Much of this chapter I'd rather forget about, since the subject of intimate relationships relative to deliberate creating is not one to which I can speak personally. My superb resumé encompassing some forty or fifty years of relationships comes from my pre–energy–flowing days, and shows it! I was a victim extraordinaire, an unrealistic romantic, a first-class codependent, and a roaring Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. So much for my outstanding track record with relationships.
Be that as it may, I'll pass on the basic tenets of creating meaningful relationships through energy flow, as the process is no different from creating anything else. For in truth, anytime we have an alliance, to whatever extent, with any one or anything, that constitutes a relationship. So here we go.
Relationships, be they with a spouse, partner, friend, or business associate, are, like everything else in our world, about how we are vibrating. Period. And how we are vibrating is coming from how we are feeling. Period!
That being the case, it's not going to take a genius to figure out that if we're feeling anything other than at peace with ourselves, as well as totally allowing and appreciative of our partner (good luck), our vibrations are going to be slicing away at that relationship, no matter how much we're convinced that since there's nothing wrong with us, it must be the other guy's fault.
If we are verbally or mentally accusing, berating, or disapproving in any way, we are attracting negatively.
If we are feeling trapped, ignored or neglected, unsafe, misunderstood, or shortchanged, we are attracting negatively.
If we race in to please, rescue, or placate, we are attracting negatively.
And I can already hear the “Yeah, buts”:
“Yeah, but you don't know my partner!”
“Yeah, but how would you feel if you had to live with this one or work with that one?”
Now granted, when two people are involved, there are two doing the vibrating, and rarely do those vibrations match. Nonetheless, we are the sole and exclusive creator of our experience, not our partner, not our parents, not even the boss who just got us fired.
So as hard as it may be to swallow, it becomes a matter of looking at our own valve, our own reactions, our own focus, our own energy flow, because as long as we're glaring somewhere else—past or present—at all the stuff we don't like, not only are we inviting more of the same, we're blocking all the good things we'd like to see in its place.
The bottom line is, if our partner, or anyone else who classifies as a relationship, has some dorky little habits that annoy us (Don't Wants), and we focus on them with even moderately closed valves, all we're doing is perpetuating the dorky habits we'd like to erase, because we're holding them in our vibration.
And therein lies the cause of every downward spiral of any relationship that ever went sour: the relentless—though surely innocent—attention to disagreeable conditions, no matter how meaningless they may appear to be. As any small, unimportant aggravation begins to snowball into something major from our continued focus and negative energy flow toward it, we'll start to get more of other unpleasant things on that same wavelength, as well as enlarge the petty thing we've been grousing about. That means not only will that infamous toothpaste cap never get put back on the tube, but that very irritation has the potential, with our constant negative focus, to escalate into an unwanted extramarital affair, a fender bender, a layoff, even a divorce.
“The worse it gets, the worse it gets,” remember? A constant flow of annoyance over anything will, sooner or later, turn ugly. It must. Like attracts like.
Sure, when someone is pushing our buttons, every ounce of us wants to push back. But it's never about what we do in a relationship that equals what we get. Never! It's not even about how our partner is flowing energy. Like everything else in our world, whatever it is we have in our face has come squarely from how we ourselves have been feeling, flowing, and vibrating.
There's just no other way to put it; if you want to change the conditions of your relationship, you're going to have to change your vibrations.
Most of us think of blame as the melodramatic pointing of a long, crooked finger towards one who has done scandalous wrong. Yet we're actually into blame just about every waking moment of our days. From weather, to rude drivers, to toothpaste caps, we blame from sunup 'til sundown and never think a thing about it.
Oh sure, more times than not we're probably justified in our accusations, but so what! There's not an ounce of well-being that can squeak through the low, thick vibration of blame, whether it's justified or not. In fact, the electromagnetic energy of blame is so potently charged as it flows from us to others, it can cause those who are usually fairly dependable to mess up all over the place. And for sure, sending blame-energy to someone who's been nasty, stupid, abusive, or drunk only amplifies the condition you'd like to see changed.
Some friends who had their luggage put on a wrong flight were fuming and stewing for hours at their hotel over the inefficiency of the airline. Their important luggage, which had been seen but had now vanished, was so completely lost, no one even knew where to start looking. Finally, my friends realized what they were doing and switched to appreciating the usually competent employees they'd been berating. Within minutes—minutes!—they received the call that the luggage was found and would be delivered within the hour. Prior to their change of attitude, the buckets of angry, blameful energy they were sending out were causing the airline workers to turn a minor incident into a snarled-up mess.
A lender to whom I had submitted a loan called to tell me they couldn't find an important original paper I knew I had sent. As I was crabbing over the incompetence of their staff, the phone calls kept getting worse. More stuff missing, more facts not properly documented, more problems, problems, problems. The more I knee-jerked into fuming blame, the more this thing was falling apart right before my eyes. Then I realized what I was doing, switched to appreciation for the normally efficient personnel, and in less than fifteen minutes they called to apologize. Everything was there; the loan had been approved.
A participant in one of my seminars couldn't stop blaming her husband for what she perceived to be the cause of their twins' stuttering. After the seminar she reluctantly agreed to undertake a program of brief hubby-appreciation periods daily. She called about six months later to tell me how difficult that had been at first, but as she got into the swing of it, she learned to catch herself at the onset of a blame bout and get her valve open enough to flow some appreciation to the girls, as well as to her husband. As of the last phone call, both of the girls had nearly returned to normal speech. I don't know what happened to poor hubby.
The point is, the energy of blame always makes a bad situation worse. Always!
Let's say there's a bunch of things in a partnership we don't like, some big, some just trivial little things we might even think we're ignoring. But “little” does not exist, and “little” is usually our biggest problem. If something is big enough for us to label, even if that label is “little,” there's no way we can say we're ignoring it or accepting it. We're focusing on the bloody thing, so obviously, we're flowing energy to it and making it bigger.
The bottom line is that if we're bothered by something, whether our being bothered is justified or not, we're attracting negatively; that's the way of it! It may be only a mild annoyance over clothes hung backwards. Or it may be as terrible as the fear of abuse. But regardless of the emotional intensity, that negative attention to “what is” will always cause even greater problems, because that's the script we're writing.
True, we can't paint on another's canvas if they don't want it painted on. If someone doesn't want to change, writing a new script or appreciating probably won't accomplish much except get our own valve open. In fact, once we're flowing that kind of energy, the strong possibility exists that the other guy may buck like a spurred yearling and not want any part of whatever it is we're offering, which could well mean we might be looking at a pulling apart.
That's magnetics. If you're with someone who strongly desires not to change, and you do, universal physics will probably split you up and keep you that way. Yes, that may sound fearful, but ask yourself why you'd want to stay with someone who creates their life through negative energy flow?
So never mind your partner's valve. In fact, never mind your partner! Take your focus off what's going on around you and insist to yourself that you get your own valve open any way you can, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!
The only way you'll ever have a relationship the way you'd like it to be is to script it that way and stay with that script until it comes about, either with this partner or another with whom you're in greater vibrational harmony (which means, if you haven't already guessed, being a whole lot happier).
If you're a silent sufferer, as I was, good luck. Whatever it is you're suffering over is growing like an overfed weed. Same thing if you're a controller, nagger, worrier, or people-pleaser. You have to take your relationship-killing focus OFF whatever it is that's closing your valve and put it ON to what you want in life. In other words, take your focus off your Don't Wants, put it on your Wants, and keep it there.
If you've got a drunk on your hands, open your valve and write your new script.
If you've got an unemployed partner on your hands, open your valve and write your new script.
If the two of you are fighting over money, open your valve and write your new script.
Start talking with your partner about what you want and why, not what you don't want and why.
I know, I'm sounding very cavalier about this, like there was nothing to this business of ignoring the actions of some jackass who you're sure is responsible for making your life miserable. Blame is our game, and pointing the finger back on ourselves has always seemed so pointless.
In the middle of writing this chapter I took a break to go do some grocery shopping and maybe go to the steam bath to clear my head. I wanted to leave the subject behind for a while to make sure I was touching all bases. Leave it behind? Oh sure!
As I was driving to the store, I started a rather nasty inner dialogue with the folks who were renting the little house on my property. They had been unable to pay the rent for a couple of months, and my focus on that nonpayment was becoming all-consuming, to say the least. And anyhow, the car was a great place to fume, so I was going on and on with all these phony undertones of compassion and understanding. Frankly, I was boiling, yet totally oblivious to what I was creating with my vibrations. And here I am writing about it, for Pete's sake!
Fortunately, it was my cantankerous mood in the supermarket that woke me up. Just as I reached for the dog food, it dawned on me how snarly I felt. I asked myself, “What's bothering me?” and in an instant realized it was my focus on the lackful conditions of my tenants.
At first I was annoyed at myself, then even more annoyed that I didn't feel like getting out of my mood. I finished my shopping and headed straight for the steam room, easing myself bit by bit into a better mood as I drove, so that by the time I hit the steam, I was ready to write a new script.
First, a little appreciation: “Nice kids, pleasant to have around.” Not exactly rah rah, but better than where I had been. I could feel my resistance simmering down … a little.
“Thank goodness they were there to take care of the dogs while I was away. No other tenants have ever done that. And no other tenants have ever offered to help with the annual house painting touch-up like they did.” That felt better.
“And they really do love their place, and have it fixed so cute.” By now, my valve was open enough for me to start the new script, so I headed for the empty pool where I could quietly talk out loud without being stared at.
“You both just got new jobs? Wow! That's fantastic! I'm truly happy for you. I know you've been wanting to buy some new furniture, so now you'll be able to do that.”
On and on I went, painting the picture I wanted, backing off when I'd go too far and it didn't feel comfortable, pushing ahead when it felt good.
It wasn't ten minutes after I got home that the kids came over beaming from ear to ear. Not a new permanent job yet, but they had found an ongoing means to pay me, starting immediately! Fast action, to say the least!
Though they had been abundantly aware of their inability to pay me, their primary focus was on their love of the place and all the ways they intended to fix it up, not on their lack of money, so we had a vibrational match—theirs and mine. If they had been focused fearfully, all the appreciation in the world wouldn't have made a bit of difference.
One of my first jobs after I got out of college was in New York City working for what was, at that time, the largest catalog photography house in the world. They did all the fashion shots and most of the still-life photos for Sears and Montgomery Ward.
The best part of my job was working with the stylists, the gals who had to make sure the clothes fit just right by stuffing everything from rolling pins to beer cans in all the right places. Day in and day out the top male and female models of the day whizzed through our studios. I didn't pay much attention to them, but there was one striking, tall willowy redhead who seemed to be the constant butt of everyone's jokes. Each time she'd breeze in, by the time she was ready to leave, a whole new round of wisecracks was circulating through the office before she was out the door.
It seems this gal had a revolving boyfriend problem, so revolving that each time she showed up for a shoot, which was several times a week, she'd either be wailing about the last one or in ecstasy over the new one. She was like a Ping–Pong ball, breaking up every time the ball crossed the net.
“That bastard! He wouldn't return one of my calls. He's just like all the rest, so engrossed in his own petty world, he has no time for mine. He seems to have time for his other girlfriends, though.”
All she could do was blame, blame, blame and attract so many more clones, so fast, it became the standing corporate joke. Off and on someone felt a twinge of compassion and said something like, “How can such a beautiful girl like that have such a string of bad luck? With all she's got going for her, how could that happen?”
String of bad luck? No. This beautiful young woman was attracting from her old vibrational script, her old habitual way of viewing men. Her script never changed. She knew she could attract men like bees to honey, and indeed she did, but they all ended up being the same kind, attracted by what she was continually vibrating. As each poor clone would turn up, only to pass into extinction, she'd flow out yet another litany of negative Don't Wants to attract the next one, and the next and the next. Since her dominant vibration regarding her string of ex-boyfriends was always “that rotten person,” that's all she ever attracted: “rotten person” replicas. The blame she held in her memories sent out such powerfully magnetized vibrations, there was never a chance for a different kind of relationship to activate.
First comes blame, and then comes what … forgiveness? Maybe. Maybe not.
It goes without saying that the exalted position of forgiveness can come about only after one has first convicted. Which means the way we usually look at forgiveness is not much different from blame. Which means we rarely, genuinely, forgive.
Something happens, somebody says something, and then like the trained seals we are, we vibrationally bark back. If we'd let it go at that, we'd be in great shape. But we continue to allow our negative emotions to spill out all over the place, and BHAM! We're into the blame mode.
But now let's say that we've decided to forgive somebody. How nice. Here's the flash: Forgiveness is a releasing of our resistance to positive energy, not the transgressor's at whom we are so benevolently aiming our forgiving smile. Forgiveness is about forgetting the thing ever happened in the first damn place. Ho HO!!!!
Usually when we forgive, we are acknowledging that whoever we're forgiving has done a wrong, which is probably true. Then, even though we say we forgive, we secretly hold on to the dastardliness of the wrong. Yet true forgiveness is about no longer holding on to or stewing over (focusing on) the thing that got us all riled up to begin with. And that holds true whether it happened five minutes or fifty years ago. Why? Because unless we let it go, we'll keep getting more of it, that's why. If we hold on to it, it's in our vibration. And if it's in our vibration, we're either going to attract it, or something similar in vibration. Over and over and over.
If there's a need to forgive, there had to be judgment or blame preceding that need, otherwise there'd be no reason to forgive. And judgment or blame means we're focusing on a Don't Want. So the first step in forgiving (and you're probably not going to like this) is releasing the resistance that caused the blame in the first place, meaning the ability to say … and mean, “Who cares!? Who gives a hoot!? Maybe the idiot did do something awful, something really tasteless. So what!?”
What we're talking about now is honest-to-God unconditional love, something I'm sure not one in fifty million of us has ever understood. I didn't. I always thought unconditional love meant you loved somebody in spite of what a degenerate they were, which of course meant I was still focusing on their degenerateness, holding it in my own vibration.
What unconditional love really means is:
“I will keep my valve open to well-being no matter what crazy thing you've done.” (Remember, you don't have to change it or even like it; you just have to stop focusing on it!)
It means, “I don't need conditions to be just right to be happy. I'm not going to pay any more attention to your silly habits, because I don't need everything to be perfect for my love to flow to you.
“You can be nasty, you can say mean, hurtful things, but your choice does not affect my choice, which is to keep my valve open and feel good. I am no longer blaming any negative conditions and/or your negative habits for the way I feel!!!”
Sure, I know that sounds nearly impossible, but what's it going to take for us to allow happiness? The neat thing about getting into this space of “I don't give a hoot what you do or did, my valve is staying open anyhow” is that you are automatically allowing the kind of conditions to come in that you want—definitely the name of the game. You are no longer hinging how you experience life on the actions of others.
Am I saying to forgive an abuser? No, not in the old sense, never. To forgive in the old, normal way means you're still holding the wrong in your vibration and inviting more of the same. I'm saying forget it, get your own valve open, write a new script, and vibrate your way out of that mess.
Am I saying to forgive an adulterer? No, not in the old way. If the agreement between the two of you is monogamy, I'm saying forget it and get your own valve open if you don't want it repeated in this relationship or the next. Either you're going to vibrationally pull in the harmony you desire, or a new mate.
So am I saying, “Don't forgive”? Good gravy no. On the contrary, I'm saying forgive at the drop of a hat. “Do I forgive you? Of course, now what's next?” That's a long, long way from, “Well I don't know, Honey, that was a pretty awful thing you did.”
Even a little bit of forgiving at a time will work, then a little more, and a little more if that's the only way you can do it. But one thing's for sure; unless you want more of the same, forgiving ultimately means forgetting!
The plain fact is, focusing on what you don't want in a relationship is never going to get you what you want. Never in a billion years. For a relationship to change to your liking, it's gotta be:
Focus off the condition;
Focus onto opening the valve … yours.
That's the only way your unwanted conditions are ever going to change, and the only way your relationship will survive.
“I have a mate who is disabled. How can I help him?”
“I have a mate out of work. What can I do to help?”
“I have a brother who is angry at the world. Is there anything I can do?”
We all want to help. We want to give, or do, or say something that will make it better for someone.
But take care; a helping hand is not always what it appears to be.
If you'll think about those questions for a minute, you'll see the focus is squarely on the other guy. And when it's on the other guy's pain, you're joining with that vibration, merging it with your own until your valve becomes as closed as theirs. Your focus is on the negative condition, which is giving you more negative feelings than you had to begin with. And even worse, you're helping your friend to more negativity than they had before you joined up with them vibrationally.
So how do you help? The first thing to do is get into a good feeling place and get your own valve open before you do any thinking about the person. Then you can inspire—not ensure, just inspire—that same valve openness in the person you're thinking about. You're no longer attempting to paint on their canvas, but you're genuinely offering them paints and brushes.
On the other hand, if you keep thinking about how awful it is that your someone has cancer, or is out of a job, or just had their house burn down, that lackful vibration stands to reinforce the lackful vibration they're already in.
Instead, as you think about them, see them the way you want them to be. If there's anything within them wanting to move forward, your bursts of positive, loving energy will have a strong influence on their thinking, feeling, and being.
That's why prayers for the sick so rarely work. When we see the one for whom the prayer is being offered as being deficient in some way, we're coming from a place of lack. We are viewing that person as deficient in some way, when in fact they are every bit as adequate as any power in the universe. They've just forgotten; and for a time, so did those of us doing the praying.
I have a friend whose father was dying of an empty life 3,000 miles away on the opposite coast. Every night as she went to sleep she would send her father healing thoughts, hoping to help him come around. But in her own saddened state, she was seeing him in his lack, alone and melancholy, a pathetic picture of a man without friends, without incentive, without the will to live. He kept getting worse.
Then she got wind of the Law of Attraction and realized she had been doing exactly the opposite of what had been her intent. After that, as she lay in bed each night, she would see her dad as he used to be: vital, filled with fun, spirited, gregarious. She refelt the wonderful times they had playing tennis together and the merriment of the family ice skating on the local pond. She could feel herself just melt into the joy of those feelings and times. Within three days—three days!—her dad called saying he felt better than he had felt in years, and would it be okay if he came out for a visit!
Was she responsible for this change? Only in providing her dad with an opportunity to pick up these new paints and brushes.She had given him a vibrational leg up, much like we might toss a life jacket to someone. They can grab it or not; but the choice is theirs, and theirs alone.
“Should I—shouldn't I? Should I—shouldn't I?” We've all gone through it, that disturbing period when we know it's time to do something, but the answers just don't seem to come. Or we don't want to get them.
If you've been exploring the ins and outs of deliberate creating with the Law of Attraction, and your mate hasn't, you may be in for a little pulling apart unless good old mate decides to come along. If you've offered paints and brushes 'til you're purple, with no response, then you might be in for some pulling apart. Or maybe you're ready to pull apart anyhow. Either way, let's take a look at some new ways to consider this breaking-up scene.
First off, we've got another one of those emotionally charged words to deal with. This time it's “relationship.” Not real high on most people's Feel Good lists, that's for sure. Just thinking of that word packs almost as much negative wallop as “money.” Maybe it started with our own family, or maybe just with our own troublesome partnerships, or both. It doesn't matter. The very word “relationship” evokes a mixed bag of longings and shivers in the same breath.
So it stands to reason (pre-becoming a deliberate creator) that when we break up, or are faced with that possibility, or even if we've already done it, the thought of getting into a new tangled web is not always enticing. And yet, that's what we do, get right back into another twosome with the same script or worse. Only the players have changed.
We gotta change the script! If we want it different, either now or with the next relationship, we gotta see it and feel it to be different. If we want it different, we gotta change the script.
Let's say you're out of it now, living by yourself. You're enjoying this deliberate creating routine, and so you decide you're ready for a venture with a new partner. But what's the first thing you think about? The old one!!!! And nine times out of ten, that thinking comes packed with some heavy negative vibrations. Just like the attractive model who couldn't get the kind of guy she wanted, you become locked right back into attracting a clone of the last one, or worse.
You have to change the script and get those vibrations you're holding on to … OUT!! You have to manufacture, somehow, a revised feeling about your ex. If you don't, if you keep holding on for dear life to the resentments, angers, and peeves, your next go-around can't help but be the same sort of thing or worse, because that's the vibration you're putting out: resentments, angers, and peeves. What you vibrate is what you get. You can't vibrate with thoughts of “back there” and expect to get something totally different “up here.”
This might not be thrilling news to you, but relationships never die. They never cease. Just by virtue of the two of you (or three of you or twenty of you) having been together in a house, or an office, or a club, you have a vibrational tie that never, never stops. So if you let any one of those ties remain negative … well, you know the rest. That vibration will be forever radiating out from you, looking for its match.
Maybe you lived with a physical abuser, or maybe just a jerk. If you don't want more of the same, you have to find something to love about that blockhead, something you can appreciate to let you break the negative vibrational ties. Otherwise, no matter how long you wait between partners, and no matter how much so-called healing you think you've done, you'll be pulling in the same junky things you didn't like about your ex, because you're still focused on them, grumbling over them, telling friends how glad you are to be rid of them, not to mention being mad at yourself for putting up with them for so long. If you're thinking about it, and feeling it, you're still vibrating it, so you will attract it.
Same thing with blameful focus on our parents. We get what we focus on, pure and simple, so it's an odds-on bet that if you had ugly stuff in your childhood that you're still hanging on to, you're a shoo-in to attract it in some kind of relationship, whether in marriage, with neighbors, or at work.
But back to your current situation. Let's say you're still involved with the relationship, still living or working together with a question as to whether you should or shouldn't remain. Now is the time to take your focus off the conditions, ask yourself what's been bothering you, and start getting those negative vibrations reversed. That may or may not make a difference in your present relationship, but it will definitely take your focus off the problem so you can get some answers, for you can only get answers (inspiration, ideas, etc.) when you unhook your focus from the problem and move to a higher frequency.
So love 'em, whether or not they were or are lovable. Appreciate them, no matter how justified you may be in sticking pins in their voodoo doll. Break the chain of negative attraction, then you can find your answers as to leaving or staying. And if you do leave, you won't be attracting a clone on the same old negative wavelength.
I had a longtime friend who would call every other month or so from several states away and dump all of her rather robust problems on me. Most of this was before I knew about getting sucked into—and pulled down with—someone else's negative vibrations.
This routine went on for years, an unending diatribe of the same old problems growing bigger and bigger as time went on.
At each phone call, I'd jump right in to join her in her negative feelings, thinking I was being so helpful. I'd empathize, commiserate, sympathize, until I'd feel so bad, I'd have to go outside for a walkabout in nature to get my balance back after hanging up.
Without knowing it, not only was I fanning her negativity, but I was wrapping it tightly around me! It was awful, and I didn't know how to stop it, short of telling her not to call any more, which I didn't have the heart to do. To make matters worse, even when I wasn't talking to her on the phone, I'd be envisioning her in her messes, surrounded by lack, a walking time bomb waiting to explode into another tangled predicament.
When I finally got the picture of what I was doing vibrationally to both of us, I started sending different kinds of thoughts to her, seeing her in abundance, happiness, gaiety, etc., though frankly, it wasn't easy. But she didn't want out of her misery, and she surely didn't want anything to do with my paint and brushes.
Finally one day she called and read me the riot act for not going along with her thinking, calling me callous, heartless, self-centered, and a few more colorful jewels I won't bother to repeat. In a manner of speaking, she was probably right, since I was no longer willing to join in her Chain of Pain. I had to let her sink, or I'd go down with her again, something I was no longer willing to do. I've never heard from her since, but continue to see her in the best script I can muster. Perhaps one day …
Try as we will, fix-it kits don't work. When we decide someone needs fixing (as I was doing with my friend), all we're doing is viewing them as “wrong,” flooding them with negative energy.
Instead, if we can find something—anything—to appreciate about them, and plant the seeds of potential new growth about them with our positive vibrations, we open up a chance for change.
If you want to help someone out of their immediate suffering, sending a simple “It's going to be all right” will usually quiet them down and give them an opportunity for a moment of Feel Good. As Pollyannaish as that might sound, it's a soother for them, and a respite for you. Now they're in a place to accept your paint and brushes, or not. If they choose not, so be it. But joining them, even in heartfelt compassion, will only compound the misery by magnifying the negative vibrations: theirs and yours.
Every person on this planet has the Guidance within to find their own way, if they so choose. But sometimes we have to let them sink if that's their choice, or we'll go down too, connected vibrationally in the Chain of Pain.
If someone in your family is driving you nuts, not only is your focus making it worse, it's affecting every other area of your life. A closed valve over a problem youngster is a closed valve to all of Life. A closed valve over a mate is a closed valve to Life. So, how can we get people under one roof going in somewhat the same direction, even if on different tracks? Here's what a close friend did with remarkable success.
Without going into details, the teenage son was acting as the catalyst for everybody's ugly feelings. The whole family was being painfully torn apart with his drug-related antics.
As Peg, his mother and my friend, started getting more and more into the Law of Attraction, she decided to see if everybody could amalgamate their individual intents into a more focused direction, rather than spraying them all over the place. They all had a hard time at first, because everybody was keeping their Don't Want focus on the son, rather than on their own valve.
Nonetheless, they started having family meetings to voice their Wants. As might be expected, the first few go-arounds emerged as long lists of Don't Wants from everyone, particularly from the son. But after a while—quite a while—everybody was stating their positive Wants openly and enthusiastically.
The next step was to get into the Whys. Home run! As soon as they did that, the true colors of desire began to fly. All anybody wanted was to feel better than they were currently feeling, so that became their joint intent. From there, miracles began to pop.
For the first time ever, they all truly wanted to be together, to do things together, go places together; they wanted to feel like a family. It was working! Although the son's grades didn't exactly fly off the card, he turned around enough to stay in school, while both Mom and Pop stayed pretty much off his back. And, since both Mom and Pop were determined to keep their own valves open and see their son as a spirited, happy young man, they vibrationally merged with the son's underlying intent, so that the drugs eventually vanished without intervention.
Peg and her family didn't sail off into the sunset, not by a long shot. They continued getting caught up in the old habits of needing conditions to change before they could be happy. But they were a committed lot and kept at their weekly family get-togethers to restate their intents and Wants. Whenever circumstances got rough again with any one member, the others found they could maintain their own connectedness enough to help both themselves and the other guy until all were reconnected again to their Source energy and back on their own open-valve tracks.
Like everything else, when we stop getting lost in the conditions and start dealing with our own valve, life takes on a new glow. If we would look for ways to appreciate and praise, rather than to criticize and blame, we can be the essential catalyst that helps tip the scales up to positive attracting for everybody, including ourselves.
Keep a watchful eye out for valve-closing statements like “I love you, but …” or “Why don't you ever …”
Look instead for valve-opening statements such as “I don't know how it's going to turn out for you, but I know it's going to be fine.” “I never worry about you, I never worry about us, because I know whatever is in store will be good.” If ever there was a time and place to work on Positive Aspects, family is it!
And there's another plus to appreciating family folk; once your valve is swinging open, it's swinging open to everything, not just family. You can be appreciating your mate of present or past, and your new job will happen! You can be a single parent appreciating your children, and your new mate will happen! You can be appreciating your home, and your problem kids will turn around!
It's all energy, it's all vibration stemming from how you're feeling. So write your new script, don't worry about the whens or hows, give up noticing it hasn't happened yet, get your eyes off the other guy's valve, and find ways to open yours. Before you know it, it won't matter what anyone else in your house or on the planet is doing, because you are no longer a responder; you are now an aware creator.
Just open your own valve no matter what, no matter what, NO MATTER WHAT! The rest will take care of itself. Another guarantee.