After Ford helped Callie up into his truck, he wondered what the hell kind of sign it was that she was looking for and how he might go about getting it to her. His mind was still addled from the awe-inspiring sex they'd had. He wasn't at the top of his game. Idiotic thoughts about paying the Harmon boys to paint one of the old billboard signs with Ford loves Callie filtered through his mind. Dumbass. That's not what she meant, and you know it.
So, he did the only thing he knew how to do at that moment while she was watching soggy prairie land slowly pass in his windshield. "You still haven't asked me all of them questions brewing in your head, sugar? Let's have it."
She grinned up at him, and he doubled down on his determination to find her some kind of sign. Maybe he would talk to the Harmon boys.
"I shouldn't ask anything I want to."
"You should, and I'm gonna answer."
"You're sure?" She slipped that lip back between her teeth, and he swore his cock awoke from its sated slumber at the sight.
"Ask," he ordered.
"Well, I mean how exactly did that happen with...you know...Meritt telling you she was pregnant? Had you been dating a while? And why did she do that? Did she tell you she lost the baby? I have a friend in LA who had a miscarriage, and they're so awful I can't imagine someone pretending to have one. That's just..." she shuddered, "And if she didn't tell you she lost it what happened when you found out she wasn't? Were you already married? Oh my gosh. It's just so manipulative and awful. I want to claw her eyeballs out, but I know that isn't nice."
When she finally drew a breath, Ford was chuckling at her. "You got any more up there you want to get out first, or should I start at the top?"
Heat bloomed across her face and out of the top of the T-shirt of his that she'd borrowed. She was draped in the thing, and he'd never seen anything more beautiful. Her hair was still mostly a mess from their lovemaking, and he loved that she didn't care. "Sorry." She cringed.
He shook his head. "There you go again. I'm gonna turn you over my knee the next time you do it, and that's a promise. You've got nothing to be sorry for. After everything I told you last night, you've got every right to ask all that and more. Just humored me at how quick they come outta you. You're so damn cute."
She rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you're not trying to get out of answering because you don't have to."
"I’m not trying to get out of anything. But after I get a full day’s work pushed into a few hours, I will be trying to get back in your panties, fair warning."
"I'm not wearing any," she teased.
His growl of appreciation echoed through the cab of the truck. Hell, his brothers probably heard it from their houses. "All right, let's see here. Remember when we were up on the water tower and me telling you about how I ran hog wild for way too long?"
"I take it Meritt was a part of you sowing your wild oats, so to speak?"
"Pretty much. I was an idiot. If I could go back and beat the piss outta myself back then, I would. Or maybe what I really wish is that I could go back and beat some sense into myself." His head dropped under the weight of the shame.
Her hand found his, and she laced their fingers together. "We've all done things we regret. It's okay."
"It's not okay. I barely even knew her. I barely even remember sleeping with her. I was drunk. She probably was, too, but like I said I don't remember. It was in the back of my truck. I was twenty years old living high and mighty on the Holder name, just like all my cousins and my brothers. We fucking thought the world owed us. For what it's worth, I hated myself back then. I was rebelling against my daddy and all of my uncles. They kept telling me it was time to settle down. That I'd taken it too far. I told them they were all crazy, that I knew what I was doing." He shook his head and prayed that he could somehow show her that he wasn't that asshole anymore.
"It's okay. Keep going," she urged.
"I'm so fucking ashamed I'm not sure I can." The raw truth burned his throat.
"You don't have to."
"No, I want to answer all the questions. I'm determined. Anyway, so I hooked up with Meritt at the Renegade Rodeo that was in town that night. She'd started flirting with me during the first events and was throwing herself at me by the time they were handing out ribbons. I hope to god at some point I thought she was pretty, but I don't remember ever feeling that way. All I can see is what she turned into. It's colored all of the days before the bitter end."
"I feel like that about Derrick, too. I'm so angry at him. I resent all of the years I gave him, and it makes me hate even the occasional good things we probably had at some point. I think love and hate both distort vision. They're a stronger sense."
"You're so damn smart," he vowed. He'd never heard it put like that, but she was spot on. His cousin Meridian topped a hill in the distance on her horse, Kagan. Ford pointed to the silhouette she'd created. "That's a decent shot with the cattle at the bottom of the hill like that."
"Oh my gosh! That's an amazing shot. Can you stop for a second?"
Ford pressed the brake and let her take several dozen photos, but she caught him off guard when she turned the camera on him. "What are you taking my picture for?"
"Because you're gorgeous and amazing and I want to." He appreciated the compliments, but he doubted he was model worthy. "If I weren't prone to thinking otherwise, I'd say you might be sweet on me," he teased, trying to brush off her praise. But she just snapped another photo.
"You're really cute when you're embarrassed," she informed him.
"I do not look embarrassed."
She lowered the camera and stared him down. "I don't ever try to take pictures of how things look. The only thing I care about capturing is how they feel."