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That evening I showed up in the spot that Mr. White had designated. When I got there, I found out there were two other college students that were also participating. We all kept to ourselves until Mrs. Shambles drove around to us in a white van. We all got in, and she started to explain what was going to happen.
“Each time we meet up it will be at this spot and the same time. We will go and clock in each time and be assigned to any area that we're needed in. I strongly urge you to not go off alone with any the children. If an incident occurs to use your walkie-talkie that will be given to you as a point of contact. Incidents happen regularly, so use what you have learned in our lectures to help you and the person who is having that attack. Remember, they are all broken with their invisible, emotional backpacks. Let’s try to be professional as well as nurturing. With everything each of them have been through, heaven knows they’ll need it.” She went on to talk about each of the children we were assigned to and concluded the orientation by telling us that we’d be dropped off in the same place each evening.
I was excited, but also apprehensive. We’d had lectures covering different subjects, from complex dynamics of brain function to the study of social cues and body languages. We had moved on to studying the impact trauma could have on people, from a basic level to more extreme circumstances. This lecture was going to be fascinating as well as hard, due to my past. I had hoped coming to SSK would help me just as much as I helped them. I just hoped that no triggers would be set off. I’d been good lately, but as I had learned in my lecture, triggers come from the primary level. It takes time, support and conditioning to overcome them. I had all that. In a way, I thought my triggers had regressed into my dreams, and I escaped them through sleepwalking.
We drove through a set of gates, then parked in front of a large stone house. It was dark out, and Mrs. Shambles told us that we would be helping with the evening schedule. First we had to get some paperwork out of the way, however.
The three of us followed Mrs. Shambles as we walked through the large home, awed by how massive it seemed. There were a lot of different sounds to be heard: giggling, crying, banging, thudding of feet. The house was alive with little children in every space of the home. Curious children peeked out from doorways and heads peered up from over their toys while they played. The whole place reminded me of the home in the movie, Madeline. It made me feel as if I had a purpose here. The kids here had no home just as I once didn’t. They had pasts and struggles, and I was going to be one of their Para-parents. I could make a difference here. A small, but meaningful difference. I was sure of it.
We were taken to the dining area and seated at one of the largest wooden tables I had ever seen. We were then given forms to fill in. While filling in the forms, the older kids came out of the woodwork, finally curious enough to check out the newest of their Para-parents. It was then that I started to realize that I wasn’t that much older than some of them. I hoped we were getting younger kiddos, because I truly saw my age being a conflict with this older group.
“Yo, Mrs. S!” a kid about fourteen called out to our professor. Then he saw me. “Well, this one here looks like she belongs! She’s smokin’ hot and as young as me. You up for fuckin’?” he asked as he gave me a head lift and a sneer.
What. The. Hell.
I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head with what the boy had said.
“Dwight! Twenty minutes!”
“Twenty minutes!” a younger redhead boy parroted.
“You say sorry. Now!” she finished angrily.
I glared. He just rolled his eyes smirked at me. “Sorry, Sex on a—”
I was about to go off on him, but he was just a kid. Looked like he was getting his first pimples coming in. Still a baby, but with terrible social skills. I kept my mouth shut and my eyes narrowed at him.
“DWIGHT! That’s an Hour! Go now!”
“An hour...” The redhead repeated once again, and I smirked.
“Shut up, Bates,” he shot off, pushing the kid.
“Hey.” I stepped up, defending the redhead child, who now looked scared. His eyes were wide with terror as I shoved him behind me. “Leave the kid alone.” The redhead hid behind me as his hands clutched at my shirt. Dwight was going down on my shit list.
“So help me, Dwight!” Mrs. Shambles muttered making her way over.
“See ya.” Dwight winked, heading off the other way. That boy definitely had issues.
I was assigned to the redhead boy named Bates, who I found out was 7, and a little toddler girl named Sonya. She was Bate’s little sister. We went to dinner together, and then I help them through their nightly routine as the other para’s did. When the night was over I decided I was not ready to have kids of my own. Not when so many of them were in need of a home.
When we arrived back at the college, I saw Raina’s car waiting for me and hopped in.
“So how was your first day?”
“I was verbally assaulted,” I told her truthfully as I bucked up. “But he just has mommy issues. No joke, either.”
“What!”
I sat back and sighed. “And I have a kid that wants to be a parrot.”
***
Wednesday night after I came home from SSK, Lincoln pleaded to stay the night, so I snuck him in. I was doing that a lot lately. Was it weird that I was excited about him staying now that Tyler and I had taken things a step further? Maybe, but either way, I was feeling comfortable enough with my new found intimacy that I put the moves on Lincoln. He crawled into bed and went to draw me into his warmth, when I leaned in and kissed him. I moved against him; my hands snaked under his shirt to tug him to me.
“Faith, Faith,” he whispered against my lips, his arms now around me. “You’re playing with fire, Sweetheart.”
“Mm-hm,” I murmured as I opened my mouth under his, and my hands raked down his back, making him shudder.
He rolled over on top of me, settling on my hips and pulling my hands above my head, holding on to them, all while kissing me. It gave me a thrill, knowing that he was in control. I wanted to test if he would let me go so I tried to tug my wrists away, but he still held them firm.
He pulled back from my lips, both of us breathing heavy. Lincoln’s eyes were blazing blue flames that I doubt would be cooled anytime soon.
“Faith, we can’t—” he fumbled, his eyes dimming.
I was taken back. “What? Why?”
“I promised.”
“Promised who?” I was feeling foolish. He was turning me down.
His hands tightened on my wrist, then loosened as he dipped down and kissed my neck. “Sweetheart”— he pressed his hips down into me—“Feel that? You do that to me. You make me crazy, and there’s nothing I’d like more than to love you, but I can’t. My brothers and I made a promise that the three of us want our first time with you to be together.”
“Really?” I was suddenly curious. Tyler had mentioned it, but when it came down to it, would they? “It wouldn’t be weird for you three?”
Lincoln sat up, his eyes even more full of heat. “It would be hot. To see you, watch you. It won't be like that every time, but we want your first time to be good. My hands holding you down, kissing you while Kayden’s at your breasts. Suckling and touching. Tyler between your thighs...”
Holy hell. His words lit a flame inside of me, and I was tightly strung. I felt like one intimate touch from Lincoln would be all it took to make me cum. I wanted him. Immediately.
I lifted my hips upward, and he leaned down, “Do you like the picture I painted for you? Hm?”
“Yes. But you don’t have to break your promise,” I reasoned, lifting up to kiss his mouth, wanting what he was talking about. I wanted what happened with Tyler to happen with Lincoln. To have that connection. To love him. To soar. “There are other ways...” I whispered, hoping he’d get the idea.
He groaned, releasing my arms and tugging at my shirt. His eyes were back to the same blue flame they were before. “Other ways,” he whispered, pulling the shirt up and off me, and I did the same. “Only if I can touch you first.”
I sighed as his head dipped and kissed my breast.
I was so caught up in the moment that I almost didn’t hear it. The squeak of a door out in the hall. Lincoln must have heard it too because we both froze. The shuffle of footsteps headed down the hall, pausing briefly before going down the stairs.
“Lincoln...” I whispered, pushing at his chest to get him to move. If... If we got caught, I’d rather get caught fully dressed than naked. Either way, I voted not to find out.
“I know. I know,” he agreed, pulling his shirt on while I did mine. I again froze when those same footsteps made their way up the stairs with the click of HotShot’s nails following behind. I was almost panicking. We were going to get caught. HotShot usually slept with me. There was no reason for him to not be by my side at night.
But as luck had it, the footsteps went right past my door as did the clicking of HotShot’s nails on the floor. When the door squeak closed again, I sighed with relief and looked toward Lincoln with a grim face, then I promptly snuck him back out of my house once more. I was very unsatisfied.
On Thursday Kayden had me watch a movie with him at his house until I had to go to work. We were both curled up on the couch watching some show while Mrs. McGuire was in the kitchen putting something together for their dinner. Tyler had to go and show a house while Lincoln went to one of his friend’s house to work on a project. Something to do with a debate.
Cuddling and the soft noises that made a house a home were soothing to me. I also assumed that Kayden might actually be sleeping instead of watching what was on.
The shrill of a phone ringing startled both of us. Kayden groaned and then stretched behind me. “Stupid phone,” he muttered tugging my back closer to his front before nuzzling my neck.
“Kayden!” his mother yelled.
“What?” he yelled back annoyed.
“Is Lincoln home?”
“No!”
At this point, he was sitting up peering over the couch toward the hallway that led to the kitchen.
“... No, dear, he’s not here right now,” his mom repeated.
Kayden climbed over the back of the couch leaving me in place and head toward his mom.
“Oh yes. He did get a new one. Let me give it to you.” She rattled off Lincoln’s number and promptly said goodbye.
“Mom,” Kayden started, “who was that?” I could hear the strain in his voice as if he was trying to not get angry.
“I don’t know, dear. I don't keep track of your brother’s friends.”
“Mom, Linc and I have the same friends.”
“What are you getting at, Kayden Oliver?”
I heard him huff. “We’ve been having some trouble with crank calling on our cell phones. Is that the first time you’ve given out our phone numbers to a friend you didn’t know?”
“No,” she confessed. “But now that I'm aware of it,” she said, getting her spunk back, “I'll be ripping into the next person who calls here asking for you and your brothers. Don’t they know that nobody has time for prank calling? It’s nonsense, I tell ya.”
Kayden murmured something, and with that movie time was over as he got on the phone with his brother.
After talking with Lincoln, Kayden dropped me off at the college for SSK. When I got to the SSK home with the others, I went in search for my kiddos and found Bates outside kicking a ball around with another kid. I paused to watch him as he kicked the ball around. Bates, while a happy child, had haunted eyes. Like something plagued him. Like a kid who had seen too much, too soon. I knew he would be worried about where he and his sister would go. If they’d end up in the same place. I knew his worries. Maybe not everything, but that same look was one I was familiar with; I saw it often enough in my own eyes to recognize the mask he wore to cover the emotional pain.
Bates had kicked the ball back to the other kid and turned my way when another child noticed their Para-parent and called out to them. When he noticed me, his eyes lit up; a smile grew, brightening up his previously sad face. Warmth spread through me when I realized he was excited by my being there. I mattered to him.
At that moment, I made a promise to myself, that Bates and his little sister could count on me. That while I was in their lives things were going to be better for them. I'd make sure of it.
“Faith!” he cried as he forgot his friend and ran my way. My heart melted. When he asked what to call me the first day, I told him Daniels, but the reaction I got from him was not one I expected. He coward away from me as unease filled his eyes. When I realized that the name Daniels set him off, I came to the conclusion that someone by that name had not been kind to the little guy. So I resorted to my first name. From that moment, I didn’t speak my last name in front of him.
Bates’ body slammed into mine as his skinny little arms wrapped around me.
“Hey, buddy!” I answered, patting his back, trying to stay standing. He was like a lightning bolt!
He giggled into my stomach and parroted, “Hey, buddy!”
“Where’s your sister?”
Bates looked up, resting his chin against my stomach, his eyes a little lighter than when I’d first met him. The burden he carried was not as dark today as it had been the first time I'd seen him. Bates was such a cute kid with his red hair. I put my hand up to ruffle it and he flinched, but it was so brief I almost missed it, before his smile was back. I smoothed my hand over his head as though I hadn’t noticed his reaction. I knew the kids were in here for one thing or another, but it was still hard to see it.
“Sister!” he repeated perfectly. “Sister S-s-sonya is in the p-playroom!” he let go of me and raced off toward the house and toward his sister.
“What about your ball game?” I called out to him, but he was too far to hear me as he reached the steps at the back entrance of the house and went inside.
I turned to followed a little bit more slowly and took in the large grassy backyard. It was easily the size of a school play-yard but without the basketball court and playground. Standing with my back to the house looking out, I could see a metal swing set with six seats to swing parallel to the tall wood fence that surrounded the whole yard. On my right stood a big maple tree. toward the back and in the middle of the yard were open grassy areas that kids were playing in. The kid that Bates was playing with had found another boy to play ball with him.
I sighed as I went inside. So many children who had nowhere to go. Some with a history that I could understand. I wondered if this was good for me?
I found Bates with his sister, exactly where he’d said she would be. In the playroom. He was on the floor with her trying to talk to her. “S-s-sonya! Faith is h-h-here!”
Sonya squealed and clapped her hands as she patted Bates' face. Bates didn’t flinch. Hmm. That was interesting.
I went over to the two of them and put on my happy face, letting the world fall away as I played with them until dinner was ready. After that, bedtime. I loved playing mom with them, but I couldn’t help but worry about what would happen to them after I left. When my time here was up. I went home wanting to fix all their problems before I even fixed mine. I wanted them to have what I had.
A chance.
***
Friday I had the dreaded appointment for the birth control shot. I was covered but still nervous about going all the way. The guys had been giving me heated stares, and I’d wondered how long I had until I'd go off that cliff again. Sarah gave me a talk about safe sex, and that had been embarrassing to go through. She’d told me it was just as hard for her to talk about it with me as it was for me to hear it. Thus, we were both awkward afterward.
The guys were all busy with some sort of things at the moment with work, school or friends, but I sent them a group text anyway.
Daniels: The flower is COVERED. #Hacked
Tyler: WTH?
I laughed.
Kayden: My heart be still. My queen, thou hast finally covered thyself?
I snorted and texted back.
Daniels: Tyler—Officer Brady, pollination? Ring any bells? Kayden—Off with your head!
Lincoln: You guys, I’m in class and now have a big problem.
Kayden: Bro, don’t say that! I’m in the same classroom as you! BTW I’m sneaking in tonight.
Tyler: Kayden.
Kayden: FINE... We’re having a sleepover. The adult kind.
Kayden: Lincoln just threw a pencil at me.
I laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Sarah asked as she drove. I’d forgotten where I was. I sent one last text and shoved my phone in my bag.
“Kayden just said something funny.”
Daniels: Gotta go. No sleepover tonight.
Sarah gave me a disbelieving glance as we drove home.
“Mhm. Sure,” she said, humoring me. “You forget, I was young once too.”
I turned my head toward my window, letting a tiny grin slip. I wasn’t fooling her at all.