Sunday
Thad
“Can I squeeze in boys?” Ellen’s voice caused Dad and me to look up. He stood quickly and allowed Ellen into our row as the worship team was making its way onto the stage. The church service countdown clock read under two minutes.
“Ellen, you came.” I stood up to greet her, and sat back down.
“Oh, I loved last week’s service and so did Willow. We couldn’t wait to return.” She put her purse in her lap and looked over the bulletin.
“So it’s just Willow here with you?” Kind of obvious, but I asked anyways, casting a glance around the worship center.
Ellen patted my knee. “Yes, just Willow and me. Eva gets more stubborn by the day, but God’s doing something. I can see it in her eyes.”
I nodded. Does she know about yesterday? About the three times I tried to call Eva last night?
The music began to play and we rose to our feet. Ellen reached her arm behind me and patted my shoulder, giving me a warm smile. I smiled in return, and slid my gaze away.
Fifty-five minutes later, we all stood to sing the final song, and I’d barely heard a word Pastor Andrew had said. My mind kept debating my decisions yesterday. Maybe I should have left Becca in the sand and followed Eva home, or ushered Becca out of the house sooner, so I could have called Eva earlier in the evening, or gone to her house. But those scenarios felt wrong because they would have put a kink in God’s plans for how my day should have gone. Ellen’s verse from a week ago washed through me, “In your heart you plan your life, but the Lord decides where your steps will take you.”
Becca had needed me. I’d assumed God needed me solely for mentoring middle school boys, but now I’m beginning to realize I have to always be on guard, always be listening. Even if it’s an ex who did me wrong, or a single mom trying to figure out a life with broken pieces.
Funny thing was, helping others draw close to Him healed my own wounds as well. Becca’s visit gave me peace and closure. Closure I hadn’t even realized I’d needed until we had started talking. And Eva…Eva filled the loneliness in my heart no one on earth had ever been able to fill. She completed my joy in my new, fresh life. Only now I may have messed it up before it even really began, because I was too ashamed and dumb to be open with her right from the start.
God, help please…
The song ended and Ellen reached down to pick up her purse. Dad allowed her out into the aisle. I fell in behind and said, “I’ll walk you to the children’s area.”
She nodded and may have said something, but there were too many people to make it out. Once we arrived in the lobby I gave Dad a nod. “I’ll be right back.”
He gave me a thumb’s up sign as he began to talk to a gentleman. The crowd had thinned out in the wide hallway and I fell in step next to her. “So did you like the service again?”
“Of course. It’s wonderful here. Everyone is so welcoming, the music is great, and the Pastor’s messages are spot on. It surprises me actually,” she sent me a look, “that I like it so much, because I’ve only been to traditional worship services. But this feels like a breath of fresh air. I know Eva would enjoy it.”
“She mentioned the other night she’s ‘not ready for that’ when I invited her, but I take it she grew up attending church?”
“Oh yes, her father was adamant about our family attending every Sunday, and I taught Sunday school classes back in the day.”
We got into the line to retrieve kids by the door to Willow’s group, and I turned to Ellen. “What happened? Did she fall out of habit?” I backtracked. “I mean, I’m just wondering. I strayed away for a long time too, too long in fact.”
Ellen saved me. “Oh, Thad, many of us have a backstory. Eva…Eva covered her sadness with anger toward God over her and Willow’s situation for a long time.” She looked up at the ceiling, breathing deeply, and closing her eyes. “It was easier that way. And I truly think she doesn’t know how to get back to Him. She won’t talk about it with me.”
“Hmm,” I said as we arrived to the door and Ellen gave the teacher the security tag for Willow. Willow saw us and jumped up from the table to run to the door.
“Gramma, I made some art. ” She hugged Ellen legs.
The young teacher said, “Yes, you did a good job. Don’t forget them.” She handed me a few papers and a picture of Joseph wearing his coat of many colors. The colors of the coat were done in different fabrics the kids had glued right on the paper. She smiled at me, and all of the sudden I felt a strange warmth spread out from my heart.
She totally thought I was Willow’s dad…and it made me happy.
We started walking back to the front doors and Ellen took the papers from me. Willow grabbed Ellen’s other hand. “Thad, are we going fishing again today?”
I watched Ellen cringe. “Um, I don’t think so, but maybe some other time.”
Willow shrugged. “Okay.”
We made it back to the lobby and Willow caught sight of Dad. “John.” She called and took off in his direction. The light that showed in his eyes when he saw her made me think he was having the very same warmth spread through his heart I’d had minutes ago.
God, how can I fix what I’ve messed up?