After what seemed an eternity, I saw sunlight peeking through the curtains. Luisa started to stir. She looked at me with a sleepy smile.
“Morning, Cariño,” I told her.
“What, you didn’t sleep at all last night?”
“No, Luisa, I just wanted to hold you and feel your soul while you slept. I felt you like the first time I saw you at that wedding.”
Luisa got a faraway look in her eyes. “Tall, handsome, tan, Spanish looking; the way you looked at this Southern girl gave you away.”
“Was I that obvious?”
“Oh, yes. Not only did I notice you, but so did the other women.”
I chuckled with embarrassment at that. “You never told me that!”
“I just did!” She joined in with me chuckling.
“Mujer, Mujer, Los Secretos de tu Alma (Woman, woman, the secrets of your soul).”
“Ah, that took my breath away, sir!”
“And you mine!” I gave her a light kiss on the cheek. “Now, who is going to go make coffee and breakfast?”
“Don’t you have court today?”
“Yes, it’s just a prelim. My assistant can handle that. Plus, I really don’t want to see my uncle right now; he will be able to tell something is off. It’s not that he’s nosy. He just cares so much. That’s the Ladino in him. But we must pay him a visit soon…Obligacion, Obligacion (obligation)!”
Luisa interrupted me. “You think I don’t understand your Spanish, sir? Voy a decirte una cosa (I’m going to tell you a thing)!”
“Luisa, have you been fooling me all of this time?”
“I’ve been listening to you, babe.”
“Back at you, Luisa. Here’s looking at you, kid!”
“Ah, Bogart…” She started laughing softly.
“You know it, Cariño.”
“For a lawyer, you’re not too bad!” She winked at me. For the moment, I could almost see the carefree woman she was not so long ago. All of this playing around was great, but we both knew that what was lying ahead was not going to be easy.
“Have you called La Loca Bernice?”
“No, I have not called my best friend Bernice.”
I got a firm soft expression on my face. “Well, when you do, tell her not to come over the next time without Emilio. PTSD or not, he needs to come over and visit.”
She started laughing again. “I can just hear her now. ‘Tell your husband not to tell me what to do.’”
“Well, I’m not messing with her!” I joined in laughing with Luisa. Suddenly, the phone rang. It broke our moment. We both looked at each other.
I picked up the phone and said hello. On the other end, I heard, “Hello, this is JoAnn at Dr. I’s office.”
“JoAnn, please tell my brother that if he wants to talk to me so early in the morning, he needs to come over. No phone calls. And what are you doing at the office this early anyway?”
“I’m not. He just asked me to call you and see how Y’all were doing.”
“That is very thoughtful, but tell him to come over if he is that concerned.” I started laughing softly so that she would know I was just joking with her, but serious at the same time. We ended our phone call, and almost as soon as we hang up, it rang again. JoAnn passed my message along.
“Oye, que? Hermano (hey, what? brother). What are you doing in the office so early?”
“I’m catching up on some things.”
“But shouldn’t you be with your family?”
I heard a sigh from his end of the phone. “It’s complicated.”
“Brother, you are complicated. But you do need to make your godly peace with your wife and touch her with God. Life is too short not to.”
He caught his breath. “I’m so sorry about what you’re going through.”
“You have no idea. It’s just beginning. Her soul and my soul ache, and we just can’t do anything about it.”
“It’s like the Messiah weeping in the garden.”
I was sort of shocked to hear this from Iglesias. “I thought you didn’t believe?”
“I have read, you know.”
“Yes. Luisa’s faith is so much stronger than mine.”
“Brother, she is the right person for you! She seems to ‘get you.’ Be proud of that!”
“I’m not proud. I am humbled by her love for me. It amazes me how I can be so open, transparent, vulnerable, yet a man all at the same time with her.”
“Dude, you really are blessed!”
“Yes, I am,” I agree. Then I changed the subject. “So are you going to come over for breakfast, or just keep wasting my time on the phone?”
“Don’t you have court this morning with Tio?”
“My assistant can handle things with Uncle today. I am going to stay home with Luisa.”
“I understand.”
“So are you coming over?”
“Yes, I will be there shortly.”
“Bring JoAnn with you!”
“Okay, we will be there soon.”
We hang up after a few more minutes of chatting. I walked into the kitchen toward Luisa. She handed me a cup of coffee. “Luisa…”
“Yes, Amor?”
“Iglesias is coming over for breakfast. And he is bringing JoAnn. Is that okay with you?”
“Sure,” she said, smiling at me over her cup. “But the next time, you can get up and make the coffee!”
I gave her a pretend look of surprise. “Wow! Mrs. Assertive! She gets some sleep and now she’s holding court like Bernice. God help us!” I threw my hand up and look to the ceiling.
“Really!?” She put her coffee down and had hands on her hips and head tilted to the side at me.
“Yep!” I couldn’t help but smile over at her.
“Aren’t you going to say something in Spanish, or, excuse me, Ladino?”
“Nope, not right now. Right now, I am a Southern boy. I say Y’all, pecans, grits, and other Southern things.”
“Well, you better get breakfast started before Iglesias and JoAnn get here. And please go brush your teeth!”
I started laughing and moving toward her. “Come here, woman. Let me lay one on you!” I started making kissy faces and noises at her.
“You might be my Amor, but morning breath has to go!”
Normalcy came back to our house, reminding me that this was what life used to be like for us—happy, joking, playful. But as we were getting ready for our breakfast guests, reality settled back in. Luisa went and knelt in her prayer closet. I was at the foot of our bed, prayer shawl around my shoulders, Kippah 
on my head. God and I were close, but Luisa’s relationship was different. She felt His presence as soon as she walked into the closet. I never got jealous of her time with God. I was happy that she was happy with God. As I finished my prayers, I heard the doorbell ring. Luisa walked out from the closet. “Can you get that? I’ll be there in a minute,” I asked. She knew I didn’t like to answer the door. We lived in a safe, upscale neighborhood, so for Luisa answering the door was more than okay. She went and opened the door.
Iglesias was standing on the porch. “Well, it took you long enough!”
“We were praying,” was her simple explanation. “Hi, JoAnn.”
“Good morning, Luisa. Don’t pay Dr. I any mind!” she said as she playfully swatted him on the arm.
“See, you should have married JoAnn. She keeps you straight!” Luisa winked with a smile.
Iglesias ignored that last comment, or he pretends to. “Where is my brother?”
“He’s finishing up praying. He will be here shortly. Come on, we can wait for him in the kitchen.” They went into the kitchen and the smell of coffee was in the air. “JoAnn, would you like some coffee?”
“Yes, please!”
“Iglesias, what would you like?”
“Some warm tea. The stronger, the better!”
I walked into the kitchen and saw everyone chatting and sipping their warm drinks. “Ah, there’s my brother, all full of himself.” He greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. We, Spanish men, were full of traditions. “Hello, JoAnn.” I reach out to give her a handshake.
“What shall I call you?” she asked me with a quizzical look on her expression.
“Don’t start with me, too!” I pretend to be exasperated already.
“Should I call you Señor Abogado, Mr. Lawyer, or Mrs. Luisa’s husband?”
“Jose, Luisa’s husband will do.” I looked over at my brother. “Y’all are crazy working so early this morning!”
“I was not working. I was just catching up on my free morning! No call, no surgery, no early appointments today. And shouldn’t you be in court?”
“What is it with you two?” I looked between Luisa and Iglesias. “No, I have an assistant to help me today.”
I started gathering dishes and food. “Iglesias, do you want an omelet my style?”
“No grits for Dr. I., though.”
“JoAnn, would you like a Spanish omelet?”
“Si, Gracias!”
I looked over at JoAnn. “The sister has gone Spanish!” We all started laughing.
“I’ve learned from the best. Since I lost my husband to cancer, I’ve got a lot more free time on my hands. Dr. I. has too much responsibility and I need to keep him and those lazy residents straight.”
My brother guffawed. “They fear you more than they fear me!”
JoAnn smiled at that. “They better or they won’t finish there residency!”
“JoAnn runs the department. I just do what she tells me to do.” We all laughed at that.
“Sorry for your loss, JoAnn.”
“Thank you.”
The phone ringing broke up the conversation. I went over and answered it. “Hello.”
“Jose, it’s Bernice.”
“Bernice, it’s very early in the morning—”
Bernice interrupted me. “Jose, no joking around. Emilio left this morning and I can’t find him!” I could hear her choke back the tears and hide the panic in her voice.
“Okay, I will make some calls and we will help find him. I will call you back from the car. Here’s Luisa.” As I handed her the phone, I mouthed what Bernice told me.
“B, it’s going to be okay. We will find him.”
“I just left him for a few minutes and he was gone!”
I grabbed my cell phone and called a coworker. “John, I need you to get in the car and drive to the park close to the Citadel. Look for a Hispanic man, probably sitting on a bench, mumbling to himself. If you see him, call me.”
I ended the call and Luisa turned back to me. “Telefono (phone), Jose.”
As I got back on the phone with Bernice, I told her, “I’ve sent John over to the park near the Citadel. I thought with him being ex-military he would go there. I’ll call you as soon as I find something out.”
“Thank you so much.” Bernice was still fighting the tears.
I put the phone on speaker. “Do you need Luisa come sit with you?”
“No, I’m okay, I guess. I just don’t know where he would have gone to!”
Luisa spoke quietly. “B, I’m praying. Try to calm down. We WILL find him! Jose or I will call you as soon as we find something out.”
Iglesias heard what was going on. “Is there anything that I can do?”
We told him to just pray.
Several minutes went by. The phone rang and broke the silence. I answered almost immediately.
“Hey, Jose. It’s John. You were right. He is here!”
“Okay, keep your eyes on him, but do not go near him.”
As soon as I hang up with John, I called Bernice. “John just called. He’s at the park next to the Citadel.”
A long sigh of relief came through the phone. “Thank you, Lord!”
“Let us know when you get there and I will tell John to leave.”
“Yes, I will. Thank you and thank you, God!”
Bernice got into her car and drove to the park. She saw Emilio on the bench as she walked into the park gates. I got the phone call that she was there, so I let John know. She saw John off to the side of the park, and when he saw her, he waved as she gave him the okay sign. He walked off and Bernice walked to Emilio’s side. He looked up at her and smiled weakly.
“Hi,” he said. “I just wanted to get some fresh air. I get tired of being in the house all day while you’re working.”
“I know. Can you please forgive me?” She had tears in her eyes, looking at the man that she loved.
“Yes,” Emilio said softly.
She pulled out her phone to let Luisa know that he was okay.
Emilio looked over at her. Immediately, his manner changed. “Who are you calling? Are you telling them our position?” He was almost shouting at her.
“No, no, honey. I was just letting Luisa know that you are okay.”
He stood up over Bernice, yelling, “Who is Luisa? Is that some code for the enemy?”
Bernice softly said, “No, Emilio. You are here in Charleston with me. You’re not in Afghanistan anymore.”
He calmed down some. “Oh, okay I, I…was just wondering.”
“Do you mind if I text my friend now?”
“Yes, but you can call her so that I can hear what you have to say?”
“Okay, Emilio.” Bernice again picked up the phone. She dialed Luisa’s number. “Luisa, we’re okay.”
Luisa exhaled in relief. “Thank God!”
The conversation was very brief. They hang up and Bernice turned to Emilio again.
“Emilio, my dear. You are not on the battlefield anymore. Please give this strife to God!” She was trying to gently bring him back to the present without upsetting him further.
“You don’t understand! I see them every day!” He was again talking very loudly.
“There are not here anymore. Please, let them go. Please!” She got very emotional again; near tears even.
“I can’t. I see the blood all over the place!”
Bernice gently placed her hand on his arm. “The blood was over there. Not here! Emilio, please let’s do this together. Let’s exchange their blood for Christ’s blood. It was shed for me and you.”
He seemed to consider this. “An exchange?” He seemed very puzzled about the thought.
“Yes, you can’t carry their blood any longer. Let Jesus carry it for you!”
“You mean, like the buddy system?” He was still trying to figure this out.
“Yes, you just let Him carry your burdens.”
He hesitated for just a few seconds. “Okay, what…what do I do?”
“Repeat after me. Jesus, carry their blood.”
“Jesus, carry their blood.” He sat back down on the bench and started crying. He seemed to feel the weight being lifted off him.
“What just happened?”
Bernice looked at him and explained, “You just got set free of the demons of war.”
“I feel so different.” He was still crying softly. They just sat in silence for a few minutes. He looked over to Bernice. “How long was I gone?”
“Too long, dear. Welcome back.” She wrapped her arms around Emilio. She cried like she never had before. She could feel in her soul that her husband was finally home.
Back at home, we were relieved that Bernice found Emilio and we get back to our breakfast. Luisa turned to Iglesias and asked, “Why did you come over here this morning?”
“To see how you were doing,” he said softly.
“It’s been some hard hours, but we are okay now. Nothing can prepare you when you know something is really wrong.”
“How are the headaches?”
She looked at him. “Today, not bad. Now, let’s eat before my husband has a fit and you spoil his breakfast.”
“He can cook, but don’t bother him while he is in the kitchen. That is his sanctuary.”
This caught JoAnn’s attention. “His WHAT?”
“That’s his sacred place. He can get alone with God. It’s been that way since he started cooking. You just don’t bother him while he is in the kitchen.”
“Hmmm, interesting,” JoAnn said, nodding her head in understanding.
“You’ll see,” Iglesias said and started walking into the kitchen. “Hey, brother.” Then he turned back as if to prove his point to JoAnn. “He won’t answer you, and if he does look at you, oh, the face he will give you. It will be one you won’t forget. That’s why we didn’t stay in the kitchen. It’s off-limits.”
Luisa felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything that happened already this morning. “Thank you for coming, Iglesia. And, JoAnn, thank you for your support. My faith will carry me through this trial. It has to. That is all that I have to believe in this thing called ‘life.’ My husband suffers in silence. He and God will work something out. I have to trust in that. His space with God is sacred, as is mine, but we share our hope, dreams, fears, and pain.”
JoAnn looked over to Luisa. “How can you arrive at such peace and certainty, when you know something, isn’t right?”
“I have nothing else but God. This temporal life, I will live it to the fullest with Him. The external stuff, well, that has already been counted for.”
Iglesias looked amazed at her faith. “Are you a prophetess?”
“No, just a woman certain of who lives in her. Messiah rests in here.” She pointed to her chest, hand over her heart.
At that time, I have finished breakfast. “Okay, you all in there. Here comes breakfast.” I set down the plates and turned to Iglesias. “Why are you running from God? I have seen how your wife keeps her distance from you when you are out in public. Your kids look sad all of the time.” Iglesias opened his mouth to speak, but I silenced him with my hand. “You may not want to hear this, but you have a family. Period! You want her to love you? Love God first. Get intimate with Him. Then bring that intimacy to her. You will see her respond differently. As for your children, they don’t deserve a distant, spiritually lazy father.”
Iglesias seemed to be getting upset. “What do you know?”
I looked him straight in the eye. “Do you want to know what I know?” I pointed at him to get his attention. “There is nothing in this world that I can do to make Luisa whole, nothing. But with God, all possibilities are open. She needs me to touch God daily, be next to her, and share God with her. The rest, well, that’s up to God.”
Iglesias looked shaken. “That sounds so spiritual, brother.”
“It is, and the sooner you realize that you need God, the faster you will get out of this isolated life!”
JoAnn looked over at Iglesias sympathetically. “Dr. I., Jose is right. Enough of this suffering alone. It’s time to repent, forgive, and start giving God to your family.”
“Things may look bleak, really bleak, but once you turn this over to God and get closer to Him, your life will change. Then you can change your family’s lives.”
“Iglesia, it’s not about them. It’s about you and your relationship with God. That is what will start the changes.”
He still didn’t look convinced. “I will think about it.”
“What is there to think about? You’re an Infeliz, an unhappy person. And this seems to be affecting everyone around you!”
Iglesias looked stunned. “Really?”
Luisa and I said together, “YES!”
Then my wife told him, “The prayer of your mouth is from your heart.”
I agreed. “Sweetheart, that is very true!”
“Gotcha.” Iglesias seemed to be slowly understanding now.
I look directly at him. “Do you believe that God can heal you and your family?”
He thought about it for a few seconds, then reluctantly said, “I don’t know. It’s so messed up.”
“Brother, you need to repent for walking away from God and walking to your pain. Pain never solves the problems. It only hurts you more.”
JoAnn chimes in. “Dr. I., that little faith you still have is enough.”
I reached over and grabbed my brother's hand. “It’s not going to be easy, but I’m not going to leave you. Let your heart speak now, not your mind.”
Iglesias softly started to cry. “I’m sorry, so sorry, God.”
“Yes, we are all sorry. A soul is a lonely place without God. El dolor escondido sufre sin Dios (Hidden pain suffers without God).”
“But where do I go from here?”
Luisa reached and took his other hand. “You go home and tell your wife that you’re sorry. She’ll understand. Hug your children and tell them that you love them. They will probably cry because they have missed you. This is the start of a new life.”
Iglesias wiped the tears from his face. “And here I thought I was coming to comfort you two, but yet, you helped me!”
JoAnn saw all of the changes and leaned over to him. “Life has many twists and turns, Dr. I.”
He nodded. “It sure does.”
We finished eating breakfast with little conversation, all of us absorbing what just happened and leaning on God for all of our needs. Luisa walked them to the door as I cleared the dishes. “Go in peace. Your family is waiting for you!”
“Thank you for this precious time,” JoAnn replied as she walked out of the door.
“Our door is always open to you.” Luisa hugged her.
“Thank you.”
As I started running the dishwater, I told Luisa, “I’ll get the dishes, Amor. You are such an amazing woman. I see God in you daily and that makes me fall in love more with Him and you!”
I saw her eyes get misty. “I’m going to call and check on Bernice.”
“Okay.” I start washing the morning dishes and gave her some privacy.
Luisa picked up her phone and called Bernice. “Hey, you. Are you okay?”
Bernice sounded happier than she had in a long time. “Yes, I’m okay. And Emilio, he’s getting used to being Emilio again!”
“Thank God for that!”
“How are you, really?” The tone in Bernice’s voice said that she wanted a true answer, nothing superficial.
“I’m good. Why do you ask that way?”
“I can hear it in your voice. I know something is wrong.”
Luisa let out a breath. “I’m just waiting to hear back from some test results that I had because of the headaches.”
“You promise to tell me what you find out!” Bernice said this forcefully. This was her best friend and she really cared what happened to Luisa.
“Yes, yes, I will. But regardless, the adoption will go on!”
“We’re getting there.”
Luisa was puzzled. “B?”
“Let me see what is going on tomorrow when I go to the office.”
“Okay, thank you, Bernice.”
They started to wrap up the conversation. “Tell that husband of yours that I said hey.”
“You need to leave him alone.” Luisa was laughing. She knew that even though they now had a fondness for each other, they would still pick on each other back and forth.
“Never!” Bernice was laughing, too. “Bye, Luisa.”
“Adios.”
As I finished the dishes, I realize that I learned several things from the past few days’ events. The loneliness of the soul can be a double-edged sword. On one side, you need it to not think, and on the other, you need it to fully surrender to God. Rest of the day was another long day for us. We tried to keep busy, but we eventually had to sit down and face each other. The pain, the uncertainty, and the stillness of our souls came back to haunt us.
I looked over to Luisa. “I miss you.”
She looked over to me. “I’m here, Amor.”
“No, I really miss you!” I said it with more emphasis this time.
“I miss you, too.” She finally understood my meaning: the touching of our hearts and souls.
I reached over to her and pulled her to me. I could feel her relax in my embrace; she allowed me to have this gift as long as I needed it. Luisa knew that this was what true intimacy was between us, allowing each other to pour into each other in our time of need.
We understood that the next day would have problems, but we would handle them the next day. No matter what trials would come, we would face them together. With each other, would be together through this, now and for eternity.