Day 28

Stop Time to Handle a Life Crisis

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Only in testing do people discover the nature and depth of their character. People can say anything they want about their values, but when the pressure is on, they discover what their values really are.

—John Maxwell

The man next to me in the airport started chatting after we were informed of a long wait for our plane. To pass the time, we discussed why we were traveling that day.

When we finished, the airport was filled with commotion as a woman rushed down the hallway pushing a stroller, her husband grasping the toddler as she yelled, “We’ve got to get on that plane—now!” The door to the jetway was closed and the attendant said no in a firm voice, but the woman caused a scene by pounding on the door.

My new friend and I looked at each other with a sigh and a smile. He had shared that he was returning to Chicago from Remuda Ranch in Arizona, where his teenage daughter was being treated for anorexia. And I had shared with him the traumatic story of our teenage daughter’s health crisis.

As the irate mother finished pounding the airplane door, my seat companion said, “She doesn’t know yet that missing a plane is not a big deal, relatively speaking. There are larger life issues, and it’s important not to sweat the small stuff.”

As my seat companion reminded us both, the irate mother had apparently lost sight of what is really important. Missing a plane is relatively small in the grand scheme of crisis events.

Give Yourself Permission to Stop

It’s an important time strategy to know that in a life crisis––whether emotional, relational, or physical––your time will change. And if it’s a traumatic incident, then you may even have to stop your normal life for a season.

Give yourself permission to take a life detour and deal with the crisis. Your life may change completely, or it may get back on track in time. Either way, it’s all a part of your journey into your future. Let me share three true stories to prepare you.

Lisa’s Story—Stopping Time for Our Daughter

When our middle child, Lisa, was a junior in high school, a spinal tap col-lapsed her health. Overnight, all of our lives changed. What should have been a medical procedure to help her became the beginning of pain and suffering for our beautiful seventeen-year-old. I became a mom with a mission to find help and healing for our daughter.

Each day felt like a week. Each week felt like a month. Lisa’s cries of “Mom, can’t you do something for the pain?” tore at my heart and sent me to my knees in prayer, desperate for an answer to the prolonged mono, migraines, and fibromyalgia, a lifelong chronic pain condition. Finally, the answer came after eight long months in bed in her darkened room: we found a doctor and a supplement program that started to revive and heal her. Eventually she became active again and graduated from high school and college. Now after eight years pursuing a healthy lifestyle, she is living a relatively full and satisfying life. But it wasn’t always easy for our family.

Crisis Time Lessons 101—Focus on the Goal

During our crisis, I focused on two things: getting Lisa well and getting meals on the table. That was it. And it was hard.

As conflicts with time escalated with the change, I asked myself, What difference would it make if I organized the whole world and couldn’t get my daughter through high school or back to life? Suddenly life wasn’t about me, and I took a leave from organizing and speaking to become a full-time caregiver. Crisis quickly refocuses our priorities, however ill equipped we may feel.

You may have to handle more than one challenge simultaneously. My father-in-law suffered from Alzheimer’s and then passed away. The same day, my loyal supporter and close friend, Aunt Lor, fell and had a stroke. She died six weeks later. I was devastated.

Life is not fair, and life can be overwhelming. But do you know what? There’s only one way out of a crisis—moving forward. Don’t try to stop or wish you could go back. Put your energies into surviving, and at the right time you will move ahead. For us, Lisa bravely finished high school and college. The crisis served its purpose, and I do believe she can now face most anything.


Time-Saving Tip #91

When a crisis hits, reprioritize your life and give the crisis the time and attention it needs. Regret is a heavy weight, so do everything you can while you have the chance.


Deb’s Story—“This Is Really Bad Timing”

My friend Deb Christensen found out last summer on speakerphone with her husband, young adult children, and physician that she had breast cancer. Her initial response to the news was, “This is really bad timing.”

Her youngest child, Jessica, was to leave the next day for her first year of college. Her two oldest sons had just moved home from college and were getting ready to start their careers and get married the next summer. The other son was in college. The anticipated empty nest had suddenly fallen apart.

Deb shared her story. “Immediately I was thrust into the world of doctor appointments consisting of mammograms, ultrasounds, surgeon consultations, MRIs, bone scans, chest X-rays, blood workups, biopsies, and decisions concerning treatment.

“It wasn’t until five days later while shopping at the grocery store that the dam burst. All of a sudden I began to cry and wonder how this was going to affect my life and my family’s life. Fear set in. Because of my faith, I gave it to God and thanked Him for the great medical team He had given me. I thanked Him for my family’s love and support and for the timing of this. There was a reason, I was sure.”

Crisis Time Lessons—Take Care of Yourself

Deb continued, “What suddenly became important was first taking care of myself. My husband gave me a leave of absence working for him to focus on whatever I needed––not only for my physical well-being but for my emotional, spiritual, and mental health as well.

“It truly is a pruning process. I began to evaluate what relationships and activities were important to me and what relationships I had to say no to. I focused the three months during my chemotherapy on reading mostly inspirational books, watching movies with deep and uplifting meaning, and laughing at the funny e-mails and books people sent me.

“It became important for me to look forward to the future. I kept picturing my husband performing our sons’ wedding ceremonies, and then he and I dancing at their receptions. It’s good and important to have something to look forward to like this.

“It seems with cancer it’s all about time: chemotherapy for three months, radiation treatments for seven weeks, doctor appointments every three months, and my hair growing back in six months. I find myself measuring my life by the time specifications of my cancer. It has become my new ‘normal.’

“Being told you have cancer changes you. It changes how you feel, how you now perceive each day, and how you really want to live your life. I want to spend my time with people who are contagiously positive, lighthearted, and fun, not those who are angry, bitter, or resentful. I have a whole new circle of friends as a result. I’ve learned to be patient with time. It’s also given me a new zeal for life and an appreciation for each day I wake up.”

At this writing, Deb’s prognosis for recovery is good and she is feeling optimistic.

Martina’s Story—“Time Came to an Abrupt Stop”

Martina’s life stopped with a shout from the family room. Her contractor husband, Larry, had been on the roof covering a skylight opening with one of their teenage sons when he fell through the roof and suffered fatal head injuries. Her life instantly changed, and so did the lives of her four children, ages ten to sixteen.

She says, “Time came to an abrupt stop for our family. From that moment on we went ahead externally with the memorial service, the funeral, and arrangements. But internally I was numb, and my life was at a standstill. I had been an organized person, but everything about me turned 180 degrees. Family and friends stepped in to carry us through. Immediately I had an entire business to take care of and sell. I spent long hours at it, while my children went from homeschooling to a classroom setting.

“Our church stepped in and finished the roof and the flooring project Larry was working on. His dream was to own a cabin in Big Bear, and I fulfilled his dream by working every weekend for four months to complete the cabin he had begun to renovate. We spent Christmas there and talked freely of Larry.”

At forty-five, Martina is now a widow, a businesswoman, and a single parent, no longer a homeschooling mom or a wife.


Time-Saving Tip #92

Accept that a life crisis is never good timing, but turn it into good by adjusting to your new “normal.” You’ll find you’re stronger than you think.


This Is Not for Today

“Time is not the same,” says Martina. “I learned when overwhelmed to ask myself if I had to know the answer to the next question in the next fifteen minutes. If I didn’t, then I learned to say, ‘This is not for today.’ It was my initial way of coping. I wrote a lot down to try to remember conversations. A few months later, I was able to think of life for the next half hour. And six months later, I can take half a day at a time.

“I still think and plan for the future, but life is different. You look in the cupboard of your life and experience, and there is not just an empty cupboard; the entire cupboard is missing!”

Martina is one of the strongest women I know. She and Larry were family friends and clients. Now the business of life has been turned over to Martina and the children. She says, “Slowly we grow to a new family unit; shock and emotional stress are still high. But we reach out to each other and receive the practical help offered by family and the eight hundred friends attending Larry’s funeral.”

Martina was in my summer “Simplify Your Life” class when the tragedy struck. Every time I explained an organizing step, I taught the class to recognize the next steps and confidently say, “I can do that!” Martina applied this when she took over the family business and completed the cabin. However, she worries now about getting her desk and paperwork cleaned up at home. Should she? Not after what she’s been able to conquer. One step leads to another as you climb out of crisis.


Time-Saving Tip #93

Take time to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. It will be well worth every minute for a lifetime of good memories.


What Should I Do in a Life Crisis?

“Looking back,” Deb concludes, “the timing of my cancer diagnosis allowed me to do more soul-searching than I have ever done before. It was a time of rest. It was a time of cleansing, purifying, and beautification of my inner self. And there’s never a bad time for that! Embrace the hard times as much as the good times. God is with you in both.”

It’s Your Time

Stop Time to Handle a Life Crisis (Time Strategy #6)

■ Recall your most traumatic event in life and how you came through it.

■ If you are not in a life crisis right now, look for ways to help someone who is in one.

■ Thankfully celebrate the joy of living today. This is the time of your life.

Fear comes from feeling out of control. Hope comes from knowing who is in control. And hope comes from knowing that we have a sovereign, loving God who is in control of every event of our lives.

—Lisa Beamer