10

IN MOPO TEMPLE LAME PRIEST ENTERS BUDDHA’S BELLY;

IN A DREAM REN, WU, AND ZHANG RECEIVE ETERNA’S MAGIC.

POEM:

Chunyu dreamed that he traveled to Nanke,1

While Zhuang Zi dreamed he was a butterfly.2

All manner of things in this world are a dream;

Gain, loss, rise and fall go so quickly by.

Lame Priest saw Ren, Wu, and Zhang coming after him and dashed off. When they quickened their pace, he quickened his; when they slackened their pace, he slackened his; and when they stopped altogether, he stopped, too. They simply could not catch him.

“Let’s find out where he lives and then deal with him,” said Butcher Zhang after they had left the capital several miles behind. Their pursuit brought them to a place called Dragon Mopo, where the road was utterly deserted. There was a temple there named Mopo, and Lame Priest went straight inside. “Good!” said Butcher Zhang. “It’s a dead end. I wonder where he’s heading. Let’s split up and go after him from three different directions.”

“Good idea!” said Ren Qian. Wu went straight ahead, while Zhang took the left portico and Ren the right. When the lame priest saw the three pursuing him from different directions, he raced into the Buddha Hall, scrambled up onto the altar, planted his foot on Buddha’s hand, then clambered up onto Buddha’s shoulder and took Buddha’s head in both hands.

The three men came rushing up to the Buddha Hall. “You’d better come down,” they said. “If you don’t, we’ll go up there and drag you down!”

“Help! Buddha save me!” exclaimed Lame Priest, throwing Buddha’s head down. It clattered on the floor and rolled away, while Lame Priest crawled into the belly.

“What a strange thing to do!” exclaimed Butcher Zhang. “There’s no way out of that belly! Why crawl in there? But we’re not going to let you off!” He scrambled up onto the altar, planted a foot on Buddha’s hand, clambered onto Buddha’s shoulder, and, holding on to Buddha’s neck with both hands, peered down into the chest, where everything was pitch-black. Then a hand reached out from inside the chest and grabbed him by the topknot, and down he tumbled into the belly of the statue.

“Oh, no!” cried Wu and Ren in alarm. They were at a complete loss. “What shall we do?” they asked each other.

“No problem,” said Ren Qian. “I’ll climb up and find out what’s going on.”

“Be careful, brother. Mind you don’t go in, too.”

“I won’t do what Zhang did.” Ren Qian scrambled onto the altar, planted his foot on Buddha’s hand, clambered onto Buddha’s shoulder and out onto his chest and looked inside, but saw nothing there but pitch-black darkness. “Zhang!” he called. “Where are you?” There was no response, but a hand reached out and seized hold of him. In his terror Ren Qian cried, “Dear Master! Living Master! Have pity on me, forgive me. I won’t dare pursue you anymore. I’ve come here specially to ask if you’d like any steamed cakes, steamed buns, or red-bean dumplings.

If you would, I’ll bring them to you.” At this point his head went down, his feet went up, and he plunged headfirst into Buddha’s belly.

“Oh, no!” moaned Wu in horror. Both of them have fallen into Buddha’s belly, he thought, but I can’t go back without them. He was afraid that, if he looked inside, he would tumble in himself. On the other hand, if he went back, he wouldn’t know if the other two were alive or dead. He simply had to go up and take a look. He scrambled onto the altar, but his limbs were numb with fright, and he was shaking like a leaf—he didn’t dare go any further. But after thinking it over for some time, he felt that there was nothing else for it—he had to plant a foot on Buddha’s hand and clamber onto Buddha’s chest. He wanted to look inside, but he was too afraid of falling in. He was at an impasse, unable to go forward or back. How stupid of me! he thought. All I need do is find some hard object to break Buddha’s belly with, and then I’ll be able to rescue them both. He was just about to step down onto the altar when he felt as if someone behind him had seized him around the waist and thrown him down into the belly, where one of his feet came to rest on Ren Qian’s head.

“You’re treading on me!” yelled Ren.

“Who are you?” asked Wu.

“I’m Ren Qian!”

“Where’s Zhang?”

“I’m over here!” said Zhang.

“Wu, how did you happen to get in?”

“I went up onto Buddha’s chest and tried to look for you two, and then I felt as if someone were throwing me down into the belly.”

“I felt as if someone had stretched out a hand and grabbed my hair and pulled me in.”

“It was the same with me,” said Butcher Zhang. “It must be Lame Priest. He’s been having a high old time with us. Let’s feel our way around. If we find him, let’s not beat him up, just get him to help us out of this belly. If he refuses to help, we’ll have no choice but to beat him up.” The three men set about feeling their way all around, but they failed to find Lame Priest.

“I never realized that Buddha’s belly was so huge. Let’s take it one step at a time.”

“But how can we walk anywhere when it’s so dark in here?” asked Zhang.

“I’ll help you along,” said Ren.

“And I’ll go behind,” offered Wu.

They made their way slowly along for several hundred yards, when Butcher Zhang said, “This is all very strange! How can the Mopo Temple hall be so large? We’ve already gone a long way inside the belly.”

As they were speaking, they suddenly saw a speck of light up ahead. “There’s a way out, after all!” said Wu.

A few more steps brought them to an ill-fitting stone door with a shaft of light shining through one of its cracks. Butcher Zhang stepped forward and pushed the door open, then focused his eyes and looked inside. “Wonderful!” he exclaimed in astonishment.

An unearthly scene presented itself,

With exotic blossoms of dazzling hue,

Pairs of swallows flying hither and thither,

A splendid bridge one hundred paces long,

And green waters wending their way around.

“Out of this world!” exclaimed Butcher Zhang.

“I never imagined there’d be scenery like this inside Buddha’s belly in the Mopo Temple!” marveled Wu.

“But if there’s no one living here,” said Ren, “how are we going to get back?”

“That’s all right,” said Butcher Zhang. “Since there’s a path, there must be somebody living here. Let’s start out.”

After walking another half mile, they came to a manor house:

Brilliant flowers fill the garden,

Verdant bamboos line the hedgerows.

A vivid blue stream, cold and fresh,

Shines brightly, crystal clear.

A thatched lodge, quiet and secluded,

While nest-building swallows hovered in the wind;

A compound, empty and deserted,

As chattering orioles flit through warm sunlight.

A young boy returns on his buffalo

Singing a mountain song;

A swarthy villager comes back from his plow

Listening to a village tune;

A lean and hungry dog

Barks at passersby through the hedge;

And a solitary bird

Speeds the traveler on his way from an old tree.

“Let me go and call out to them,” said Butcher Zhang. “We’re travelers passing through and we’ve lost our way!” he shouted.

From inside came a response: “Coming! Coming!” Then the door opened, and an old woman walked out. The three men greeted her, and she returned the greeting.

“Where have you three come from?” she asked.

“We’re from the city, and we’ve lost our way. We’d like to ask you for directions, and also whether you have any food in the manor that we could buy.”

“We’re country folk—how could we have food for sale? If you’re travelers who are just passing through, you might as well stay and have a meal here. Come on inside.”

They followed her into the thatched hall and sat down on some wooden benches. The old woman brought a table over and placed it in front of them. “You look hungry,” she said. “I’ll just prepare some food for you. If you can drink wine, have some before you eat.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” they said. She went inside and soon returned with a pot of wine and set out three cups. She then brought out a meat dish with a mouthwatering smell and poured them three cups of the wine.

“This wine doesn’t compare with what you get in the city,” she said. “Here it’s all homemade. Just drink it up as if it were tea.”

After their pursuit of Lame Priest, the three men were both hungry and thirsty, and even before they had tried the hors d’oeuvres or tasted the meat, they cried out, “Oh, this is so good!” Each of them drank two cups of wine. The old woman then brought out some rice, of which they ate their fill. “Thank you, ma’am,” they said. “We’ll pay the usual tariff.”

“What! For a little bit of food and wine? I can’t ask anything for that!” she said, gathering up the dishes and taking them inside. The three were just about to thank her and take their leave, asking for directions out of the area, when someone walked in from outside. It was none other than Lame Priest!

“You tormented us all morning,” said Butcher Zhang, “and here you are!” The three men flew down the hall like eagles swooping on a sparrow, seized hold of Lame Priest, and were about to beat him when he cried out, “Mother, help me!”

Emerging from the inner quarters, the old woman called out, “You three, stop that wild behavior this minute! He’s my son! If you have an issue with him, you need to show some consideration for me.” She came down the hall and told them to let him go, then invited them to sit down. “Just now out of the goodness of my heart I offered you some food and wine,” she said. “Why do you want to beat my son the moment you set eyes on him? You’re being most unreasonable!”

“We’re sincerely grateful for your hospitality, your ladyship” said Butcher Zhang. “We truly had no idea that Lame Priest was your son. If we had known, we would have put up with his unreasonable behavior. It’s only out of consideration for you that we’re not beating him to a pulp right now!”

“What has my son done that you should want to beat him?” she asked. Butcher Zhang, Ren Qian, and Wu Three told the old woman the things the priest had done that morning. “From what you tell me,” she said, “he was at fault in all these cases. Let me get him to beg you for forgiveness.”

Lame Priest came before her, and she said, “Gentlemen, do forgive him, for my sake!”

“Ma’am, we no longer have any desire to fight with him. Just get him to show us the way back.”

“Stay a little longer, why don’t you? I believe it’s only because you are men of destiny that you were able to come here in the first place, but now that you are here, you’re surely not going to go straight back? We all know some magic, and we’ll tell each of you how to do one trick, which will be something you can take away and make use of for the rest of your lives.”

To Lame Priest she said, “You mustn’t go out anymore. When you did go out, you caused a lot of trouble and brought these three men here. Now, show them what magic you know.” To the three men she said, “My son has learned a few tricks that he’s going to demonstrate to you.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” they replied.

“As you wish, Mother!” said Lame Priest. He brought out a gourd from his waist pocket, recited a formula, and shouted, “Presto!” A stream of water gushed from the mouth of the gourd.

“Bravo!” cried the three men.

“Now let me show you how I bring the water back again,” said Lame Priest.

Little by little he brought the water back into the gourd. Then he recited another formula and shouted, “Presto!” A tongue of flame shot forth from the gourd.

“Bravo!” cried the three men. Little by little Lame Priest also brought the flame back inside the gourd.

“Lame Priest, would you be willing to give me that gourd?” asked Butcher Zhang.

“Son, give the gentleman that water-and-flame gourd,” said the old woman. Lame Priest didn’t dare disobey. He handed the gourd to Butcher Zhang, who thanked him.

“I have another trick that I’ll show you,” said Lame Priest. He took a sheet of paper, cut out the shape of a horse, then laid it on the floor and shouted, “Presto!” The paper horse, as white as snow, seemingly made of cotton, shook itself, got to its feet, and showed that it could both walk and gallop. Lame Priest mounted it, gave a shout, and the horse slowly rose up into the sky, and then after a considerable time sank gradually down to earth again. Lame Priest stopped it and dismounted, and the horse turned back into a paper cutout.

“Which of you gentlemen would like to have this?” he asked.

“I’d like to have the paper horse magic,” said Wu. Lame Priest handed him the horse cutout, and Wu thanked him.

“Now two of the gentlemen have their magic,” said the old woman to Lame Priest. “What about this one?”

“I would never disobey your instructions, Mother,” said Lame Priest, “but I’m afraid my magic is too limited.” As they spoke, a woman came walking out.

The newcomer was none other than Eterna Hu. After curtsying to everyone, she said to the old woman, “Just give me the word, Mother, and I’ll teach this gentleman a magic trick.”

“I’m looking forward to a superb performance.”

Eterna brought out a wooden bench and placed it in the front of the hall. Then, sitting astride the bench, she recited a formula, shouted, “Presto!” and the bench turned into a slant-eyed, white-browed tiger.

A short neck, a barrel chest, tiny ears,

Chiseled brows, white forehead a pile of silver;

Claws lightly spread, as swift as in flight,

Leaping over ravines like level ground;

The sweep of its tail terrifying deer,

Its roar scaring foxes half to death;

How could Bian Zhuang,3 brave as he was, prevail?

Even Zi Lu would have been sorely pressed.

Riding on the tiger’s back, Eterna called out, “Up!” and the tiger soared into the sky. She shouted, “Halt!” and it sank gradually back to earth. She shouted, “Presto!” and it turned back into a bench.

“Did you see that, Master Ren?” asked the old woman.

“Yes, ma’am, I did,” said Ren.

“Daughter, you must teach that magic to Master Ren,” she said. Eterna passed the magic formula on to Ren Qian, who thanked her.

“Now, I want all three of you to perform your magic once,” said the old woman. They practiced until they could do it successfully.

“Now that you know some magic,” she said, “there’s something I want to ask you. I don’t know if you’d be willing to agree.”

“Ma’am, I wonder what it is you want us to agree to,” said Butcher Zhang. “Do tell us.”

“You must commit this to memory: One day in the future you are to come to Beizhou and help us. You mustn’t fail to come.”

“Since you’re giving us an order, we’ll certainly go there to help you,” said Butcher Zhang. “But just now we ask you to guide us to the road that will take us back home.”

“I’ll have my son escort you into the city.”

“As you wish,” said Lame Priest.

The three men took leave of the old woman, who said to them, “Today I’m having my son take you back, but tomorrow you must all come and wait for me at the Mopo Temple.”

The three men took leave of the old woman and Eterna. Lame Priest then led them a distance of a few hundred yards before they came to a high mountain, which they duly climbed. “Gentlemen, can you see the city from here?” asked Lame Priest.

They looked and saw that the city was close at hand. As they did so, Lame Priest gave them a sudden shove, and they tumbled down and awoke with a start in what they realized was the Buddha Hall. In a state of complete bewilderment, Butcher Zhang watched as the other two also came to their senses.

“What did you two see?” he asked.

“Lame Priest taught us some magic,” said Wu. “Do you have your gourd with you?” he asked. Zhang felt for it—it was there in his breast pocket.

“I have my paper horse here, too,” said Wu.

“What I learned was the formula for tiger transformation,” said Ren.

“We seemed to be living in a dream. Lame Priest, the old woman, and Eterna Hu are surely all supernatural beings. They insisted that one day we should go to Beizhou to help them. I wonder what they have in mind.”

The three men were puzzling over this question when they saw Lame Priest come walking out from the back of the Buddha Hall. “Go on home,” he said. “Don’t forget your skills and the magic that you have learned, and come back here tomorrow and wait for us.” They took leave of him and went to their separate homes.

Nothing else of significance happened that day. The next morning, after they had had their breakfast, they made their way to the Mopo Temple and went up to the top of the Buddha Hall, where they found the Buddha head intact and in place. Then they went to the rear hall to look for the old lady and Lame Priest, but could not find them.

“Let’s go back!” said Butcher Zhang.

As he said this, they heard someone calling out, “Now, don’t have a change of heart, you three! I’ve been waiting for you for ages!” They turned to look and saw someone coming out from the back of the Buddha Hall—the old woman they had met the day before. They bowed low before her. “Why are you so late?” she asked “I want you to demonstrate the magic that you learned yesterday, so that you’ll be able to use it in future.”

“I’m the one with the coordinated fire-and-water gourd,”4 said Butcher Zhang. He recited the formula, shouted, “Presto!” and a stream of water shot forth from the gourd. He shouted, “Back!” and little by little the water went back into the gourd. Again he shouted, “Presto!” and a tongue of flame darted forth from the gourd. Again he shouted, “Back!” and little by little the flame went back inside the gourd. “I’ve mastered it!” he said gleefully.

Wu Three then took the horse cutout from his breast pocket, put it on the floor, and recited the formula with a shout of “Presto!” It turned into a white horse, its hooves going clippety-clop as it trotted along. Wu rode it for some time, then leaped off, and it turned back into a paper cutout.

Ren Qian then went to the rear hall and fetched a bench and sat astride it. He recited the formula and shouted, “Presto!” and the bench turned into a tiger that roared as it bounded along. Ren Qian shouted, “Halt,” and the tiger gradually stopped and turned back into a bench.

As the men were demonstrating their magic, they heard someone call out, “In these idyllic times of peace and good order, here you are, practicing the demonic arts! The authorities have recently put up notices calling for the arrest of any demons. If they learn about this episode, I’m bound to be implicated!”

When they hastily turned to see who it was, they found a priest wearing a fiery red cassock and gold earrings. “I’ve been watching you from the portico for some time,” he said.

“Please forgive me, Master,” said the old woman. “I was just teaching them a little magic.”

“Teach them well, and you will not have labored in vain; teach them badly, and you will have wasted all your efforts. You should get them to give me a demonstration.”

The old woman told them to demonstrate their magic, and they did so. “Well, Master,” she asked, “what do you think of my disciples?”

“In my opinion,” he said, “they are none too good.”

The old woman bristled. “I daresay that you, as a priest, have stupendous talents. Well, if you know some magic, show it to us!” The priest stretched out a hand, spread his fingers wide, and each of his fingers gave forth a ray of golden light in the midst of which there appeared a buddha figure. The three men prostrated themselves at the sight.

As they did so, they heard a voice crying out, “This temple was built by imperial order. Why are you practicing the black magic of Diamond Chan in here?” The priest retracted the golden light, and they saw that the speaker was a Daoist priest mounted on a wild beast who was coming up the hall. At the sight of the old woman, he jumped down and, raising his fists, kowtowed to her, saying, “Your disciple has come especially to bow down before you.”

“Master, please sit down,” she said. The Daoist and the Buddhist bowed to each other, and the three vendors came forward and bowed to the Daoist.

“Do these three men know any magic?”

“Yes,” she said.

“I, too, have converted a disciple, and I have him here with me.”

“Where is he?”

The Daoist said to the wild beast, “Withdraw your miraculous powers.” The beast shook its head, waved its tail, and disappeared from sight. What stood up in its place was a man! The onlookers were flabbergasted. The old woman recognized the man as the carter Bu Ji.

Bu Ji bowed low before her.

“Bu Ji, how do you come to be here?”

“Madam, if my teacher, Master Zhang, had not come to my rescue, I would probably never have seen you again.”

“How did you happen to save him?” she asked the Daoist.

“I was in a wood a few miles outside Zhengzhou when I heard someone cry out, ‘Priestess Pia, help!’ I thought to myself, that’s your name, ma’am. Why is someone calling on you? I rushed over to see and found Bu Ji, who had been hung up in a tree by some men who were about to murder him. I asked him the reason, and he told me the whole story. I then employed a little magic and rescued him from danger.”

“I see,” she said. “In that case, I suppose you also taught him some magic?”

“Yes, he did,” said Bu Ji.

“Have any of you ever seen my magic?” she asked.

“We would like to see your superb performance.”

She took a gold hairpin from her head, shouted, “Presto!” and it changed into a precious sword. She slashed her chest with the sword, then put the sword down. With both hands she pulled the skin of her chest apart. The others came forward to look. This is what they saw:

A vermilion gate, gold studded,

Eaves with emerald tiles;

Blue-green cypresses grown together against the gate,

A ring of green pines surrounding the hall;

A seraphic boy beating a drum

And a flock of white cranes listening to scripture;

A cherubic girl tolling a bell

And several green gibbons brewing a magic potion;

The image of the Penglai paradise,

Exactly like the immortals’ abode.

“Bravo!” cried the onlookers in amazement. As they watched, they heard shouts from in front of the door, and a group of men trooped in.

“What shall we do now?” cried the vendors in alarm.

“Don’t panic! Everyone, just follow me inside,” said the Buddhist priest. They took refuge in a secret hideaway.

The newcomers, over twenty in number, had crossbows at their waists and falcons on their wrists. Five of them were falconers, and the rest of the party included both officials and private citizens. Among them was a eunuch on a horse. He rode up to the front of the hall and dismounted, then opened up a folding chair and sat down, while his followers formed up on both sides. The eunuch was Marshal Goodman Wang. He was not on duty at court that day, and he was using his free time to take a number of men outside the city to play games and enjoy themselves. They had chanced to come to this Mopo Temple, where they played a little football and practiced some archery, and also enjoyed some wine and food. The eunuch himself drank several cups of wine before remounting his horse and riding off escorted by his men.

The old woman and the others returned to the Buddha Hall, where she said, “I thought they were going to start something, but instead they came here to amuse themselves. Still, it gave us quite a shock.”

“We know him as a court eunuch by the name of Marshal Goodman Wang. He lives in Baitieban,”5 said Zhang, Ren, and Wu. “He’s an extremely generous man who donates to Daoist and Buddhist priests alike.”

Hearing this comment, the Buddhist priest said, “Just watch me torment him tomorrow.”

Then they dispersed.

Precisely because the priest wanted to torment Marshal Wang, thirty smart, sharp-eyed constables and a clever, capable inspector were given no peace. When they did find the priest, they were unable to arrest him. He roiled the Eastern Capital and threw the whole of Bianzhou into chaos.

Common vendors joined the Double Adepts;6

Good-looking fools enrolled in Diamond Chan.

Truly,

They studied the art of demonic magic—

And consigned their manly bodies to the grave.

How did this priest torment people? Turn to the next chapter to find out.