I spent the days following the fight waiting for Brandon to call me or to come over to see me. I wanted to hear from him so badly, but it seemed he wasn’t as eager to hear from me or see me. I didn’t know if he was in jail, if his parents had grounded him, or if he was intentionally avoiding me. The thought of the latter hurt the most.
It wasn’t until the third day that I cried. I had convinced myself that Brandon was avoiding me because he was ashamed to have kissed me like that. I didn’t answer any calls from Cindy. She had tried reaching me twice, but I ignored the calls, afraid of what she’d tell me. It was cowardly. I knew that, but avoidance was my defense mechanism.
Hershey and I were scheduled to visit with Janet that afternoon. Mom was off work and drove me to the rehab facility in silence. She and I had talked the night of the fight so she knew about the kiss Brandon and I shared. She also knew I had been crying that morning. My eyes were red and swollen. It would be hard for her not to know.
“Ellen, don’t let this get you down. Pick yourself up and move on. You can’t be of any help to your client if you’re depressed yourself,” she said when we pulled into the parking lot.
“Mom, I’ll be fine. I’ll see you in an hour,” I replied. I carried Hershey into the building and once I entered the doors, I felt the black cloud lift from my shoulders. So many of the residents had met Hershey over the past few weeks and greeted us as we passed them on our way to Janet’s room. They all loved Hershey and he seemed to brighten their days. It felt good to do that for someone.
I stopped at the nurses’ station to say hi to the staff and check in.
“You have perfect timing, Ellen. Janet just finished with her exercises. She’s in her room,” one of the nurses said.
I knocked on Janet’s door, and to my surprise, instead of hearing her say “come in,” she actually opened the door for me. She was no longer in her wheelchair. She had a beaming smile on her face.
“Hello Ellen! Come on in,” she said full of pride.
“Wow, Janet, you’re walking on your own! This is great to see,” I said.
“I know. I’m feeling so good about myself right now, I could dance!” She walked slowly, but unaided to her recliner and sat down. As soon as I brought Hershey out of his carrier, he made his way over to Janet and hopped on her lap.
“Hello, my sweet little friend. I’m so happy to see you,” she said to him as she ruffled his head and snuggled her nose into his neck. Hershey responded by cooing at her and flopping onto his back. She rubbed his tummy and then looked up at me. That was when she noticed my swollen eyes.
“Oh, dear, what’s wrong, Ellen? Is everything okay?” she asked full of genuine concern.
I told her everything was fine. After all, it was my job to make her feel better, not vice versa. She didn’t buy it. I tried to sway the conversation to focus on her.
“I’m so impressed at your recovery, Janet. You are doing so well,” I said.
“I owe it all to you, Ellen, you and this little prince.” She was still stroking the purring Hershey. “Now, tell me what’s troubling you.”
“Janet, I’m okay. You’re the patient, remember?” I joked.
“I feel so good right now, I no longer feel like a patient!” She said. “You know they have a courtyard here. Would you and Hershey like to go for a walk with me?”
“Yes, we would,” I said. I pried Hershey off her lap and set him on the ground. Janet gingerly stood from the recliner. “Let me get my walker. I still need to use it for long walks.”
The three of us walked through the hallway like a little parade, Hershey on his leash right alongside of me and Janet with her walker. Staff and residents were smiling and waving at us as we passed. A few of the nurses clapped.
Once we made it to the courtyard, Janet stopped to take in a deep breath of the fresh air. “Ah, this is so rejuvenating,” she said as she exhaled. “Thank you for doing this with me.”
Hershey found himself a long blade of grass to nibble on while we stood there, taking in the warmth of the afternoon sun.
“Hershey loves to be outside,” I replied, “So you’re actually doing him a favor.” I winked at her.
We walked over to a bench in the shade of an oak tree and parked ourselves. Hershey had enough slack in his leash to do a little investigating, so he was happy. I sat next to Janet. We both sighed, and then laughed.
“It’s beautiful out. I’ve been indoors for so long and I’ve missed the summer heat,” Janet said. She chuckled, and put a hand on my knee. “You know, when I was about your age, I was chubby so I would never wear shorts or halter tops.” She paused and looked at me, “In my day, it was halter tops, not tank tops.” She looked off again into the clouds. “Now, I just don’t care what anybody thinks, I wear whatever is most comfortable. It took me a long time to realize that my comfort is more important than what other people think or say.”
“Were you overweight all through high school?” I asked, my curiosity peaked, as I’m sure she’d meant it to be.
“Actually, I was just like you, Ellen. One summer I just slimmed down and grew into my body.” She turned to face me. “You see, Ellen, we are all created different. Some people are black, some are white, and some are heavier than others. Wouldn’t the world be a boring place if we all looked exactly alike?”
“Yes, it would be boring,” I said in agreement.
“Biology explains why some girls in your age group are heavier around the middle. We older folks call it ‘baby fat’. It’s nature’s way of making sure you develop into a woman. Girls usually have more baby fat than boys because increased levels of estrogen cause certain areas of the body to fill out before the menstrual cycle begins. Girls with more fat around the pelvis begin to menstruate before girls without a fat pad. It isn’t unusual for an athletic young lady to go without her period until she’s eighteen or nineteen.”
I never knew that. I had “the talk” with my mom and we had “the class” in school, but I didn’t know this.
“How do you know all of this?” I asked her.
“Ellen, I’m fifty three years old. I have many years of therapy and soul searching under my belt. I told you I was chubby, but I didn’t tell you what I turned into after I lost my baby fat.” I said nothing, just waited for her to continue.
“The peer group you are a part of and the things you do in high school do not define who you are later in life. The fact that a woman was a cheerleader or the Prom Queen in high school may help her pursue a career in modeling, but such superficial achievements mean nothing in the real world. Do you know who Bill Clinton is?” she asked.
“He was one of our Presidents and he’s married to Hillary Clinton,” I answered, making her laugh just a little.
“Now, wouldn’t you say becoming the President of the United States is an impressive accomplishment?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Would it surprise you to know that former President Bill Clinton was bullied in school because he was overweight?” she asked.
“Boy, can you imagine how awful his bullies must have felt when he became their president?” I asked rhetorically.
“I’ll bet they wished they hadn’t called him ‘the fat band boy,’ especially after he told the world about it in his memoir.”
“Wow. I guess I can see what you’re saying. Being popular in high school doesn’t mean you’ll be successful in real life.”
“That’s exactly my point! When you fill out a resume for a job, they don’t care if you were the most popular girl in school or not.” She spoke with feeling. “I’m worried about you, Ellen. I’ve known you for a long time now, and I’ve seen what you’ve gone through. This summer has transformed you. You grew into your body, your work with Hershey here has given you social skills, and the kids at school are going to notice the changes in you.”
“Why would that make you worry?” I asked, confused. Janet sighed and reached down to grab Hershey and placed him on her lap.
“Never stoop to a bully’s level, Ellen. Instead, take the high road. Always do the right and honorable thing.” She continued to stroke Hershey.
“I’m not sure why you would think I wouldn’t.” I said.
“Like I said, I’ve been there. I transformed one summer, and instead of taking the high road, I took the low. I wanted to be popular and loved so badly that I did things I should not have done. I got involved with drugs, alcohol, and sex. I ended up pregnant before I graduated…and the boy who got me there? Well, he graduated and moved on. Don’t get me wrong. I love my son with all my heart, but do I regret not finishing high school? You bet. Do I regret not going to college? Yes, every day of my life.”
I assured her that I would always try to do the honorable thing, but felt a tad guilty inside about the fight at the skating rink. Brandon did throw the first punch and I did see it, but I omitted that from my statement. Not a very honorable thing to do. Okay, from THIS point on I would do what was right! Under no circumstances would I throw Brandon under the bus, so my little white lie would remain a secret until I died.
“Ellen, I think today is our last visit together. The doctors say I will be able to go home sometime in the next few days,” she said.
I was happy for her, so glad she was well enough to go home, but yet sad at the same time. Janet had taught me so much in the few weeks I had been visiting with her. It was odd. I was supposed to be helping her, yet she was the one who was helping me.
“I’m so happy for you Janet. I look forward to seeing you at the head of the bus!” I said.
“Oh, I think it will be a few weeks before I can return to work, but eventually I will be there,” she said.
After leaving Janet, I thought about what she had said and her statement ‘do what’s right and honorable.’ I thought about my dad, and how Mom had said “those that try and fail, never disappoint. It’s the ones that don’t try at all, that do.’ I decided to call my dad and meet him for lunch. It would be the right thing to do, and I needed to get to know him. I called him while in the car with Mom, making her eyes widen with pleasant surprise. She said nothing while I left him a voice message.
“Hi, Dad, this is Ellen. I understand you’ve been trying to reach me. Give me a call back when you get this message so we can arrange to meet for lunch before school starts,” then I added a little joke, “Oh, and be forewarned, it will be an expensive steak and lobster kind of lunch!”