So here is the dilemma: How can we be friendly toward ourselves without being decadent? Hmm . . . maybe two long bubble baths a week, not two a day; two truffles a month, not two an hour; two walks a week, not couch potatoitis.
—Patsy Clairmont
Deanna and René walked out to the parking lot together. “What are you doing this weekend?” asked Deanna. “We’ve got Joey’s soccer game, Lindsay has a birthday party to go to, I have grocery shopping and cleaning, plus dinner with my parents. I’m tired before it even starts. I wish I had some time for myself.”
René responded, “That’s interesting. We’ll probably see you at the soccer game and the birthday party. Why don’t we carpool getting the kids to the party? I scheduled a deep massage and facial at the spa near there. I’ve been so stressed with work lately that I thought I would treat myself while the kids are at the birthday party.”
“Why don’t I ever think of something like that?” Deanna responded. “I just don’t have the time or money. Maybe someday when the kids are grown and gone.”
René laughed. “Why wait until then? You won’t last that long if you don’t take some time for yourself. Maybe you could call the spa and join me. I’ll teach you how to enjoy life.”
When Do I Get Some Personal Time?
Life is so busy that often the last item on our to-do list is taking personal time. Why do we always put ourselves on the bottom rung of the priority list and then wonder why we’re so tired? If we were well nurtured, we would certainly experience more personal joy and less burnout. But our personal life is often taken up with home and family before we can get around to that narrow niche of time we call personal time.
We’ve been taught (and often thought) that spending time on ourselves is selfish. Most of us basically live for work, family, and others crossing our paths of life. Enough of that already! It’s time to see how personal time benefits all three of those areas and how you can maintain the pace of life you desire.
What Is Personal Time?
Personal time is
time given to refresh yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally;
time spent in a peaceful and relaxing way; and
time unrushed in a satisfying personal activity.
Personal time is more than a bubble bath; it’s a bubble bath that leaves you refreshed. Personal time is more than reading a book; it’s reading that leaves you satisfied and aware that life is good and you’re going to be OK. Personal time is more than a leisurely nap on a sunny afternoon; it’s waking up feeling rested.
Personal time changes your mood. It refreshes your outlook. And it renews your physical or emotional energy.
Why Do I Need Personal Time?
If you ignore your personal red flags of fatigue, crankiness, and high stress levels, your body and emotions will accumulate the stress and turn it inward. Studies show that stress is the source of many of our illnesses. And the source behind stress is lack of personal care.
You have a choice: pay now or pay later. It costs just a little time each day to take care of yourself but weeks of time to recover later.
Personal Time—the CARE Approach
When you’re feeling stressed and overworked, think through the CARE approach. Which kind of personal time do you need? If you learn your own signals, you can be up and running in no time.
PERSONAL TIME—THE CARE APPROACH
Personal Care—Take care of personal needs.
Personal Activity—Spend time developing a favorite activity.
Personal Rest—Relax and rest when you’re tired.
Personal Exit—Leave work or responsibilities when they’re over.
PERSONAL CARE
Personal care includes taking care of your unique needs:
___ Get a haircut.
___ Do your dry cleaning.
___ Sew a button.
___ Schedule a physical or dental appointment.
___ Buy new socks/nylons.
___ Journal your emotions.
___ Floss your teeth more regularly.
PERSONAL ACTIVITY
This is an activity just for you:
___ Make your favorite meal.
___ Play tennis.
___ Go to the gym.
___ Take a hike outdoors.
___ Go for a swim.
___ Have lunch with friends.
___ Go shopping for fun.
PERSONAL REST
Personal rest includes “kicking back” when you need to:
___ Take a nap.
___ Get away for the weekend.
___ Take a personal day from work.
___ Let the kids go away overnight.
___ Bask in the sun and read a novel.
___ Read a magazine and sip coffee.
___ Get a massage.
PERSONAL EXIT
This means stepping away from the stressors of your life from a few minutes to an hour:
___ Leave work early (or on time).
___ Turn off the TV and get to bed earlier.
___ Walk away from a knotty problem.
___ Excuse yourself from a stressful encounter.
___ Leave the office and eat lunch out.
___ Leave your computer and engage in a hobby.
___ Let go of a membership or magazine subscription.
Do I Deserve It, or Do I Need It?
Personal time is necessary to reduce stress and to live a longer, happier life. You need it, and just for being alive you deserve it! Personal time doesn’t have to be expensive, just personally renewing and rewarding.
For René, personal time is this weekend at the local spa. For Deanna, a trip to the spa would be another to-do event on her calendar. René would come away feeling refreshed while Deanna would come away stressed. What’s the difference?
René wanted something away from home and work after a stressful time. She thought ahead and planned it as a reward, while for Deanna staying home was her idea of relaxing after a stressful schedule. They both need to plan their preference as a part of the rhythm of their lives.
When Do I Find Personal Time?
You have to first decide what you want to do, and then the “when” will fol-low. Here are some examples:
Lunch Hours: There are five hours a week to choose from.
Transition Times: Stop at a gym or shop for yourself on the way home.
Evenings: Be intentional each night before seven nights slip away each week.
Saturdays: Putter around the house as “free choice.”
Sundays: Take a Sabbath rest to renew yourself spiritually.
Moments: Look out the window, breathe deeply, and listen to a favorite song.
How Often Do I Need Personal Time?
If you’re living a balanced life, you may not need to take personal time often. You’re feeling nurtured, and your personal needs are being met each day. But when you’re in a stressful season of life or feel yourself burning out, you need to recognize and attend to your personal care needs. Don’t neglect them.
Ask yourself what you like to do and simply find a time slot in your week to do it. When you are renewed and energized, you stop running and really start living!
It’s Your Time
Simply Find More Personal Time (Time Skill #2)
■ List some things on your calendar margin you would love to do during personal time.
■ What are the three biggest stressors that you’d like to take a break from?
■ Check off the area in which you most need to take care of yourself:
___ Personal Care: taking care of personal needs
___ Personal Activity: spending time developing a favorite activity
___ Personal Rest: relaxing and resting when you’re tired
___ Personal Exit: leaving work or responsibilities when they’re over
The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.
—Sydney J. Harris