Nobu
January 5, 1942
January 5, 1942
Today we returned to school after Christmas holiday. I have to admit, it was a welcome break from the sadness that has filled our home since we found out that Papa died. Everything there reminds me of him, and though I know Mama tries to be strong, she can’t hide the faraway look in her eyes.
At least Sachi and I have school to escape to. I wonder what Mama did today while we were gone? Could this house have felt any emptier than it does when we’re here?
We spend a lot of time in our own rooms now. A few days ago, I peeked in on Sachi while she played in her room with the doll that Mama and Papa got her for Christmas. She was on her bed reading a book, the doll in her lap. I sat next to her and noticed all of her Geisha dolls had been turned to face the wall.
When I asked why, she was quiet for a minute, then said, “They remind me of Papa.”
I wish Taro was here. I don’t want to be strong for everyone. He is the first born and should be here. There is nobody to be strong for me.
I still don’t understand how Taro thinks joining the guard is the “honorable thing” to do. Mama calls it his sense of giri—duty. But why should we have a sense of duty to a government who stole Papa out of the hospital, called him an alien enemy, probably caused his death? And what about those who call us Japs? Why should we be honorable when we see signs on stores that tell us we’re not welcome?
Taro should return home and fulfill his role as the oldest son. That would be the honorable thing to do.
A few of my friends came up to me to say they’d heard about Papa and that they were sorry. I could tell by the looks in their eyes, they didn’t know what else to say. Mostly I heard whispers as I walked past classmates and teachers. They’d glance at me, then quickly look down, probably hoping I hadn’t noticed. But I heard their whispers—that Terrence and Joe were in jail for killing a Jap. That it was my father.
Happy New Year. I heard those words many times today from students passing each other in the hallway as they made their way to classes. Nobody said those words to me. A month ago, I thought this would be a good year. I’d graduate from high school. Go off to college.
Now? Papa is dead. I hear Sachi crying at night. Mama is distant. Taro is in Hawaii. I am the accidental man of the house.
Happy New Year? Not for me.