Claire sat on the blue tile floor of their bathroom as the plus sign slowly darkened on the stick.
She was expecting it. Just like she’d been expecting it with the four other tests she’d taken this morning.
How was she going to tell Callum?
She couldn’t believe this was happening. They’d been so careful. Until Callum got his vasectomy a couple of weeks earlier, she’d taken the pill religiously. Well, semi-religiously. She’d only forgotten it a couple of nights, but she’d always remembered it as soon as she woke and would take it immediately after that. She hadn’t thought it was such a big deal to be late by twelve or so hours.
Apparently it was.
Claire stared at the stick and thought about what this meant, for her, for Callum, for them.
The foremost thought was that this was dangerous, for her and for the baby. A pregnancy after what she’d been through, physically, could put them both in danger. She wasn’t exactly sure what kind of danger or what the ramifications could be if she carried this baby to term. She hadn’t asked those kinds of questions after her surgery. She hadn’t really cared at that moment and avoiding any future pregnancy hadn’t mattered to her. She’d just wanted her babies back. It never crossed her mind to worry about future children.
Callum was going to flip out. That was the second issue. She had to present this to him in such a way that he’d see it as a blessing and not a curse.
A blessing. The longer Claire sat on the cold floor, her back propped up against the cabinet of the sink, the more she began to believe it. They hadn’t been trying for this. They hadn’t wanted it. In fact, if they’d been trying for anything, it was to keep this exact thing from happening.
This hadn’t been the plan. Not their plan, at least. Didn’t the saying go, though, the easiest way to make God laugh was to tell Him your plans?
She and Callum had created a baby. A life. The two of them were together, forever, inside this incredible new creation. Claire couldn’t think of anything more beautiful than that.
And she’d be a mom again. She’d hold her own child in her arms. This baby could never replace the ones she’d lost, but maybe he or she would be able to fill some of the void that still remained inside Claire.
Callum and the doctors were not going to see this as positive news. But, if she were able to defy the odds and give birth to a healthy baby, wouldn’t it all be worth it? Wouldn’t the possibly difficult pregnancy be worth the prize at the end?
She certainly thought so. Now she needed to convince Callum.
The thought of that, and how he was going to react, almost made her want to begin vomiting again.
• • •
“Whoah, love,” Callum said as he came home after work. “What’s all this?” He was eyeing the dining room table, which Claire had set with the china they’d received as a wedding gift from Callum’s parents—the same china they hadn’t really wanted but received graciously. There were flowers in the center, candles flanking either side, and a feast of seafood and steak near their plates.
“Just a little romance,” Claire said, smiling. “We need to eat more home-cooked meals. With all our time on the road, we’ve become too reliant on restaurants and takeout. It’s time to begin eating healthier.”
“And steak and shrimp are now considered healthy?”
“Well,” Claire said, smiling. “They’re a start. At least they’re home-cooked.”
“It looks delicious.”
“Before we eat, though, let’s go into the living room and relax for a moment. I’ll cover the food so it doesn’t get cold.”
She went to the kitchen and came back with a couple of large bowls. She placed them over the food and then indicated to Callum he should go into the other room. She picked up the glass of wine she’d poured him and followed behind him into the living room. Callum rolled his chair to the couch and then climbed onto it. Claire sat next to him and handed him the glass.
“I could get used to this,” Callum said, taking a sip of the wine.
“What’s that?”
“Coming home to a hot meal and a glass of wine waiting for me.”
“What about the beautiful wife?” Claire asked.
“I’m already used to that part. I come home to her every night.”
He leaned over and kissed Claire.
“Well, actually, I have a confession to make,” Claire said, doing her best to steady her voice. “We’re actually celebrating.”
“We are? What’s that, love?”
Claire paused.
“How would you like to come home every night to a hot meal, a glass of wine, a beautiful wife and a family?”
Callum didn’t speak for a moment.
“Are you saying you’d like to adopt?”
They hadn’t discussed the idea since they got back together. Claire knew Callum didn’t want to pressure her and if and when she was ready to consider that option, he knew she’d mention it on her own. She hadn’t felt the desire to bring it up and so she hadn’t.
“Not exactly.” She’d practiced, all day long, how she was going to tell him and yet, here they were, and she had no idea what to say.
She might as well spit it out.
“I’m pregnant.”
The words weren’t out of her mouth a half a second before Callum dropped his glass of wine, splattering the red liquid all over himself, Claire and the couch.
“Geez, Callum!” Claire cried, jumping up off the couch. “What a mess!”
“Is this a joke?” Callum asked, his voice cool. “If it is, it’s not a very funny one.”
“No, it’s not a joke,” Claire said as she walked into the kitchen to grab a rag and some club soda. Walking back into the room, she said, again, “It’s not a joke. I’m pregnant.”
“How?” Callum asked, his voice more shaky than Claire had ever heard it before. “You were on the pill.”
Claire knelt down next to the couch, poured some soda onto the towel and began to dab at the wine on the cushion.
“Well, I guess it didn’t work as planned.”
“Did you do this on purpose?”
Claire stopped what she was doing and stared up at Callum. His question nearly took her breath away.
“Callum! How could you even ask that?”
“Well, I don’t know. How could I? Hmm, let’s see.” His tone was cool and Claire could sense the anger lying just beneath the calm.
“You’re accusing me of not only putting my life at risk, but deceiving you, too?” She scrubbed harder than she knew she should. She didn’t want the wine to set deeper into the fabric. “I don’t know how it happened,” Claire continued truthfully. “Maybe because I didn’t always take the pill at the same time every day. Or, I had that sinus infection two months ago. I was given a prescription for it and, it turns out, antibiotics can mess up the effectiveness of the pill. I don’t know. Really, I don’t.”
“Stop cleaning,” Callum ordered, moving from the couch to his chair.
“I can’t,” Claire said. “In fact, why don’t you give me your shirt? It’s a mess.” He had dark red stains all down the front of his polo shirt and his jeans.
“Oh, you’re right about that. It’s a mess,” Callum barked at her. “But the wine has nothing to do with it.”
He rolled across the room, away from Claire. She could practically see the steam rising from his ears. He was furious. She half wondered if he was going to pick up something breakable and throw it into the fireplace.
“Callum,” Claire pleaded, resting back on her feet. “Please stop. You’re scaring me. I wanted you to be happy.”
“Happy?” Callum practically screamed the word at her, spinning his chair around to face her. “Happy? Are you out of your mind? How could you have ever thought this might make me happy?”
“You’ve always wanted a baby.”
“I have always made it perfectly clear to you that what I wanted was you! A baby could kill you. Do you get that? You could die.”
He said the last three words as if each one was its own sentence.
“I won’t,” Claire said softly.
“You don’t know that.” His voice was softer, but still full of the same anger or was it…fear? Yes, beneath the anger, Claire heard the fear.
“Callum,” Claire said, laying down the rag and resting her hands on her thighs. “I know it’s scary. I’m scared, too. But, I also didn’t want tonight to go like this.”
“I don’t know how it could have gone any other way, Claire.”
Claire put her hands on the ground and crawled the four or so feet over to him. When she reached him, she got back on her knees and reached up to him, resting her hands on his legs.
“I really feel this is going to be okay,” she said.
“Well, I’m glad one of us does,” Callum said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Please don’t be upset. I made a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. Let’s wait and see what he says. Please. Let’s not be upset for the rest of tonight.”
Callum sighed loudly. He put his hand on top of Claire’s.
“Okay, but let me make something very clear. I will not lose you. Do you hear me? I will not lose you.”
“You won’t,” Claire said. “I promise. Everything is going to be okay. I know it.”
Callum looked at her, clearly not convinced.
But Claire was convinced this would, somehow, all work out. She wasn’t sure how, but she must have gotten pregnant for a reason. Even with the issues with the pill, she wasn’t a young twenty-something woman. Getting pregnant at her age couldn’t be as easy as it had been when she was newly married to Jack. If she was pregnant now, with her age and the precautions they’d taken, especially in the short amount of time there was before Callum got his vasectomy, there had to be a reason for it.
A plan. Callum was always talking about there being a plan.
She just needed to convince him this was somehow a part of it.
• • •
“I’m going to be perfectly honest, Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald,” the doctor said as Callum and Claire sat, nervously, in his office. Claire had gone in for an exam an hour earlier and she’d had her medical records sent over from her doctor in Florida. “This will be an extremely high-risk pregnancy. I can’t lie. If you insist on carrying this pregnancy…”
“We do,” Claire said, interrupting.
Callum sat perfectly still next to Claire. Claire forced herself to look at the doctor and not at Callum. She knew the expression she’d find on his face if she turned her head. Misery, anger and fear. Claire couldn’t bear it.
Claire saw the doctor glance at Callum and sensed the two of them were exchanging a look that said they weren’t sure Claire was being realistic here.
“As I was saying,” the doctor continued, looking back at Claire. “If you insist on carrying this pregnancy to term, you’ll need to follow my instructions to a tee. No exceptions. Is that understood?”
“Yes,” Claire said.
“No physical exercise. Minimal exertion. At some point, during your second trimester, you’ll be put on full bedrest. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” Claire replied again.
“Most importantly,” the doctor said. “I don’t want you to go into labor. We’ll schedule a c-section prior to your due date.”
“Why would going into labor be so dangerous?” Callum asked. It was the first thing he’d said during their meeting.
“It would put a big strain on Claire’s body. And we can’t risk the uterus rupturing. We want to get this baby out on our terms—not his.”
Claire glanced over at Callum. His face had a greenish tint, as if he might be ill at any moment.
“Do I have your support in this, Mr. Fitzgerald?” the doctor asked.
Callum swallowed hard. “I’ll do anything to make sure Claire comes out of this alive.”
“Me and the baby,” Claire said.
Callum remained silent and didn’t look at Claire.
“Okay, then,” the doctor said, rising from his chair. “Come back and see me in two weeks. I’ll be monitoring your progress very closely, Mrs. Fitzgerald.”
“Please call me, Claire,” she said as she stood.
“Claire, then,” the doctor said.
“I need to go schedule my next appointment.” Claire turned to Callum. “Meet me by the elevator, okay?”
Callum nodded.
“Thank you, Doctor,” Claire said, putting out her hand. The doctor took her hand in his and shook it.
“Don’t thank me, yet,” he said.
Claire gave Callum a little wave as she left the office.
Callum rolled his chair back, but as he began to turn it toward the door, he stopped.
“Dr. Lindberg?”
“Yes?”
“Please promise me if you have to decide between saving Claire or the baby, you’ll save Claire. I know that sounds terrible. I shouldn’t be asking you such a thing, but you have to understand. I can’t lose my wife.”
Callum’s eyes were brimming with tears. The doctor came around the desk and gently rested his hand on Callum’s shoulder.
“I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t lose your wife or your child.”
“Thank you,” Callum said, rolling out the door in search of Claire.