One morning, all too soon, I turned to Luisa as I normally did, but she didn’t wake up. I realized that she had passed away in her sleep. She was gone! I let out a scream so loud that in no time, Jeremiah came running into our room. When he saw his mother and realized that she was not breathing, he became so upset that he tore his shirt, fell to the floor, and just wept. As reality sank in, I screamed louder and louder. Finally, Jeremiah remembered that I was in the room. He came to me and held me, but even that didn’t help calm my screaming.
“Papa, papa, I’m here.” I kept hearing him say over and over. After some time, he released me as I reached over to Luisa. Her body was still warm; I pulled her to me and held her. My tears fell on her hair and face. I had no more screams in me, but I still had tears to cry.
I didn’t know how much time passed as I held her to me, remembering the day we met, the day we got married, the walks, the talks, the day we brought Jeremiah home. So many wonderful memories bombarded me. I was taken out of my reverie when I heard Jeremiah’s voice again.
“Papa, what do you need me to do?”
All I could do was look at Luisa. When I didn’t answer, he called me again. “Papa?”
“Yes…” was all I could get out in-between sobs.
My son came back over to me. He grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me. “Papa, talk to me! What do I need to do?” I could hear and feel the desperation in his voice.
I was finally able to muster some words. “Call your Uncle Iglesias and Bernice. Ask them to come over and for Iglesias to call JoAnn. Then call your Uncle John and ask him to call the Rabbi. I only want JoAnn and Bernice to touch your mother.”
“Yes, Papa.” He walked quickly to get the phone and dialed his Uncle Iglesias.
“Uncle Iglesias…” He started crying as soon as he picked up.
“Yes, son, what’s wrong!?”
“Momma is gone. Papa needs you and JoAnn to come over. Only Bernice and JoAnn are to touch her. Papa won’t let her go. Please come now!”
The urgency and grief in his voice had Iglesias almost walking out of the door before they even hang up. “I’m on my way!”
As he got into the car, he called JoAnn. “Luisa is gone.”
“Oh, my Lord!” She got emotional but was still able to concentrate on what Iglesias was asking of her.
“We need to cancel the patients for the day. Jose only wants you and Bernice to touch her. I need you to go to their house as soon as possible.”
“Yes. I understand. I will have the secretary call the patients and I am on my way.” She hung up without saying good-bye. She knew the urgency of the situation.
Iglesias called back Jeremiah. “Who else did your father ask to call?”
He was still upset and had to think. “Uncle John and the rabbi.”
“Okay, I will handle calling them. I am on my way. I will be there very soon.”
“Oh, I forgot, we need to let Ms. Bernice know, too.”
“I’ll call her, too. Just stay tight, son.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thanks, Tio.”
Immediately, Iglesias was on the phone again. “John, this is Iglesias. Luisa has just passed away. Can you please call the rabbi to make the necessary preparations? Then head over to the house as soon as possible. And bring your mother with you.”
“Yes, sir. We will be there right away!”
As soon as he finished talking with John, Iglesias called Bernice. “Bernice, this is Iglesias. Luisa has just passed away.” Before he could say anything else, he heard screaming coming from the other end of the phone. When it finally started to quiet down he said, “Bernice, I’m so sorry. I need you to go to the house now. My brother won’t let her go and he has said that only you and JoAnn are to touch her.”
A barely audible, “Yes, I am on the way,” was heard before the call ended.
John was in a state of shock. He could hardly talk to the rabbi and his mother could barely understand him. He just couldn’t believe that she was gone. Brittany came in to his office. One look at the pallor in his skin and the tears on his cheeks, she knew. She began to cry herself. She took the time to pass the word along to the rest of the staff and sent them home for the day.
“Brittany, I am going to the house. I’ve already called the rabbi, but please follow up with him and make sure that everything is ready. Let me know of the particulars and if I need to do anything else.”
“Okay, please go on. And send my condolences.”
Iglesias, JoAnn, and Bernice all arrived at the same time. Jeremiah let them in the house. “Papa is still in the bedroom with mom.” He was still crying. Iglesias went over to hug him as the ladies went directly to the bedroom.
When they walked in, the sight broke their hearts. I was still holding Luisa, stroking her hair and talking to her. I felt like I had lost my mind. I just could not let go. It made it too real. I was still trying to convince myself that she was just asleep.
Iglesias came into the room and pulled me from the bed. I paid no attention to him shaking me by the shoulders. Finally, my brother struck me on the side of my face. It brought me back to reality. “Hermano, she is finally at peace. Let her rest. Come with me. Bernice and JoAnn are here now. They will honor her. No man will touch her. Please, now come with me. Your son needs you.”
Bernice and JoAnn looked at each other. Without words they communicated. Why would Jose choose them to prepare his wife’s body? Neither of them was Jewish. I came back into the room more composed this time. “Luisa left this letter for you. Please read it before you do anything else. She loved you both so much. She only wanted you two to see her this way, not anyone else.”
Bernice opened the letter and read it aloud.
My dear sisters whom I have loved since we first met, I have gone to be with God. I am entrusting you with my body so that you can get my body ready to go into the ground. This is a tradition to help take some of the burdens from my husband and son. They are suffering now and more will come.
I know that my passing was sudden, but it was time. My sisters, please keep in touch with Jose and Jeremiah. I know that Jose is going to withdraw from everything. And Jeremiah will need a woman’s influence more than ever.
Bernice, Jose is going to be difficult; but please be gentle with him. You know that he can let his Spanish temper get the best of him sometimes. Just remember that he will need you to stay beside him.
JoAnn, my sweet sister, please make sure that Iglesias keeps in touch with his brother. Iglesias knew that Jose was my Bashert 
, my soulmate, from the first time we met.
Sisters, please remember me as I once was. My looks have changed, and I am not as I was once. Remember our good days of shopping, laughing, eating, and rejoicing.
Love,
Your Sister Luisa
P.S. The Taharah 
(Preparing my body for burial):
Place my body with my feet facing the door. Wash my body with warm water, making sure that it is thoroughly clean. Dry me and wrap it with the Tachrichim-shroud. It is made of linen and is in the bottom drawer of my chest. Say prayers as the Lord leads you as you prepare my body for its timely resurrection in the future, when the Messiah returns. After you have done that, do not leave my body alone. Have the rabbi come as Shomer 
to recite some Psalms. You can have someone you trust to stay with me until they take my body for the funeral. Please move my body to a single coffin and move me into the den, if time allows. Light a candle at the foot of my coffin. Now, I will be ready to enter the ground from which I came from. Like it says in Job, dust to dust.
Thank you so much, my dear ladies.
“JoAnn, if you don’t stop crying…” Bernice had tears streaming down her face, too.
“Bernice, I just can’t stop.” The two ladies held each other in the hopes of consoling each other before they began the preparations.
In the kitchen, Iglesias fixed me some warm tea. I just sat and stared into the cup. The doorbell rang, but I couldn’t remember what I needed to do about it. Iglesias got up to answer it. “Jose, the rabbi is here.”
“Huh, what?”
“The rabbi…”
“Oh…” was all I could get out before another wave of tears overcame me.
“It’s okay, Jose. I will talk to him.” My brother showed the Rabbi 
into the dining room. “Shalom 
, Rabbi 
.”
“Shalom 
, Iglesias. I am sorry for the family’s loss.”
“Yes, toda 
(thank you). Luisa left instructions to be buried before sundown. Is that going to be okay?”
“Yes, we will work that out.”
“I have already called the funeral home to make arrangements. Also, the men from Jose’s office will carry her to the hearse. The funeral home has made arrangements to start the digging for her grave. She will be buried next to our father. It was his request of her before he passed away.”
“Yes, yes. She left very specific instructions. But that does help with the burial?”
I could hear the conversation, but I was still unable to process the words. All I could understand was my grief. My beloved had left me. I started rocking back and forth in my chair as I sobbed.
“My brother is in shock. He’s not himself. I’m going to give him something to help calm him down before he starts screaming again. Rabbi 
, they knew each other so well; they were so close. His soul is torn from end to end. I don’t believe that he’ll ever recover. As for Jeremiah, he’s strong. But he’s still trying to understand the understandable.”
The doorbell rang again. “Excuse me, Rabbi.” Iglesias went to the door. “John and some of the staff have arrived.”
As soon as Iglesias opened the door, John embraced him. “I am so sorry.” He had tears in his eyes.
“Thank you.” Iglesias tried to prepare him for what was on the other side of the door. “Be careful with Jose. He is in a state of shock. Just be aware that he’s not himself. Tell everyone else to leave him alone for now. He will go to them when he is ready.”
John was shaking his head in agreement. “Yes, I understand.”
“Also, the men will carry Luisa to the hearse and then to the grave site, where prayers will be said. The funeral director will meet you with Kippahs 
for your heads. Please give the men instructions to wear them. Jose will be watching.” Iglesias reached for a bag by the door and handed it to John. “Also, please give this to Brittany. Ask her to hand out these shawls for head covering for the ladies.”
“Luisa thought of everything before she passed.”
“Yes, she and Jose planned very well,” Iglesias agreed.
They started walking to where Jose was when the doorbell rang again. Bernice and JoAnn were coming out of the bedroom and they went to answer it. The cantor had arrived. They escorted him to the rest of the crowd.
“Hello,” the cantor greeted. “I am so sorry for the family’s loss.”
“Thank you,” Iglesias replied. “Did Luisa tell you what she wanted you to sing?”
“Yes, she asked for ‘Amazing Grace.’”
“Perfect. Thank you for coming on such short notice.” Iglesias shook hands with the cantor before they walked toward the kitchen. “John, it’s 2:40 p.m. Time to get the men ready. I will take Jose to say his good-bye and then I will help him to get ready so that you can take Luisa.”
“Okay, I will get them going now.” John started gathering the men together.
As Iglesias walked toward Jose, he gave instructions to the others. “Bernice, JoAnn, please follow behind the casket. I will have you get in my car with Jose and Jeremiah. We will be right behind the hearse.”
They both nodded in agreement, as if still not sure all of this was really happening.
“Jose, ya es Tiempo, Hermano (it’s already time, brother).”
I was still in a daze, but this registered with me. “Is it?”
“Yes, you have to let her rest before sundown. That was her wish.”
“You know, she was a perfect Messianic Jewess. She set such a good example of how to live and love.”
“Yes, she was.” Iglesias agreed with me. As Jeremiah walked back into the room, Iglesias told him to walk behind the ladies beside me.
I went to tell Luisa good-bye. It was difficult. She had been part of my life for so long. No one knew me like she did. No one could love me as she did. It was hard to think that tomorrow I would awake and she would not be beside me. I cried for the loss, cried for the tomorrows that would no longer come for us.
The ride to the cemetery was quiet. No one was speaking. My mind was still in a fog, trying to process what would happen now that my love was gone. My soul was crying out for Luisa. I needed her, but she was gone. Only her body remained here now. And soon, that would be laid to rest.
As we got to the cemetery, John and the other men got out of their cars and went to the hearse to get Luisa. As they got her out, they made sure that they took special care with her. Bernice, JoAnn, Brittany, Iglesias, and Jeremiah walked with me, following behind the casket. We got to the spot where Luisa’s body would be laid to rest. I looked over and saw my father’s grave marker. All I could do was fall to the ground and weep. I was so overcome with the loss. Iglesias came to my side and held onto me. But soon, the loss overwhelmed him, too. He started weeping with me. John came over to us to help console us. After a few minutes passed and we were able to stand, John, helped us up and led us to the grave.
As the body of my precious Luisa was lowered into the ground I could hear the sniffling of several people. One of the cemetery crew members were crying. He looked vaguely familiar. After a few moments, I remembered that Luisa had taught his child.
The Rabbi 
started the memorial prayer. “Kaddish 
. O Lord and King, full of compassion. God of the spirits, of all flesh, in whose hand the souls of the living and the dead receive. We pray you, in your great love, the soul of Luisa, wife of Jose, family of Rabbi Jose Sr., who has been gathered to her people, have mercy on her, pardon all her transgressions, for there is no one so righteous on earth as to have done only good and never sinned. Remember the righteousness that she did and let her reward be with her, her recompense before her. O, shelter her soul in the shadow of your wings. Make known to her the path of life. In your presence is the fullness of joy, at your right hand bless her forevermore. Bestow upon her the great goodness that is stored up for the righteous. Amen.”
Then the Rabbi 
turned to the family to pray for them. “Strengthen and support them in the day of their sadness and grief. Remember them for a long and good life. Put into their hearts love and reverence for You, so that they may serve you with a perfect heart and let their end be peace. Amen.”
As he finished, the cantor began to sing “Amazing Grace.” When he got through the first verse, tears begin to fall. He stopped singing; he couldn’t go on. I got up and went to him; I hugged him and whispered in his ear. No one could hear what I said. It was meant for only him to hear. I wiped his tears away. He began again. This time his voice stronger and louder. The song ended with everyone in tears.
The service was over. The men tore the lapel of their coats out of respect for Luisa. They all said their goodbyes to me and the rest of the “family” and returned to their vehicles. I was back in my state of shock and Iglesias came over to me. “Hermano, we will come back and visit her later. We need to let her rest for now. You need to visit with the others at the house.”
The drive home was as quiet as the drive there. I held tight onto Jeremiah’s hand. I needed him and he needed me. Iglesias asked Ms. Pinckney and JoAnn if they could stay the night. They both agreed without hesitation. The house was big enough for all. As we entered the house, we all took our shoes off and I noticed that Brittany had covered the mirrors to avoid signs of vanity.
The smell of food was in the air. Iglesias had called a caterer. A kosher meal was ordered for the first meal. Part of the meal was a hard-boiled egg. It was eaten to show that life is like a circle and the mourners have no words to describe the loss they feel.
The Shiva 
or week of mourning would follow. For thirty days, we as mourners did not attend weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, 
or any other events that have music. Jeremiah would also have to wait a full year before attending a social event to honor his mother. He also had to let his hair and beard grow out; I was a little more lenient on that.
At 7:30 p.m. that night, the phone rang to break the silence in our home. Iglesias and John were there. Iglesias answered the call. Whoever it was must have asked to speak with me, because Iglesias handed me the phone without any conversation with the caller. The conversation was short, but straight to the point. As we hang up, Iglesias turned to me. “Who was that?”
I was still sort of shocked about the call. “The Grand Rabbi 
of Spain.”
Iglesias looked as stunned as I felt. “Who?”
“You heard correctly, the Grand Rabbi 
of Spain. We’re related to him through our mother.”
“Jose, you’ve never told me that.”
I felt a spark of my old self come back. “Well, you never asked.”
John walked over to sit beside me. We sat in silence for a few minutes, then I stood up and turned to John. “Can you hold the fort down until I settle things?”
“Yes, I can, Jose.”
“I need to go for a walk.”
“Okay, Hermano. But please don’t go too far,” Iglesias chimed in.
I raised my eyebrows at him. “You don’t think I know my own neighborhood?”
“No—I mean, yes.” Iglesias stumbled over his answer. I guess he was shocked with my question.
“Okay, then. I’m going to walk where Luisa and I walked. Is that okay by you?”
“Yes, Hermano.”
I went outside and started down our usual path. It felt different because she wasn’t with me. But It also felt like a relief to get out of the house.
Iglesias called one of the men to follow me. “Juan, sigue al Jefe pero a la distancia, y que no te vea (Juan, follow the boss at a distance and don’t let him see you).”
“Si, Señor.”
Knowing that I was taken care of, Iglesias told John, “I need to talk with Bernice and JoAnn.” He got up to go find them. They were in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes and wiping the counters as if trying to keep busy so that they didn’t have to think about the day and what happened. “Ladies, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
“Iglesias, we wouldn’t have been anywhere else. We wanted to be here for Luisa,” Bernice said.
JoAnn agreed. “We all did.”
After I returned from my walk, I told everyone good-bye and good night. I was ready to start my year of mourning.