‘So your wife’s dating the PE teacher,’ said Betga. ‘It’s not the end of the world.’
‘I don’t know that it’s the PE teacher. It could be the drama teacher.’
They were sitting in the front bar of the Grosvenor Hotel. Maserov had not known what to do with the information that his wife seemed to have a date with another man so he had called Betga.
‘I think it’s worse if it’s the drama teacher. You’d better hope it’s the PE teacher.’
‘Why?’
‘Because if it’s the PE teacher it’s almost understandable. You have the body of a lawyer or even an accountant. The PE teacher is, I imagine, someone with a body that’s qualitatively different. The drama teacher, on the other hand, no matter his body shape, would pride himself on being well-spoken and somewhat cultured, if not steeped, in the written word. These ought to be your strong suits. If she’s sleeping with the PE teacher it’s just variety. If she’s sleeping with the drama teacher, you’re being replaced.’
‘I don’t know that she’s sleeping with anyone,’ said Maserov to Betga and to himself.
‘Maybe not,’ said Betga. ‘Not yet, but you’ll know.’
‘How will I know?’
‘There’s always a tell, even when they don’t want you to know. And she’ll want you to know.’
‘What kind of tell?’
‘I don’t know exactly. She might be less interested in sex.’
‘We’re separated. How can I know?’
‘So you’re not sleeping together, ever, not at all?’
‘Betga, we’re separated, of course we’re not having sex with each other.’
‘Oh, okay, I thought that was marriage. Separation, I imagined, might spice things up. You could maybe cheat on each other with each other. Too late to suggest that now, I suppose. Well, then she might spend more than usual on clothes, start exercising more or she might tell you she’s fucking the PE teacher.’
‘You’re a lot of help. I don’t know why I expected you to have any insight into this.’
‘Or . . .’ said Betga as though he’d just recalled something brilliant. ‘She might show you unusual kindness. You’d better pray she doesn’t show you unusual kindness. I’ll see what I can find out from Carla. They’re seeing each other a bit, talking on the phone.’
‘How do you know?’
‘She told me. I’ve been going over there ever since you got her to confirm that I’m Marietta’s father.’
‘How’s that going?’
‘Fatherhood is great but the circumstances are, as you’d imagine, a little uncomfortable. Carla is still pissed off with me for being unfaithful and the sad policeman is better at changing Marietta than I am. He’s not lording it over me exactly but it hurts to be out-changed by a cop, especially a sad elderly one. He’s devilishly clever, using that sad maladroit elderly thing to his advantage. It’s a killer. I’m currently being outdone by pathos.’
‘With Marietta?’
‘No, with Carla. Marietta presents her own challenges. She doesn’t know me and it’s hard to bond with her in an hour or two in the living room with Carla watching me like a hawk and occasionally the sad cop too.’
‘Incidentally, I’ve got something for you.’ Betga pulled a piece of paper out of the pocket of his jacket, unfolded it and handed it to Maserov. It was a photocopy of a Notice of Discontinuance in the name of Jane Ode, signifying that the fictional character he had created had ended her litigation for sexual harassment against Torrent Industries.
‘What am I meant to do with this?’ asked Maserov, looking at it.
‘You take it to Malcolm Torrent, show it to him from a distance and with your finger over my name and start my retainer. Tell him it’s best for him not to ask any questions and that you don’t know how I did this.’
‘What if he now wants you to get rid of all the pending cases against Torrent Industries without paying anything to the plaintiffs?’
‘Tell him I told you that I checked the other claims and that it’s my considered opinion this is the only plaintiff whose case can be settled without an offer.’
‘What if he reads the Notice of Discontinuance and sees your name as the lawyer acting for her?’
‘He won’t. He’s a big-picture man, remember, and you’ll be holding your thumb over my name. You want it just close enough for him to read the heading, “Notice of Discontinuance”. Then be sure to take the document with you.’