For the rest of that day and the next, Jude found little ways to seek out Elizabeth. In the past he had discussed the details of a ball with Martha, but now he went over everything from dance cards to orchestra music with Elizabeth. He even asked her where she thought they should position the ferns in the ballroom. Each time he appeared at her side with another obscure issue, he was rewarded with her patient smile, though he sensed something troubled her every time she looked his way.
Now, evening had fallen and Elizabeth was putting Rose to bed.
Jude sat on the front porch of the Northern, needing some time to clear his thoughts and seek God’s wisdom. He longed to speak to Elizabeth about the things stirring in his heart, but fear of rejection held him back. He’d lived for so long with the idea that he was unlovable, it was hard to wrap his mind around the idea that he could be loved—and by a woman as sweet and beautiful as Elizabeth Bell.
He sensed she liked him and he couldn’t deny the attraction they had for each other, but there was something that made both of them hesitate. He knew what it was for him, but he didn’t know what troubled her, and that was the thing he needed to talk over with God.
He rocked his chair as he watched the town go to sleep. Abram and Nathan Richardson were on duty this evening and they had already ridden past the Northern once. They had stopped briefly to speak to Jude and give him the latest report on the gang’s activities. Apparently, there had been a fight at Dew’s place the night before and some of the gang had been hurt. The two vigilantes had brought the injured to Dr. Jodan and he had patched them up as well as he could.
Jude prayed for Abram and Nathan as they patrolled the streets and for Little Falls as a whole. After two years of incredible growth, all construction had come to a halt. Jude wondered if it meant the end for their town—or if it was just a lull until the economy picked up again. It was hard to tell, but he knew one thing: if the gang didn’t break up soon, they would lose more business.
A rider approached from the south and it was apparent his destination was the Northern. As he drew up to the edge of the porch, Jude rose.
Ben sat atop his horse, his shoulders tight and his back rigid. “There’s been some trouble.” He dismounted and tied his reins to the hitching post.
“What kind of trouble?”
Ben walked up the steps and joined Jude on the porch. “One of the women at Dew’s place was hurt bad last night and it took until now to get word to me.”
“What’s her name?”
“Gretchen. One of the other ladies snuck away and came to me. She said you told Gretchen that if she ever needed help to find me.” He spoke more quietly. “From what I surmise, Gretchen was the impetus behind the fight last night. Two men were arguing over her and then others got involved. She was hurt during the fight, but it wasn’t until after everyone left that Dew took out his anger on her. He blamed her for inciting the men and causing all the damage to his place.”
“How bad is she?”
“She’s bad, but according to the lady who came to me, her wounds aren’t life threatening. She wants out and said you could help.”
“I can help—but it will be hard to get in and out without being spotted. Everyone knows who I am.”
“And if they link you to her disappearance, it will mean serious repercussions for you and the hotel.” Ben’s voice was grave. “Not to mention everyone who lives here.”
For the first time in his life, Jude had more people to worry about than himself. Yes, he’d always been concerned for Martha’s safety, but she had willingly worked alongside him to help. She knew the dangers and had said yes. Elizabeth, Grace and especially Rose were innocent in the whole matter and would have the most to lose if something went wrong.
Jude paced across the porch as a gust of wind whipped around the side of the Northern. The western horizon was dark with impending storm clouds.
“If we get her out of there,” Jude said, “we’ll have to find somewhere else to take her. She can’t stay at the Northern.”
“Which means we’ll need the help of a female.”
Jude paused in his pacing. “Why is that?”
“Doesn’t Martha usually take care of their needs once you bring them here? We’ll need the expertise of a woman to help Gretchen, too. According to the lady who visited, Mr. Dew won’t let anyone in to see Gretchen. She’ll need help cleaning up when we get her out.”
“Maybe Martha will come.”
“That’s what I was thinking.” Ben sat on one of the rockers and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “I think we should use the ball as a distraction tomorrow evening. While you are hosting the ball, I’ll go to Dew’s place and sneak her out. I’ll hide her in my barn and then I’ll come back. After that, you can bring Martha to tend to her.”
A lot could go wrong with their plan, but it was the best they could do for now.
The front door opened and Elizabeth paused on the threshold. Her body was silhouetted by the light seeping out of the lobby.
Ben stood and Jude stopped his pacing.
Elizabeth looked from one to the other. “Hello, Ben.”
“Hello, Elizabeth.”
“Was I interrupting something?” she asked.
“No.” The light from inside illuminated Ben’s face, revealing the deep admiration he held for her. “We were just finishing.”
“Do you need something?” Jude asked her quickly.
Before she could answer, Ben spoke. “I should go.” He offered a slight bow to Elizabeth. “I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
Ben mounted his horse and rode south toward the parsonage.
Jude hated how he felt when he witnessed Elizabeth and Ben together. It was clear they liked each other. If given the chance, would their mutual respect turn to something more? It’s what he’d originally wanted...but was it what he still wanted?
At least, for now, he had her full attention.
He indicated the rocking chairs. “Would you like to join me?”
She closed the door and stepped onto the porch. With the elegance he had come to anticipate, she lowered herself onto the rocking chair and began to move it back and forth.
Jude also sat, but his movements felt choppy and out of rhythm. Though he’d spent his entire life around women, with Elizabeth he felt like he had no experience to draw upon. Everything with her felt new and uncertain.
“Tomorrow at this time the hotel will be full to capacity,” she said.
“And I’ll finally get a chance to dance with you.”
Soft light seeped out the windows of the hotel, making rectangles on the porch and the street. It allowed him to see the smile of anticipation on her face, though there was a catch in her gaze.
The steady click of their rocking chairs filled the night air and competed with the sounds of crickets and frogs from the river. The wind continued to blow and a soft patter of rain started to fall on the porch roof. It danced upon the dusty street and dripped off the eaves.
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “I—” She paused and then said, “This place is beginning to grow on me.” He sensed it wasn’t what she had started to say, but he’d give her time and space to pull her thoughts together.
“It has a way of doing that.” He recalled her fear during the Indians’ dance and her despair after the locust invasion. He was certain that she’d pack up and leave after each incident, but she had stayed, revealing her commitment and dedication to the hotel and her sisters. “If you can claim that this place is growing on you, even after an Indian dance, a locust invasion and a gang of desperadoes, then I was wrong.” He looked deep into her eyes, wanting her to believe him. “You are meant for frontier life.”
“Even though I’m a single woman?”
“Probably even more so because you’re single.” He stopped rocking his chair. “You’ve had to learn how to be strong and courageous on your own, without relying on a man’s help. I admire you for that, Elizabeth, more than I could ever say. You’ve shown strength of character at every turn. Your sisters should be proud of you.”
She also stopped rocking and looked down at her hands. “I don’t have the strength of character you give me credit for.” Her voice was filled with regret. “I’m weak and easily discouraged. I’ve done things I’m not proud of and my faith falters at every turn.”
He wanted her to know that what she said wasn’t true, but she wouldn’t look at him, so he reached out and placed his hand over hers. Her skin was warm and soft.
She looked up and met his gaze. Longing flickered in her eyes and for a moment hope flared in his chest.
But then she stood and walked to the porch steps, keeping her back to him. “I can’t lie. I heard some of what you and Ben were discussing.”
Jude stood, as well. “I was going to tell you.”
She nodded, but still did not look at him. “It sounds dangerous.”
“It’s very dangerous.”
She finally looked at him, her eyes beseeching. “Can someone else do it? Why does it have to be you?”
Her words tore at him. “Who else would do it?”
“Ben.”
“Ben is helping, but he can only do so much. This is my calling—not Ben’s. He just helps when I need him.”
She clasped her hands together. “How long do you plan to continue this work?”
They stood for a few moments, neither one saying a word. A heaviness fell over him, because he knew what she was getting at. She might agree to let him use the hotel to help women, but if given the choice, would she let him continue rescuing them? He’d wanted to share his heart with her, but now he feared what it would cost him.
Resolve strengthened his spine. “I plan to keep helping women as long as I can. I made a promise to God and I aim to keep up my end of the agreement.” He wouldn’t apologize for his decision or back down from his commitment.
She nodded slowly, though her shoulders drooped. “I needed to know where you stand—and now I do.” She unclasped her hands and walked across the porch to the door. “Good night, Jude.” She slipped inside and disappeared.
Jude sank to the rocker as deep melancholy engulfed him. He had been foolish to hope.
* * *
The next evening, Elizabeth pulled on her long white gloves and wished she could muster more excitement for the ball. She wore her purple gown again and had her hair in ringlets, but she didn’t feel like putting on a smile and entertaining a room full of men.
“Lizzie, may I come?” Rose asked, as she sat on the floor and played with Edgar.
“You’ve already asked at least a dozen times,” Grace said, securing a hair comb above her curls. “What has Elizabeth said?”
Rose’s bottom lip slipped out into a pout. “No.”
Elizabeth placed her dance card onto her wrist. Ben would arrive any minute and she didn’t want to keep him waiting. She went to Rose and put her gloved hand under her sister’s chin. “You’ve already been to one too many balls, young lady.” She bent down and kissed her nose. “Someday you’ll be all grown and you’ll go to as many balls as you’d like.”
Rose clamped her mouth shut tight and frowned. “It takes too long to grow up.”
“Miss Nellie is here to sit with you tonight,” Elizabeth said. “Be a good girl and mind your manners.”
Nellie Carlisle was a teenage girl Elizabeth had met at church. She had agreed to come and spend the evening with Rose and promised not to fall asleep, like Mrs. Fadling had done last time. Nellie was in the sitting room waiting for Rose.
“Go on now,” Elizabeth said, touching her curls once again to make sure the pins were secure. “Tomorrow we’ll do something fun, just the two of us.”
Rose grasped Edgar close to her chest and stood. She stomped her way to the door and made sure Elizabeth saw her frown.
Elizabeth tried to hide her smile, knowing it would only anger Rose more. Instead, she frowned, too, and looked as stern as possible. “No more of that, Miss Rose Bell.”
The little girl opened the door to the sitting room and Elizabeth saw Nellie waiting for her on the sofa before the door closed behind Rose.
Elizabeth allowed herself to smile and then turned to Grace. “Are you ready?”
Grace nodded and stood. She wore a beautiful gown of blue-and-white-striped silk. Her dark hair, so like Elizabeth’s, was also in ringlets.
“You look very pretty,” Elizabeth said. “I hope you enjoy your time with Jude this evening.”
Grace picked up her gloves and shawl. “I’m only permitting him to be my escort because Hugh isn’t allowed on the property.”
Elizabeth tried not to let her sister’s words frustrate her. “Hugh isn’t good for you, Grace. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. How do you picture your life in ten or fifteen years? Do you plan to be married and have children? Why would you continue to see Hugh if he’s not the man you picture yourself with in the future?”
Grace put her hands on her hips. “Who says I don’t picture a future with Hugh?”
“What kind of a future could he provide? He doesn’t have a job or even a home. Will he be a good provider? Someone you can trust and rely on?”
“Like our father?” Grace said the word with venom. “Why try so hard to find a good man when none can be trusted? I might as well have a little fun while I’m young.”
“Grace.” Elizabeth took a step toward her sister. “How could you think like that? Papa did what he did out of grief.”
“Who’s to say the ‘good’ man I marry wouldn’t behave poorly out of grief or melancholy or whatever life throws at him?” Grace pulled on her gloves and didn’t look Elizabeth in the eyes. “You keep looking for that elusive man and I’ll focus on the one who hasn’t made any false promises to me.”
Grace strode across the room and walked out before Elizabeth could find her voice. How could her sister think that way? Maybe, now that Elizabeth understood why Grace had been making such poor choices, she could talk some sense into her.
Elizabeth left their room to find Grace, but she was already on her way down the front stairs before Elizabeth could reach her.
Jude’s door opened and he stepped out, adjusting his cravat. Elizabeth almost ran into him, but he put out his hands to stop her.
He looked striking in his evening coat, just as he had the night they’d met. Slowly, he lowered his hands from her arms, his eyes filled with admiration. “You look stunning.”
She tried to smile, but her lips trembled and her stomach filled with butterflies. Here before her stood a man who was more dependable than any other. She knew he would always make the right choices under dire circumstances. Hadn’t he proven that by making the most out of his life? Instead of running from his past, he’d embraced it and used his experiences to help others. Not only that, he was kind, handsome and funny. He was nothing like her father or James or anyone else she’d ever known.
Why, oh, why did he have to continue his dangerous work? It would be easy to fall in love with him if she didn’t have to be concerned about his safety every time he went away. She had enough to worry about with her sisters.
Elizabeth didn’t want to think about anything unpleasant tonight, so she tried to mask her whirling emotions by reaching up and fixing his cravat. “You look pretty dapper yourself.”
He put his hands over hers. “Is everything all right?”
She shook her head, but couldn’t find the words to tell him what troubled her.
The hallway lighting was dim with only a lantern on the end and a scant amount of daylight left in the sky outside the single window. Noise from downstairs indicated their guests had begun to arrive. The sound of an orchestra tuning up was a prelude to all the wonderful dancing to be had—including the dances they would share.
His brown eyes searched her face. “What’s wrong, Lizzie?”
The use of her pet name made her want to melt into his arms. She had tried to keep their relationship on a professional level, but she longed to share her hopes and fears with him, to rest in his arms and let him help. He was the kind of man who could not only shoulder her burdens, but offer her wisdom and advice, too. “It’s Grace,” she whispered. “I finally understand why she’s been acting the way she has and I’m frightened she may do something foolish before I can talk sense into her.”
“Would you like me to try?”
She shook her head, thankful to have someone on her side, but knowing it would do no good. “I need to speak to her, but I’ll have to wait until after the ball. I don’t believe our conversation will be easy or over quickly.”
Jude lowered their hands, and Elizabeth held her breath as he looked into her eyes.
“After tonight,” Jude said while he rubbed his thumbs over the top of her hands, “I was hoping we could find some time to speak, too.”
She dropped her gaze. It was too painful to see the hope in his eyes when she knew she couldn’t offer him her heart—not if he continued his work. “Jude—”
He reached up and put his finger against her lips. The gesture stilled her mouth but sent her pulse skittering. His touch was gentle, yet it felt like fire against her skin.
“Don’t say anything yet,” he said softly, looking at her lips. “Let’s enjoy this evening and then we’ll find the right words later.”
It took all her willpower not to sigh with pleasure—instead, she nodded and swallowed, afraid she couldn’t find the words right now even if she tried.
He lowered his hands, a tender smile on his lips, but so much more danced in his eyes. His look was full of longing and it made her want to believe that they could overcome anything—yet she knew it would only be a matter of time before his mission work came between them.
“Shall we go downstairs?” He held out his elbow and she was thankful her legs worked properly as she stepped to his side and wrapped her hand around his arm.
They descended the stairs together and found Ben waiting in the lobby.
His face brightened at her arrival and he quickly came to her side.
Jude slipped away, without another word, and went to Grace, who stood by the door greeting all the men and women who were arriving.
“Your cheeks are the most becoming shade of pink right now,” Ben said with a smile.
Elizabeth put her hand up to her cheek, hoping he didn’t suspect why she was blushing.
“Are you ready to dance?” Ben asked.
She nodded, still unsure if she could speak properly.