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Kinsey – 11 years ago – age 16
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CESARE HAS BEEN MY best friend for four years, but lately, there’s a difference. I’m constantly aware when he touches me, and I’m also quite aware of how cute he is. Other girls in school always giggle and flirt with him, and recently, I’ve started to resent it. But I haven’t said anything to him about it, and unfortunately, it’s resulted in a distance between us. While I used to see him almost three times a week, now, I sometimes don’t speak to him for days.
On occasion, I wonder if he’s getting more involved with his father’s gang. I’ve learned that Cesare’s father is part of the New York Syndicate, and I understand that their wealth comes from the Cosa Nostra, from the criminal world. And Cesare knows about his father too, but he says he isn’t part of that life – yet.
Today after school, I’m in the park, lying on my back and reading, when Cesare joins me.
“Hey, piccolina.”
Because I’m still only 5’4” and my body refuses to grow, he calls me piccolina, which is Italian for shortie.
Cesare plops down sideways, resting his head on my belly, and takes the book from my hands so that I’ll look him in the eye. “Want to hang out tonight?” He tosses my book on the ground and turns onto his stomach, now resting his chin playfully on my belly.
He’s so striking, and I fight the urge to wind my fingers in his dark, thick hair that constantly falls over his forehead with strands that never stay in place.
While I want to meet him tonight, I’m otherwise occupied. “I can’t.”
He perks a brow. “What are you doing?”
“I have a date,” I comment softly.
Cesare sits up instantly, and I follow suit so that he doesn’t tower over me.
“A date?” he repeats skeptically.
“Yes, a date.” It is actually my first date, so Cesare’s surprised reaction isn’t odd.
“With who?” A vein in his forehead throbs, and tension coils his body.
“Are you angry? You go on dates all the time, and then you tell me about them in great detail. I need to date too. I’m almost sixteen, and I haven’t even been kissed; it’s pathetic. I’m this close to hiring a male escort!” I hold my thumb and forefinger an inch apart and grin.
He barks out a laugh, but the moment of fun is gone as soon as it came, and he quietly murmurs, “I miss you.”
“We can hang out tomorrow?”
“Why aren’t you answering my question?”
At first, I’m confused, but then I state, “Oh, my date is Parker.”
“I fucking hate him!” Cesare snarls.
And I’m surprised by his response. Could he feel the same pull between us? He can have any girl, but could he be attracted to me?
I need to know, so I prompt, “Why are you so mad? Is...Do you not want me to go?”
His gaze snaps to me as he considers his answer. “If you want to go, you can. Just be careful.”
I can? And wow, did I just entirely misread this situation.
“I can?” I spit and rise. “I don’t need your permission! Just be a friend and support me. Tell me to have fun, like I have over and over while you go on dates with every skank in school!”
Cesare looks as if I’ve slapped him and grits his teeth. Instead of taking me on, he stands up and strides away without a word.
So I go home to get ready for my date and, hopefully, a first kiss. Even though it’s not with the boy I wanted, I’m still nervous. I’ve waited long enough for Cesare to kiss me, and I’m done waiting.