Nancy Meyers and My Dream of Whiteness

I can’t be sorry

enough. I have learned

everything is urgent.

Road closings, animal lungs.

I am working hard to be

as many people as possible

before I can’t.

I know my long, dark movie

is fistfuls

of gravel in a brown bottle.

My storyboards fill me

with calculated sorrow.

A full plate and burnt sage.

Dollar signs, breaking news.

I work two and three jobs.

I am honorable and brave.

The ensemble cast

whittles down.

Maybe I am a slave.

I make ends meet.

I don’t get kissed.

Behold my wide smile.

Octavia Spencer cooks in a small

apartment. She serves joyfully

and doesn’t eat. She wipes her palm

on her apron, forehead.

Angela Bassett is sick and tired

of being. Denzel Washington

reminds us how often

we are afraid. We get arrested.

Someone narrates.

What you look like

is sheer fabrics and ivory shells.

Alec Baldwin is smoking a joint

in the bathroom of a CEO’s

birthday party. Steve Martin

tastes the goat cheese

and considers nothing.

You never get arrested.

There is no question

that god waits at the end

of your staircase curling

softly like wood-finished ribbon.

Anne Hathaway hires a decorator.

Diane Keaton makes midnight

pancakes, tops them with

lavender ice cream.

What is beautiful

does not need to be

called beautiful.

No one talks about money.

In our house, the sky

is upside down.

None of us find unlikely love.

I do not revel in my luxury.

I would rather serve than eat.

If it seems like I desire you,

you’re right. I want my whole

mouth around your safety.

I want to be buried

side by side.