By the time Ford was pulling under his carport, Callie was curled up inside his jacket sound asleep. He watched the lightning shimmer across her alabaster complexion. The thunder didn't seem to concern her at all now. As much as he would've loved to have laid her out in his bed and pounded into her hard and fast until she forgot everything but him, he swore it was twice as satisfying to know that she felt that safe with him. He got off on being a hero. He always had. It was all he'd ever wanted in this world.
He climbed quietly out of the truck and eased his door shut. She never stirred. As he made his way to her side and cradled her in his arms, he had to admit to himself that his brother was right. He'd set out to save Meritt from herself. He'd been tricked into marrying her, sure, but that hadn't really mattered to him. His hero complex had fucked him over time and time again with his ex. How the hell was he supposed to keep from making the same mistakes with the beautiful girl in his arms? It would be like trying to figure how to pull flesh from bone. He was too old to try to be anything but what he was. And all he wanted right then was to be Callie's hero for the second half of his life.
He kept her safely in his arms while he opened his door and hung up his soaking-wet ball cap. But she tensed when he was lowering her into his bed. Raw need hammered through his veins. He tried to soothe her but was certain he was doing a shit job. His own hunger for her was too strong.
Half-asleep she slipped out of his jacket and dropped it to the floor. Then she unsnapped those sinfully short cutoffs and managed to wiggle them down her legs. She kicked them off and then turned over to reveal her gorgeous ass caught up in nothing but a lacy thong.
Jesus Christ. He couldn't recall ever doing anything he'd qualify as categorically wrong in his life. He'd always tried to exceed the code of cattle rancher, but he sure as fuck was being punished. Or maybe this was temptation incarnate. A few days in the desert with Satan didn't seem so bad compared to the pinup-worthy woman who'd somehow taken control of his shitty existence despite the fact that his cock was a weeping, whiny asshole about not getting what he wanted. How was Ford supposed to resist this? He wasn't a fucking saint.
Besides, they couldn't find twelve men in a thousand-mile radius who'd convict him for what he wanted to do to her. Not if they knew the heavenly temptation laid out in his bed with her ass on ripe display and her swollen pussy lips tucked there between her warm thighs.
He'd been harder than a steel fencepost off and on for hours now. Most of him didn't mind. It was almost as reassuring as it was painful. But damn he wanted to wake her up and order her to tend the case of blue balls she'd brought on. The only problem with that plan was that he could fuck her all night long and into the next morning and knew he still wouldn't be satisfied. He'd still hurt for her. He knew.
Clenching his jaw, his hand slipped down his chest and pressed instinctively against the agony as if that would bring him relief. He jerked himself once, twice. Unless he got to unload all over that ass he needed to sacrifice some kind of offering to, his cock wanted nothing else to do with his hand.
Ford shed the rest of his clothes and climbed into bed around her form. When she gave him a contented sigh and cuddled up beside him, nuzzling her head on his chest, he knew he was set for heartbreak all over again. The months he'd spent hidden away in his house to avoid facing the endless pain Meritt had brought on had been just as pointless as they felt.
He was going to have to live with the emotional pain that was so potent it was physical all over again. A man couldn't be something he wasn't. He wrapped his arms around Callie and prayed to a God he'd refused to speak to for years that somehow he'd be able to do something to get to play her hero for the next several decades. That was all he really wanted.
He brushed a kiss on her forehead and let himself enjoy the whisper of her even breaths over his chest hair. How fucked-up was it that they were both naked in a bed that they hadn't made love in yet? He'd worry about that in the morning. For now, he was going to cradle his sweet baby for as long as she'd let him. He'd already been through hell once. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so badly the second time.
Another crack of thunder split the sky wide open. Ford's house shook from the force. Callie jerked awake and tried to determine what to do. The storm cellar or maybe under the bed would work. What did cows do in a storm? What if they were hurt? Panic unraveled her until two solid brick arms cradled her gently and drew her back to the firm planes of chest where she'd been resting. "I've got you, baby. I'd never let anything hurt you. Take a deep breath for me." Unable to resist his commands, she filled her lungs with the heady masculine scent of him. "Good girl," he soothed, but it had the opposite effect he was going for. Her body enlivened with his praise. She wasn't soothed. She wanted to do things that would make him call her that again. "There’s nothing to worry over."
Tucking herself tighter into the sanctuary of his chest, she tried to reason through his promise. "How do you know that? What does me taking a deep breath have to do with the storm?"
He eased slightly to his side so she could hide entirely in his strength. A quick graveled cough said he'd been sleeping well before she'd startled. "Twisters have a scent to 'em. I can smell 'em long before they tear across this ranch. This is just a storm. I promise I've got my girl."
"I like it when you say that," she mumbled into his chest.
"Good. 'Cause I'm gonna keep saying it."
When the deep breaths rolling through his broad chest started to rhythmically sway her back to sleep, Callie understood that it wasn't ever the storm she feared. It was that no one ever had her back, no one was ever there looking out for her. Her parents had failed epically in that part of parenting. Other than her summers in Holder County, she had existed in a hollow loneliness, searching for something she instinctively knew she wanted but had no power to demand.
Wasn't her fear of being alone what had driven her directly into Derrick's bizarre Enquirer-level surreal life? Wasn't that terror why she'd stuck around so much longer than she ever should've? And wasn't it why she stuck with things way past any point of logical reason?
Defeat swiped through her belly leaving an entirely different fear in its path. Was it that fear that had driven her into Ford Holder's arms? Was that why she was so hesitant to send new photographs to Nina Morales? My god, what was she doing there? Was this going to be just like Derrick, where she stuck around because the fear of the unknown was far greater in her mind than the fear of taking a chance on herself? She swallowed down raw regret.
"What's wrong, sugar?" rumbled from the most gorgeous cowboy she'd ever seen, the one she'd been throwing herself at because she couldn't handle being alone for even one day. Because she was weak and what if she ended up hurting him, too? Bile backstroked through her stomach. She should get up and leave now so she didn't make his life even worse. He'd been through enough.
"Nothing," she whispered out her lie.
His eyes opened and he shifted so that he could hold her chin in his hand. "It ain't nothing. Please don't lie to me."
"I just...don't know how I got here."
Concern shimmered in those blue-grey eyes. "I came to get you at your grandparents’, honey. You okay?"
"No, I mean I know how I got here," she gestured to him and then to his bed. "I just don't...want to hurt you. And what happens if we fall in...attachment?" There. That kind of worked.
Despite the abject horror drowning her, he gave her a gentle chuckle and settled her nerves. "Attachment, huh?"
"Yes. What happens then? But I'm doing it again, aren't I? Asking the wrong questions. The ones I'm not supposed to ask."
"Hey," he released her chin and laid her back on his chest, "remember what I said. You ask me anything you want to ask anytime you want to ask it. I'm not going to let us fall into attachment." He spoke the word like a curse. "I know you don't think it matters, but you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm just an old cattle rancher. I've got no intention of ever letting you give up anything for me. I have a plan."
Anxiety twisted up her spine. What if his plan was to end this now? Or tomorrow? Or right after they slept together? That didn't sound like the Ford Holder she knew but…."What's your plan? And shouldn't I have some say if this plan involves me?" she demanded.
"Simmer down now, baby girl. If you don't like the plan, I'm willing to compromise. I just like being with you. I like spending time with you. There. That's it. So, I figure if you like spending time with me, too, we could just spend as much time as we can with each other. When it's time for you to go on and live your life, I'd never do anything to try and stop you."
What if I want you to stop me? The plea in her head went from a whisper to a roar in a split second. What if the thing I really want is for you to want me to be here forever? She cleared her throat wishing she could also clear her mind. "I love spending time with you. I just don't want to hurt you just because...I don't want to..." she couldn't tell him that she didn't want to be alone because what an awful thing to say to someone she cared about so much, "hurt you," came out again.
But again, he saw right through her lies. "I was in a marriage that made me feel entirely alone for years. Trust me, I don't mind being alone, but I like being with you a whole lot better. Let's just enjoy it while it lasts. No pressure. Okay?"
"You're sure?"
"Never been more certain of anything."
Callie nodded against the Holder brand tattoo on his arm, letting it settle her. "Okay," she gave the only real answer that would suffice because for the first time in this relationship Ford Holder was lying. She could feel it. She just didn't know if he was aware of it yet.
"Let's get some sleep, okay?" he spoke softly.
"Do you have to get up so early since it's storming?"
"We're not riding in this and the mud'll be a bitch when we finally do get out in it, but for right now I'm gonna hold my girl and see if I can't get her back to sleep."
"Are you sure you want to sleep?" Her hand skated down his chest, wrapped around his cock, and teased until he rose mightily to the occasion.
"Fuck, baby." He half growled. "You getting needy again?"
"What if I am?" If he wanted to lie to himself and to her about whatever this relationship was going to inevitably be, then she refused to be anything but honest over what she wanted. "I want all of you. I want to watch you enjoy me. I want to see this rough side you keep warning me about. I want...this." He wanted to enjoy their time together. Fine. She wanted him to make her forget New York, and Nina, and Derrick, and everything else but him. She wanted his claim so strong inside of her she never doubted being right where she was. If he filled her pussy to overflowing, maybe it wouldn't leave room in her mind for anything else.