This humorous piece is for anyone struggling to say their piece because they are nervous of how someone might react. I say throw caution to the wind and let it out!
Do you know what fills me with dread and pumps my blood with anxiety? What makes me break into a cold sweat and mope for days, deliberating? The thing that makes my mouth dry as a sponge at the science museum and my breath catch in my throat? Well, here it is: telling someone something. But I grit my teeth and do it. All. The. Time. What’s my secret? There are many tips and tricks for making yourself known to others, but the thing that I need to hear again and again in my anxiety-riddled haze is: Don’t get attached to the outcome.
I’ve heard this wisdom many times from many people, from my therapist to my mom. It’s the idea that, in any given situation (mainly of the social variety), you only have control over yourself—your own personal portion of attitudes, words, actions, and reactions. Think of it as a sort of “I’m rubber, you’re glue” situation. (But let’s not assume that anyone will be hurling insults at you over the course of your super-mature communication session that you arranged because you’re an adult, damn it!)
This tactic acts as both offense and defense when managing yours and others’ feelings in the face of confrontation. It’s defensive, giving you a semblance of security while you’re baring your soul to another person (“I’m rubber”), and offensive, allowing you to actually put the words out there, whatever they may be. (Let’s skip the “you’re glue” bit. I think that undermines the grown-up thing we’re going for.)
What thoughts, feelings, and observations am I going around spewing everywhere?, you might ask (fair). That’s none of your business, but I am a proponent of clear and plentiful communication. When I have a better understanding of someone and feel they understand me—to the extent we can understand each other, given all beings outside ourselves are unknowable and I feel unknown to myself most days of the week—I feel more at ease moving forward in a relationship. Of course, sometimes I must communicate that a relationship has reached its close, which can be painful. But one simply cannot get attached to the outcome! Forge ahead, fierce and gentle warrior of communication!
Now that you are a pro at speaking your truth, I leave you with this: Choose your battles wisely, because this is exhausting.