I started school today, cos I’m now four. I’m goin te be a scholar. I’m lookin forward te tha. All the big people said they wished they could go back te school, an these are goin te be the best years of me life!
There’s loads of us sittin at desks, tha’s wha they’re called. We have things called inkwells – tha’s wha ye dip yer pen inta an write on a copybook. But we won’t be doin tha now, cos we’re not real scholars yet.
The teacher shouts down at the young fella sittin beside me, cos he’s eatin his chunk of bread an drippin. We’re not supposed te do tha until we get out te the yard at playtime. She bangs this big long stick on the blackboard. ‘Now, pay attention and sit up straight. No! You can’t go to the toilet, you have to learn to ask in Irish,’ she told a young one who was joggin up an down wit her legs crossed. The pooley streamed down her legs, an the young one was roarin her head off. The teacher had te take her out. We could hear her shoes squelchin, cos they were filled wit piss, an her nose was drippin wit snots. When she got back, the teacher went straight te the blackboard. ‘Now!’ she said. ‘We are going to draw a ...’ an when she was finished, she pointed her stick at a young one an said, ‘What is this?’ pointin at the blackboard.
‘A cup an saucer, Teacher,’ squeaked the young one in a hoarse voice.
‘Yes! Good. And all together now ...’
We all shouted up, ‘A cup an saucer!’
But it was dawnin on me slowly I didn’t like this school business at all. I wouldn’t be able te draw a cup an saucer. School was too hard, an I don’t want te be a scholar. When I got home, I raced up the stairs te tell me ma I was now a scholar. I’d learnt everythin an didn’t need te go back te school any more. She was sittin by the fire an looked a bit lonely without me. She had a cup of tea an a saucer sittin on top, wit a slice of Swiss roll on it, warmin by the fire fer me dinner. In honour of the occasion.
Me ma says I have te go te school. She holds me hand an keeps tellin me I’ll be grand. The school’s only a few doors down, an I’m back in the school yard before I know wha’s happened. All the childre are millin aroun, waitin fer the door te open. Me ma asks a big young one te mind me, an Tessa who lives across the road takes me hand. Me ma goes off smilin an wavin, an Tessa tells me I’m a big girl now I’m started school, an isn’t it great!
At playtime when they let us out, I try te escape, but the gate is locked. I look te see if the big young one who is supposed te be minding us is watchin, but she’s too busy tryin te placate all the other childre who are cryin fer their mammies. I try te squeeze meself out through the bars, but I can’t get me head out, an I can’t get it back in either! Panic erupts in me. I give a piercin scream, an the other kids come runnin over. They just stand there gapin at me, an some are even laughin. I’ve made a holy show of meself, but I don’t care. A neighbour, Mrs Scally, sees me an rushes over.
‘What ails ye, child?’
‘I want me mammy! Let me out, I want te go home!’
‘Here, don’t struggle. You’ll only make it worse.’
She pushes me, but me head is tightly wedged between the big black bars, an she’s pullin the ears offa me. There’s a big crowd aroun me now, but I can’t see them cos Mrs Scally is suffocatin me wit her shawl. The smell of snuff an porter an sour milk pourin up me nostrils is makin me dizzy.
‘Here, Teacher! I’ll let youse take over. We’re only makin it worse. Maybe we’ll have te get the Fire Brigade. I’ll run an get her mammy.’
‘The bars will have to be cut, or maybe we could grease her head,’ another teacher said.
I lost me mind. ‘No! No! Don’t let them cut me head off! I’ll be good. I won’t do this again! Just let me out!’
The Fire Brigade arrived, an they had te cut the bars te free me. I kept screamin, cos I thought they were goin te cut me head off. The ma brought me home, but she stopped first te talk te the crowd, an the woman from the vegebale shop gave me a banana. She said it was good fer shock. The ma told them all I put the heart crossways in her an I’ll be the death of her yet, cos I was very wild.