Hilly left the next day, saying before she hit the quiet city of New York, she was first going to head to someplace with a beach. I wanted to drive her to the airport, but she insisted she needed to return her rental car.
I heard a week later that there was a minor skirmish on a beach in Croatia regarding a red wolf that some CIA agent had adopted and taken there without a leash. She sent me a text that read, Hey! I got a dog!
The insurance company paid Erskine for the missing crop. They didn't want to, but because "theft by teen druids who wanted to make it look like the work of aliens" was still considered just "theft," they couldn't get out of it. Erskine paid Riley, even though Rex solved the case, because I lied and told the old farmer the private eye solved it.
Rex pulled off a miracle and got the seed company to drop all charges, in return for Kayla and Mike detasseling next summer. They even agreed to a small wage. The two kids weren't happy about it. I took them to Erskine's nonexperimental field and gave them a few lessons. Although that seemed to only terrify them further. I probably shouldn't have shown them the gross fungus they call corn smut. Kayla threw up between the furrows while Mike merely turned an impressive shade of green.
Stewie was depressed that his magical demigod status hadn't made the corn disappear, but he seemed happy that the two cared enough to make him look good. He even offered to help them detassel to pay off their debt. But at 5'1", I knew he was going to struggle with corn that topped almost six feet. I kept that to myself. Maybe he'd undergo a growth spurt.
I attended their next gathering, which took place at dawn in a wooded area about two miles out of town. I drove, kind of suspecting I was only asked because I had a minivan and was able to drive everyone. The ceremony itself was unusual, with half an hour of us painting each other's faces and making bird calls. It wasn't so bad. These kids were kind of nice, once you got to know them.
I'd been thinking of inviting them to come to a Girl Scout meeting, but Lauren and Betty were a little too interested in asking them about human sacrifice, so I put it off, at least until I could come up with a way to discourage that particular interest.
Medea was fired from the Who's There Tribune for her harassment against me and for being an all-around pain in the ass to the rest of the staff there. It turned out that Lana was her source for the idea that Anna Beth Trident had been murdered—and she was a good one since she'd been the one to kill her.
Once Medea found out the truth about her source, she asked me if she could join me in the federal Witness Protection program. I said that was impossible (mainly because I wasn't actually in the federal Witness Protection program), but I did recommend she change her hair color, as Lana's cohorts (who didn't really exist) would be looking for pink hair. She dyed it lime green. Subtle.
I heard she got a job the next day with the Bladdersly Beagle. That sorry excuse for a paper hired her because they believed she'd uncovered some sort of Who's There scandal and the Tribune had hushed it up. I really hoped I'd never see her again.
Lana was sent to a new high-security prison, where she was placed in solitary and monitored 24/7. She'd added an international murder to her already endless list of crimes. The Russians had insisted she'd done nothing wrong, but Hilly dropped me a postcard from the second leg of her trip, saying the Chinese were not happy about the murder of their operative and were currently combing her prison for anyone who'd take the woman out.
My troop was very disappointed that Hilly had to leave. She gave me a box of piano wire and small wooden dowel rods for a craft lesson on making garrotes. Kelly took it from me when I suggested it. Oh well. I'd tell Hilly it was a hit.
As for Riley, I still had no idea why he had a trunkful of Hostess products, and he refused to tell me. I used that to blackmail him into giving Kelly a job as a researcher. He'd loved the idea. So had Kelly, who'd put in her notice the very next day. Riley gave her an insane salary—also as a result of the junk in his trunk. I'd uncover that secret, but for now, for Kelly's sake, I'd leave it alone.
For his part, Riley had secretly filmed my stupid plummet at the quarry's edge and threatened to send it to Rex. I responded that Rex, knowing that I broke into zoos, fell from trees, and had been kidnapped by a cult of teenagers, would simply roll his eyes. I was sure Riley was saving it until I could steal his phone and delete it.
My new BFF finally made it to NYC. On her last day, she called to thank me for letting her use my house.
"Anytime you want to visit again, just let me know!" I said.
"Thank you! Tell Riley I'm going to make a friend of him yet."
"Good luck," I mumbled.
"Why's that?"
I decided to tell her of my former handler's suspicions. "No matter how many times I tell him he's wrong, he insists that you set the car bomb you rescued me from."
"Oh! He's right! I did," she answered.
"Wait, what?" I was stunned. "You did set the car bomb that almost killed me?"
Riley was right?
"I thought you knew!" Hilly sounded surprised.
"Why would you try to kill me?"
"I wasn't," Hilly said. "I got the cars wrong. You parked in my target's usual parking spot with the same exact black SUV. Sloppy work on my part in not confirming the right vehicle, and I learned a valuable lesson. But hey! You survived!"
"I survived…" I said slowly, "…an assassination attempt for the wrong car?"
She rolled her eyes. "Well duh, but I rescued you, so we're even."
"How can we be even when you're responsible for my almost blowing up?"
"I don't have time to explain. But I do want you to say hi to the girls for me. I'll be sending them some gifts from the road."
That idea had all kinds of horror written all over it.
I heard mumbling in the background.
"Hey! I've got to go. I kind of made friends with a group of Lithuanian supermodels. We're going to see Phantom. Bye!"
So Riley was right. Hilly had set the bomb she'd saved me from.
But there was no way that I was ever telling him that…
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