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“Hi, baby,” I croon, kneeling down to watch my two-year-old son run toward me as I pick him up from daycare after my long day at work.
Seeing his face and the way it lights up when I walk into that room makes everything worth it. Every god damned broken thing inside me feels a little better when my son is around. He’s the best thing to ever happen to me in my life and without him, I’m certain I wouldn’t have gotten through some of the hardest things I’ve ever had to endure.
Including everything I’m going through right now.
A club that doesn’t trust me.
A man that hates me.
A piece of scum on the loose because we didn’t get him in time.
Too fucking much.
“He had a wonderful day,” Sara, a daycare worker, tells me as I pick up my son. “He is such a happy child.”
He is.
He really is.
He’s the kind of child you want to have over and over again.
If you knew you were having four of him, you’d make it happen.
I bring his little face close to mine and breathe him in. He looks just like his father, and sometimes, that hurts. It hurts because his father ... he’s broken. Jayden gives my life meaning, and even though our family isn’t together, he makes me believe every single day. Just believe. In what, I don’t know, but it’s something.
“We’ll see you tomorrow, thank you.” I smile, waving to Sara as I collect Jayden’s things and leave the daycare.
The entire drive home, he babbles in the car.
I go over my day in my head. I think about what’s ahead for the club, for Kendric, for my sister, Waverly. I think about how I’m going to make all of this go away, but mostly I think about where the hell we’re going to find Dax. I don’t trust anyone in my department, and with good reason. Constable Bennett was working with Dax, doing highly illegal things and covering it up.
Am I to truly believe nobody else is in on that?
Bennett was close to a lot of people.
Everyone really, except me.
He hated me.
They all do.
They don’t think I’m capable.
I grit my teeth and grind them together a little as I pull into my two-bedroom apartment. I try not to let it bother me, you know, that I work with a bunch of sexist assholes. Sometimes, though, it does bother me. It makes me feel like maybe I am reaching just a little too high.
But I’m also strong and stubborn, and there’s no way a bunch of men are ever going to push me away from doing what I love.
Even if right now what I love is a little skewed.
I exhale and look back at Jayden, who is waving his toy fire truck around.
I do it for him.
All of it.
I get out of the car and get him from his seat before heading inside. It’s already nearing six o’clock at night, and some days, I don’t get nearly enough time with my son. My life is all work and no play. I haven’t been on a date in god knows how long, and we won’t even get into the last time I had sex.
That’s mostly because my relationship with Jayden’s father, Reece, is complicated.
He’s complicated.
And dangerous.
And a little scary.
He also seems to think we’re not over and if I do manage to get it through to him, he then becomes a jealous, enraged asshole, and I can’t have that around Jayden, so for the most part, I try to keep the peace.
I try to keep things calm and the atmosphere as best I can for our boy.
My phone rings just as I reach the kitchen, and I stare down to see Waverly’s name flashing across my screen. She and Mykel disappeared to New York yesterday. That’s the best idea for both of them at this point. Kendric has taken the blame, and Waverly has nothing against her at this point, so she’s free to go. The less time she spends here with the club, the better.
“Did you make it?” I ask her, answering the phone.
“I did. Have you been to this place? It’s huge! I seriously can’t get over it.”
I laugh. “Yeah, it’s something else alright.”
“I don’t know how Mykel knows his way around, I really don’t. He’s back and forth, up and down, like he was born here. Mind you, I’ve heard quite a few grunts coming from his lips in the last ten minutes so I think he’s over it already.”
“I can only imagine.”
Those bikers are a moody bunch, I can’t see any of them doing well in a big city.
“Have you spoken to Kendric?” she asks.
I frown when I think about having to confront him. His bail has been set, and the club is currently working on getting enough to free him until trial. I’ve been going into the prison daily, using the excuse that I’m questioning him, but he won’t speak to me. He won’t even look at me. I can feel the hatred radiating off him—I don’t need to hear him say it.
Guilt hammers away at me, making my chest heavy.
I know I could have done something. I know that, but I couldn’t risk everything I’ve worked for, either. I told the club I’d help them, and I have, but I never swore I’d take sides. My job matters, it has always mattered. They know that. But when I had to arrest Kendric and I had to watch him get shoved into the back of a police car, not saying a word as he confessed and got locked away for something I know he didn’t do, I felt horrible.
Of course I did, I’m not a god damned monster.
I want the chance to explain things to him, to tell him that I’m going to get him out of there, and I’m going to work tirelessly to find Dax so I can clear his name.
That’s if I can get him to listen to me.
He hates me in a way I don’t think I’ve ever been hated in my life.
I don’t like how that feels.
“Not yet,” I finally answer Waverly. “I’m going to speak with him again tomorrow. We’re just waiting for the club to post bail so he can be released.”
She exhales. “What about Dax? Anything from him, anything at all?”
“Nothing,” I tell her. “Literally nothing. He’s disappeared, and so far we’ve been able to find nothing to link us to him to find where he’s gone. His plan is paying off for him but, eventually, we’ll track him down.”
“What about Peter? Has anyone seen or heard from him? Someone has to know where Dax is.”
“Peter is clean as a god damned whistle which is why I think he’s working with someone else high up. Nobody can get away with what he has and not leave a trail. They’re good, I’ll give them that, but I’m better. I will find them, and I will end this. I’ll make sure Kendric doesn’t spend the rest of his life behind bars. He doesn’t deserve that.”
“No,” she exhales. “No, he doesn’t.”
“Anyway, I have to go. Jayden wants some dinner and I’m going to get some time in with him before I’m back out there, doing what I do best ...”
She laughs. “You’re super woman. I’ll call you again soon. I hope you’re well, sis.”
We hang up, and with a huge smile in Jayden’s direction, I scoop him up and we both go to enjoy a nice shower together before I’ll make us some dinner and we’ll chill out for the evening.
I’m trying hard to focus on my son and not the case in front of me.
That’s proving to be more difficult than I could have anticipated.
Kendric is suffering, the club is on edge, and right now I feel like I’m the only one who can help them.
The only one who can fix this mess.
~*~*~*~
“HAVEN’T HEARD ANYTHING,” Alarick says to me as we walk toward the prison the next day.
As far as anyone knows, I’m simply escorting him in to visit Kendric. Nobody knows I deal with the club, and that’s how I want it to be kept. Because they’re under watch, it makes a lot more sense that I would be an escort during a time like this. Someone who is keeping a “watch” on them while we investigate further.
Alarick doesn’t seem to mind what I tell them so long as he gets to see Kendric and fix this for his club.
He has been good to me during all of this. He has had my back and made sure nobody has treated me badly. I respect the hell out of him for that. Before my dealings with the club, I looked at them the same way everyone else does—a bunch of criminals doing illegal shit that we, as cops, were constantly having to clean up.
That’s typical cop mentality though, isn’t it?
It’s like the moment we become a police officer, we look at people so very differently. I’m guilty of it myself, judging someone purely because I see them as a criminal, even if all they’re doing is living their lives a little differently to mine. The club does deal in illegal things, there’s no doubt about that, but they’re also incredibly good people with a family bond that I have never seen outside of those walls.
I want that.
I wish I had people in my life that would die for me.
“Dax did a good job at covering his tracks, but nobody is untraceable,” I respond to Alarick, crossing my arms as a cold breeze whispers past me.
“You’re fuckin’ right about that. We’ll find him, and when we do ...”
“When we do, we’re going to be smart about it,” I cut him off. “I know what you’d like to do to him, Alarick, believe me I do, but the cops are involved now, and Kendric’s fate hangs in the balance. One wrong move and he’s going away for a long time. If we’re to clear his name, we need to make sure we do this right.”
Alarick glances at me, the big burly man that often scares me. “Why are you still helpin’ us, Zariah? You’re riskin’ your own job now.”
“I’m helping you because it’s my fault Kendric is in there. I could have done something and I chose not to to protect my job. The very least I can do is make sure he walks away from this.”
“You could still lose your job, your career.”
“Yeah,” I say, carefully. “Yeah I could, but I also know I can’t carry on if he’s behind bars for life when I know damn well he’s innocent.”
“You’re a good person,” Alarick points out, matter of factly. “Don’t come across a great lot of those anymore, but you’re one of them. Hang onto that, the world is a fuckin’ ugly place, and we could use as much good as we can get.”
Well, if that ain’t the truth.
We go through the prison, and once we’re cleared, we are sent into a private room where we wait for Kendric to be brought in. A few moments later, he comes in wearing a pair of dark green prison pants and a white shirt. His hair is scruffy, and his eyes are tired, but even through all of that, he’s gorgeous. Breathtakingly beautiful in a way that makes my heart feel a certain kind of way.
He has this black hair so dark it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It curls at the ends, and with his olive skin and grey eyes, it makes his features pop. He’s dark and dangerous, broody and unkempt. His body is large, covered in tattoos and scars that tell of the life he’s lived. Edgy, that’s how I’d describe him if I had to sum it up in one word.
Kendric is edgy as hell.
“What is she doin’ here?” he growls, his voice low and thick.
Alarick watches the guard who tells us we have ten minutes before leaving the room. He locks the door and we’re stuck in here with Kendric who, at this stage, hasn’t been formally charged with anything so can’t be kept away from us. If he’s charged with murder, on the other hand, that’ll be a different scenario.
“She’s here because she’s tryin’ to help, Kendric. You gotta know she isn’t at fault for what went down that night.”
“She fuckin’ put those cuffs on me and watched as they arrested me, knowin’ all along I had nothin’ to do with it. Could have spoken up, could have changed how this is goin’ for me. She’s dirty, and she’s a fuckin’ traitor. I don’t trust her.”
“Funny,” Alarick growls. “Had no problem trustin’ her before.”
Kendric’s eyes hold Alarick’s in a glare that makes the room feel a few degrees colder suddenly. I take a deep, shaky breath and decide to speak. Kendric hates me, and right now there is nothing I can do about that, but one thing is for certain, I’m going to make sure he gets out of here.
“I’m going to get you out of here, Kendric. You can think what you want about me, but I’ll prove that I’m not any of those things when you’re set free. You don’t have to trust me, but you have to know that I’m working on this case as hard as I can.”
Kendric looks at me finally. Days I’ve been trying to talk to him with no luck but today he finally makes eye contact. The look he gives me has my skin prickling. “I don’t like you, Zariah. I don’t fuckin’ trust you. I don’t want you anywhere near this case. Do you fuckin’ understand me? You are a cop, and cops are fuckin’ dirty.”
“She’s not, you know she’s not,” Alarick growls.
Kendric looks back to him. “You really goin’ to let a cop keep fuckin’ us, brother? You know we’re skatin’ on thin ice right now. One wrong move and the cops are goin’ to take down the fuckin’ club. They’ve got their eyes all over it. You gotta know that.”
“What I know is that we’re keepin’ our noses clean. You don’t need to worry about how I fuckin’ run my club, you need to worry about how the fuck you’re goin’ to clear your name. We need her help to do that, and you fuckin’ know it.”
Alarick jerks a thumb in my direction, and Kendric leans over the table a little, palms pressed against it, jaw tight. “Do not fuckin’ tell me what I do and do not know. You were not there the night she let them treat me like a fuckin’ dog.”
“I had no choice!” I yell, frustrated. “I have a career, a job, people that depend on me too, Kendric. I couldn’t just give it all up. I will get your justice, you have to believe that.”
“The way they treated me was fuckin’ vile!” Kendric roars. “You stood back and let them do it.”
“I was scared!” I bark back. “I was scared because you’re not the only one who can go down for this, you’re not the only one who doesn’t trust a single person around you. I don’t know who is good and who isn’t anymore, and out there, in the woods alone with them, I wasn’t about to risk everything. I have a son.”
“Go fuck yourself,” Kendric seethes. “Go to fuckin’ hell.”
I jerk at his words, and my heart feels like it explodes in my chest. I take a shaky breath and try to calm my nerves, but they’re sparking left right and center, making my entire body feel like it’s going to just burst right open. I can’t take the pressure and immediately shove the chair back and stand before I say or do something I will regret.
“I want to leave,” I whisper to Alarick.
Alarick stands and looks to Kendric. “It ain’t her fault, brother.”
“Isn’t it?” Kendric hisses. “She’s meant to protect the innocent, meant to rid the world of scum and make it a better place. She’s meant to be honest and fuckin’ good. She was none of those things when those cops did what they did. She was fuckin’ weak.”
That hurts, it hurts so god damned much because he’s right.
I was weak.
I could have defended him.
Could have fought.
But, instead, I stood there—I stood there and let them hurt him, let them treat him like a dog.
I could have reported them. I could have told them to stop.
I could have done anything other than what I did.
I’ll regret that for the rest of my life.
Every damned day, it’ll torment me.
Which is exactly what he wants.