what would they be?
3. If you could improve your life by doing several medium projects in a row, what would they be?
4. What big project would go a long way toward simplifying your life?
5. If you are very busy, what one project could you possibly do this year for a coming holiday?
A project + motivation + time leverage = A clear path to success
A Simple Prayer to Follow Through
Dear God, one of the benefits of being a woman is our ability to plan ahead and dream of new things to do. Thanks for making us this way . . . and help me to follow through on the great ideas I come up with, or leave them aside for the right time in life. And don’t forget, I wouldn’t mind fastening my seat belt on a plane to Hawaii. Amen.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.
—MARK TWAIN, author