Role Call

The next day seemed to creep by slower than the hundreds of years Discord had spent trapped in a stone statue in the Canterlot gardens. Waiting to hear of the Ponyville Players casting decisions was torturously boring. All day long, Discord floated back and forth across his kitchen. He tumbled up and down the stairs, did headstands on the ceiling, and even took a bubble bath.

At one point, Martingale the real estate pony came by, looking nervous. He prattled on, mumbling something about the house not being for sale anymore. “Fella, I think we’ve had a misunderstandin’,” he tried to say. But instead of talking to the chap, Discord turned himself into a gigantic, scary spider and dropped down in the doorframe. Martingale screamed and went running off into town.

Aside from that encounter, nothing amused Discord much, so he turned to more extreme measures. He uprooted the whole house, turning it upside down. The building drifted around in a circle, suspended in the air by magic. Discord watched from the windows as ponies would trot by, see the house, and then scatter immediately. It was good for one or two chuckles. By the late afternoon, however, Discord had become so stir-crazy that he decided he could take it no longer. Ponyville was just on the other side of his walls. Surely something interesting could happen out there.

“Whom shall I tinker with today?” Discord said as he flung open the door and looked out to Ponyville below. “Mr. and Mrs. Cake? Nurse Redheart?”

“Nopony!” a voice shouted, much to his surprise. Standing down on the ground, staring up at his abode, were none other than all seven of his best Ponyville friends: Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Spike. “Discord,” Twilight shouted up at the floating house. “Come down from there! We have to talk.”

“Hey, I like what you’ve done with the place,” said Pinkie Pie. “Very jazzy.”

“I’m afraid I must disagree with you,” Rarity said, wrinkling her nose. “That paint color is very ill-advised.”

“Rarity, how kind! That’s just the look I was going for.” Discord smiled sincerely, motioning to the house. “But you haven’t even seen the best part yet—the interior design! I did it with guests in mind. Won’t you all come inside for a cup of tea?”

Before the ponies and dragon could answer his invitation, Discord pointed his claw at them. They all rose up toward the front door, encased in a glowing, purple bubble of magic. Applejack rolled her eyes at the stunt. “Ya coulda just lowered the buildin’ back to the ground, where it belongs. Why’s everything gotta be such a big show with you?”

“Because I was born for show business, Appleshack.” Discord clasped his claw and paw together, setting the ponies down in front of the rickety kitchen table and mismatched chairs. “Which is why, I presume, you’re all here to visit me? Go ahead, you can tell me that I got the lead role in the Ponyville Players musical. No need to sing and dance around the subject.”

A dented copper kettle whistled on the stove.

The ponies all exchanged an awkward look. “Oh, uhh…what makes you think you got the lead?” Rainbow Dash shifted in her chair. Her eyes darted around. “I mean—how do you know?”

“When you know, you just know,” said Discord, raising his bushy eyebrows.

He began to whistle a happy tune as he poured eight cups of steaming liquid all at once. Fluttershy smiled and took a sip of hers. “Mmmm, I love chamomile,” she cooed. Nopony else moved. Discord sat down.

“So will I be portraying Captain Von Scrapp in Hinny of the Hills? Pone Valpone in Les Miser Stables? Oooh! What about Corny Cauliflower in Manespray? I do love that character. Such flair.”

“No, we’re actually doing a production of the old small-town favorite, The Singing Stallion,” Twilight replied, her voice perky. “And you’re in the show! Isn’t that great news, Discord?”

“It’s not news, since I already knew I was the best,” replied Discord. “And though the role of Professor Hayloft Shill is not my favorite lead to play, I’ll make it work.”

“You’re not playing the role of Hayloft,” said Rarity, making a sympathetic face. “Sorry, dear.”

Discord’s face fell. “Then who is?”