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LIKE AN IDIOT, I RAN down Broadway with tears flowing down my cheeks. What the hell had I been thinking? Sleep with the boss then go to work with him? Then have lunch with a flirty designer who, apparently, Nick disliked? Not smart.
When he showed up with a gorgeous curvy model... I had almost lost it. I now remembered the woman. She had been on a lot of magazine covers.
I hopped on the subway. Thank God I had taken my purse with me, as I kept my MetroCard there. I stood among the humanity and sadly gazed around. There were people who looked like dregs here. Some looked like they’d given up hope, while some appeared to be fierce and defensive. Well, I belonged with the ones who’d given up. How could this have gone so wrong? I know how! Dammit! My mother was right! Could this be any more crushing?
I finally reached my apartment and made my sad, tired, and defeated way up the steps. There at the entrance stood Pamela and Barbie.
Well, let’s bring it, ‘cause I, the fool, certainly deserved it.
“Hey, Emilie,” Pamela greeted me.
I glanced at her without responding, and made my way up. I mentally turned my cheek to get the proverbial slap I knew would be coming.
Barbie waved, looking a little upset.
What was this? I looked back and forth at the usually chilly or sneering women.
“I-I just want to say I am sorry.” Pamela nodded her head.
“Yes, me, too.” Barbie smiled tentatively.
“What?” I asked.
“We were mean. We-we should have been nicer to you. We did not see how... what you really...” Pamela’s words faded.
“Yes, we—were rude all the time and we never gave you a chance.”
My eyes filled up with tears. This I could not handle. Give me a chance? I just blew my chance! I cried and slumped down, my butt landing on the steps.
The two women gasped and sat down on either side of me.
“Oh, no. Emilie, gosh!” Pamela patted my shoulder.
“I-I blew it,” I cried.
“There, there.” Barbie handed me a tissue.
I realized I was getting solace from the mean girls. How much stranger could this day get?
“What happened?” Pamela asked.
I swallowed heavily as I knew I really shouldn’t tell these girls. What if they were lying to me? I’d never live it down. I gazed into their faces. They both looked concerned and sorry. So, I opened my mouth and began to spew verbal vomit. I told them of how Novak had treated me for four years, about my accredited degree going to waste. Then about Nick and my purses, then the job... and then I faltered when it came to lunch. But I then told them what happened.
Pamela gasped and pulled me in for a hug. “The man is in love with you, Emilie!”
My head jerked up. “W-what?”
“Oh, yes, even I could see that. Then you say he kissed you like he did after, in the elevator?” I just nodded. Barbie smiled. “He realizes it and that, and was eaten up with jealousy.”
“Yes, exactly!” Pam agreed.
I gazed at each girl “You truly believe that?”
They both nodded.
“Now, let’s get you to your apartment, because that man is going to come blazing up here and you need to look your best,” Pamela added. “Get cleaned up and pretty.”
My new friends pulled me up and led me up the stairs.
AFTER FINALLY GETTING the two girls—my apparent new best friends—to leave, I sat on my couch. It had been two hours and there had been no calls or a man blazing through my door, as Pamela had put it.
I grabbed another tissue. Well, they were wrong. He had made no attempt to contact me. I was now without a job, and without Nick.
The longer I sat here, the madder I got. So it had ended up like I feared. He slept with me, and then he was done with me. He maybe had gotten jealous, but I felt like it was more about Chaz than me. Like maybe, the man had taken a woman from Nick in the past? I sat up straighter... a woman like Cherry! Oh, wow! How could I not have seen it?
“So, what are you going to do?” I asked aloud to no one.
My silent apartment gave me no answers. Well, I quit my only job on the promise that Nick had a job for me.
My first instinct was to run away. Go to upstate New York to my aunt’s. My mother hated Aunt Cecily. That was why I always spent my summers there. Then I realized that the old, scared Emilie would do that. Run away, hide and keep my mouth shut. Not like other women who fought for what they wanted. Jenna had told me over and over, “You gotta stand up for yourself or who else will?” Look at all the crap I took from Novak for years!
I stood up from the couch I’d been sitting on like some slouch who would sit and eat a half a gallon of Haagen-Dazs when the guy dumped her. So, he figured that he’d gotten rid of me? Well, I figured my career was over now.
Unless...
I smacked a hand over my mouth. Unless, I showed up for work tomorrow...
Fear rippled through me. Shame, too. He apparently did not want me. But I could still develop a line for his label. We just would not see each other personally anymore.
Would it work?
I staggered to bed, exhausted from all the crying. Well, there would be no more of that, no more crying. I would hit the bigtime just like I told my mother. I cringed. I almost had to do this, in light of the humiliation I would feel when I hit bottom and had to tell my mother I’d blown it. No! I had to get a backbone. I would show up at 515 Broadway tomorrow at nine. No one knew anything, except Nick, and I had him by the... my thoughts faltered. He would not dare allow anyone to know that he’d hired me, slept with me, then fired me. He would be done in the business after that.
I climbed into my bed. A place he’d been just two days ago. Well, I was going to be up in his face tomorrow. I allowed fear to float through me, then I shut it down. Never again. No more insecurities, no more panic.
This is what it means to be your own woman. Look out, Nick Tessaro, here comes your worst nightmare and your most successful designer.