“Hurry up, Luke!” Claire called up the stairs as she slapped peanut butter and jelly on two pieces of bread, shoving them into a small plastic baggie. “The girls are already in the car.”
Luke ran down the stairs, jumping over the last three as he reached the bottom.
Claire slit her eyes as she glared in his direction. “I’ve asked you to not do that. One of these days you’re going to break a leg.” Luke shrugged.
“Did you grab your jacket? It’s gonna be cold at Grandma and Grandpa’s.” Claire threw the pile of sandwiches she’d just made into a small cooler, alongside six juice boxes and a baggie full of sliced apples. If she’d learned anything about traveling with kids over the years, it was they were always hungry.
“I already put it in the car,” Luke said, as he opened the refrigerator and examined its contents.
“Hey, get out of there,” Claire said, softly slapping his hand away from the door and closing it. “You already had breakfast and I’m packing food for the car. You don’t need anything else to eat.”
She handed him the cooler and a bag of pretzels.
“Here, you can carry this to the car for me,” Claire said. “Don’t eat anything out of it! And make sure to bring some games and books. It’s a long drive.”
She laughed as she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek and he attempted to free himself of her embrace.
“Come on,” she said to him softly. “You can kiss your mama. No one’s looking.”
Luke sighed, but turned his cheek so she could peck it.
“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Claire asked him.
Luke shrugged.
The two of them made their way out the front door, just as Jack was heading back in.
“Do you need anything else from inside?” he asked her. “I’m about to lock up.”
“I think I have it all,” Claire said, as Luke ran to the minivan, throwing the cooler onto the front seat before jumping into the back. “Anything we forget, we can buy once we get to your mom’s.”
She walked over to the car and peeked her head in the side door. Though they hadn’t even left the driveway, all three of her kids had their headsets on and were immersed in the music on their iPods. The MP3 players had been the kids’ big gifts for Christmas this year. Claire was fastening her seatbelt as the driver’s side door opened, and Jack slid into his seat.
“All locked up,” he said, calling into the backseat, “Everyone ready?”
“Yes!”
Smiling at Claire, Jack put the car into reverse and said, “Are you ready?”
“Yes,” she said, smiling back at him. It was hard not to smile when looking at Jack. He was just so…handsome. That’s the only word that came to mind whenever she thought of her husband. At six feet four inches, and built of nothing but lean muscle, Jack was better-looking than most of her friends’ husbands. Okay, he was better-looking than all of her friends’ husbands. And their gardeners. And their plumbers. And their local firemen. Jack was unbelievable looking. The first time Claire had laid eyes on him in college, she’d wondered if he was for real.
“Who looks like that?” she had whispered to her college roommate, Gia. “I mean, in real life—not in a movie. Who actually looks that incredible?”
The answer, of course, was Jack. And, in the fifteen years since college, he’d never become one bit less attractive.
But it wasn’t just his external features Claire found so appealing. No, it was who Claire discovered he was inside that had made her fall deeply in love with him.
It’d seemed to take forever for Jack to ask her out, but in reality, it was only a few weeks from the first time she and Gia had spotted him across the crowded college cafeteria. It didn’t take long for them to strike up a conversation in the library one night. (She just happened to be working in the study carrel next to Jack’s and just happened to need to borrow a pen, because hers just happened to run out of ink.) After an evening spent chatting over their respective molecular biology and educational psychology textbooks, he finally asked her out. And she was thrilled.
Of course, a Star Wars movie at the campus discount theater wasn’t exactly her idea of a romantic evening, but the dinner that followed had been nearly perfect. The two of them found they had so much to talk about—school, families, politics, music—even their faiths and future dreams seemed to be on similar tracks. The conversation flowed easily and Claire began to wonder if she’d actually known him her entire life. Before they were served dessert, she was smitten.
She was so completely engaged in conversation with Jack, she never even saw Gia enter the restaurant.
“What are you doing here?” she asked her roommate, slightly irritated, as Gia sat down next to her.
And that’s when she saw Gia’s face. There’d be no dessert. Claire’s hometown police department had called her dorm room and, in Claire’s absence, relayed the message to Gia.
Claire’s dad was dead. An apparent heart attack while driving his car. Fortunately, he’d been going so slowly. Hadn’t Claire always told him he drove like an old man? He hadn’t hurt anyone else, but himself. And, like her mom three years earlier, he was gone.
If Claire had given it any thought, she would’ve assumed Jack would have quietly excused himself. After all, despite a fun movie and tasty dinner, she barely knew the man. But it was in those initial moments that Claire caught her first glimpse of the man Jack truly was. As she collapsed into Gia’s arms, he began to take charge, booking not just her flight home, but flights for himself and Gia, too. He contacted the school, notifying them of Claire’s loss and informing the university that he and Claire and Gia would be missing classes for the next few days. As Gia and she went to pack, Jack contacted the police who’d handled the accident, finding out where her dad’s body had been taken and the next steps Claire needed to take.
For Claire, the next week was a blur, but the one thing she remembered clearly was how Jack had been by her side every moment of it, walking her through the terrible process of planning her father’s funeral. He handled nearly all of the arrangements, deferring to her for her opinion, but lifting the burden from her shoulders in such a way that all she had to do was grieve. And grieve she did. She could not believe that here she was, twenty years old, and an orphan. What was she going to do? How was she going to go on without either her mom or her dad to help guide her? It was unbearable.
But every time she felt she couldn’t take one more moment of the pain, she’d look up and see sweet Jack standing right by her side. This man she hadn’t even known eight days ago was her rock during that week and in the weeks and months to come. He’d never disappointed her. And, just as in the days following her dad’s death, in the past fifteen years, whenever she’d had a bad day or was irritated with her job or frustrated with their kids, all she had to do was look beside her, and she knew Jack would be right there, supporting her, loving her, and giving her the strength to keep moving.
“Now tell me again why you always seem to think it’s a good idea to drive into the night?” Jack asked her, shaking her out of her memories. “Wouldn’t it make more sense if we left early in the morning?”
“You know, as well as I do, if we leave now, in a few hours, the kids will be asleep and we won’t have to hear any more whining or fighting,” Claire said.
“Don’t forget the ‘Are we there yets?’ ” Jack joked.
“Ugh,” Claire groaned. “I hate those the most! This way, they’ll watch their movies until dinner and then, if we’re lucky, it’ll just be peace and quiet from that point on.”
“From your lips to God’s ears,” Jack said, taking her hand and squeezing it.
God must have been listening, because everything went exactly as Claire had planned. Truly, this must be a first, she thought, as they pulled into the strip mall parking lot of the Chinese restaurant where they ate every time they took a road trip to West Virginia. Never could she remember having such a peaceful drive to her in-laws’ home, or anywhere else for that matter.
It was one more sign that her babies were growing up. Claire remembered the first time she and Jack had taken a car trip with Luke. He couldn’t have been more than a month old and had screamed the entire drive.
The family piled out of the car and into the restaurant.
“Welcome,” a little Asian man called from a table at the back of the empty restaurant, as he rolled silverware into napkins. “Sit anywhere you’d like.”
The kids hurried over to a large table near the wall, and Claire and Jack followed them.
“Okay,” Jack said, taking off his coat and putting it on the back of his chair. “What does everyone want to eat?”
As the kids called out their orders, Jack and Claire exchanged glances over the menus and smiled at one another. She knew exactly what he was thinking. These were the moments they both loved the best. These crazy, chaotic, boisterous moments that screamed, “We’re together as a family.”
“Mommy,” Lily said meekly, once the orders were placed. “Can I sit on your lap?”
“Of course,” Claire said, gently smiling at her little girl and pushing her chair back from the table to make room for her daughter. “Come here.”
Lily climbed up onto Claire and snuggled into her mother’s chest. Even though already six, Lily was tiny for her age, barely the size of most four-year-olds. Claire had heard that was often common with twins. Ella wasn’t quite as small and, at about a half a head taller than Lily, appeared to tower over her sister. Rarely did people realize the girls were twins. With their identical blonde hair and blue eyes, it was easy to see they were sisters. But, twins? No. Ella easily looked two years older than Lily.
And, as different as their height were their personalities. Ella was a spitfire. Feisty and funny and always up for a new adventure. She was the child who loved to go snowboarding and waterskiing with Jack and was constantly in search of a new challenge. She was already the star of her soccer team and relished all of the attention playing so well brought her. Never without a smile, you just couldn’t help but marvel at her confidence. Claire rarely worried about Ella. Whether it was a new school or a birthday party where she didn’t know any of the other kids, Ella would jump in, feet first, and thrive.
But Lily? Lily was different. She was quiet and shy and prone to tears if she became too uncomfortable in a situation. Though on the soccer team with her sister, she tended to avoid the ball and, if it happened to come her way, was likely to duck. Never wanting to be too far away from Claire, Lily was the child who, while the others were off skiing with Jack, would stay back at the lodge with her mom, enjoying every moment of snuggling in front of the fire as much as Claire did. She still slept with her favorite blankie, and Claire had fears that someday she’d take that ratty old thing on her honeymoon with her. Yet, despite her timid nature, Claire’d been pleasantly surprised when Lily had started kindergarten last year and had done exceptionally well. She might not be as bold as her sister, but she was certainly every bit as smart. Both girls had been incredibly successful in kindergarten and now, halfway through first grade, were some of the brightest kids in the class.
“I love you,” Claire whispered in Lily’s ear as the girl snuggled closer. “Are you having a fun trip?”
“Yes,” Lily said softly. “But I want to sit with you in the car.”
“Oh, baby,” Claire said, resting her head on Lily’s crown and rocking her gently. “You know you have to sit in your booster seat in the back and I have to sit up front with Daddy so I can help him with the driving. But how about this? When we get to Grandma’s house, you can fall asleep in bed with me. Does that sound like a plan?”
Lily nodded. She loved to sleep with Claire. And, though her daughter was getting a bit too old to do it regularly, Claire tended to overlook the fact that, most mornings when she’d wake, Lily was pressed up against her in bed. Claire was never sure when the child snuck into the room, and always told her when she woke that, from that point on, she needed to sleep in her own bed all night. But, truth be told, Claire secretly enjoyed the few quiet moments, each morning, when she held onto her baby girl and listened to her breathe deeply in her sleep. She knew, someday, none of her kids would want to get in bed and cuddle with her and so she’d better cherish each one of these moments before they were gone.
When their food came, Claire told Lily to get back into her chair and eat dinner.
“I don’t want to hear anyone tell me they’re hungry from this point on!” she said firmly. “Eat!”
And eat they did. And laugh. And enjoy time as a family, something that, with all of the kids’ activities and sports and practices, was getting harder and harder to find time for these days. Before children, Claire hadn’t understood why people would say it was so hard to sit down for a family dinner. “Make time for it,” she’d think. But now she realized how judgmental she’d been. With Jack’s work schedule, Luke’s baseball practice and guitar lessons, and the girls’ soccer team and dance lessons, it was hard to find time when everyone was home together. More often than Claire liked to admit, dinner was spent in the car, before they piled out of the vehicle for their next activity, or else, she found herself standing at the kitchen counter, eating her own meal while she prepared everyone else’s food. No, having three kids with active schedules wasn’t easy and it was a constant juggling act. She just hoped she kept the balls in the air more often than she dropped them.
An hour later, with full bellies and a large box of leftovers Claire would need to put in her mother-in-law’s fridge when they arrived, they were all back in the car. As predicted, the kids immediately put the headsets back on their ears and were immersed in their music before they left the parking lot.
“Why do we always stop at this place?” Jack asked Claire, as he backed out the car. “We don’t even like the food, and it never fails to give me heartburn.”
Claire laughed at the truth in Jack’s statement.
“Tradition. Habit. We’ll try something new next time.”
“Hey,” Jack said, turning to Claire for a moment, “I heard you singing to the kids last night. It sounded nice.”
“Thanks.”
“I miss your singing. And, you used to play the piano all the time.”
“That was before we had three kids,” Claire said wistfully. Though she appreciated that Jack always said nice things about her music, she had to admit that when he brought it up, the topic made her uncomfortable. It’d been years since she’d felt she had the time and energy to devote to her singing. It wasn’t that she no longer enjoyed her music. It was just there were so many other, seemingly more important, areas of her life that took precedence these days. There were PTA meetings and carpool and Boy Scouts and dance classes. Yet, every time Jack brought up her music, she felt a pang of guilt. And perhaps regret. She’d put her life and career on hold to have a family, and she’d never been disappointed in her decision. Her husband and kids filled her life with such joy and purpose. But—and she hated to admit there was a “but”—wasn’t there a part of her that wondered where in her music career she’d be now if she hadn’t given it all up to stay home and raise a family?
She’d never expressed those feelings to Jack. She never wanted him to think she wasn’t happy on the path she’d chosen for her life, because truly, she was. She knew when Jack brought up her music, he wasn’t doing it to pressure her or try to imply she wasn’t doing enough with her life. He wasn’t that kind of husband. He just wanted her to be happy and he knew music had always given her pleasure in the years before they’d had children.
A year before she found herself pregnant with Luke, Claire had begun to experience quite a bit of success with her music, something she’d dreamed of since she was a child. But when she learned she was pregnant, she made the decision to put that part of her life on hold to stay home with her baby.
“I know life’s crazy,” Jack said, “but maybe you could start performing again.”
“Oh, yeah,” Claire said, sarcasm thick in her voice. “In my spare time.”
“The twins are in school now and you have a little bit more time than you did when they were small. Maybe you could go to an open mic night sometime at the café downtown.”
“I don’t know…” Claire hesitated.
“Come on,” Jack said, giving her a soft smile. “I’d be there in the front row, cheering you on. At least say you’ll think about it.”
Claire sighed. Even if she didn’t mean it, what harm would come of telling Jack she’d consider it?
“Okay. I’ll think about it.”
“Did I mention how sexy I find your eyes?” Jack interrupted her reverie.
Claire laughed and slugged his arm. They continued on with their fun-loving banter until Claire realized she was having a hard time keeping those sexy eyes open.
“Hey, how are you doing?” she asked Jack. “Do you need me to help keep you awake or can I fall asleep for a bit?”
“Weren’t you the one who said we’d be able to stay up all night driving?” Jack asked teasingly.
“It did sound better in theory, I must admit…” Claire’s voice trailed off as her eyes closed and she fought to reopen them.
“It’s fine, babe. I’m fine. I’ve had a lot of caffeine,” Jack said reassuringly. “Go to sleep and if I find I’m getting too tired to drive, I’ll pull over, okay?”
Claire nodded. At least, she thought she nodded. She was too tired to be sure, though. Already, her thoughts were beginning to make little sense, a sure sign she was quickly falling asleep. Within minutes, she was softly snoring.
Ever since Claire’s parents had died, she had, on occasion, dreamt about them. It wasn’t often. And, not nearly as frequently as Claire would’ve liked. The dreams always seemed so real, as if her parents were truly there with her again. In most of them, she usually found herself in her childhood home, with her mom cooking dinner in the kitchen. Claire would sit at the table, her dad coming in to sit across from her. Both her parents would ask about Jack and her children. She was always surprised they knew she was married and had kids. But, she’d happily tell them all about Luke’s latest science fair project and how adorable the girls had looked in their dance costumes at their recital.
This time, she was sleeping in her old bedroom—the one that had the pink-flowered wallpaper and the big canopy bed. It had been the perfect room for a little girl to grow up in and when she’d had the twins, she’d made sure to create one that was just as inviting and frilly for the two of them.
It felt so good to be back in her old bed, and she wanted to sleep there for days.
“Wake up, baby.” Someone shook her gently.
“Uh….” Claire moaned. “Go away. I’m tired.”
“Wake up, Claire.” The voice was more urgent now, and Claire opened one eye.
Standing next to her was her dad. She closed the eye again.
“I’m tired, Daddy. I’m not ready to wake up.”
“Baby, I’m not kidding. You need to wake up.” Her dad was full-out shaking her now. “Jack needs you to wake up.”
Jack? Did he say Jack? What was her dad talking about? She was in her bed at home. Jack wasn’t there.
“Claire Elizaebeth Matthews. You need to wake up this very moment.” Her dad was using his angry tone with her. She rarely ever heard that one. “Your husband needs you.”
This time, Claire’s eyes flew open. She was no longer in her childhood bedroom, surrounded by stuffed bunnies and panda bears. She was in the car with Jack and the kids. Jack was driving. He appeared to be wide awake. The kids were asleep in the back. What had her dad been talking about?
Rubbing her eyes, and realizing it had all been a dream, she began to close them again when she heard Jack’s voice.
Claire’s eyes flew open again. In the distance, a bright light was in front of them.
A flashlight? No. Too bright. A motorcycle? Why did it seem like it was coming toward them?
And just as Jack gripped the steering wheel and began to swerve to the right, Claire realized what it was. A car. With one headlight. On the wrong side of the road.
Instinctively, as Jack jerked the wheel, Claire turned her head away and reached into the back of the car, trying to shield her babies.
The impact was massive and stunning. Claire had never felt anything like it before. Even with her seatbelt on, Claire was thrown forward with alarming force.
She tried to brace herself as the car began to roll, flipping from top to bottom as if it were one of Luke’s toy cars he’d kicked down the hill in their backyard.
Claire could hear the kids, who’d clearly been awakened by the crash, begin to cry out in fear. She wanted to tell them it was okay, that they’d all be okay, but somehow all she could do was scream, too.
And then, as suddenly as it began, the tumbling, and all the cries, ended with extreme force.
“Uh…uh…” Claire moaned.
Slowly, with deliberate effort, Claire opened her eyes. Where was she and why did she feel like she was upside down?
The car. Claire suddenly remembered and her body tensed. Looking around her, she could see very little in the dark. Reaching out, she felt for her window. There was nothing there.
“Jack,” Claire called out. “Are you okay?”
She heard nothing. No noise at all.
“Luke… Ella…Lily?!” Claire cried, louder. “Can you hear me? Are you all right?”
The silence pounded in her ears.
She quickly turned to her left, trying to catch a glimpse of Jack, but something was in between them? A piece of metal? She wasn’t really sure. She tried to push it away, but it wouldn’t move. Twisting her head as far as she could, she attempted to look behind her. Where were her kids? She couldn’t see anyone or anything. It was as if the car had caved in around her.
She struggled to undo her seatbelt with one hand, while using her other hand to stabilize herself on the roof the car. She was fairly certain she was hanging upside down and didn’t want to fall on her head when she undid the buckle. The belt caught on something as she clicked the button and it began to retract. She twisted her body, feeling a pressure in her abdomen as she worked the belt loose. When she was finally free, she pulled herself through a hole where the car window used to be and onto the ground. She sat there for a moment, gasping for breath. Every inhale took effort.
“Jack!” Claire called. “Where are you? Can you hear me?”
The car’s headlights shone on the trees in front of it, but other than that, it was pitch-black. Claire stepped back a few feet, trying to get a better view of the car and where everyone might be.
Her stomach flew into knots as vomit raced into her throat. The car. If that’s even what it was, and it must be, because she’d just crawled out of it. But it no longer looked like the minivan they’d all piled into for their journey. It was now a twisted piece of metal, turned upside down and bent around a large oak tree.
Where were her babies in that mess?
“Oh, God. Jack! Luke! Answer me! Are you okay?” Claire began to scream as she moved around the van, trying to find an entry inside. Why couldn’t she find them?
“Help! Somebody help!” Claire’s voice was becoming hysterical. “Ella! Lily! Are you okay? Answer Mommy!”
Claire was so focused on locating her family she didn’t hear the sirens or see the people as they rushed down the embankment toward her. As she clawed at the hot metal—why was it so hot?—she felt a hand on her arm. Thank God, she thought.
“Help me! Please, help! My family’s in that car. Please! Get them out!”
“Ma’am,” a deep voice said. “You need to get back. We’ll take over from here.”
Get back? What was he talking about? She couldn’t leave this spot until her family was out of the car.
“No!” Claire spat at him. “I need my family.”
“Ma’am, you need to back up. The car’s on fire. Let us do our job.”
On fire? What? How could it be on fire? Her kids were in that car.
“Come on, sweetheart,” a soft, soothing voice said to her, as two hands gently grasped her shoulders. “Why don’t we back up and let the firemen do their job? We don’t want to be in their way now, do we?”
Claire looked up and saw an older woman, with a kind face, smiling down at her. In a daze, Claire nodded. The woman was right. She needed to get out of the way.
Getting off her knees, Claire stood and allowed the woman to wrap her arms around her, slowly leading her away from the wreckage.
“My babies…” Claire moaned.
“Who’s in the car?” the woman said, softly and full of concern.
“My whole family…my husband…my three kids…” Claire’s voice drifted off as she watched the scene unfolding in front of her. Suddenly, it seemed there were dozens of police and firemen and passengers from other cars, all trying to break apart the minivan and find her family inside. For a moment, Claire felt a sense of relief. Surely, with all these people to help, Jack and the kids would be out of the car soon, wouldn’t they?
“They’ll get them out,” the woman said calmly, though if Claire had been looking at her, she would’ve seen the absolute fear in the stranger’s eyes. It didn’t look good. The car was demolished. And, it seemed like the fire department was having a hard time getting their equipment down the steep embankment. From where the woman stood, she didn’t know how anyone could have survived such an accident. But the fact that Claire was standing in front of her was evidence miracles do happen, though she could tell Claire hadn’t escaped injury free. The woman imagined adrenaline had kicked in and Claire wasn’t feeling any of the pain.
“Dear, I think you need to lie down and not move. We need to get you some help.” She rested her hand on Claire’s stomach, but was scared to push too hard for fear of making the injury worse. “Help!” the woman called out. “She needs help!”
Claire didn’t hear a word the woman said. “Jack!” Claire screamed again, struggling against the woman’s arms. “Get the kids out! Jack!”
“Get back! Everyone get back!”
Claire didn’t know who yelled those words, but in horror, she watched as all the rescuers turned and fled from the car.
“Where are you going?” she wanted to scream. “My babies are in there! Go back! Go back!”
She tried to break free of the woman’s grasp, and even in her desperate state, was surprised at how tight this old woman could hold onto her.
“I need to get my babies! I need my babies!” Claire screamed, writhing and pushing away from the woman.
She’d just broken free when something hit her so hard, she was knocked to the ground. For a moment, Claire couldn’t lift her head. And then, slowly, she forced herself to look up.
The car was completely immersed in flames from the explosion.
“No,” Claire whispered. “No.”
This couldn’t be happening. Not to her. Not to Jack. Not to their babies.
“No!” Claire screamed. “No! No! No! God, please! No! Please, God. Please! Please! Please!”
And, as the reality hit her that, in just a moment, she’d lost everything, Claire laid her head on the ground and began to sob.