| |
Pastor Jenkins had preached his sermon about gossip, judging others, and spreading rumors. That sermon made him realize how few people actually applied his sermons. Despite the sermon, the rumors about us spread through the town with the speed of a prairie fire. Throughout the next few months, whenever I went to town or to church, instead of people simply not talking to me, they gave me looks of disdain. John noticed it more than I did. The first time I found out that John even saw what they were doing was when his father mentioned it to me.
“John told me people look at you funny when you are in town.”
I looked up from the bread I was kneading. “He did?”
Pastor Jenkins nodded. “Is there anything I can do about it?”
I shook my head. “No, nothing will stop them from talking about what they want to talk about. It will eventually die down and life will go back to normal.”
He grunted. “I doubt that. John feels bad that people keep looking at you like you are some crook or imposter. I don’t know about James because he won’t talk about it, but I think he feels even worse.”
I brushed some of the flour off my hands and gave Pastor Jenkins my full attention. “If James isn’t talking about it, it means that he is hurting inside. I didn’t realize it was affecting them so profoundly. I don’t mind the looks if they are only affecting me, but those boys, especially James are more sensitive to them.” I twisted my hands in my apron and looked down. “And they are rather protective of me.”
Pastor Jenkins smiled. “Yes, they are protective of you. You have been the mother figure they needed and they love you very much.”
“I’ll try not taking them to town as much so they don’t see it. Hopefully that will be enough.”
Pastor Jenkins shook his head. “No, I don’t think that would be a good idea either. If you don’t bring them with you, you will be admitting there are things that are beyond God’s reach. I will talk to them both tonight. Better yet, I’ll talk to them both right now.” He turned around and disappeared upstairs.
I stood where I was, stunned and surprised by his reaction. I was still there when all three Jenkins men came down the stairs.
“Are you going to town today, Miss Stuart?” Pastor Jenkins asked.
“Yes, I am.”
“Good,” he turned to his sons. “Now, remember what I said and mind what Miss Stuart says.”
“Yes, Pa,” John answered. I couldn’t see either of the boys, but I assumed James either nodded his head or signed a positive response.
Pastor Jenkins turned back to face me. “If they don’t behave for you, I want to know as soon as I get home. I’m going to head out and get to work.” He walked past me.
“Can I play with my friend William while you do your shopping?” John asked.
“Didn’t you get to play with him at school today?”
“Yes, but we didn’t finish talking. I wanted to tell him about a dream I had last night. It was the kind of dream you don’t wanna tell when others could overhear.”
I shook my head and smiled. “Very well, but only for a little while. I’ll walk with you to William’s house, do my shopping with James, and then come back to William’s house.”
“Naw, you don’t need to do that,” John argued. “That would be awful far for you to take all the packages. I’ll talk with Will at his house, tell him about the dream, then Will and I can walk to the store.” His eyes got wide as an idea came to him. “Can I invite him for supper tonight?”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Well, that would be up to your father and William’s parents, but since Pastor Jenkins isn’t here, I can’t ask him. Let’s see what William’s mother says.”
We walked into town and I let John lead us to William’s house. When we got there, John and William disappeared and his mother and I stood in the yard with James and a younger daughter. “John would like to invite William over for dinner tonight. I don’t think Pastor Jenkins will have a problem with it if you don’t,” I started.
“He never has in the past,” Mrs. Michaels said with a smile. “I think it is a good idea for them to spend that time together. I know they haven’t had much time to be together lately.”
I nodded. “I didn’t even know John had a friend until today or I would have invited William out to our farm whenever he wanted to join John. As long as he is willing to work, that is.”
Mrs. Michaels nodded her head slowly. “That might be a good idea. I’ll talk to Zeke about it tonight.”
“Well, I should get the shopping done or the boys will be back in town before I get started. It was nice talking to you, Mrs. Michaels.”
Mrs. Michaels waved to me as I left. James and I went to the general store and gathered all the things we needed. I ignored the looks and whispers that happened all around me. There may have been only five people in the store, but they still made their presence known in a way that almost made me feel claustrophobic.
Mr. Peterson had just finished wrapping up our last package when John and William came bursting into the store.
“Miss Stuart!” John exclaimed. “You’ll never guess what happened.”
I spun to face him, a stern look on my face. “John Carlton Jenkins, you know better than to speak in such a loud voice. Go outside and wait for James and me to be finished here. You can tell me what happened when we get back to the house.” I turned back to the stunned store owner without waiting to see if John would obey or what his reaction might be. Frankly, I didn’t care what his reaction was and I knew he would obey me.
I paid for the items, gave some of the packages to James and picked up the rest. Together, we walked out of the store and walked right past John and William. Making it seem like an afterthought, I turned my head slightly and said, “Come along John and William. Let’s get home.”
John jogged up to me and tried to take some of the packages out of my arms. “Here, let me help you carry those.” I relented and he took half the packages from my arms.
The ten minute walk proceeded in silence. John knew he was in trouble and didn’t want to make it worse, and William didn’t know what to do with the strict housekeeper. I didn’t want to talk right then and James couldn’t talk.
When we got to the parsonage, we put the packages on the table and I asked William and James to put the things away while I had a talk with John. They agreed and John and I went to the living room.
“Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?” I asked.
“I wanted to tell you that William can come to supper tonight and that we got to see a foal being born at the stable.” John spoke in a subdued voice.
I prayed for wisdom. “That does sound exciting. What did you think?”
John’s eyes sparkled when he looked up into my face. I couldn’t help letting a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. “I loved it! It was so awe-inspiring to watch a new life be born in the world. And then only a few minutes after he was born, the foal stood up and started walking around. It was great!”
“I can tell,” I said. “Now, what would have been the proper way for you to come into the store to tell me all of this?”
John got a sheepish look on his face. “Go up to you and tell you in a quieter voice or wait until you came out of the store.”
I hugged John close to me. “Yes. And knowing you, that is what you will do next time, right?”
John pulled away from my hug. “Yes, Miss Stuart. I will. Will you forgive me for not remembering to keep a quiet voice inside?”
“Yes, John. I forgive you.”
John smiled at me. “Thanks.”
“Let’s go see how William and James are doing.”
***
“Pa? Miss Stuart?” John asked before I left that day. “Can I talk to you, please?”
The two of us exchanged glances and then gave John our full attention.
“What is it, John?” Pastor Jenkins asked.
John took a deep breath and I had a fleeting fear I would not like what he had to say especially since I could tell he was nervous. He was tense and his breathing came in short, raspy breaths.
“Pa, Miss Stuart, I’ve been thinking for awhile. And praying. I don’t know how to say it, or what to say, but Pa, I know you’ve been trying to match Miss Stuart up with some of the other men in town because you think she would make a good wife and mother.” John glanced over at me and his cheeks turned red as he looked back at his pa. “Well, I’ve been wondering. Why haven’t you ever thought of the possibility of her becoming your wife? I don’t want her to get married to someone else. I want her to get married to you so she can be MY ma. James and me need her here. She’s been more of a ma to us than anybody I can remember ‘cepting ma.”
I looked toward James who stood back from our group of three. Tears glistened in his eyes and he signed the words, “I love you, Miss Stuart. I want you as my ma, too.”
Tears filled my eyes as I looked over at John and then to Pastor Jenkins. He stood straight and stiff as a board, staring at the far wall.
John took a step toward me and clasped my hand. “Promise me you won’t marry anyone besides Pa, Miss Stuart?”
I tried to speak past the knot in my throat, but it took a few tries. I kept my eyes on Pastor Jenkins as I spoke very carefully. “I can’t make any promises, John. God might not want your pa and me to get married. He might not ever want me to get married.”
“Oh, but He does!” John exclaimed. “He told me you were supposed to be my ma.”
That got Miles’ attention. He jerked around and stared at his son, eyes wider than Lake Jackson. “How, and when, did He do that?”
“I’ve been thinking for awhile about this,” John said, “and last night when I was praying I really think God agreed with me that Miss Stuart wouldn’t marry any of those other men you’ve been trying to match her with. You’re supposed to marry her, Pa. Ain’t that right?”
Pastor Jenkins blinked his eyes and took a deep breath. “I...I don’t know, John. I’d never really considered it. We don’t really know each other...”
“Hogwash,” John exclaimed. “Ma was a mail order bride, wasn’t she? You two didn’t know each other either.”
Miles’s cheeks turned red. “No, John. That is a story that was spread around. It’s not true. Your mother and I practically grew up with each other. The reason folks think she was a mail order bride is because I came here first after getting the job as pastor. I wrote letters to your ma and she wrote back, but we were engaged before I came here.” He cleared his throat. “Our original plan was that I would go back there and we would get married, but things got in the way of that and Rebekah decided to come out here to get married.”
John shrugged. “Fine. But how much more do you need to know about Miss Stuart? You know she can cook, sew, clean, she’s a Christian, you’ve known each other a little less than a year, and you two get along with each other. What more do you need to know?”
I fought a smile. Ah, the naïveté of a ten year old.
Miles shook his head. “For one thing, she might not want to get married. For another, I would like to know that she at least likes me a little. And there are other things. But, let’s get off this subject. It’s not one I am ready to talk about right now with you. Besides, Miss Stuart needs to get home now.”
I was about to breathe a sigh of relief when John spoke again. “Do you want to get married someday, Miss Stuart?”
My mouth opened, but no words came out at first. I was finally able to stammer, “If God blessed me with a husband, I would marry. But I doubt that will ever happen.” I saw Miles’s eyes narrow. For some reason, he didn’t like it when I said anything about doubting things would happen. I shrugged it off and just about got bowled over with the next question.
“Do you like Pa?” John asked.
“John!” Miles said in a firm, no-nonsense voice. “That is enough. You, William, and James, go into the kitchen and get the table set for supper.”
John hung his head and shuffled into the kitchen. James rushed over and gave me a quick hug before following his brother.
“I’m sorry if his questions embarrassed you,” Pastor Jenkins said.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m a big girl and can handle nosy questions from little boys.” I shook my head. “Even if they were misguided questions.”
Pastor Jenkins grunted as he held the front door open and stepped onto the porch with me. “Could you stay for a few more minutes? Now is probably the best chance we’ll get for awhile to talk about this.”
I turned to look at him and he continued on, “It’s out in the open right now and very much unresolved. I know I said I didn’t want to talk about it, but I mainly didn’t want to talk about it in front of the boys. Especially not with William here. I don’t know what you’re thinking about anything John said and I don’t really know what I’m thinking either.” He stopped when he looked at me and saw my amused grin. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
All I could do was nod because I knew I would probably laugh if I opened my mouth.
He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be. This took us both by surprise.” We both stood on the porch, looking and feeling uncomfortable. We looked at everything except each other. There was a peaceful silence for a few minutes. I heard crickets chirping, woodpeckers pecking, birds singing, and squirrels chattering away. I prayed for wisdom and for the words to say while we stood together.
“I feel like I should clarify some of what I said in there,” Miles said. “I implied that I would be willing to consider marrying you. I hadn’t ever seriously considered it before, not consciously anyway.” I heard him swallow hard. “I think we should both pray about it fervently and not take a ten year old’s word that God wants us to be married.”
I nodded and took a deep breath. “Yes, we do need to pray about it. I love those boys of yours,” I said. “Like most girls, I suppose I’ve always dreamed of marrying a man who I fell madly in love with and who fell madly in love with me. But at my age, you tend to get more realistic about such things. Yes, I do still dream of getting married, and I do still dream of falling in love. However, I think two people can get married and have a form of love based off of friendship and can work on loving each other. Isn’t there something in the Bible about loving your enemy? How can you love your enemy if love doesn’t take work? The same is true of friends. Even friends will hurt you in some way at some time. But you still need to love them. Love takes work.” I laughed a little. “Here I am, standing next to a pastor and giving a little sermon of my own.”
I looked over at Pastor Jenkins and saw a grin forming on his face. “Nice sermon. And you thought you could never be a pastor’s wife?” We shared a laughing glance. “Well, I’d say we both have some praying to do. If we both agree to explore the possibility of marriage, then I’ll have to talk to your pa.”
I cringed. “Yes. I suppose you will.”
“What is that look for?” Miles asked.
I sighed. “I don’t know if Da would allow me to marry anyone, especially not a pastor.”
Miles was silent for a long minute. “We’ll have to pray that God will soften his heart, if it’s meant to be. He’s already working on Caleb and I know how much you and the boys have been working on Caleb, too.”
“You do?” I asked.
“Sure. Those boys tell me everything.” He smiled. “So you better be careful what you say and do around them.” He winked at me and I grinned back.
“Well, if we are about done with this conversation, I should really get back home and get supper on the table.”
Pastor Jenkins nodded. “I’ll see you Friday.”
I waved at him as I walked down the porch steps, down the walk and toward home.
***
During supper, I noticed Caleb staring at me while he chewed on a piece of meat. I cocked my head at him as if to ask, “What is it?” He swallowed his food and mouthed the words, “Let’s talk later.”
I furrowed my eyebrows and nodded. What would Caleb need to talk to me about? I gave my head a slight shake and went back to eating.
After supper, I washed the dishes while Caleb and Da did the evening chores. Da was the first one inside and he headed straight upstairs. Again. I sighed and prayed that he would someday get over his reclusiveness.
The door creaked open and Caleb came in as I dried the last dish. I looked up at him and noticed his brown hair was getting long again and would need to be cut soon. Caleb took a deep breath and let it all out slowly before collapsing into a chair.
I dried my hands and sat in a chair near him. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”
Caleb stared off into space. “I...John and I’ve been talking. Da doesn’t like it, but we talk when we’re working in the fields. You know? He’s a really bright boy. And he sure knows his Bible. He’s only ten. How does he know these things? Yesterday, when we were taking care of the horses, he asked me about Jed.” Caleb stopped talking and I waited for him to go on, but after a minute I realized he wasn’t going to.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“Nothin’.”
“Nothing? You didn’t say anything? Why not?”
Caleb leaned his arms on the table and buried his face in them. “I couldn’t,” he mumbled.
He kept his head buried for a few minutes. “After I was silent for a couple minutes, he nodded and told me he was that way about his mama for awhile, too. It took a few months before he could talk about her to anyone. Then he told me all about his mama. When he got to the part of her dying, he told me the only thing that made him talk and truly start healing was accepting Christ as his Savior and I should do the same thing.”
I raised an eyebrow and Caleb saw it. He gave me a rueful smile. “I didn’t respond to that one either and he dropped it. But I’ve been thinkin’ on it all day. I know you’ve certainly changed and I know it would be good for me, I just don’t know that I’m ready for it.”
“We can’t push you into it either. It has to happen when you are ready. But that won’t stop us from praying for you.” I made a face as I remembered what else I absolutely had to pray about.
“What’s that face for?” Caleb asked.
“Something John said today.”
Caleb got a mischievous glitter in his eyes. “Must’ve been good. What was it?”
I wasn’t sure if I was ready to reveal what John had said, but if Miles would be talking to Caleb or Da anytime in the next week or so, I figured I should at least warn Caleb a little. “Well, he said God told him that his da and I should get married and he wants me to be his new ma.”
Caleb’s eyes went as wide as I had ever seen them and his jaw just about fell on the floor. “He what? He thinks you should be his ma?”
I shrugged. “Yes.”
“Does Miles know about this?”
I nodded.
“What’d he think about it?”
“He wasn’t sure what to think. Neither am I. We talked about it a little and agreed to pray about the possibility.”
Caleb blinked his eyes rapidly and stared into space. He crossed his arms and leaned on the sideboard, deep in thought. “I guess I assumed you’d be here forever. I know I shouldn’t’ve, but...” He shook his head as if trying to clear a fog from his brain. “I...I’m just shocked is all.”
“You’re shocked?!?” I asked, incredulous. “What about me and Miles? We had a ten year old practically tell us he thinks God wants me to be his new ma. And all this before Miles and I even dreamt of the possibility of getting married. Yes, we are good friends. But marriage? Me, a pastor’s wife?” I took a deep breath to calm myself down. “I’m still a little in shock.”
Caleb stood up and came over to me. “I thought you loved those boys.”
I looked up at him with a startled gaze. “I do. What made you think otherwise?”
“Well, wouldn’t loving the kids be enough?”
I stared at him. “I still have dreams, Caleb. I may be a thirty year old spinster, but I do still have a dream to marry a man I love with all my heart. Maybe it is Miles, maybe it isn’t. I don’t know. But, God hasn’t taken that dream away yet and I’m going to stick with it.”
Caleb nodded. “I need to get some sleep. It’s been a long couple of days.”
I nodded and stood up. He headed upstairs and I did a little more cleaning up in the kitchen before going upstairs myself. It took me a long time to actually go to sleep because my mind ran on and on and on about all the events of the day. I was praying about what God wanted for Miles and me when I finally fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
